Sorry this may be a vent...One of my best friends is a SAHM, today while talking to her she was venting about her sister (a working mom). She proceeded to say how her sister and other working moms can't take credit for how smart their kids are or how great they are becuase we're not with them long enough in the day to teach them things. I just sat there stunned in silence...My DD is at a great facility with teachers I trust, and she has learned so much in her little life, and I give them A LOT of credit. But I'm her mother and I too spend A LOT of time working with her, loving her and teaching her.
I am still a little taken aback by it all. First what would you have said to her? And how do I not let this get to me...
Re: Hurtful friend...how to respond?
I would probably be snarky and make a comment that it's great that she can teach her kids so much and that she should take advantage of this time since her LO is going to be sick a lot during those first years of school and be learning to socialize.
Okay, maybe I wouldn't but I'd want to. You are right, working mom's still spend a lot of time teaching and loving their kids and we have every right to take a little credit.
"Guess it's just good genes then!"
haha - I guess it depends on how good of friends I am with this person. If it's someone I didn't really know, I probably wouldn't say anything. If it's someone I frequently run into, then I probably would speak my mind a little more.
or - blog about it and be passive aggressive and post the link somewhere she would see it.
met DH 1995 ~ married DH 2006 ~ completed our family 2008
Life is good!
Thanks for the support, I'm going to ignore it...I know this is best for DD and our family right now. She has a different life and that is fine. I know that my DD is smart and perfect and I'm her mommy... i just have to keep reminding myself of that :-)
As a SAHM, that is ridiculous. I could go into miles of posting about the academics of this, but the truth is that I am not sure I could move past that. I once had a friend tell me, in a conversation related to her daughter's school, how she hated SAHMs. I really couldn't get past it. Respect for one another is kind of key to friendship.
Edit: Reading the other post, your comments about how SAHM's children are going to need hand holding and be sick and unsocialized is offensive and untrue, so you might want to keep that to yourself.
You are aware that you are posting on a WORKING MOMS board right? This is where WORKING MOMS share vents and issues; ergo we don't have to keep comments like this to ourselves on this board.
OP, I think I would have made a snarky comment about her kids clearly not learning much from her stupid and uninformed "stay at home mom asss", but I am mean like that, lol.
If I SAHM and DH works does this mean he doesn't get to "take credit" for raising intelligent, well-mannered kids. But what I really want to know is what a person gets when they "take credit" other than a lot of eye-rolling from parents with smarter kids.
ugh...this is one of your best friends? some of my really good friends are SAHMs and i can't imagine them saying that to me. thank god we are supportive of each others' decisions. i know you said that you were just going to ignore it, but if she is really a close friend i would think you'd want to address this.
this was a defensive response to the op's conversation with her friend. the poster who wrote this even said she wouldn't actually say this.
This!! And, it's too late now, but I would have said, "Why are you saying this to me? I am a working mom......." I had a vendor tell me that his wife was a stay-at-home mom and she has the hardest job of all. Ok - I get the saying and where it comes from and I know it is hard work but he said it to a working mom. I said, "You realize, you are saying this to a working mom, right??" He started back pedaling quickly...
If this woman is your friend, who are your enemies?
I would have ended the conversation, and would avoid spending time with her in the future. What a pill.
You might want to go back to the SAHM board if you don't like what you see here. Just a suggestion! This IS the WM's board.
To the OP- I'd personally drop her as a friend. Friendship is all about respect, and it's obvious that she doesn't have any for you. I'm sure if you said something equally offensive about SAHMs to her, she'd be upset too.
I would have a hard time forgetting that she said that so I would either stew about it and bring it back up at the wrong time or I would have to call her and talk about it with her right now.
But unfortunately I do not think anything you say will change her mind or opinion.
If it was my friend, I would call her on it.
I also would distance myself from her.
In reality, it sounds like this woman is concerned about her child(ren) being behind and maybe even wishing they went to daycare or preschool.
Brady Phoenix, 8.29.09
Claire Zoe, 10.26.10
Your "friend" sounds ridiculous! Our DD goes to an IHDC M-F/8 hours a day..the daycare does not teach (it's more of a sitter), therefore, my DH and I teach her everything. Even the DCP asks us who taught her such and such.. she's shown our daughter a few things that are cutesy...but as far as learning skills and development..that would be all us...her PARENTS, and we both work FT. The whole SAHM vs. WM debate is silly.
And really, who is she to say any child is smarter than another?!
I'd be really offended too and if I couldn't forget about it I would probably let her know that as a WM, her comment offended me.
Now - total side note - but I LOVE your DD's outfit! Where is the tutu from? And the babylegs/leggings? Top? Love the whole thing!