How does Sept feel about 2nd showers?

mrsmikey · March 2011

Or sprinkles or whatever you want to call them. I know so much of this is regional but I just find it interesting to discuss.

Are they absolute no-no's? Only OK if it's a different gender or several years apart? Only OK if it's just a gtg and no gifts? Perfectly fine to celebrate every baby, gifts included?

I intentionally didn't make this a poll b/c I'm bored and want discussion

TheFannins729 · March 2011

I think they are a bit on the tacky side. That said, if my mom came to be begging to throw me a shower for this baby, I wouldn't want to be rude and say no either. So, I'd probably agree to a sip n see or something for after the baby is here.

mrsmikey · March 2011

Where I live, it's perfectly acceptable, and very common to have an all out shower with 2nd and 3rd babies, just like it is the 1st, regardless of the situation. I had never even heard of it being taboo until I came to the nest/bump. I've already had more than one person mention throwing me a shower for this baby.

marriedfilingjointly · March 2011

I'm not a fan unless it's many years apart. For example, my best friend from high school had a child very young. She is now in a serious relationship and will probably be marrying this guy and having a baby within a few years. I think a shower would be fine because it would be completely different people attending, the kids will be so far apart in age, and it will be their first child together.

In general, though, I'm not a big fan of showers for 2nd and beyond babies. A GTG without gifts is fine.

Marettie · March 2011

I think they are kind of tacky as well, but sometimes it may be a first child for only one of them and then I think it's okay. For example my cousin's wife had been married previously and already had a son, but it was really important to my aunt that she throw her a shower since it was their first grandchild. The wife was really reluctant, but eventually gave in and I think that it was the right thing to do.

natkay02 · March 2011

I think that as long as you aren't throwing it for yourself it is completely cool. I've been to "second showers" that were pretty informal and their wasn't an official registry, they just requested diapers and a few little things they needed. I didn't think it was at all tacky. Just an excuse to get together, eat snacks, and help out a friend who was having a different sex this time around. With the same sex, I think an informal "everyone bring a package of diapers" shower would be okay.

I would side eye a big elaborate shower with full registry, especially if you were having a second of the same sex.

P.S. I can't stand the whole "sprinkles" thing! Who started that?

ETA: After reading other responses, I think this is probably another one of those regional things. We are much more informal 'round these parts.

whalen_sa · March 2011

I have always been told that a shower is for first time mothers. And thats all. However a year ago my SIL was having her second (in 2 years) and the first was a boy the second was a girl. Once she found out it was a girl she created an entire new registry for a girl. Then my BIL told me I was going to host a shower for her. I told DH that I felt very uncomfortable doing it. My BIL reasoning was that they lived in TX for the first baby and MA for the second and most of the MA family could not attend the first shower. I just thought it made them look greedy. I threw the shower anyways and only about 10 of the 25 people showed up. It was mostly the younger girls of the family that didnt realize that you shouldnt have a second shower. It just made me feel weird.

camedowncrushing · March 2011

Tacky.

laurasuzanne2006 · March 2011

Tacky. Two people at our church have done them and then one was not thrown for another member. Maybe I just feel if you are in the same group of friends one needs to be thrown then for every 2nd time mom if it's done for any. Doesn't help that they've outright been called showers either.

kyashley1227 · March 2011

I feel that 2^nd showers are ok if they baby is a different gender or if they are several years apart. Like in my case where I have siblings 4, 16 ( I have two brothers 16 years younger than me), and 18 years younger than me. If it is just a few years I wouldn?t ask for things like furniture but if was big gaps like 3 of my siblings are thats fine if not I think they are ok especially if the babies are different genders clothing, toys, and accessories are always good. But I am always game for a family and friends get together to celebrate anything and if people want to bring gifts than that is their decision!

MrsMVM · March 2011

camedowncrushing:
Tacky.

Agreed. I think a get together with no gifts is great. Some people will still bring something small. I just think asking for the entire haul again is a bit much.

MsCrispy · March 2011

I'm against them and think they are tacky. I think meet the baby parties are appropriate for 2+ babies, but not showers.

corinneandalex's1st · March 2011

My Mother and the women on her side of the family had one for each child, that being said she will be doing the same for us. I don't see anything wrong with it but then again it is OUR family's tradition.

hoot179 · March 2011

I think they are soo tacky. A get together sounds nice but if I were invited to one I'd certainly feel obligated to bring a gift. When it comes down to it, if it was my friend expecting their first or fifth, I'd get them a gift. But Sprinkles are greedy in my opinion.

emolm · March 2011

I'm fine with it because I know not everyone is in the same financial situation we are. (Ex. SIL is having her third girl in May in less than three years. I'm not one to criticize potential religious motivations and/or a financial situation beyond their control. After doing some registry stuff, I realize that even the basics that need replacing because of wear and tear add up fast.)

I'm more than happy to pick out cute baby things and buy a package of diapers regardless of financial situation though.

hoot179 · March 2011

marriedfilingjointly:
I'm not a fan unless it's many years apart. For example, my best friend from high school had a child very young. She is now in a serious relationship and will probably be marrying this guy and having a baby within a few years. I think a shower would be fine because it would be completely different people attending, the kids will be so far apart in age, and it will be their first child together.
In general, though, I'm not a big fan of showers for 2nd and beyond babies. A GTG without gifts is fine.

This!

MrsSonny24 · March 2011

MrsMVM:

camedowncrushing:
Tacky.

Agreed. I think a get together with no gifts is great. Some people will still bring something small. I just think asking for the entire haul again is a bit much.

I agree 100%!

Melett · March 2011

I don't know, an all out shower is a bit much, but I wouldn't judge someone for it, I enjoy going to showers. But I believe each baby should be celebrated in someway. For my 2nd dc my friends threw me a little surprise get together-it was only the 9 of us and so much fun. They made lunch and some desserts and decorated bibs for me, It was a lot of fun and I really appreciated it. This time my mom is insisting on throwing a small luncheon at her house. I really don't want it and kind of feel like an idiot but it will only be about 15 close family members and friends...I don't have the energy to protest anymore. Some of them have suggested I start a small registry, but I feel really weird about that..There are a few things we need, but I hate having people give me more gifts..I don't even really need clothes because this baby is being born by both of my dc birthdays and I have girl and boy clothes already.. I don't know.

TheFannins729 · March 2011

i was invited to a 2nd shower where both the first and second babies were "team green". they were less than 2 years apart in age. I side eyed them all the way to, during and from the shower. I would have sent a gift regardless after the baby was born. It was the shower that made it tacky IMO.

Azrayla · March 2011

Where I'm at its fine..Specially if #2 is of the opposite gender..I know some people have showers for all their babies..I wont be expecting one this time..Also in my group its okay to throw one for yourself or have a parent throw it..Just depends on your group.

I might have a diaper/wipes get together or something, depends..I dont have a lot of friends..but there will be no request of a registry or anything

marriedfilingjointly · March 2011

I don't think financial situation should have anything to do with it.

BabyBLove · March 2011

It's pretty acceptable here as long as you're not throwing it for yourself! We just had one for a girl friend of ours, but we made it a low key gtg type thing, no games or registries. Gifts were optional, but of course everyone brought a little something for the momma-to-be. We just had an "afternoon tea" type party and had little tea sandwiches, finger foods, salad, cupcakes, and pastries. We got 5 types of tea for sampling. It was really fun actually. It was about 12 of her close girl friends, mom, and sister.

brit072206 · March 2011

I think a full-out shower with big registry and such is overkill for 2nd+. But in this area, nobody does it, so I'm sure it's because that's what I'm used to. But I do really like the idea of an informal homecoming party or something for #2. Sometimes it feels like #2 gets the shaft.

shelley1002 · March 2011

MsCrispy:
I'm against them and think they are tacky. I think meet the baby parties are appropriate for 2+ babies, but not showers.

This.

Mereou12 · March 2011

IMO, they're horribly tacky, except in extreme circumstances (6+ years between kids, all baby gear lost in a fire, etc). I even find the idea of a sprinkle a bit obnoxious...but I guess it depends on your group of friends.

To have a second shower simply because you're having a baby of the opposite sex is the *worst* reason. We purposely bought the big items in gender neutral patterns.

I'm all for a "meet the baby" party, though. No registering, of course. People will likely bring small gifts even if they're asked not to, but that's up to them. This way it really is about celebrating the baby, not the mother.

MissyOlivePants · March 2011

I had the office manager at the church I work at tell me she wanted to set a date for my baby shower & I told her no way! I don't need one - even if I'm having a boy. When I was pg w/DD, we went completely gender neutral (except for clothes) because we knew we'd be planning for another child in a couple years and since you can't plan for boy or girl before you're even pg, I made sure we had things we could re-use for the next.

2nd showers are completely tacky.

amandaloren · March 2011

I say if someone wants to throw me a 2nd shower then I would be more then happy to take it. I wouldn't turn it down thats for sure.

amandaloren · March 2011

mrsmikey:
Where I live, it's perfectly acceptable, and very common to have an all out shower with 2nd and 3rd babies, just like it is the 1st, regardless of the situation. I had never even heard of it being taboo until I came to the nest/bump. I've already had more than one person mention throwing me a shower for this baby.

This is the norm for me too.

PurplePanda83 · March 2011

I think it depends on a few things. I think if someone offers to throw you a shower for a second baby then having a Sprinkle with just close friends or something is fine. I think you should only have a huge second shower if there is a big age gap between the kids. For example, one of DH's co-workers is due soon with her second, but her first is almost 10 years old. So all of her baby stuff is long gone. Plus it is the first baby for her fiance and they did a couples shower.

I do think every baby should be celebrated but you can do that after the baby arrives in the future.

flutiefrostie · March 2011

I honestly think it's regional. It's very common here to have one for every baby. I still don't want one, though. I hate being the center of attention like that.

lyse2143 · March 2011

It is not cut and dry for me. I tend to side eye second showers unless there is several years between each child, or one of the partners is different.

mrsmikey · March 2011

I just think it's odd to think it's only ok if the baby's the opposite gender, or several years apart. So it's ok if my next is a girl, but not a boy? I think that's just weird. Our next baby is going to need or not need the same things regardless. And when is the appropriate number of years between showers? So much of DS' stuff got worn out after just him. I just find it very interesting to hear those "qualifiers". Either it's tacky or it's not, IMO.

And meet the baby showers, no thanks. How does it make it more ok to do the shower after the baby comes? Besides, who wants their newborn around that many people anyway?

I think giftless showers of any kind (baby, wedding, etc) are an uncomfortable premise regardless. I think it's tacky as hell to show up to a shower or party of any kind without a gift in hand, so when people do that it's just that much more confusing. Send me your registry and call it a day.

But I know I'm in the minority around here. That's why I brought it up

AmyLaurel89 · March 2011

I too have never heard it was taboo. I think it is dependent on whether you actually NEED baby gear or not. For example, my pastor's wife had 3 boys and then finally a girl! They through a shower for her since little Lily couldn't use her brothers' stuff. Also in this example, the ladies of the church threw the shower FOR her. She didn't ask for it or plan it herself. That makes a big difference too.

TheFannins729 · March 2011

mrsmikey:

And meet the baby showers, no thanks. How does it make it more ok to do the shower after the baby comes? Besides, who wants their newborn around that many people anyway?

because it's not a shower. it's a "meet the baby" gtg. i wouldn't invite anyone to one of those that wouldn't come meet the baby in my house anyways, so it doesn't make much difference to me if they all come at once or one by one. actually, i think i'd prefer all at once just to get it over with.

I look at showers more about celebrating the woman becoming a mother, and less about the baby. therefore, i don't see a need for two.

i also think 2nd showers just because the 2nd baby is a different sex is tacky.

as far as time is concerned, by sister and I are 14 years apart with a different father. my mom didn't have a 2nd shower.

brittyhose · March 2011

i think it depends on the situation. my sister has three boys, and only had a shower for one, though some members of the family threw fits because they weren't given the chance to "shower" the younger two with gifts. my mother and i agreed it would have been relatively pointless, as she already had TONS of new clothes and such. but, we could have thrown her a get together. although (not to sound greedy) i think if someone were in the situation i'm in, living across country with no family or friends (i just moved here) i think a second baby could have a shower.

AmyLaurel89 · March 2011

mrsmikey:
I think giftless showers of any kind (baby, wedding, etc) are an uncomfortable premise regardless. I think it's tacky as hell to show up to a shower or party of any kind without a gift in hand, so when people do that it's just that much more confusing.

On this note, I am with you 100 percent! I was raised to never attend empty-handed. A shower with no gift would be strange. An alternative I like is a diaper shower where the only requested gift is a cloth diaper (or pack of disposables) That seems to work well with a second child who doesn't otherwise need new items. You mentioned needing to replace stuff after your DS and it seems that in the case of needing stuff for your next LO that a shower may be in order.

Not tacky if you need it and are grateful rather than greedy, IMO.

mrsmikey · March 2011

AmyLaurel89:
I too have never heard it was taboo. I think it is dependent on whether you actually NEED baby gear or not. For example, my pastor's wife had 3 boys and then finally a girl! They through a shower for her since little Lily couldn't use her brothers' stuff. Also in this example, the ladies of the church threw the shower FOR her. She didn't ask for it or plan it herself. That makes a big difference too.

I think it's pretty much a given that that's NEVER ok to do. I think we all agree on that.

mollybloom · March 2011

Tacky. With a few exceptions that have already been mentioned. My cousin had 10 years between her first and second child, she had given away most of her baby stuff to other relatives by that point. I don't see an issue with that. I would never attend one that was being thrown for someone who has had a baby shower in the previous 3/4 years unless there was a fire or the baby being birthed was a special-needs child that required specialy items.

ermaderma · March 2011

2nd showers aren't something that I have really experienced. It's always been that showers are for first babies only. The only exception was my aunt who had twins after having a singleton. But I was, like, 11 years old at the time and really didn't think anything of it. That being said, I wish that showers were the norm for every baby. I like any excuse to go to a party and I love baby showers!

I do think that different types of showers would be warranted for different situations. If you don't need a lot of stuff, then just have a diaper shower. Or even a "build the baby's library" shower, where just a book is requested. That way, you still bring something. Becasue I totally agree with pp, that I can't go to a party without at least getting a small gift!

MrsVain · March 2011

There will be an almost 6yr age gap between DS and this baby. In 6 yrs A LOT has changed in my life. I Married a great guy (who is not DS's father), job changes, college, cut a bunch of people out of my life and met some new great ones. I had 0 intentions of having anymore children. (since we were told we couldn't without IVF) I have absolutely NOTHING left from my son.

I know my best friend is going to throw me a shower. The only people who will be at this shower that were actually at my 1st, will be obviously my family. When there is a large gap and especially with so much changing I don't think its tacky. We WILL NOT be asking for big items, mostly just bring what you want (if anything).

Now, with that being said...I don't see the point in having a big shower if the babies are less than a couple yrs apart and especially the same gender. A small party or get together is fine, but no registry.

ally2011 · March 2011

mrsmikey:
Where I live, it's perfectly acceptable, and very common to have an all out shower with 2nd and 3rd babies, just like it is the 1st, regardless of the situation. I had never even heard of it being taboo until I came to the nest/bump. I've already had more than one person mention throwing me a shower for this baby.

I am in NC also and most of the people I know would probably say no to a second shower. I tend to agree, though depending on the person and her friends and their feelings it might be fine. I guess if they were really far a part that might make a difference. I am not sure really...how's that for not helpful?

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