If You Give a Preggo a Cookie...

beisenbach · January 2011

A quick adaptation of "If you give a mouse a cookie" created by my restless brain as I attempt to sleep but find that I can't...

If you give a pregnant woman a cookie, she'll want a glass of milk to wash it down, supposing at least that milk at the moment doesn't make her queasy or turn her head in disgust.

Once she drinks a glass of milk, she'll realize that it's about time for her acid reflux to strike and she'll need to take another Pepcid AC.

Once she takes a Pepcid AC, she'll think back to the cookie and imagine what nutritious snack she should have had in it's place and she'll head to the fridge to find an apple.

Once she grabs an apple, she'll catch a quick glimpse of her reflection in the kitchen window and take note of how much she resembles an apple lately. This will lead her to recall a rude comment she heard at the grocery store today.

Once she remembers the rude "You're HUGE!" comment, her hormones will begin to take hold and she'll find herself beginning to cry again.

Once she starts to cry she'll want to find a safe place to be alone so she'll probably head to the bedroom to lie down for a bit.

Once she lies down she'll find exhaustion taking hold and she'll succumb to a quick nap.

Once she falls asleep, she'll awaken to terrible pain in her hip and back. This pain will make her more alert and she'll find that she has to pee again for the fourth time that hour.

Once she waddles into the bathroom to relieve herself, she'll realize that it has been at least fifteen minutes since she last felt the baby move. This realization will have her a bit concerned and she'll need to find a way to assure herself that the baby is okay.

And once she realizes he needs fetal movement, this could only mean that she'll walk back into the kitchen in search of a cookie...

I know it's rough, but hey, it's after midnight here and I'm beat. Enjoy my fellow preggos!