I held a baby last week, so send me your questions... — The Bump
3rd Trimester

I held a baby last week, so send me your questions...

Seriously, since I held a newborn last week, I really feel like I learned everything there is to know about parenthood.

Ask me anything!

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Re: I held a baby last week, so send me your questions...

  • You freaking rawk! I've been waiting for someone so insightful to help me with all of my impending "birthin babies" needs!

    Since I've been having Braxton and Hicks that are really annoying and I'm thinking of taking castor oil, when will I have my baby? 

  • Why is this board so snarky?!?

    You are all meanie poo poo heads. I hope that my post has made you see the error of your ways.

    P.S. I feel sorry for your husbands.

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  • Follow these instructions:

    1c. Castor Oil

    1c. Crushed Pineapple

    1- Bumpy car ride

    Take the oil and eat the pineapple.  Then, get in your car and go for a ride, preferebly over a few train tracks.  If you do this within an hour after experiencing your braxton and hicks, you should have the baby within 15 minutes.

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  • Um, so, where is my baby's umbillical cord attached to me?? Like.... does it go from his belly button to my belly button? Because I think he pulls on it sometimes and it makes my outie go back in....

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  • I held a kitten yesterday....ask me all your vet questions, as I am the expert now...

    Stick out tongue

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  • OMG - the fits of giggles are either going to make me pee myself, or go into labor.  lol.  
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  • So... I'm 32 weeks today and I REALLY want this baby out of me- what else can I do to get labor started besides the castor oil, pineapple and bumpy car ride (none of those have worked yet for some reason!)? A short stay in NICU won't hurt her much, will it?
    DSCN3691-1

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  • image k_renee:

    Um, so, where is my baby's umbillical cord attached to me?? Like.... does it go from his belly button to my belly button? Because I think he pulls on it sometimes and it makes my outie go back in....

    The umbilical cord is attached to your rectum.  Once the baby is born, and is cut from the baby, you must pass the cord during your first bowel movement after labor.  It might feel a little like you are passing your intestines, but fear not, it will be quick and painless.

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  • image Sheas:

    Follow these instructions:

    1c. Castor Oil

    1c. Crushed Pineapple

    1- Bumpy car ride

    Take the oil and eat the pineapple.  Then, get in your car and go for a ride, preferebly over a few train tracks.  If you do this within an hour after experiencing your braxton and hicks, you should have the baby within 15 minutes.

    Oh Thank You! My worries have subsided and I'm off to the store.

    (LOL! I'm freaking rolling here at my desk.)

  • image jamacattack:
    So... I'm 32 weeks today and I REALLY want this baby out of me- what else can I do to get labor started besides the castor oil, pineapple and bumpy car ride (none of those have worked yet for some reason!)? A short stay in NICU won't hurt her much, will it?

    I say, the NICU is there for a reason, you might as well utilize it!  Try making sex, going for a walk, and go to a rock concert.  Those are also well proven natural ways to induce labor.

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  • image k_renee:

    Um, so, where is my baby's umbillical cord attached to me?? Like.... does it go from his belly button to my belly button? Because I think he pulls on it sometimes and it makes my outie go back in....

     

    Did I not say it was silly? I was more interested in how it comes out...let it go.  Ditto the pp who said she feels bad for your husbands.  Sorry for not knowing absolutely everything there is to know in the world, like I am sure you do.

  • Love this entire thread!!!
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  • image Sheas:
    image k_renee:

    Um, so, where is my baby's umbillical cord attached to me?? Like.... does it go from his belly button to my belly button? Because I think he pulls on it sometimes and it makes my outie go back in....

    The umbilical cord is attached to your rectum.  Once the baby is born, and is cut from the baby, you must pass the cord during your first bowel movement after labor.  It might feel a little like you are passing your intestines, but fear not, it will be quick and painless.

    OMG, so THAT'S why the first poo after delivering is so scary! Thaaaanks.

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  • image MrsTotty:
    OMG - the fits of giggles are either going to make me pee myself, or go into labor.  lol.  

    Oh this! And I have to leave to brave outbound traffic to go get the kids. I'll be back on my laptop as soon as I get home! This is just too good.

    I'm surprised no one asked about lactation and if they leak now will that mean they will be good at breast feeding. I also see no hemi questions either.

  • Why is my right boob producing almost 2x the milk of the left, AND since they are so big now do I need to worry about smothering my daughter? Should I just switch to formula?
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  • image mandaree:

    Why is this board so snarky?!?

    You are all meanie poo poo heads. I hope that my post has made you see the error of your ways.

    P.S. I feel sorry for your husbands.

    We love you Mandaree!!!

  • image mandaree:

    Why is this board so snarky?!?

    You are all meanie poo poo heads. I hope that my post has made you see the error of your ways.

    P.S. I feel sorry for your husbands.

    Oh, no no,I feel sorry for YOUR husband, and future child, and your mom.

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  • image LovingBaz:
    Why is my right boob producing almost 2x the milk of the left, AND since they are so big now do I need to worry about smothering my daughter? Should I just switch to formula?

    I am surprised you even attempted to breastfeed.  It is very gauche these days.

    Anyway, because your right boob is producing 2x the milk, only BF when it is time to BF with the right boob.  When it is time to use the left boob, switch to formula.

    Also, yes, you are probably smothering that child with your ginormous boobs, so maybe let her come up for a little air every once in a while.

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  • image Sheas:

    image jamacattack:
    So... I'm 32 weeks today and I REALLY want this baby out of me- what else can I do to get labor started besides the castor oil, pineapple and bumpy car ride (none of those have worked yet for some reason!)? A short stay in NICU won't hurt her much, will it?

    I say, the NICU is there for a reason, you might as well utilize it!  Try making sex, going for a walk, and go to a rock concert.  Those are also well proven natural ways to induce labor.

    Thanks for the advice... always looking for expert opinions and I KNEW NICU was there for a reason! And hey, I'll only have to birth a 4lbs baby instead of an 8lbs baby if your advice works- Yay for me!

    DSCN3691-1

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  • image babyrusty:
    image k_renee:

    Um, so, where is my baby's umbillical cord attached to me?? Like.... does it go from his belly button to my belly button? Because I think he pulls on it sometimes and it makes my outie go back in....

     

    Did I not say it was silly? I was more interested in how it comes out...let it go.  Ditto the pp who said she feels bad for your husbands.  Sorry for not knowing absolutely everything there is to know in the world, like I am sure you do.

    Bahahahaahaahahaha! 

    Do you feel sorry for their future children too? Please tell me you do...please.

    imageBaby Birthday Ticker TickerBabyFruit Ticker

     

  • image Sheas:

    image LovingBaz:
    Why is my right boob producing almost 2x the milk of the left, AND since they are so big now do I need to worry about smothering my daughter? Should I just switch to formula?

    I am surprised you even attempted to breastfeed.  It is very gauche these days.

    Anyway, because your right boob is producing 2x the milk, only BF when it is time to BF with the right boob.  When it is time to use the left boob, switch to formula.

    Also, yes, you are probably smothering that child with your ginormous boobs, so maybe let her come up for a little air every once in a while.

    I am a bit embarrassed about the breast feeding, I know it's considered "primitive" .  Thanks for the tips, and  It never occurred to me to let baby breathe. ..duh.

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  • Braxton and Hicks..Hmm Isn't that a Country band?

  • image campbell16g:

    I held a kitten yesterday....ask me all your vet questions, as I am the expert now...

    Stick out tongue

    Uhm... your vet license became valid once you thought about holding that kitten! 

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  • You guys! I asked my mom to come on here and answer all of our questions, since I'm all old and sh*t (like almost 30. ew.) So that makes her the ultimate expert!
  • image buffyanne02:
    image campbell16g:

    I held a kitten yesterday....ask me all your vet questions, as I am the expert now...

    Stick out tongue

    Thank God there's a vet in the house! My pitbull may or may not have sleep apnea. She snores, even when she's awake. Should I get her a night time respirator?

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    Something like this?

     

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  • image babyrusty:
    image k_renee:

    Um, so, where is my baby's umbillical cord attached to me?? Like.... does it go from his belly button to my belly button? Because I think he pulls on it sometimes and it makes my outie go back in....

     

    Did I not say it was silly? I was more interested in how it comes out...let it go.  Ditto the pp who said she feels bad for your husbands.  Sorry for not knowing absolutely everything there is to know in the world, like I am sure you do.

    image 

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    The Mouse ~ 06.12.08 | The Froggy ~ 02.23.11

    image
  • image azgrlbride:

    Braxton and Hicks..Hmm Isn't that a Country band?

    Where do you think they got their name?  They stole if from the pains felt right before labor, you know what pains that put you into labor!

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  • image buffyanne02:
    image campbell16g:

    I held a kitten yesterday....ask me all your vet questions, as I am the expert now...

    Stick out tongue

    Thank God there's a vet in the house! My pitbull may or may not have sleep apnea. She snores, even when she's awake. Should I get her a night time respirator?

    Are you sure you're not breastfeeding her with Baz's gianormous boobies?? 

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  • sheesh y'all are worse than a pack of hyenas munching on some poor, innocent zebras who feel like Dear Abby and maybe another one who didn't finish reading What to Expect When You're Expecting.
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  • image mandaree:

    Why is this board so snarky?!?

    You are all meanie poo poo heads. I hope that my post has made you see the error of your ways.

    P.S. I feel sorry for your husbands.

    Don't forget this board is for support and advice.

    If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.  Where are your manners?

    You should be ashamed of yourselves.

    You guys are like  the mean cheerleaders in high school that liked to put others down. 

  • image sarahmrue:
    sheesh y'all are worse than a pack of hyenas munching on some poor, innocent zebras who feel like Dear Abby and maybe another one who didn't finish reading What to Expect When You're Expecting.

     

    My bad...

     

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    imageBaby Birthday Ticker TickerBabyFruit Ticker

     

  • image campbell16g:
    image buffyanne02:
    image campbell16g:

    I held a kitten yesterday....ask me all your vet questions, as I am the expert now...

    Stick out tongue

    Thank God there's a vet in the house! My pitbull may or may not have sleep apnea. She snores, even when she's awake. Should I get her a night time respirator?

    Are you sure you're not breastfeeding her with Baz's gianormous boobies?? 

    God I hope not..that would be awkward.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • This thread is so full of win, I seriously wanna make out with each and every one of you!  It would absolutely make my week if we could get a gbcb out of this one...
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  • image stw_77:
    image mandaree:

    Why is this board so snarky?!?

    You are all meanie poo poo heads. I hope that my post has made you see the error of your ways.

    P.S. I feel sorry for your husbands.

    Don't forget this board is for support and advice.

    If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.  Where are your manners?

    You should be ashamed of yourselves.

    You guys are like  the mean cheerleaders in high school that liked to put others down. 

    My manners got swallowed by my giant backside that formed sometime around week 34!!

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  • image LovingBaz:
    image campbell16g:
    image buffyanne02:
    image campbell16g:

    I held a kitten yesterday....ask me all your vet questions, as I am the expert now...

    Stick out tongue

    Thank God there's a vet in the house! My pitbull may or may not have sleep apnea. She snores, even when she's awake. Should I get her a night time respirator?

    Are you sure you're not breastfeeding her with Baz's gianormous boobies?? 

    God I hope not..that would be awkward.

    haha!  And painfull, I would think!  As the in-house vet, I don't recommend it. However, if you get a little breastmilk and squirt it in her nose, she'll stop snoring for good!  You're welcome.  Please come again.

    PhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucket
  • image stw_77:
    image mandaree:

    Why is this board so snarky?!?

    You are all meanie poo poo heads. I hope that my post has made you see the error of your ways.

    P.S. I feel sorry for your husbands.

    Don't forget this board is for support and advice.

    If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.  Where are your manners?

    You should be ashamed of yourselves.

    You guys are like  the mean cheerleaders in high school that liked to put others down. 

    Yes  this

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers image image Lilypie First Birthday tickers image image
  • image sl_gordon:
    This thread is so full of win, I seriously wanna make out with each and every one of you!  It would absolutely make my week if we could get a gbcb out of this one...

    Stick out tongue Come on over

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  • image buffyanne02:

    Oooh, wait, are we being cyber bullies? I totally shouldn't have read this post first.

     

     

     

     

     

     

    ... bwahahhaha!

    Oh gosh you're right... I think we have hurt some feelers. 

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  • image buffyanne02:
    image campbell16g:
    image LovingBaz:
    image campbell16g:
    image buffyanne02:
    image campbell16g:

    I held a kitten yesterday....ask me all your vet questions, as I am the expert now...

    Stick out tongue

    Thank God there's a vet in the house! My pitbull may or may not have sleep apnea. She snores, even when she's awake. Should I get her a night time respirator?

    Are you sure you're not breastfeeding her with Baz's gianormous boobies?? 

    God I hope not..that would be awkward.

    haha!  And painfull, I would think!  As the in-house vet, I don't recommend it. However, if you get a little breastmilk and squirt it in her nose, she'll stop snoring for good!  You're welcome.  Please come again.

    Dolly thanks you.

    image

    WHOA! Your dog it part leopard?  Big Smile

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • image sarahmrue:
    image stw_77:
    image mandaree:

    Why is this board so snarky?!?

    You are all meanie poo poo heads. I hope that my post has made you see the error of your ways.

    P.S. I feel sorry for your husbands.

    Don't forget this board is for support and advice.

    If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.  Where are your manners?

    You should be ashamed of yourselves.

    You guys are like  the mean cheerleaders in high school that liked to put others down. 

    Yes  this

     Yes, we were totally being serious.

    Hook, line and sinker.

    imageBaby Birthday Ticker TickerBabyFruit Ticker

     

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