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no Christmas gift from SD
My SD is 9 and her BM has always taken her to pick out a gift for her dad for Christmas or picked something out herself (lats year it was a mug with her company logo,lame but, whatever...). She has NEVER gotten me a gift in the 5 years I've been her step mom and I don't care, but when BM neglected to remember to help SD get Christmas gift for her dad this year it really bugged me. She did not acknowledge my son's 1st b-day this week, and he is her brother. BM does not speak to me so I can't bring it up. I don't know if there is any advice, I guess this is just kind of a vent. DH is a great dad and great husband and faithfully pays a ton in CS each month. Anyone else had to deal with this?
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Re: no Christmas gift from SD
I think it's your job to help your SD pick out a Christmas gift for her dad--ditto with a gift/card/whatever for the baby's birthday.
You said he's a great dad and husband, but BM doesn't get to see much of him being a dad (since presumably he does that at your house), and she sure as heck doesn't benefit from him being a great husband. So I'm kind of baffled at your rationale and that you're upset by this.
If she was handling the gifts, that was a nice thing of her to do, but I don't see how she's obligated to do it. I would just take this as an indication that she's leaving it up to you from now on.
I completely agree! I always take my SS to buy gifts for DH and DD. Sometimes his BM takes him and then DH gets 2 gifts - but this is not the norm. And DH takes SS to buy gifts for me.
Also, since BM is not re-married and boyfriends come and go - I take SS to buy her gifts, however, if she were to remarry I would stop doing this.
This, I can't believe you would even be upset over this. If only this is what you get upset over, you are lucky.
Um, no I haven't had to deal with this because I have taken the responsibility to take SS to buy DH's Christmas/b-day/Father's Day gifts since we were engaged. It's a fun outing and we always enjoy it. Likewise, DH or I take SS to buy gifts for his sister for her b-day and Christmas, just like we "take" DD (at this point it's more like sticking her name on something we buy him, as she gets older we will take her) to get him something for his b-day/Christmas.
You say you work every weekend but maybe you could take her in the evening after you get off to get him a gift?
As far as acknowledging your DS's birthday, you need to calm down about that. She is 9, not 19 and the fact that January whateverth=brother's birthday does not enter her mind. Hell, if you asked my SS (who will be 8 next week) to name anyone in his family's birthday besides his, he could most likely tell you the month but not the day.
Oh, and who are you mad at for a 9yo not acknowledging her brother's birthday? That was your DH and your responsibility, it is not up to her BM to remember your son's birthday and 9yos especially ones that do not live with you are going to forget birthdays. If she was not with you on his birthday then her father should have called her to talk to her and then told her to wish her brother a happy birthday. And as for her not acknowledging your birthday, do you really think that BM should have to remember your birthday? Your DH might be a "great Dad" but he is sucking as a DH if he does not think that he should bring his child shopping for a present for you.
And paying a lot of CS has nothing to do with any of this, I cannot tell if that was your way of proving he is a great Dad or if that is your reasoning for why it is up to BM to pay for gifts for you and DH.
Actually you can ask your SD for ideas and tell her that you will pick it up for her and that you will help her wrap it when she comes over...slapping her name on it is sarcastic and punishing the girl for something her mother does. And what hours do you work that you cannot take her the entire weekend? You can go at night or even do it online, if you can surf The Bump you can certainly go on Amazon.
Um, I don't think any of this lies on BM at all. As his wife, it lies on you. Sure, it's nice she has done it in the past, but seriously not her job anymore.
Secondly, why should she care about your child's birthday? Would it be nice of her to acknowledge it? sure. Is she obligated to? Hell to the no. It's SD's brother yea, I'm sure your H took care of that stuff. No need for BM to be all excited over it. I intend to invite BM to my daughters first birthday, do I expect her to show up? Probably the only reason she will is to see SS. Which is fine. I get that. I think you need to get over it.
Edit: just realized you weren't talking about Bm not acknowledging your son's birthday it was SD. Again, that's your H's job to make sure that happens. Your SD is younger, she can't be held responsible for that kind of thing. I still think you need to get over it and start taking matters into your own hands if they matter that much to you.
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
Also why are you left out each year? Why doesn't your Dh take SD to get you a present? Dh took SS this year and bought me a Bonsai Tree, SS was so excited as DH told him every time I look at it I will remember him.
It is not BMs 'job' to take care of things within your family / home. Be grateful she has bowed out and take responsibility yourself.
I get that it has changed this year but seriously Bm was probably wondering when you or your DH would step up. Also expecting her to buy your child with her ex a present is a nonsense when you are totally able to do it yourself.
I get that some parents / step parents do it, but it is usually when the other parent is flaky/absent. I always offer to get something for BM from SS but BMs sister usually has it covered.
I don't think that the OP was saying that the gift from SD was lame... it was the fact that BM gave SD a mug with the BM's company logo on it. JMO.
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You might be right. Either way she should be grateful that the BM gave SD something to give SD since she could not think to do it herself though.
Yes you can argue that a 9yo can shop themself but it is not up to the BM to spend money on the father and especially not on the father's new child. If the father cannot think to go shopping with his child to buy his new wife a birthday present then it tells me the 9yo is not being taught to shop for gifts.
Like you said, your situation is different though since you are not near your SK
I totally disagree. Honestly, my SS's mom used to buy presents for my DH and vice versa before they were remarried ( which I understand). Both my DH and BM got married within a year of each other and I was the one who pushed for the stopping of the presents. I didn't want to go buy my husband's ex-wife mother's day and Christmas presents (even though we get along)- Do you buy her presents each year? I understand you work on the weekend, then you should open a line of communication with SD and ask her what she wants you to get DH for holidays.
As for your DS, I think this is completely ridiculous. That is your DH's job to speak to his daughter about her half-sibling's birthday and buy a present from her if needed. She can draw her sibling a picture or sing Happy Bday over the phone with the facilitation of her father or you, it is not BM job. I think you are just upset and need to just take some time to think about this, it is not worth the hassle or the stress it is making you feel.be happy you have a great family with your SD:)
This.
BM never bought anything for DSS to give to DH or me in the 16 years since he's been born and if you handed her a million dollars and told her to spend $10 of it on us and she can keep the rest, she probably still wouldn't. We don't care either.
That being said, I do buy her Christmas presents from DSS. He knows what she wants, I just help out in a monetary way and sometimes help wrap if he's busy. BM probably thinks DSS does it all on his own. If BM had a S/O, it may be different, but she has no one. She has a brother who lives 3 hours away and an aunt and uncle who she barely speaks to, her mother is gone and her dad is in a mental institution. So I figure it's the least I can do. If BM knew that I had anything to do with her presents, she'd throw them out. I'm sure of it.
To be honest, I agree with some of the previous posters.
I get thoroughly annoyed with my stepson's mom when she buys gifts for MY significant other "from" my stepson. That's MY job. Not hers. I want her to keep her nose as far out of our business as possible.
She just had a new baby. It's stepson's little brother, but I'll be darned if I'm gonna go pick up a gift from my stepson to his new brother. That's her new baby daddy's job.
Edited: Wrote "are" instead of "our". TGIF!!
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