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Baby Showers
Showers shouldnt cost as much as you are claiming.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Showers shouldnt cost as much as you are claiming.
FB invites work easier for everyone invited these days anyways. We are kind of living in the technological age...and id rather not contribute to killing the environment when it isnt neccessary anyways.
No they do not, I get multiple a day and I ignore them. Besides that, they are tacky. If you can't spend $2 on an invite to me, why should I spend any on your baby gift?
they may be tacky to you, but that doesnt make them tacky to the rest of the world. You look like the kind of person who finds eating off of anything but fine china to be tacky..just saying.
I think its poor taste to invite someone to a event or party and make they pay for there own food.. I would hope you at least let them know they have to pay for it before hand so no one is shocked with a bill at the end of the party. And as far as gifts.. a shower is to "shower someone with gifts"
And not to be snobby.... but do you really think a wedding only cost 100-500 dollars to have? Where do you live?! I want to live somewhere where everythings that cheap
Well, numerous "polls" have been posted here and the majority of the people posting here think they're tacky, too.
I'm fine with paper plates at a beach picnic or BBQ or something like that. But definitely not for every day use. Nothing wrong with having just a little class...just saying.
I once received a FB baby shower invite for someone who I hadn't even spoken to in over a DECADE. True story... and one of the tackiest things ever- almost insulting actually. More importantly... I didn't even notice it until after the shower (and I get on facebook regularly).
IMHO, the only time an online/email invite is appropriate is in a large group shower where everyone is from a specific organization. Our church's baby showers are open invitation for all the women at the church, so a general email is sent out & the info is posted on bulletin boards. These showers almost always only include women at the church though- not outside friends. It's also a much larger joint effort- a significant portion of the women help throw the shower too.
I'm not even going to get started on the food issue... that's just ridiculous. Also, for someone not expecting gifts/thinking we're horrible for expecting them, etc, there's a lot of registry text on that invite...
OP, in all seriousness, I'd love to hear what goes down at your celebratory luncheon. Do your friends expect to pay for themselves? Is there something we don't know? Because there's absolutely nothing on the invite to suggest that...
www.cozylittlecave.com
what exactly is a relish tray? Iv never heard of it .. Its not what i think it is right,
It is probably not what you are thinking of (Im guessing you think a relish tray is a tray of pickled relish?) its a veggie tray.
and since, I dont feel like making a post under this post..would suggesting to the host to plan a potluck be less 'tacky'? but still do it at the same venue (the reservation has already been made)
A potluck is fine- but only if you have enough friends who feel willing to pitch in or in the right circumstances. If you're all 'poor college kids' then it's probably more acceptable & not a big deal. Our church showers are closer to a potluck, but it's more of a group affair throwing it- not just one hostess telling everyone to bring food. Not ideal, but decidedly less tacky than people having to pay for themselves.
More importantly, hosting a potluck AT A RESTAURANT is not a good idea. at all. Highly frowned upon... and not only by us- by the restaurant. They might not even LET you do that. Most restaurants don't let in outside food except cakes/minimal party food.
Also, OP, if you feel you have no option than to continue with guests paying for themselves, PLEASE give them a heads up before they get there!! Awful as the situation is, it would be much worse for everyone to get their bills confusedly at the end of the luncheon & have everyone leave on a sour note. At least if they know ahead of time, they have the option of declining. Also- you'd better make sure the wait staff knows to do individual checks! A party that large is almost always put on 1 ticket!
www.cozylittlecave.com
oh man I am thoroughly entertained by this post... so much drama. Baby carrots only! A potluck at a restaurant! In the spirit of keeping things "green" and environmentally friendly, you should just suggest to your friends to dedicate a star in the baby's name and not give you gifts; hence saving the wrapping paper and gift bags.
I would change the wording on your FB invite to "a no-host celebratory luncheon will be taking place"...and then enter the details.
Better yet, turn it into a co-ed shower BBQ style which would be appropriate for a pot luck. OR, keep it at the restaurant, make it later in the afternoon, and do cake and punch.
Are you truly suggesting a potluck, at a restaurant? Yeah, that will go over well.
No, if you have a luncheon at a restaurant, lunch should be provided. Even in this advanced technological age. You are going to have some highly annoyed friends when they find out that they have to pony up to eat more than cucumbers and carrots.
Wowzers!! This was quite a bold comment to make. So first let me just say that my husband and I are are both still in college, we live in one of the most expensive cities in the countries, and we don't make a lot of money by any means and we are doing fabulously and are so content. Yes, there are a lot of things you can't do for your baby if you don't have a lot of money but a lot of the things that people see as vital for the baby really aren't...playpens, bouncers, a toystores worth of toys, expensive high chairs, co-sleepers, etc. babies don't need to have all these things...they don't remember these things and they are really more for the parents than for the baby because they are convenient. As long as you have clothes and toiletries to keep baby clean and warm, your necessities to to feed, travel, and change your baby, and a place for your baby to sleep, you will be fine. And overtime you will be able to add to the list if you need to.
While I totally agree that the idea of a baby shower is to shower the mom-to-be with gifts for the baby and while most people would consider some things you are doing "tacky," who really cares? As long as you and your guests have a great time and your baby comes into an atmosphere full of love and support, these things don't matter. Nobody's lives are going to be ruined over having to pay for their own lunch.
Tacky means poor taste and quality and it was originated by someone who wanted to feel better about themselves by making others feel lowlier and you should feel that way by any means.
Do what you gotta do and be happy. You have a wonderful little blessing on the way! Don't worry about what other people are saying, spending, etc.
You are obviously clueless about baby showers and weddings. Even if you host a shower at someone's house it's going to cost at least $100.
For a shower you should send out invites. Guests should not be asked to pay for their food.
SOO many things wrong with your post...I really hope that the people who have been invited are made aware in advance that they are footing the bill. Otherwise you will have many fewer friends afterwards due to the surprise expense and rudeness.
Mmm no. Wrong. The rest of the world over the age of 15 thinks its tacky.
Yes, actually it does. And honestly the invitation (I use that word very loosely) makes you sound MUCH more gift grabby than a nice enclosure card in an actual invitation.
I live about 10 miles from where this event is supposed to take place and have eaten at the restaurant in Boone.
This is a reasonable mexican restaurant, if you made your own "menu" from dishes they already serve you could get by with paying about $8 total per guest (including a soda). Skip the cake and at the very least pay for their meals.
Also, if I were planning a baby shower for someone in this area, I would definitely expect to pay at least $300 for a nice shower. You could probably get by with less, but it still isn't "cheap" in this area of Iowa (although we definitely aren't expensive like NYC or anything).
I would just like to point out that while that is all well and good, it cost you something to make all that food....unless all of the ingredients were donated. Take it from someone that hosts dinners regularly, including Thanksgiving, its expensive to make these amazing homemade meals, even when they are small and simple.
not cool...I would NOT come to a shower that I had to pay for my own food! I'd mail a gift and call it a day.
ETA: I just read that you did a FB invite. I would retract this. I would never attend a shower with an evite. I would also not send a gift. Blech...
They are called "showers" for a reason. You "shower" the soon to be mom (or bride) with gifts to start their life as a couple or family.
If you are just concerned about celebrating with people, have them over AFTER the baby is born for a bbq or something. Don't subject your friends to a pay for your own food AND bring me a gift shower.
We'll miss you sweet Debbie Girl (4.21.12) and sweet Cindy Girl (8.9.12)
I agree with all of this.... AND I think we live in the same Podunk town in PA!
LOL Staten Island weddings and NYC weddings general are sometimes in the millions!
I have hosted showers at my house and never spent under $300. I would never imagine inviting people to a shower and then telling them they have to buy their own meal. I believe the word for that is "tacky." I can't even imagine what my reaction would be if I was invited to such a shower.
*lurking from July 2011*
Just curious, do you think this family shower is also going to cost under $100? Your first post was a blanket statement about how showers don't have to cost that much, but presumably if you're expecting "bigger stuff," then it's safe to assume the hostess is feeding the guests?
Personally, I think your hostess should reword your invite and not call it a shower. If people want to give you gifts, they still will.
I'm so glad someone else from Iowa chimed in! I swear we aren't all cheapo, make our friends pay for their own meals, can't afford a real shower people!!
I have thrown two very nice showers in a suburb of the capital city (and about 30-45 minutes from this person's location) and have done both on about $250 each. So realistically around here if you did a bare bones shower you really could get it for $100. However, that would mean skipping the meal and just doing appetizers. Also, at least in my circle, its customary to have showers at someone's home, so that alleviates the facility rental fee.
I would be beyond upset if I showed up to a shower at a restaurant and found out when the bill came that I would be paying on my own!!
I think paying between $100-$500 for a shower in very reasonable. My mom is throwing mine and even though she hasn't talked details I'm sure it will cost more than that. I know there are some girls that said they did a shower for $100 and that is great that they could do that. I know I could not pull that off with my friends and family nor would I want to. I would like to have a nice party with hot food (Not just appetizers or sandwiches) so that my guests enjoy themselves. I understand some people are on budgets and that's all they can do and that's fine. I just feel like guests should have a decent meal since they are bringing gifts.
Asking your guests to pay for their own food is beyond tacky. If I was invited to a party like this I would not go and certainly not give the person a gift. Most people I know would be insulted by being invited to a party and then being asked to pay for their own food. Someone once told me that if you can't afford to have a party then you shouldn't have one and it makes a lot of sense.
I'm not sure what type of wedding costs between $100 and $500. Most people I know costs $40,000-$60,000. I don't think anyone plans on a baby shower being as extravagent as a wedding. I guess you coould compare it to a wedding shower but that's about as close as your going to get.
As far as gifts go, I think it's pretty standard for guests to bring gifts to a shower. That's kinda the point ...to "shower" the mother with gifts for the baby. That is also the exact reason you should not expect someone to pay for their food. I would never go to shower and not bring a gift. I think it's one of those standard etiquette things like you should always bring something when someone invites you to dinner at their home.
Thank God some people from Iowa are chiming in. I went to college 10 miles away from where the shower is being held and now live in an even smaller town than that (800 people) and by no means was my baby shower less than $100, and we had it at the church. Invitations, punch, desserts and finger sandwiches added up to more than $100, I promise you. And all the women who planned it made the food themselves.
I seriously cannot fathom inviting someone to a "shower" where they had to buy their own lunch.
People do what they can afford. Mine is being hosted my mom, MIL, and best friend. I agree, that you can't call it a "shower" and have people pay for their own meals. Invite people to a "get together" instead and work out a prix fixe menu with the restuarant so there's no squabbling over the bill.
p.s. MFAinNYC...Imagine my surprise when I found out from my mom that my shower is going to be at the same place where my wedding was, but in a smaller room in Staten Island at Nicotra's.
This is exactly what I was thinking. Along with everything else that was mentioned.
I meant to post this before the convo got way crazy...I've never hosted a baby shower, but I'm assuming wedding showers cost about the same. I had 30 women to my house for an afternoon cupcakes and champagne party, so no required meal.
I still spent a few hundred dollars!
Invites and mailing were around $100 (we sent 40-ish).
Cupcakes were $75 (friend owns a bakery), I bought some veggies and made some appetizers, probably around $50. Plates and glasses were another $25 or so, and I spent $100 on fresh flowers (not a necessity, but I liked them). $30 on favors. I bought the cheap champagne, too.
I did everything as cheaply as I could, except I had custom invites designed. Still definitely did not come in under $100!
IF I actually went to your shower, you'd be luck to get a $1 Card from the Dollar Tree because you're Redic.
I would looooove to know how much you "think" it costs to take care of a baby....just sayin...
2. I know it costs a lot to take care of a baby. Im just now getting used to the fact that I will probably have to apply for WIC (I really wish I didnt have to because I hate feeling like Im taking money from people I don't know)
3. You all treat people with different viewpoints from you like crap
4. I have read at several other places that people expect to pay for their own food if a shower is held at a restaurant. So guess what, we are going to do what we are going to do. Im done letting the opinions of stuckup brats I dont know get to me. This is my life, my baby, and my baby shower and my friends..NOT YOURS
this
It only took her 49 posts to get to her "you don't know my lyfe" post. I saw that one coming!
You realize number 1 and number 4 completely contradict each other.
Good luck with that. And people telling you to be POLITE are hardly the stuck up brats in this situation. The stuck up brats are the ones who want to throw a shower they can't afford (aka at a restaurant inste of a simple gathering in someones home)
But, on the other hand, do not feel guilty about using WIC. Its what its there for.
If you have a reputable etiquette source that states it is okay for a host to have guests pay for their meal, please feel free to share it.
BFP #2 10/13/11 c/p 10/17/11
BFP #3 12/13/11 EDD 8/23/12 DS Born 8/27/12