Question about His, Hers, Ours accounts

brookelynpaisley · February 2011

Up until now, DH and I have kept separate checking accounts. This is because he moved into what was my apartment, and I didn't want to deal with changing my automatic withdrawals, so the account had both the "our" expenses (rent, utilities, insurance) and the "hers" expenses. He transferred money to me for our shared expenses that were pulled from my account. Now that we're essentially starting from scratch with the new home, we've opened a new account to be my new "hers" account and the old account will be the "ours" for house expenses.

So anyway, my question is: What do you consider to be "ours" expenses? Any bills that have to be paid before "fun" money can be spent? Do you keep any personal car loans/student loans/credit card payments coming from your account? What payments (besides obvious personal toiletries, clothes, etc) do you consider to be yours alone?

Nikkoli110 · February 2011

We still have separate accounts. I didn't want to get an account together yet, I'm still paying off some debt I had from before we were married, and didn't want DH paying it. We just share some bills, he makes a lot more than me so he covers the mortgage, electric, gas, sewer, water, and usually groceries. I pay my car payment, my car insurances, car tax, my cell bill, the cable, phone and internet, and my usual expenses like clothing. Once I have my debt paid off (hopefully about 8 months) we'll get a joint account and I'll let him handle the money, he's much better at it than I am!

JSRICH · February 2011

Since the day we moved in together, we have shared a bank account. Everything we own and all of our bills and every penny we make is OURS. Even though he makes way more money then I do, it's still ours. We chart our financial stuff together and talk anytime we want to spend money. He gets stuff he wants and I get stuff I want. Especially since we got married September 09, everything is ours. Even MY student loans. And the loan HE took out to buy my engagement ring. We always pay our bills first, then we buy what we want afterwards. It works out very well. We never argue about money. Sorry about the paragraph, bumping from an iPhone.

mdiblasi10 · February 2011

Our house payment, home bills (electric, gas & water), cable/internet, car payment (his car), groceries, gas, toiletries, and home stuff all come out of our shared account.

I have all of my paycheck deposited into our shared account and then I transfer some to our shared savings and some to my personal account, usually for buying gifts or for something I want to save for. DH's company allows him to split the deposit up between our shared and his personal account. He uses his personal account for his car & bicycle hobbies.

SHUVUU · February 2011

The only time I use my account is when I'm trying to buy something for him that I don't want him to know about or if I'm spending something on my own friends/girls night out. We had a neat marriage counselor who told him that my upkeep would be our expense once he married me and that we needed to include it in the budget. Smile

But of course, what works for one couple doesn't always work for another.

kimikins79 · February 2011

Here's what we do. We deposit our paychecks into a joint account and pay all bills, whether they pre-existed our marriage (my credit cards, student loans, his car payments, etc). All house bills, all house expenditures (including decorations, food, etc) come from the joint account. Then we give ourselves an allowance of $X per week week for spending money. It works for us. We view current and past debts as joint and comingled everything.

mwlove · February 2011

We have one shared checking/savings account. All of our money goes into this account and everything (bills, car loans, student debt, clothes, etc.) comes out of this account. We keep track of how much our bills are each month, so we both know how much is coming out each week and how much we have saved each month. We both know we can buy things on our own, such as clothes, personal items, etc. when we want because we keep track of money so closely. When it comes to buying big ticket items, such as tv, big items for house, etc. we discuss it first.

reinstone · February 2011

I'll warn you - our bank accounts seem complicated at first, but we love it this way.

First, we figured out how much money we spend on bills each month. Any bill that comes to our household (student loans, car payments, mortgage, utitlities, etc.), we added up for the month and divided by 4. This is the amount that we put into our Joint Billpay account.

Second, we put a set $ amount into a joint online savings account with a high percentage yield.

Third, I put away into a Roth IRA (I believe). MH has his own retirement accounts he also contributes to.

Fourth, I put $100 a pay check into my own account for a personal slush fund/fun money account, and so does he into his account. This is for things we don't have to justify to each other, my facial last weekend for example, and gifts for each other. He also pays part of his Man Cave bills from this account because they went over what we budgeted, but he wanted certain things.

Last, we put all the rest of our money into a Joint Checking account. These are our day-to-day expenses - lunches, gas, groceries, entertainment, hair cuts, clothing, etc. Any of the variable expenses basically.

I like our system because it helps us organize our money. We know our bills will get paid, and we'll always have money to pay them without worrying about dinner out taking away from our bills. We each have our own fun money accounts but only need to use them for fun. Our money is pretty much all shared except for our fun money accounts.

ksmit062 · February 2011

We do the same thing, we have the joint account for the bills and stuff, and our own play accounts. I think it would be best for you guys to figure out what to be "fair" as far as expenses to come out of the "Our" account. I paid off my student loans prior to our wedding and merging of accounts. But we sat down and figured out what would be fair to us, because I might end up with a month of extra expenses that only pertain to me maybe. I heard of others saying that whatever debt you came into the marriage with would be your responsibility. But I would sit down and see what you guys feel is fair.

It's great to go shopping and not have to worry!

Ricola · February 2011

When MH and I first moved in together, we split the ours bills percentage wise depending on how much money we made. I paid about 35 percent, he paid the rest, because he made so much more money than I did. Ours expenses were rent, utilities, cable, groceries, gas and eating out. I had my own account that I paid my personal shopping (clothes, shoes, and so on) and cell phone bill with. He had his own account that he paid his personal expenses with.

When we bought our house, we merged everything. All accounts that we have are now in both of our names and we just pay everything we want together. Purchases over $100 we usually talk about before we make them. Once a month we sit down and update our budget spreadsheet to see where we are at.

mchupie · February 2011

JSRICH:
Since the day we moved in together, we have shared a bank account. Everything we own and all of our bills and every penny we make is OURS. Even though he makes way more money then I do, it's still ours. We chart our financial stuff together and talk anytime we want to spend money. He gets stuff he wants and I get stuff I want.

This, except I make more money than he does

limpetfan · February 2011

We used to do exactly what you do. Then we bought a house, and the way we manage money completely changed. Now we have a joint checking account where both of our checks go, and we use that account for everything - even paying child support to his ex. He keeps a small separate account where he puts "extra" money, acquired from gifts, selling things on eBay, etc, which he uses when he wants to take me on a date "on him."

I never thought we'd merge our money, but our circumstances made merging everything much easier. I think you're really, really smart to be making distinctions - it makes it so much easier to talk about money when everyone agrees on ours VS yours.

kclg10 · February 2011

We got a joint bank account when we moved in together. Now that we live in a small town I use a local bank and he uses Capital One since his job offers direct deposit and mine doesn't. Also its just easier since he travels to Austin and San Antonio for work. I pay my car payment and my cc bills with my account and also uses it for my spending money. He pay for his car payment, utilities and house payment with his check plus puts money in our savings account. It works out better for me since I tend to spend a lot of money on shopping! If I know the money is in the account I would want to spend it!

annerz22 · February 2011

SHUVUU:

The only time I use my account is when I'm trying to buy something for him that I don't want him to know about or if I'm spending something on my own friends/girls night out. .

This (I also have my own credit card). DH has his own business account and has his own credit card that he uses if he wants to make purchases for me. Otherwise, our 2 savings accounts and our checking are joint. All of our money goes into our main account and we don't allot ''his money'' or ''her money''. We are both good with not spending too much money at once so when we want something, we just buy it. The only time we ''ask'' the other if it's ok to buy something is if it is on a more expensive purchase (like if I want the $100-$200 pair of shoes) but I would never think twice at buying a new shirt or a cup of coffee.

I also have my old account still open because my mom and dad are attached to it. They tend to pay for my plane tickets to go visit them and this way I can buy whatever ticket I want and they can just transfer me the money.

You have to find what is comfortable for both of you and every couple is different!

tigerhearted · February 2011

We keep Hers, His, and Ours accounts (plus savings accounts).

For us, the Ours expenses cover living expenses (rent, bills, groceries, basic toiletries, etc), the gift budget, car expenses (gas, maintenance, repairs), savings, retirement, and medical expenses. Also stuff like Pre-Seed, vacation expenses, etc. And a reasonable "fun money" budget.

As far as "mine alone" expenses....for this I would consider clothes that are beyond the yearly budget, like when I want to treat myself to a really cute sweater from my favorite boutique, but it's not a necessity that I have it. Or expensive hair care products. Or sampling various eye shadows that are beyond my normal daily basics. Or...I love to pamper my best friend for her birthday, and I like to save up some extra to spend on her beyond what our gift budget would allow. Pedicures would also fall under this category. Or a video/computer game that I want to buy, but which hubby would have no interest in (like Sims and the expansion packs). I would also consider a computer that is replacing one that didn't necessarily "need" to be replaced yet -- we have His and Hers computers, and if for instance my current computer is still functioning without major issues, but I want to upgrade to a better graphic card purely for aesthetic reasons and it is not a performance issue, I would consider it a Mine purchase.

tldr: Our Ours account is a streamlined household budget. "Extras" that don't fall into the budget usually fall into one of the His and Hers accounts.

RedCamaro · February 2011

We have one joint account and two savings accounts. But before I was a SAHM, we had separate accounts. Since (seeing a trend on here) he made more $ than I did, he paid most of the heavy bills. I took care of the smaller and more frequent expenses. However, I'm seeing a lot of good ideas for separate accounts. One savings account is built up to bridge any future gaps or house repairs. The second savings account is for health care expenses since we pay for our own health care insurance.

johnson617 · February 2011

We have one joint checking and one joint savings account. All of our bills are paid from there and set money is transferred to savings each month. Because we own a part-time business we use QuickBooks pro to track our personal as well as business expenses. It helped us to really see where wasted money was going (seeing all the Dunkin Donuts receipts helped to curb that trend!) and has allowed us to pay off credit cards debt and pad our savings. This works for us, but I know it doesn't work for everyone! Talking about money and being on the same page is important. We always talk about big expenses and make sure we are both comfortable before we move forward.

kmm2150 · February 2011

when we moved in together, we had a joint account for rent, utilities, etc., and each had our own accounts for student loans, and just our own spending. Now that we're married, everything is joint - my debt is his debt, my income is his income, we make decisions together about how much to put into savings, how much to put towards any credit cards, all that stuff. We each spend reasonably on things like buying a coffee or a new shirt or a small gift for a friend, etc., without having to check with the other person, but would discuss bigger purchases, like over $100, $200 (obviously, what constitutes a "big purchase" is going to differ based on income). We are planning to start doing the money in envelopes thing, and that will make it that much easier to have a set amount of expendable income, lunch money, whatever, that we can use without having to discuss it.

I think, unless there is some specific reason to keep your money separate (like, YH is being investigated for tax fraud), it just makes more sense to combine everything, and makes it easier. If you have more money, are you going to go out to dinner alone b/c he can't afford to eat out for the rest of the month? As long as you're in agreement about your spending and saving habits, there doesn't seem to be a big need for a bunch of separate accounts.

GPhiBGirl · February 2011

We each have a personal checking and savings and then we have a joint checking and savings. We've created our budget and have allowed each of us to get a certain amount of $$ in our personal accounts for "fun money" every month (i.e., eating lunch out, shopping trips for me, sporting events for him, etc). This has worked really well for us. Anything that effects both of us comes out of the joint (i.e., dinners out, bills, car repairs, etc). Hope this helps!

bellaarchitect · February 2011

We have "mutual" everything (checking, savings, etc.) except for my HSA ("Health Savings Account" available through my company's insurance, so it can only be in my name). We pay for everything together. "My" debt (a small student loan) became "our" debt when he married me. When he got sick and had medical bills months after we were married and just after he lost his job, those were "our bills." We are saving up to pay in cash for a new car together soon.

The one exception is, we are about to go to a cash-only system (we don't use credit cards anyway, but we do use debit cards for most transactions). We will give each of us an equal amount of "allowance" per week/month from which we can spend on anything we want that is extraneous to our normal bills/groceries, which equates to mostly: eating out, clothes, anything "extra." We're doing this so that we both can save up even more, together.

jodic1211 · February 2011

ksukinik:
Here's what we do. We deposit our paychecks into a joint account and pay all bills, whether they pre-existed our marriage (my credit cards, student loans, his car payments, etc). All house bills, all house expenditures (including decorations, food, etc) come from the joint account. Then we give ourselves an allowance of $X per week week for spending money. It works for us. We view current and past debts as joint and comingled everything.

herbnhollie · February 2011

We've had a shared account since we planned on buying our 1st house after a year of dating. He's not good at managing money so I took on the role of doing it. Because we have so many bills right now and live check to check when he wants something I give him the okay or no way, lol.

I know a lot of people don't agree with it but it works for us.

Good luck with the new house!!

foxxy1 · February 2011

We have four accounts: his, hers, ours, fun.

The ours accounts is pretty much bills and big-ticket items. The fun is savings and eating out. His and hers was pretty much necessary because we like to treat ourselves to things once in a while. He pays bills, I save. It works out better that way for us.

J_LYN1011 · February 2011

My personal situation is as follows....My DH makes a ton more money than I do and the condo we are living in now was his before he met me. So, he basically pays for all things condo (mortgage, insurance, common charges, and utilities). We did live together before we got married and I paid for my car, car insurance, health insurance and cell phone. But now that we have joint insurance my DH took over my car and health insurance. I still pay for my car and cell out of my own account. I also buy most of the groceries. And we have both agreed that I will be a stay at home mom so he will take over everything once that happens.

Country Girl in the City · February 2011

mchupie:

JSRICH:
Since the day we moved in together, we have shared a bank account. Everything we own and all of our bills and every penny we make is OURS. Even though he makes way more money then I do, it's still ours. We chart our financial stuff together and talk anytime we want to spend money. He gets stuff he wants and I get stuff I want.

This, except I make more money than he does

This. However, we have a limit on what we can spend without checking in first. Each of us can spend $500 without talking about it first. If it is more than that we check in so that we know that we have the cash available. It wroks for us but I can see how it would not work for other couples.

melissa721 · February 2011

Basically MH pays the shared bills and I give him a chunk of my paycheck to dump into our mutual savings. It evens out in the end.

I continue to pay my own student loans, car payment and credit card bills.

Amomtomanyluvs · February 2011

I don't know....I mean before marriage my car that I bought years before would be mine, and his car was his. Food etc was divided. I had 3 kids and myself and he had 1 child and himself.

Now since getting married, everything is shared. DH does not have a checking account or any account. And I do not have a job, so we basically share everything...every bill that comes our way is shared, food etc.

When I get a job, I am not sure how we will do it...but probably just keep it the same or add him to my account and just share it (which we still do now)

karaknr · February 2011

Everything is shared. When we got married we felt like having separate accounts could promote secrecy (even with know passwords and account numbers). Also when we got married we took it as literally becoming one person and took on the burden of debts and the fun of extra money on together. We are both on all loans (if my name isnt on it I have POA for it), we both share the debt, and we both decide what to do with extra money together.

That being said, my husband makes most of the money in our family but also acquired the largest amount of debt between us due to student loans and a new vehicle, but we share both equally.

"His" money pretty much pays for all our necessities. Bills, food, utilities, cell phones, gas. And a large portion of every day extras: direct tv, internet, smart phones, gadgets.

But "my" money goes towards paying of loans faster (over paying) but also towards vacations and large purchases, as well as retirement savings.

But we dont view what either of us makes as a separate thing. We always discus how money (even in relatively small amounts) will be spent and where to put the extra at. I am SOOOOO lucky that we were raised in such similar social and financial classes, and were both taught how to manage money. Mostly Im thankful that we always agree on how to spend it and we are both savers and budgeters but not tight wads or greedy. If I really want something and it's not ridiculous, MH doesnt hesitate to tell me to get it. If MH really wants something I dont hesitate to tell him to get it.

I think the key to finances in marriage though is selflessness. It doesnt always happen, but when both parties just want their partner to be happy, then there is generally financial harmony.

I thank God that we are so alike on this and never fight about money. I love it.

Peachy050909 · February 2011

We make about the same amount of money and have the same amount of debt, so its all "ours." DH was out of a job for awhile (1yr) so I covered his payments and once we BFP #2 I'll stay home untill they're both in kindergarden and he'll take over my payments. It all evens out in the end.

melissa721 · February 2011

Beccabot4:

I don't know....I mean before marriage my car that I bought years before would be mine, and his car was his. Food etc was divided. I had 3 kids and myself and he had 1 child and himself.

Now since getting married, everything is shared. DH does not have a checking account or any account. And I do not have a job, so we basically share everything...every bill that comes our way is shared, food etc.

When I get a job, I am not sure how we will do it...but probably just keep it the same or add him to my account and just share it (which we still do now)

Just curious, with no type of account at all, where does one "put" his/her money?

melissa721 · February 2011

reinstone:

I'll warn you - our bank accounts seem complicated at first, but we love it this way.

First, we figured out how much money we spend on bills each month. Any bill that comes to our household (student loans, car payments, mortgage, utitlities, etc.), we added up for the month and divided by 4. This is the amount that we put into our Joint Billpay account.

Second, we put a set $ amount into a joint online savings account with a high percentage yield.

Third, I put away into a Roth IRA (I believe). MH has his own retirement accounts he also contributes to.

Fourth, I put $100 a pay check into my own account for a personal slush fund/fun money account, and so does he into his account. This is for things we don't have to justify to each other, my facial last weekend for example, and gifts for each other. He also pays part of his Man Cave bills from this account because they went over what we budgeted, but he wanted certain things.

Last, we put all the rest of our money into a Joint Checking account. These are our day-to-day expenses - lunches, gas, groceries, entertainment, hair cuts, clothing, etc. Any of the variable expenses basically.

I like our system because it helps us organize our money. We know our bills will get paid, and we'll always have money to pay them without worrying about dinner out taking away from our bills. We each have our own fun money accounts but only need to use them for fun. Our money is pretty much all shared except for our fun money accounts.

I actually really like this set up and I may show this to MH.

meganruns · February 2011

We have two shared accounts: one checking, one savings. DH deposits $100/check into savings and the rest + my paychecks go into our joint checking. All of our bills, whether they were pre-marriage or not, get paid out of that account. I handle most of the bills, so it's easiest just to pay out of a single account.

We do have separate retirement accounts, though (I have a state pension as a teacher, he has a 401k).

If we want to buy fun stuff, we usually buy whatever we want unless it's a big purchase ($100 or more). Simple as can be, but that's what works for us.

rsrs807 · February 2011

Everything is an "our" expense - thats the only way it works for us personally. We have a lot of checking accounts (one for student loans, one for our monthly operating expenses, one for our fun money, and one for rarer expenses, such as car repairs, etc) and we put in the appropriate money each time we get paid. H's entire paycheck every week goes into our student loan account (we also pay our rent out of there.)

We tried doing the set amount into an "our" account while keeping our separate accounts but it just didn't work well for us.

michaela080 · February 2011

"Ours" expenses is basically anything that's not for individual fun. House, utilities, DH's student loan, groceries, and joint entertainment are all "ours." I pay everything from my account (we have 65% of DH's check going into my account). DH pays for his own food and fun stuff when he is by himself, including work lunch when he goes out (which is most of the time). He has a credit card that he uses for his own stuff and pays. Everything else comes out of my account.

NDGOIRISH · February 2011

We merged everything once we got married. Now the only thing separate I have is my own credit card, which I pay off from our joint checking. Nice and easy!

staccydev · February 2011

MH has his checking account, and I have mine. Then we have a joint checking/savings. My paycheck goes into mine and his into his. We split all shared bills (mortgage, home owners insurance, utilities) right down the middle. Then we each pay our own bills (credit cards, car payments, gas) out of our own accounts. I grew up with parents who had a joint account, and my dad "took care" of everything. When they split up, my mom had very little knowledge of their actual money situation. Plus, I make more money than MH and I would be on him for every last purchase. Until he wraps up his MA and gets his "real" job, this arrangement is working perfectly. We put "extras" into the joint account (all our wedding gift money, tax returns and such) and save it for a rainy day.

ccam · February 2011

After we got married, we each had seperate accounts and then "our" account which had all of our wedding money in it. We continued to have seperate accounts until our personal credit cards (mostly pre-marriage debt) were paid off. After that, we combined all of our accounts so nothing is seperated anymore - all expenses are considered "ours". It's just easier that way for us, but I think everyone is different.

sarajean5682 · February 2011

I work in finance and I always advise my clients to have one joint account with a higher yield. If you a higher balance in your one account you'll make more in interest. If you like having the his/hers/ours, keep a spreadsheet with 2 or 3 balances on it and know that those 3 balance have to equal the one your financial institution has. My mom still does it old school and keeps a register but she color codes her register to show the his/hers/ours balances.

What my DH and I do is; we have one high yield account both of our payrolls get direct deposited into. We have one credit card that everything that we possible can gets put onto it (any bills, gym memberships, groceries, etc). That cc has a 5% cash back on it. We're making money on our bills. Yes We pay that card off in full every month out of our one high yield account that was making interest while we let the $$ sit there. We also have an "emergency fund" account that we keep completely separate for the Uh-O stuff that might come up: car repairs, furnace stops working.

We also have retirement accounts that we try to max out every year (doesn't always happen though).

It feels great knowing we're making the most on our hard earned money.

lynn0926 · February 2011

All of the money is "our" money as well as the bills. If I intend on spending a lot, I just tell/ask first. A lot, meaning a shopping spree etc....not just getting a few things.

LauraElizabeth85 · February 2011

We have had a joint checking/savings account since we got engaged and bought a house. Obviously everything comes out of this account but we consult each other if we are buying something personally "extra" that is $100 +

reinstone · February 2011

melissa721:
reinstone:

I'll warn you - our bank accounts seem complicated at first, but we love it this way.

First, we figured out how much money we spend on bills each month. Any bill that comes to our household (student loans, car payments, mortgage, utitlities, etc.), we added up for the month and divided by 4. This is the amount that we put into our Joint Billpay account.

Second, we put a set $ amount into a joint online savings account with a high percentage yield.

Third, I put away into a Roth IRA (I believe). MH has his own retirement accounts he also contributes to.

Fourth, I put $100 a pay check into my own account for a personal slush fund/fun money account, and so does he into his account. This is for things we don't have to justify to each other, my facial last weekend for example, and gifts for each other. He also pays part of his Man Cave bills from this account because they went over what we budgeted, but he wanted certain things.

Last, we put all the rest of our money into a Joint Checking account. These are our day-to-day expenses - lunches, gas, groceries, entertainment, hair cuts, clothing, etc. Any of the variable expenses basically.

I like our system because it helps us organize our money. We know our bills will get paid, and we'll always have money to pay them without worrying about dinner out taking away from our bills. We each have our own fun money accounts but only need to use them for fun. Our money is pretty much all shared except for our fun money accounts.

I actually really like this set up and I may show this to MH.

Can't. It's copywritten.

By me.

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