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Attachment Parenting
I don't think I was judging
I was at the mall today and saw something that made me a little sad. Well, I think maybe it just caught me off guard 'cause it was so foreign to me (as I don't have a lot of mommy friends IRL & the few I do have parent the way I do).
Anywho, I walked past a lady in the mall as she reclined her baby's stroller, arranged a blanket on the baby's chest, propped a bottle on the blanket to feed the baby, then sat down to do something else.
I know that what she did is not uncommon for people to do, nor is it neglectful. In fact, it may not be something that the lady frequently does. Maybe she really had to multi-task. (I certainly nurse and surf the net.) I just have to admit that I was shocked and a little sad when I saw it. Considering that I've never even SEEN my DD drink from a bottle, I guess the idea of me propping up a bottle and not actively feeding DD is naturally a foreign concept for me. I just thought about whether people actually "bottle nurse," about the possibility of overfeeding and about how mom & babe were missing out on some cuddles. I hope that's not judgy.
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Re: I don't think I was judging
I didn't know. Although, I'm guessing she'd know if her baby was choking.
I walked into daycare one day and saw a baby in her carseat being "watched" by two four-year-olds while the bottle was propped. That's one of the reasons I'm looking for a new daycare, even though DS is old enough to hold his own bottle.
Let's hope that it was a one time thing and that the mom was really mult-tasking
I'm sure by later today this will be getting flamed....
but I know exactly what you mean. I have never understood the excitement of being able to prop a bottle up and walk away from your baby. In all honesty, I don't understand the excitement when baby can hold their own bottle and you walk away. They are only little once, and sometimes feedings are the only time all day my LO sits still to snuggle. I was a nanny for almost 10 years....the ONLY time I held a bottle with the baby not in my lap was with twins I kept. On occassion they would both demand a bottle at the same time and I would sit them in their bouncy seats and sit in between them and feed them at the same time (their mom was able to hold both and them and feed them their bottles!).
***since my LO doesn't take bottles at all, I probablly should not have an opinion though, since propping him to eat isn't an option
Um, I get excited when my baby holds her own bottle. It's like a game these days. She's grabbing everything. She grabs at the bottle while we're feeding her and it's this whole cute "look, she's holding it!" moment. She grabs my boob and "milks" me while I'm breastfeeding her and she gives me this sly little smile and raises her eyebrows. it's adorable.
I don't walk away and stop paying attention, though. I would say I probably pay way more attention to her when she's bottle feeding than when she's breast feeding because my breast isn't going to keep pouring into her mouth if she falls asleep.
However, I also have been known to prop for a second or two while trying to grab something or rearrange us or etc.
well i don't think it's a good idea to prop a bottle. however, i don't know, maybe the child is incredibly fussy when being bottle fed and will only take the bottle if s/he's holding it themselves.
i bottle feed my LO and she is the only baby in her daycare who doesn't hold her own bottle. i don't know if that's a "bad" thing, as if i'm denying her some skill, but i always feed her in my arms, close to my body, and essentially bottle-nurse her. and even if/when she can hold her own bottle, i'd still like to be able to hold her in my arms while she does it.
How can it be judging when she's merely weeping over the fact that a child was having a bottle in a stroller? I mean, what isn't sad about this? Stroller/bottle combinations are killing our youth. Our children will have to grow up with stroller/bottle people.
Remember that when they're shooting up your kid's school!
I totally get you. It is easy to judge people if we don't mean to (and those that are flaming probably judge even more than you do) If I saw something like that I would feel that the mom was being lazy, but I don't know her story or what the situation was. Same as you see an overweight person and you assume they are lazy too but you don't know about their health issues.
Don't feel bad for judging in this situation we all do it. Just assume the baby gets lots of snuggles when mom isn't multi tasking.
who says "surf the net?"
please re-read the first sentence of your third paragraph. again. and again. meditate on that.
And FYI OP, its easier to have mom friends when you don't get weepy when one of them bottle feeds.
I to am ignoring the flames. OP never said she was against bottles, just that it is sad that a baby is left to feed themselves so young...
MY SIL does this I remember her doing it when her son was a a newborn, like SUPER newborn. He would be propped in the carseat with his bottle and she would watch TV. If she wanted to watch TV why could she not do it while holding baby and feeding him is beyond me. But she also told me that I was spoiling my DS by rocking him when he cries and that she does not have time for that. And she gets mad if you pick him up when he cries because once again, it spoils him. On Thanksgiving her son was throwing up his formula and she did not even notice because she had left him on the floor to feed himself and walked off. I will admit I judged and felt sad for my nephew. She really only interacts with him when he is "happy and fun" and I don't get it. I think it is lazy and a bit dangerous.
But I also think it is ok to let your LO hold their bottle while you go and grab something quickly. A PP said they did this and to me that is different then completely ignoring your baby while holding the bottle. But I think it could be dangerous to leave a baby who can't hold the bottle with it propped up! My BF kid can hold a bottle when my MIL or someone gives it to him and I still would not leave him alone with it to be honest....it is not about giving your kid boobs or bottle, both can be done in a loving way! I understand needing to get stuff done or multitasking, but it is not worth it if they choke or take in to much milk and get sick.
You're right I don't know her or her situation. That's why I acknowledged that it could have an an exception to her norm...and that she could have been incredibly busy and NEEDED to multi-task.
You're right. I'm sure that's the case.
My best friend has a saying about always assuming the best.
Amen, sister.
::golf clap::
Ok, I am not "for" bottle propping and understand the risks, but I have twins and when they were younger bottle propping, with me right there, was sometimes a necessity for survival if I was burping one, or feeding my baby with reflux who needed me to hold him, etc. Maybe this baby is a twin and now eats better with bottle propping.
I hate moms judging moms. I think (I hope) we are all doing our best and have the best intentions for our children.
i bf'ed both my kids for 11 months and 7 months respectively. i co-slept. i wore my babies. and after all of that, i still never feel the need to look at a parent who chooses to do things differently and think POOR BABY! the title of this post alone is proof enough to me that the OP does little more than walk around comparing everyone else's parenting to her own. no friends who parent differently than her? that's a sheltered life, indeed.
she came here looking for "oh noes! not a propped bottle!" comments and from most of you, that's what she got. i find it hard to believe anyone who does judge AP will do anything to put a dent in your self righteous armor. you must live for/love the perceived persecution.
Perhaps I should have been more clear. I don't many LOCAL MOM FRIENDS who parent differently than I. I lived in my hometown for 30+ years then relocated. I have friends here who are not moms of young children. The mom friends I've met have HERE been through groups like LLL.
Okay so I may be seeing this a different way because my children are only 5 months apart and one is adopted. However, for me, the first year of their lives I as in survivor mood. And until you have children that close together or twin its hard to explain ha-ha. For me feeding was just something that had to get done. It was fast and for the most part I fed them at the same time either one in my arms and one of the floor etc. Their held their own bottles A LOT. For us feeding time was NOT cuddle time (well sometimes at night it was cuddle time). Anyways my quality time with my children came at different times of the day when things were calm and I was able to give my sweet babies a lot of hugs and kisses. Just don't judge a book by its cover, I highly doubt my kids will be affected long term and they surly are not sad toddlers bc I didn't get to bottle nurse them. I respect and admire those that are able to BF and bottle nurse their babies but sometimes its not always black and white. Trust me, my babies are well loved!
"I have four children. Two are adopted. I forget which two. -Bob Constantine
"All for Love,' a Saviour prayed 'Abba Father have Your way. Though they know not what they do...Let the Cross draw men to You...."
I don't think you were judging, necessarily. You seem like a reasonable, well-thought-out person. Where there is any physical danger to a child involved, I don't think it's judgemental to be concerned. I bottle fed my 1st from 8 months on and I didn't know there was a risk of choking with bottle propping until I read this post! I've never actually propped a bottle, and my LO would never hold it herself, so I really wouldn't know, but it's good information to have in any case!
Bottle feeding is a complicated process and I'm still learning things I didn't know as I read posts like this. I'm a well-educated, AP SAHM who would do anything for the safety and happiness of her children, but I know there must be several things I do that make people cringe. My 2nd born loves to flip upside down in the ring sling and hang that way while I grocery shop. The people around me look horrified, but she thinks it's awesome and I can feel how secure she is. Am I being judged? Probably. Is my LO having a great time and learning what things look like from a different perspective? Definitely.
Every mama has her own style and every mama intuitively know what her baby needs. Our slip-ups as mothers should be understandable. It's a 24/7 job, it's demanding and exhausting. I tend to give most mommies a break just for the sake of knowing how hard it is to stay on your A-game all the time.
Who cares if you were judging, I love judging! Really, and it's not like you said something to her.
I don't think there is anything wrong with an older baby holding their own bottle. But this baby wasn't. And I always thought, whether they could hold it or not, they shouldn't be drinking laying down. The baby should also be propped up, either on a pillow or sitting up. And I'm talking eight months or older.
The other issue is that this woman did not have multiples or had to get a burning pot off the stove. She was shopping at the mall and probably didn't feel like getting the baby out of the stroller to feed. Were there other children with her? Did it look like it was something that needed immediate attention so she HAD to prop the bottle? Because it sounds like this is old hat routine for her.
God really, everyone judges, who cares if you were judging!? I babywear, co-sleep, breastfeed, had a natural birth and I'm raising dd vegan. I get judged, and guess what so does everyone. I would never say anything to the mother unless the baby was in immediate danger, but I would have thought the same damn thing. Maybe there are extenuating circumstances, and maybe there aren't. Maybe the kid is an adopted multiple and the mother had to send off a dire email on her blackberry that saved the human race, and maybe the mother is just a lazy b!tch.
Those who are judging you for being judgy are being judgy.
If I saw that I would have called a girlfriend who parents like me and commiserated too.
Tell me about it. Cookies for EVERYbody. Except pathetic lazyass bottle feeders that neglect their children since they don't love them as much as moms that breastfeed.
Yes, OP, you were, in fact, judging.
I! Heart! You! lisa5201!
????????????????????????????? I don't even know what to say to this.
Yeah but did your MIL ever kiss your nephew's penis? I don't think your SIL has as much to prove as you
Oh I absolutely am a *** stirrer? Are you new? But come on? You stir your own over here. I am just attracted to the scent.
you get 10 dozen people standing up for a mother who was "wronged" by a relative who bought her a non organic toy or offered a plastic bottle. I'm here to offer a little perspective from those of us who... aren't nuts.
You'll notice I do, in fact, interject with the odd supportive comment if you pay attention. But this board? like all of it, is a gold mine of asshattery. And I can mostly count on it for that purpose.
HOLY ***? IS THAT HER? the same one whose marriage is in huge trouble right now but is TTC? Awesome. OH I can only hope its the same wise one.
I don't know if they are TTC but her husband is a drug addict. But since she BF's, BWs, bed shares and whatever the checklist is for sanctimommyhood, her kid will forget seeing Daddy shoot up some heroine. Is that on the AP checklist? Daddy doing drugs?