funeral home charged for cremation!!!

fireflies0306 · December 2010

as if grieving and trying to come up with memorial services for our little boy isn't enough, on top of going back to work and dealing with the fact i have to fight to keep my job if i want to stay in my district. we learned today that the local funeral home, who is friends with my in laws, charged us (well, they paid for it) for the cremation! we were told by the hospital that most funeral homes do this for no charge for a stillborn. on top of it, we want our little Robert to be interred with his grandparents. To have him interred with my grandfather (whose cemetary is 3 hours away in north jersey) would be around $100. For the local family cemetary where my in laws's are all buried told us tonight they will charge us 450, and that's a 210 discount b/c they'll open the grave for us at no cost (after charging us who knows what for the cremation, plus the 450 just for the privledge of having our son's cremains put with his great grandparents? what is up with the cost of this? we wanted him close to us so we can go visit, but this cemetary is making it impossible!!!! all i want to do is plan his memorial and where he is going to be so we can move on and have some closure.

on top of this, tomorrow is my post op visit, and i am so worried about what the dr is going to say--we are hoping he has the autopsy results....

thanks guys....

fireflies0306 · December 2010

fireflies0306:
on top of it, we want our little Robert to be interred with his grandparents.

i meant his great grandparents, our grandparents...

Junebug060609 · December 2010

I'm going to be honest here: I'm not surprised you're being charged for most of what you listed. It would be be nice if they could provide the services for free (particularly the cremation), but they do have businesses to run.

Have you considered not burying the urn? I'm just thinking that if you inter the remains with you/DH when your time comes there wouldn't be an additional cost, plus you'd then have your baby with you regardless of where you may move in the future. The memorial service could then happen when you'd like it rather than at a cemetary's discretion. Just a thought, not sure if its something you'd at all consider.

I hope your appointment goes well tomorrow. Crossing my fingers he'll have the autopsy results and perhaps some answers for you.

fireflies0306 · December 2010

i just wasn't expecting to be charged over $1000 for my little boy's remains, on top of 450 just to open the grave. i'd like to know why funeral homes up north would have done the cremation for nothing (apparently it is common to provide this service for free just b/c of the circumstances and how little stillborns are, especially the 2nd trimester babies). but i think that is a little much-its the same price for an adult cremation burial. the 100 seems completely reasonable. and we have thought about having the urn with us, but honestly i don't think i'll be able to move on if i have to see the urn everyday.

my DH did want a little of the cremains to be put in a little teddy bear...that i understand and am ok with. plus where would we do the memorial service for our local families? we are definitely still putting some of the cremains with my grandfather in north jersey, but i know most of our immediate family won't attend. this is just too many decisions that have been changed that it was hard enough making these decisions the first time....it just sucks upon sucks.

MrsR25 · December 2010

I'm very sorry for your loss, but I don't see how you couldn't see that this would cost money. Funerals and everything that go with them are insanly expensive. Any death/loss is horrible, but they still cost money. It unforunately can't be done for free.

I'm sure whatever you decide to do in the end will be fine. Don't stress yourself out about it anymore. You are still healing. I hope your appointment goes okay and you get some answers.

Shayna0182 · December 2010

When we lost dd at 29 weeks in May, her funeral cost over $2500. That included the cost of the funeral, casket and burial with gravestone. Atleast in Indiana, I've never heard of anything about cremations or funerals being free. I'm sorry for your loss.

Temp774929562501329 · December 2010

so sorry for your loss.

we were charged for the creamation fee and the cost of the urn. what the funeral home provided free of charge were there services- picking up ella from the hospital, dressing her prior to her cremation, driving to/from the crematorium, etc. we chose to keep her urn with us bc we were able to bring her home. i told DH that when i pass, I want her buried with me.

fireflies0306 · December 2010

just to clarify:

the only reason i was surprised that they charged for the cremation was b/c the hospital and funeral home said they weren't going to charge us...so the fact that they did afterwards really sucked. i am completely aware that to inter his cremains into an existing grave, or an infant's grave was going to cost money. what i am perplexed about is why one cemetary is charging us 100 and the other one 5x as much for the same service!

and after looking at prices, i swear all i'm going to be able to afford to be buried in is the cardboard casket we saw in the back of the book!

hmclaughlin10 · December 2010

I am personally shocked that they charged you. I can see being charged for the urn but not for the actual cremation because of how small your baby was. I know around here they will do it all for free, and they have a collection of about 10 urns we can choose from for free. Granted, they do run a business and need to make money, but charging that much just seems wrong. I am so sorry you got hit with this and I hope you can work something out with them. Please let us know how your appointment goes today..I as well have mine and haven't been able to function normal because of how nervous I am for it.

I am sorry for your loss.

DragonflyBelle · December 2010

The funeral home (family friends) we used did not charge us for their services, but the crematorium did charge us $150 for the cremation and standard urn. The niche at the columbarium at my church was $300, but the church took up a collection and gifted us that, which really touched us.

I am told that the cremation cost for an adult is around $400, so $150 seems fair. That being said....none of us should have to know the pain and heartache of knowing these facts and figures but I would have paid $50,000 to ensure my little girl was taken care of as well as she was.

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