In the delivery room?

BalancingJane · September 2010

How did you (or how are you planning to) handle determining who's in the delivery room? As of right now, my mother, stepmother, sister, and best friend are all planning to come to the hospital, even though I've told them that I don't want a lot of people in the room. (Of course, my husband will also be there).

I feel like I want my best friend there for the whole thing, especially since I want a natural birth. She is someone who will keep me grounded and be an informed advocate about any suggested procedures or when things don't go as planned.

I don't want to hurt my mom's feelings, but she could hardly handle watching my sister give birth, and she had an epidural and a fairly easy labor.

I'm worried about two things: I don't want anyone in there who isn't going to fully believe that I can do it naturally, because I really think that negative energy has power. Also, I don't want anyone looking at me like I'm on display, which I fear since NO ONE I know has had a natural birth.

fall-love · September 2010

My dearest friend is going to serve as my "doula," she even took classes to be able to support me in that way. She had a natural birth using Bradley with her first son, so she understands and believes in natural birth the way I do. My sister is my best friend and will be in there, as I was when her daughter was born. My mom will be in there just as a quiet source of support so that she can witness the miracle of birth, and hopefully actually get to witness a NATURAL birth. She was wonderful when my niece was born.

My husband, unfortunately, is NOT going to be in there, because we are separated (all his doing, and most likely permanently) and he has been VERY disconnected from me and from this baby. He assumed he would be in the delivery room, but I feel like he'd be a source of negative energy, and not supportive to me, (especially with me having a VBAC - I don't need anything but positivity) only there as a looky-loo, so I told him he wasn't allowed in.

You need to build your birth team of people who will be VERY supportive and able to help and advocate for you.

MissyOlivePants · September 2010

BalancingJane:

I'm worried about two things: I don't want anyone in there who isn't going to fully believe that I can do it naturally, because I really think that negative energy has power.

I was just talking to my LLL leader the other day about this. I really hated the fact my MIL was there while I was in labor with DD. Her negative energy definitely increased my tension... while I totally didn't mind my (male) photographer being there at all.

triumphantreturnofplanningbug · September 2010

We decided based on the following questions:

Were you there at conception?

Are you a trained medical or support professional?

If you answered "no" to both, then our answer to "can I be there?" was/is "nope."

Part of it was that, like you, I don't want anyone who won't be fully supportive--I need to be thinking about birthing, not what others are thinking/doing/feeling/wondering/worrying. So my mom was out, even though we're very close, because she is a champion worrier. MIL and SIL are out because they are bossy and judgmental, and the opposite of helpful. My BFF never asked, so I didn't even have to think about how I'd feel about that.

Have you already asked your mom and sister to be there, and are now changing your mind? Or is it the case that they just assumed they'd be there and you haven't said "no" yet? I'd handle those two situations differently...

jdoman · September 2010

My husband will be there, and if my mom arrives in town in time, she will be there too. I do not think it is out of line at all to only have those in the room who you feel will be a support to you during labor. I've never really understood the "room full of people" approach, though.

Lexs4 · September 2010

The delivery suite at our hospital only allows us two people in our support team so this made the decision easy for us, DH & my SIL who is our doula will be the only ones present. I did not want either my mom or MIL in the delivery room so at least this way & I don't have to hurt anyone's feelings.

rae_dylanzmom · September 2010

Right there with you on wanting supportive people. So far, the most supportive person for me is my SO. So far, he's the only one I've imagined there with us (and our MW). As such, I think I'll adopt this pp decision criteria:

triumphantreturnofplanningbug:
Were you there at conception?
Are you a trained medical or support professional?
If you answered "no" to both, then our answer to "can I be there?" was/is "nope."

Thanks for the idea!

Marinewife81 · September 2010

It's just going to be me and my DH. We even told my parents to stay home (hospital is only 5-10 mins away) and we're going to ask ILs to stay at our house and pet sit while we're at the hospital. It works out because I won't have to worry about what everyone's doing in the waiting room and our house will probably get cleaned from top to bottom while MIL is there.

And everyone's only 5 minutes away if we change our minds. They're all welcome to come up the next day (or whenever we give the green light). The nurses on our hospital tour said they'd be more than happy to lie about how many people can be in the room if that's what makes it easier to keep people out.

momofolivia · September 2010

For DD1, DH and my mom were there. My Dad was in the hospital and there for the early part, but not the actual birth. Something that bothered me immensely was during pushing, the activity level in the room increased significantly. It was like 6 nurses crammed around me. My MW was hopping around taking pictures (which is good, but it was distracting). Too much.

For DD2, it will be my MW, a birthing assistant, my doula, DH and my mom. I'd like my DD1 there, but only if she wants to be there. I am going to stress to my doula that I want things quiet during the pushing part.

I have also told my doula that she needs to keep an eye on my mom (my mom is not a supporter of out-of-hospital birth). If she starts freaking out or getting negative, then give her a job to do or send her out of the room. My mom is a big supporter of me, though, so I don't think it will be a problem. Plus, I hope she is there because I think it will help change her mind about OOH birth.

duncanpowers · September 2010

Only me and DH unless I suddenly lose my mind and ask my closest friend to come in. I was at her birth, and it wouldn't bother me to have her at mine, but I'm not 100% on it. I'm a very private person when it comes to pain and totally the cliche candidate for natural birth with the lights low and in a small room with no people. If I were in a hospital with an epidural, I'd probably not care at all who was there.

CheriCO · September 2010

It was a pretty easy decision for us. All of our family is out of state and I don't have any close girlfriends that I'd want there, so it was just DH. We were only in the hospital a little over 24 hours total, so we didn't have anyone come visit after the delivery either. Even if our family was in town, I wouldn't want anyone at the hospital during L&D - not even in the waiting room. I think I'd feel the weight of them and it would affect me.

SoxChamps · September 2010

If it is going to interfere with your plans, than I would say not to have someone there. I would rather hurt someone's feelings than have negativity there. My mom was hurt last time because I told her not to come. I didn't know how it would feel or how i would act, I didn't want anyone else there. She will be here this time, but I feel like if she is a distraction I will be able to tell her to leave, which I wasn't sure of before. She is also going to be DD's "person", so she also has a job to do.

MaddysMama07 · September 2010

It will be just DH and maybe a doula if I can convince DH. We won't even be calling our parents until right before or right after the baby is born.

I don't want a lot of people in and out of the room while I'm in labor.

JLW10 · September 2010

I could only handle having my DH in the room. My mom, dad and MIL came in but I quickly sent them out. All I wanted to do was focus on my husband. We told them long before to not plan on being in the room with us and that sorry if we hurt their feelings but it was our decision. I have no regrets!

jdouglas84 · September 2010

From the beginning, I told DH that I only wanted him there, so that's what we did. My mom totally flipped and we fought about it a lot when I was pregnant, but she got over it. She's very dramatic and makes everything all about her, so I didn't want to deal with that in the hospital. She was also very against me seeing a midwife instead of an OB, and was totally unsupportive of my choice of not considering pain meds, so I didn't want a "Negative Nancy" in the delivery room with me.

In the end I'm glad it was just me and DH. I feel like if there were more people in the room with us it would have stressed both of us out.

JoelsGirl07 · September 2010

I would just tell them like it is. And if that doesn't work, tell them the hospital limits who is there. And it THAT doesn't work...don't call your mom and sis until the very very end.

Noodle716 · September 2010

For DD's birth it was only me, DH, and our doula... There is NO WAY that MIL would have been invited in and my mom probably would have loved it but she drives me insane sometimes as well. I didn't want to be on display and knew I would feel that way if anyone else was in the room. We also felt strongly that this was the start of our family. I believe birth is a sacred event and I didn't want anything to look back on and regret. However, if my bestfriend were alive I thik I would have had her in the room. I know she would have been a big supporter of our natural birthing decisions. I am the first in the family to have a nautral birth so I didn't get so much support, however since my birth, the family is supporting SIL thankfully (she has decided to birth with MW and is taking bradley). I have 'turned' the family! HA! HA!

Want a personalized experience?

In the delivery room?

Re: In the delivery room?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards