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Babies: 6 - 9 Months
My UO opinion regarding extended family rights
I hear all the time people talking about how grandparents should have legal rights to visitation with thier grand kids.
I know I might get flammed, but oh well. This came up between my mother and I in a conversation once. She said she could always force my sister to let her see my neice and nephew.
I just don't think that this is right. Bar child welfare issues. If a child is being well taken care of, but for whatver reason wishes to not have a relationship with extended family members, then it should be their right to do so.
I don't think that grandparents should have the right to go to court and sue for visitations rights.
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Re: My UO opinion regarding extended family rights
I think grandparents should have rights if they have been involved in the grandchild's life before the estrangement, but not if a child cuts the parent out of their life completely before having children (barring any abuse claims, etc..). If the child comes to know the grandparent and cannot see them, it is a tangible loss for the grandchild.
What's the deal with the badge?
I can see your point. The badge is a long story...there is actually a whole post about it a few posts below. Basically, shes rude and said a few way out of line, rude, mean, and tetertottering on cruel things against a few bumpies.
I am so grateful for these rights. My SIL died when her baby was 2 months old and her ex-boyfriend (who until this point didn't show any interest in the baby) showed up at my in-laws house with the police the night she died and demanded the baby. It took almost 3 years for us to get back in her life and that's with these laws in place. All because he didn't like my in-laws. Now she lives with her paternal grandparents and has a loving extended family who can tell her all about her mother.
I know those are extreme circumstances but without the rights who knows what would have happened.
I think this is just a sad situation. I don't know what the answer is, but I do feel lucky that I get along well with both my parents and in-laws (and both sides LOVE seeing Bri).
I worked with a lady who's son had a daughter, but the son didn't have custody of her. The little girl's mother and grandparents on that side rarely let this woman I worked with see the little girl. The few times they saw each other they had a wonderful time and the lady would just beam about her granddaughter for days afterwards. My heart goes out to her though since she probably hasn't seen the kid in several years. For her, I feel like she should have a right to see the grandchild...
i have to disagree.
my brother died (was possibly murdered) in Jamaica where his babymama (as much as i hate that term its quick & easy lol) is from/lives. he was visiting his daughter for her birthday at the time. we had a relationship with the mother & my niece but after my brother died we have ZERO CONTACT (except for the less than occasional picture the babymama will send via email to ONE family member who will in turn share it with us all).
so um...can we get some visitation????
i think that the courts should decide, but there should be some way to at least possibly be able to see the only living link (besides ourselves) that we have to my brother.
That's just wrong!
BTW, my uncle is dealing with something like this with his grandchildren. My cousin passed away of cancer when her children were 9 months and 2 years old. He was very involved in their lives until the new wife came into the picture. She was trying to cut them off completely and wouldn't let anyone discuss their real mother.
not as extreme and uncommon as you think. praise GOD your family was able to make that reconnection with the little one.
this situation is not as uncommon or extreme as you think. praise GOD the laws worked out in the lil one's favor
I guess I wasn't thinking of the more sad circumstances. I'm talking more about my right not to let my mother have anything to do with my children if I choose it. Shes a nutbag and doesn't respect our religious beliefs, but can present normally to others. The few times she has seen my neice she has said things like "your mommy is crazy, don't you listen to her or you'll go to hell" Umm if I were my sister I would bar her access too. If she sued me for visitation and was granted visitation, I would be royally pissed and feel like my rights were stepped on.
In the cases you ladies brought up I think its more complicated and should certainly be looked into and brought up in legal terms. But in general, I don't think a judge she be allowed to give other people rights over my kids.
But what if you've learned to deal with your parent but you really feel that their behavior is unhealthy and detrimental and you don't want your child to have to go through what you went through?
I completely agree with you. When DS was about a year old, H and I almost divorced, and MIL and FIL asked if we would sign a paper saying they could have visitation if we were to split. Um, Hellz no! They also said they would fight for visitation if we denied it. I never planed on keeping their grandchildren from them, but I do not think they should have a legal right to my kids as long as H and I are doing our jobs taking care of them. If H and I were to split, it would be hard enough trying to split visitation up between the two of us, like we really need to throw in another place for him to have to go x amount of days a month. We ended up working out our problems, and are still together, but I still worry about the fight I would have on my hands if anything were to happen between the two of us.
I think the ONLY time the grandparent should have rights to a child is if that parent died. Like if I died I would want my parents to still be able to have a relationship with my child, and if DH died I could understand his parents fighting for rights to see our kids too.
this might be because you don't have my mother.
I'm seeing that now, it's so sad to see other in our position.
As for my mother - she's crazy but I wouldn't keep DD away from her. I we didn't live 2000 miles apart we would visit but I wouldn't leave DD alone with her because I don't trust that she would follow my wishes. Yes I would have to spend more time with my mother than I would like but it would be worth it for DD to have a relationship with her.
Or my MIL/SFIL.
They are drunks who smoke 2 packs a day, use drugs and are very abusive. SFIL pulled guns on DH several times, MIL threw a brick at DH's head when he was in high school and beat him his entire life.
It's not selfish for me to keep my son and future children away from her. It's protecting my child!
They also haven't attempted to see DS - he's 8 months old and MIL just asked FIL (MIL is raising DN and FIL sees her twice a month) if he would show her a picture of him 2 weeks ago. GMIL also told DH that MIL has never even asked her about DS.
While pregnant we considered letting them see DS in our house if they didn't reak of smoke, didn't drink and were respectful to us. But they would never obide by those rules and DS is much better off not ever knowing them.