Pity party day, drama, whatever you want to call it

IndyPRGirl · December 2010

I'm just going to start off by saying that we are so very blessed, in every way and my thoughts and prayers go out to those who are struggling in whatever way right now.

With that said, I'm having a very bad day. Yesterday was rough. We had Ryan's 18 month appointment (36lbs, 37 inches tall, 20 inch head circ), which in and of itself, went great.

However, the part that hit me. Our doc, put into words for the first time, what everyone has been "dancing" around (and described without putting a name to it ) -- that he thinks Ryan has cerebral palsy, and while we won't know for sure until we get all of the testing done, he's 90% sure that's what it is. The mature side of me says, "okay, let's figure it out and move forward." And that's what I told him. I DO need to know what is going on with Monkey, the not knowing is the absolute WORST.

But, every since I got home yesterday, I've been in a funk. And today, every little thing is setting off the waterworks. I wish we were heading to Michigan today -- I need a hug from my parents and the chaos of my family to take my mind off things.

Our appointment isn't until Jan 31, but I just have this sweaty palms, heart racing, can't sleep anxiety about it. The doc said that it's very obvious that Ryan is grossly delayed and grossly low-muscle toned.

I called our PT about it, and she said that she legally couldn't tell me that's what she was thinking, but she was able to discuss it with our orthopedic surgeon and his PA, along with the Ed team that evaluated Ryan for First Steps and they are all on the same page.

If it IS CP, it shouldn't get worse and the brain is so amazing and can heal itself and really a diagnosis would be amazing so that the worry and wonder can calm down and we can move forward with making him better.

If you made it this far through my petty pity party (say that five times fast), thank you for reading...please don't say anything on FB yet...

lemen99 · December 2010

I'm so sorry Marie. It makes me sad to know your family, and Ryan, is going through this.

I hope that once you can meet with some more doctors, and get some definitive answers, you'll feel better once you can move forward with how to help him.

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Maybe you need a girls night out after Christmas...coffee?)

indyamy07 · December 2010

I will be praying for your family. I know how hard it is for all the therapy appointments and how it is so nice to just hear a diagnosis. Hugs!

BrendaK · December 2010

I am so, so sorry that you are going through the pain of not knowing, and the anxiety that comes with a possibly diagnosis.

I think it's totally normal for you to be in a funk right now, and certainly everyone around you should understand that you are dealing with some major anxiety.

You are right - the brain is amazing, and the medical field is also advancing in ways we can only imagine. If he is diagnosed with CP, you will be the best momma you can be and Ryan will still be the happiest little boy in your world.

We are all always here if you need to talk.

(((hugs)))

IndyWife06 · December 2010

oh my gosh, you have every reason to be in a funk. that is some big heavy stuff to absorb and even if your logical self knows that having a diagnosis and moving forward will be good, your heart may take longer to catch up and your head still has to be spinning with all kinds of thoughts. I'll be thinking about you guys and hoping that knowing what you are facing makes it "easier" to get Ryan the help that he needs; sounds like you are on the right track.

we are always here when you need to vent!

J9melissa · December 2010

OH Marie...I'm so sorry hunny!!!

(((HUGS)))

indybride4.8.06 · December 2010

First off - ((((HUGS)))) Second - While you may want to be rational about things and figure it all out - you have every right to want to cry at the drop of a hat. This is a big deal and although there are others dealing with different things, this is a big diagnosis to deal with. Yes - there are big strides being made and therapy can help him a lot, but it's still earth-shattering for you. Finally - I'm so very glad that you may have a diagnosis and can start to put together a plan. I'll be praying for you guys and hoping that you start to see progress with his therapy.

fruitcakes · December 2010

(((((hugs)))))

Lots of thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

MrsRender06 · December 2010

I am so very sorry. ((hugs)) Keeping you all in my prayers.

mrsdrmorgan · December 2010

Oh, Marie - you are NOT being petty here! You have every right to be emotional and anxious about this. I'm sure it's a relief to hear some sort of (even tentative) diagnosis - but I know that it isn't an easy one to deal with. I wish I was closer so I could meet you for lunch or coffee so you could really vent!

T&P for a peaceful holiday for you & your family!

triumphantreturnofplanningbug · December 2010

((((hugs))))

Like others have said, it seems totally natural to be upset, uncertain, and in total need of a hug. You're facing a huge unknown, and a month is a long time to wait for any sort of answer. As trite as it sounds, do try to take care of yourself. Breathe deeply, love on your kiddo, and know that you have an amazing group of supportive women around you here, regardless of the outcome of your next appointment.

(((((more hugs)))))

blondbomber23 · December 2010

I'm sorry you're having to go through this. At least you're getting a diagnosis and can figure out a plan. He's a healthy kiddo otherwise, right? Try to think of the positives

Will definitely keep you in my T&P's.

uofibabe · December 2010

I couldnt even imagine - felt sadness just reading this post. ((hugs))

manda429 · December 2010

(((HUGS))) I agree with PP, you have every right to feel the way you do. Thoughts and prayers and hopefully a quicker diagnosis. Take care.

jac*n*abe · December 2010

Oh, Marie! You have every right to feel the way you do! You know you are a strong, amazing, caring mama and that you will do anything for that precious boy of yours so there is no shame in taking a little time to think about things, feel down, etc. Please keep us updated as you learn more. I hope your time spent up north with your family helps you to feel better.

Your little buddy is so lucky to have you for a mama!

beccabrad · December 2010

You are totally warranted to have those feelings. I'm so sorry. Your in my thoughts as a confirmed diagnosis is made and an action plan is put into place.

iucarrie · December 2010

Like everyone else has said you are not being petty and have every right to be in a funk. I'll be thinking about your family and Ryan and saying lots of prayers. Hang in there and know there are lots of ladies on this board to support you however we can!

kellywolf88 · December 2010

I am sending prayers your way.

Bride7-14-07 · December 2010

I am so sorry Marie! You have every right to feel the way you do. ((HUGS)) I will send my thoughts and prayers your way.

MommaMcG · December 2010

You are such a great mom for being on top of all of this. Please don't beat yourself up for being in a funk--this is a lot to take in. I hope you finally get answers, and then you can move forward with treatment. Hang in there, and try to enjoy the holidays with your beautiful boy!