I hate my MIL. (really long)

boxermama24 · February 2011

Edit: I deleted the post. I don't want any chance of MIL finding it. Thank you all for the responses!

jlee1106 · February 2011

1. I'm sorry she's a douche.

2. I'd leave it alone. You've said what you needed to with much more tact and kindness than it seems she deserves.

3. MIL fights are exhausting and generally a no-win.

boxermama24 · February 2011

jlee1106:
1. I'm sorry she's a douche.

2. I'd leave it alone. You've said what you needed to with much more tact and kindness than it seems she deserves.

3. MIL fights are exhausting and generally a no-win.

You know, 'tis true. I hate fighting a losing battle but I also hate the predicament it puts DH in.

buckin · February 2011

Honestly..I would let it go.

While it was easy to take it as insensitive during this time, it may not have meant to be that way and your history with her is flavoring everything she does or says. I have that problem with my own mother and my MIL. We tend to read into EVERYTHING once a pattern has been established and every statement doesn't always fall into that.

I'm sorry she said something that hurt you whether it was intentional or not and it is very very soon but I think you may feel worse if you pursue it and the passive-aggressive aplogy line you are taking with that response and stew on it during this time that you need to focus on you.

If it comes up again or she expands on it, it may be time to rethink but I don't think responding at this time with that is worth the effort. She may be letting it go because she doesn't want to cause you further discomfort versus pushing her side and that's why you havent' responded.

Take a deep breath and move on.

EdithBouvierBeale · February 2011

I sort of think you overreacted to her comment, which was probably her best attempt at reassuring you that it doesn't matter how you acquire the baby- so long as you get the baby you want.

I would feel like I had to walk on eggshells around you, too if you dissected everythig I said.

I am SO sorry for your loss. It sucks and its not fair. please try not to take everything people say to heart- it's hard to know the right thngs to say to someone who has suffered a loss, and sometimes when your head is in a dark place, it all sounds insensitive. People generally mean well. Don't alienate them for trying to comfort you and failing.

boxermama24 · February 2011

Edit: removed personal info.

jlee1106 · February 2011

I do agree that it was probably (initially) her best attempt to support y'all. Then she felt like you fired at her, so she fired back.
Your history with her probably has y'all both a bit jaded.

cookie_queen · February 2011

Boxer you expressed your feelings thoughtfully and gently. Much better than I would have. If she chooses to take your response like that it's not your fault. The ball is in her court.

I also don't think you overly dissected her comment or that you are requiring people around you to walk on eggshells. You are simply explaining your feelings to a close family member who should be in your corner.

weelass24 · February 2011

I think you need to let it go. I also think you are so caught up in the past, you can't let yourself see any kindness from her. Not everyone says the right thing. You can't attack the world for their social ineptitude or because they aren't saying exactly what you want to hear.

boxermama24 · February 2011

weelass24:
I think you need to let it go. I also think you are so caught up in the past, you can't let yourself see any kindness from her. Not everyone says the right thing. You can't attack the world for their social ineptitude or because they aren't saying exactly what you want to hear.

I hear you. I don't attack the world, however, and usually brush those comments aside but I figured I could express my feelings to a family member about it, just as I would my own mother or sister or if someone else close had said that to me.

I didn't copy/paste the whole conversation so perhaps her comment seemed more friendly than it actually was, but it was after her insistence that we will become pregnant after adopting because she know 3 people where that happened. "Something having to do with taking your mind off of it." I said we'd be doing everything in our power to prevent a pregnancy since our problem hasn't been getting pregnant but staying pregnant, and that's when she responded with pregnancy not being all it's cracked up to be.

I don't know. I know I'm sensitive right now. But I usually just swallow what people say and realize they mean no harm and that it's hard to know what to say to someone who has had a loss, but I guess I just figured she would be a little more sensitive in this past month considering she's had a loss herself and she knows how important this was to us.

::shrugs::

Scout05 · February 2011

cookie_queen:

Boxer you expressed your feelings thoughtfully and gently. Much better than I would have. If she chooses to take your response like that it's not your fault. The ball is in her court.

I also don't think you overly dissected her comment or that you are requiring people around you to walk on eggshells. You are simply explaining your feelings to a close family member who should be in your corner.

I agree.

And a week after a miscarriage is not the time to accuse someone of being too sensitive, even if you think they overreacted to something. I'm not sure you can be "too" anything when the hurt is that fresh. You would hope a family member, of all people, would understand that.

mlb108 · February 2011

jlee1106:
1. I'm sorry she's a douche.

2. I'd leave it alone. You've said what you needed to with much more tact and kindness than it seems she deserves.

3. MIL fights are exhausting and generally a no-win.

All of this. Frankly, I thought her initial response was kind of unnecessary and not very understanding. I'm sorry you have to deal with that in addition to everything else.

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