Lament (long)

Gerts · October 2010

Sorry in advance for the length of this lament. I just have to get it out and feel that I have nowhere left to turn to vent.

Six months ago I was "promoted." No additional pay, but twice the responsibility (they fired someone and let me absorb her job). I am now expected to work 24/7. I mean that literally. I am always on call to the 40 employees I manage. As we speak, I am trying to get through payroll at 7:30 on a Sunday night.

This job is ruining my life. We got pregnant by surprise two months into it. I got really ill and still had to keep going at work. And meanwhile, I have a two year old to raise. It seems that I have lost all my friends since they know I no longer have time for them. My best friend moved away to Italy, but only after she accused me of "no longer being interested in the friendship." My husband is so tired of hearing my complaints that he no longer listens. My parents tell me just to quit, but they are wealthy and have never had to consider making ends meet. And if I do quit, I would have to pull DD out of school, which would be bad for her (she really thrives there). Not to mention that my resume does not have any positions lasting longer than 2 years on it. My career will suffer if I leave now and prove myself a short-timer.

I'm now 20 weeks pregnant. I've been having dizziness, fatigue, nausea, and (just today) some pretty strong Braxton Hicks. I haven't had bloodwork done, but I doubt anything is wrong with my body. I think the stress is just making me physically ill.

Today it came to a head when two of my employees took it upon themselves to complain about me to my management. I know that none of you know me, but I am hard-working, fair, and accessible. And most of all, I have jeapordized my own well being for this job. This is the thanks I get.

I don't know how to go on this way. But I don't know how to leave, either. Quitting a job at 20 weeks pregnant is just not smart. I have appealed to my management. They have made promises they haven't kept about changing my role.

All I know is this: I don't even recognize myself anymore. I look horrible, I feel horrible. I took DD to the park today and was embarrassed to be me in my dirty disheveled clothes and black bags under my eyes.

Please, anyone with advice, I want to hear it. Thank you.

Quesera · October 2010

I am in a similar position in that my job is no longer conducive to my health and well being and that of my pregnancy. Where I differ I suppose is that I am in Canada and there are many options to augment and extend my year of paid maternity leave and from what I understand you get pretty screwed on that front in the states.

I am leaving work in three weeks b/c to me it just isn't worth it and I plan on staying home with LO anyway so the impact on my career is not a huge consideration to me. I'm sorry you're in this position, it might be a sacrifice you have to make for the sake of your family and your marriage b/c it doesn't sound like this is a place you should be pregnant or not.

Jenniferk08 · October 2010

Have you spoken to your human resources department?

Nyki06Wed43530 · October 2010

I have no advice, but I'm sorry that you're going through this. I do know how hard it is to work at a difficult job while not feeling great and it sucks. I hope things turn around for you and I hope the people in your life will appreciate the sacrifices you're making and see that you don't enjoy not having a life.

Penguin81 · October 2010

I'm never fond of saying I'm giving advice because each of lives and our pregnancies are different, but my two-cents would be this parable of sorts.

Imagine you're life as five balls that you must juggle; your health, your job, your family, your friends and your integrity. One day something happens and you drop your job ball, you learn that this ball is made of rubber, a career can bounce back, but your health, your family, your friends and your integrity are made of glass they can be marred, scuffed and ultimately shattered if dropped. We are by no means prefect but it is better to drop a rubber ball than a glass one.

I know that over simplifies things a bit but I hope it illustrates a point your babies and you are more important in the grand scheme of things then any career. I noted a poster asked if human resources has helped any and if they haven't maybe this is not the company for you.

Boy that got a bit long winded lol. All the best you'll be in our prayers

HoolahZinger · October 2010

I have no idea where you are coming rorm financially but is there any way you could take on DH's health plan and peace out of your jon? It doesn't seem worth it to stay there, especially if it is as bad as you say it is in less than 2 years and if it is straining every relationship, your health and potentially the health of your LO. I would imagine in some way that stress is taking a toll on things. It might take some looking over the budget and finding out if things could work but (and this is just me personally) I never see a good enough reason for a job to be the top priority in life. If it's consuming you this much then it might accidentally be the top priority. This is only what I am thinking given the small amount of info you have given so I could be way off. But hang in there no matter what decision you make. Have a serious sit down with your husband and find out what's best, where you can make some serious tweaks and how you can change this situation...because it does need to change. I am so very sorry you're in this predicament. I hope it smooths out very very soon.

katlizabeth · October 2010

It sounds like you're in a really bad situation. Like a pp said, it doesn't make sense to make your job your life. Being in the situation, when you think there is no way out, and you feel like you have to do it, it doesn't sound as easy as it is for us to say it. I really don't know your financial situation, but for your health and happiness, would it be better to quit now, and either: 1. stay at home until baby is born and you look for a new job in your field, or 2. find a job outside of your field asap...even something that is entry level, like a cashier or something would still bring home a paycheck and significantly reduce your stress. I know you love the school your daughter goes to, but it's not worth everything that you're sacrificing for it (I'm assuming money wise).Life really is too precious to spend it miserable. It's too short. (oh, and to repeat pp, talk to your hr...there should be something they can do, but if not, for your health and sanity, it sounds to me like you should get out of this situation.)

cyprissa · October 2010

As I see it you have a few options:

1) stay and continue on the same road you've been on--miserable

2) quit (either staying home or trying to find an new job)

3) make a decision about how much time and energy you are willing to put in at your job and stick to it. For example, decide that you will give them 50 hours a week and will do your best to accomplish the most time sensitive tasks in those 50 hours and then stop...don't stress about what isn't done, don't work anymore hours, don't take work home and stop caring about what they think about you. Just do the job as best you can in that allotted time, document everything and let go of all the stress and worry. And if they fire you, oh well.

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