- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
1st Trimester
Are you envious of people that don't work?
Not the unemployed, just got laid off kind...the other kind.
I have several friends that don't work and well, their FB statuses are getting on my nerves. One person who is also due in April like me wrote something this morning like "My wonderful hubby wanted me to stay in bed and rest til 10. Then I am off to the pool and bookstore to get more baby books"
Another friend is at home with her kid and all she does is goes to farmers markets, coffee shops, and she makes friggen jam all day.
Humm...must be nice. I would kill to wake up at 10 and go to the pool, farmers market...or whatever. But nope, I have to get my tired butt out of bed every morning, try to look decent, and go make some money for my company and family all while dealing with crappy coworkers that poke fun at my weight.
The ones that really irk me....are the SAHM spa moms...where they just go to the spa and meet their spa friends for lunch. Ahh..must be nice.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Are you envious of people that don't work?
I you kidding me? I love my job. Even though I love it, doesn't mean that it's easy to do this while pregnant. 8+hrs a day while fatigued all the time does not make working in corporate America easy. And...I am lucky to have a job where I can site a cube. My heart breaks for those pregnant women that are standing all the time like maids, waitresses, cashiers....
I have nothing against SAHM, it's the women I see or my friends who seriously , sit at the pool, spa, make jam..or just do crap that I can only dream of doing if I can find time for an hour on the weekend.
well aren't you a peach.
and a judgy one at that
damn right, sister.. amen!
Wow, bitter much? I'm a military wife and SAHM to 2 boys and just found out my 3rd baby is on the way.
How would you have liked to be in my shoes 1,000 miles away from all family and friends/support with your husband deployed 9 months in total out of the year holding down the fort so to speak while raising our 1st child on my own. Ever think that some people have to stay home for much less glamorous reasons?? I work my behind off from the time I wake up until I go to bed (after everyone else in this house) taking care of my boys and our house and pretty much take care of everything that makes our household run (phone calls, appointments, bills, etc.) To say that SAHM's don't work is just ignorant and wrong. Are there people that are lucky to be so well off financially that they can do things like go to the spa because they can hire a sitter/nanny while they go do things like that? Yes.
But, I think no matter who they are, all moms or dads for that matter whether working or stay at home have good and bad things to deal with and that none of us should feel more or less superior than the other. Being a parent is "work" no matter who you are and all we can all do is do the best that WE can possibly do given our own personal circumstances.
You point out your friend goes to coffee shops and farmers markets, etc. You truly think that's "all she does"? Do you expect SAHM's to literally stay home all day? I do very occasionally take my little one to grab some breakfast together while my oldest is in preschool, or run to a coffee shop, Target, grocery store, go get my haircut, etc. but when we're not doing that I'm running errands, doing laundry, loading the dishwasher, paying bills, cleaning etc. while taking care of our boys at the same time.
I don't get to sit around and relax and live a life of luxury because I don't work outside of the home. I rarely get to see my girlfriends because most of them do work outside of the home so lunches or girls nights out with the girls are once in a blue moon. Not to mention, I think it's great to take your kids out and about town with you to expose them to new people and places and I constantly talk to them about what's around us. My kids are both very social and have very outgoing personalities and we find learning opportunities everywhere we go.
I am extremely glad that I am able to stay home with our kids right now because some of our military benefits make it possible for us to be able to make it work for now, but we have sacrificed many things too.
I'm with you. My SIL is like this, and she drives me crazy! We are always getting into fights about why I'm too tired to hang out with her and her two kids on the weekends. There are times when DH and I feel like we have to justify wanting out weekends to ourselves. The other thing with my SIL is that she was in college until she got pg with her first, and she has never held a full time job. She works random 1 day a week type stuff. It just makes me crazy when I have to explain why my house is a mess, why I am tired all the time, and why I don't feel like hanging out with her. I wish I didn't have to work, but I know its necessary.
I wouldn't say I'm envious of people that don't work, but I do wish I could have a few days to just sleep in and not have to pretend I'm not about to toss my cookies at my desk. I commute to NYC for work (about and hour and a half each way) and that is not fun when you have m/s.
I don't think you are really describing SAHM's, more of just pampered women who probably never had to work berfore. SAHM's work just as hard as working moms. But I see what you are trynig to say.
argh, you all are taking this way out of proportion and not reading my original post.
whatev.
Thank you. That was exactly what I was saying. If I seriously see one more FB update where my friend is at the pool or getting a mani/ped again..I will scream.
Are you serious with this post?? DO you seriously think a SAHM only does fun activities during the day? Unless the person has a nanny, she takes care of her child all day, and believe me that is a lot more tiring than sitting in a cube all day!
I am sure that mom just posts about the fun stuff she does and not about all of the work that goes in to being a SAHM because really who wants to hear about changing poopy diapers, temper tantrums and doing dishes posts?. I worked during my 1st pregnancy and I will tell you that being pg while having a LO is much harder than sitting in a cube all day.
Oh, and real SAHM do not get to sleep in till 10am!
When I was working full time, I could relate to this feeling. But I think part of it could be the "grass is always greener" syndrome. Now that I am a SAHM (which I do consider to be work) keeping up with my toddler, I often idealize those moms who work outside the home, even part time. Sometimes it's easier to look around for a lifestyle to envy or resent, rather than find contentment with where we are in our season of life. All moms, whether stay at home or work outside of the home, have challenges.
Most moms who stay at home aren't going to the spa and making jam all day--which I'm sure you know.
I totally agree with you OP. While I'm glad I work, it doesn't make it less annoying to hear about my friends "super busy" day that included a walk to the grocery store, baby story time and back home.
My day included horrible morning sickness and extreme exhaustion while getting up at 5:30 to catch an airplane to give two big presentations and then a late flight back home.
We try and plan lunches, but she thinks her schedule is busier than mine. She has a baby tumbling class in the morning and the whole day is shot.
I'd rather be at home with my toddler as the only witness as I blow chunks in my own toilet than in a classroom full of high schoolers without time to make it to the restroom. Just saying.
I have to work because my husband is a student and we couldn't make it unless I keep my job. But, even given the choice, I imagine I'd choose to work because I like the adult conversation and stimulation of working. I about drove myself crazy in my old job (which was a "sit on your butt in a cube all day" job). I think SAHMs have their own set of challenges, just as working moms do, and no one should claim their job is harder...they're all just a choice we make.
Also, SAHMs who claim that their job is harder because they have to do "everything" to make the house run do make me nuts because I have to do that all to - AFTER i work 10 hours. I still do my dishes, laundry, clean, pay bills, make appointments, etc.
SarahSueBob,
I don't want to freak you out, but my best friend is also a school teacher and well.......her water broke in front of her classroom. I cannot imagine the horror she must have felt. Her students were in 4th and 5th grade and had a learning disability, so i am not sure what they thought of that.
Kudos to teachers! How are you able to concentrate all the time with the pregnancy brain? I find myself getting up to get something but forget what it is that I was getting.
I agree with this, completely.
If you get a sense of purpose and accomplishment from working outside of the home, just wait until you are ever a SAHM. It is the most gratifying, yet difficult job on the planet.. and you will never feel a greater sense of accomplishment from watching your children grow.
I cannot imagine the last 4 years of not being home with my children and having to miss everything that they do during those 10 hours a day when I'd be at work. I know that if I never knew any different, then I wouldn't know what I was missing, but I really feel for the moms that have to work in an office and drop off their kids in someone else's care all day. That's gotta be difficult, no matter if they choose to or have to.
I think either way you look at it, moms have a rough job, working outside of the home or not. and, the grass is always greener.
and, it's not just boring when they get into school, it can be VERY lonely and boring during the day when they are home as well..even if there are a million things you are doing at the same time.. gotta be a fantastic multi-tasker to stay sane.
I had absolutely no idea how hard it would be and every SAHM I speak with echos the exact same thing.
Sorry, kind of went off there.. I'm done now
Jam making is very stressful. You try explaining to DH that 10 pounds of strawberries had to be thrown out because the elderly neighbor called, wouldn't get off the phone, and the jam got burned.
I don't work because I don't want to. I'm miserable when working outside the home so I stay home, bake bread, make jam, go to farmers markets, butcher chickens and ducks and turkeys and groom my rabbits.
I make money selling eggs, bunnies and ducks(alive) as well as chicken, turkey and duck(processed), selling knitted garments and yarn, selling baked goods and canned jams and salsa (produce is either from my garden of the FM) and also taking on a few custom corsets and costumes over the course of the year.
Yes I am a SAHW, but I work my butt off everyday juggling school, projects, the house and the animals. Granted I'm nothing close to what you described but I don't think a lot of SAHM are.
I'm jealous of anyone that can sleep until 10, hang by the pool, and make jam all day.
I just don't know many people that do that. Most the people I know either work or have children.
I'm envious of people who don't work full time at a job that they hate, because I do. That was my choice, I should have married for money instead of love. (Kidding... mostly)
I'm envious of people who don't have to go to school full time for 8 years to do what they love (hopefully, someday, eventually), because I do. But that's all my choice.
I'm jealous of people who don't do both full time and have the stress of a pregnancy, but again- all my choice.
Ditto. And if I do take DD to the farmer's market or coffee shop, trust me that it's not relaxing. I can't figure out if you're a martyr, jealous, on a high horse...
I find being a SAHM and pregnant more difficult than I found working and being pregnant. No matter how busy your job is, there isn't someone needing you every moment of every day- and when my DD doesn't need me because she's napping (like right now) I'm paying bills, cleaning the house and prepping for the next segment in our day. Oh, and if you've ever had to take a toddler to a bookstore or a pool you'll quickly find that there are days that it qualifies as real work!
I get my tired butt out of bed every morning. I try to look decent every day because I'm constantly out of the house getting groceries, taking her to classes, etc. I have not been to the spa since DD was born and the most exciting lunch I've had in a long time was meeting a friend at McDs and letting the kids loose in the playroom.
I'm envious of people who are naieve and think that taking care of children all day is a cakewalk! I'm envious of people who get monetary value for their hard work when I don't. I'm envious of sick days and weekends and holidays and time away from my place of business. But that's where it stops. I have a great job- one where my hard work is reflected in what an amazing kid I have.
Cut SAHMs some slack- when you're working 24 hours a day 7 days a week without a break, if you can get a trip to the spa in you damn well take it!
Wow. I try to stay out of the working mom/SAHM debate... but this is way more offensive to working moms than the OP was to SAHM (especially because I don't think the OP wasn't referring to ALL SAHMs, just her friends, who by my assessment must have nannies watching their kids if they can sleep until 10 and hang by the pool).
I've been a mom for a few days short of 16 months now. I have yet to have a day where I sat on my butt at my desk or got to head straight for bed when I got home from work. Nope, I get home, make dinner, play with my son, give him a bath, get him into bed THEN I have to do all those "other" things (laundry, dishes, cleaning) that I couldn't do during the day because I was working!
Ya, staying at home with your kid can be exhausting, but don't act like I get a "break" because I go to work.
This is what I was thinking.
I didn't work while I was pregnant with our first. I had days where I slept in, but for the most part I took care of DH while he was going through chemo. Not exactly the down time I would have preferred.
(m/c 1.17.07, m/c 5.15.07)
DS - 03.15.08
DD2 - 12.03.09
DD3 - 3.28.11
I try to avoid comparing myself to others in any situation.
Who cares what other women do? I dislike your implying that a stay-at-home mom doesn't work. I also think as long as they are happy, who cares? Unless I'm supporting them with my tax dollars, I tend to simply not care.
I love my job - it's very fulfilling and I enjoy what I do. I wouldn't even like sleeping until 10 every day.
My Ovulation Chart
I heard a rumor that there is a European country where stay at home mom's make 6 figures. I'm thinking of moving to wherever that is! Not that you can put a price on what staying at home is worth, but it's gotta be at least that!!
Also, your job does have a monetary value if you look at it as a penny saved is a penny earned. Total up daycare costs and any other costs that would have to be spent if you were working in an office and that amount could be what you "make" per month. I don't know - I guess it's a way to look at it if you have to.
I hear ya on the not having sick days and being at work 24/7. Luckily, I have a DH that understands this view and gives me as many breaks as humanly possible (if I'm ever at an emotional breaking point, he will take a day off of work at the drop of a hat.. so those are my "sick days") He tells me almost everyday that he doesn't know how I do it and that it's amazing what I do with the kids and house, everyday.
you can see I'm very passionate about this subject!!
longing for MY old days when I didn't have children to come home to. Not working mom's days. The only thing I long for that working mom's have "going for them" in my opinion, is the quiet commute. No babies screaming in the background.
In that case, I apologize for the misunderstanding. And I'll admit that the quiet commute can be a perk. It's one of the few times I do have to myself. Although lately the new LO has seen fit to make me gag and dry-heave the second I get into the car in the afternoons but that has nothing to do with working or SAH!
ya, it's ok, I was just daydreaming about my past, really. I do think working moms have got it rough - having to be sick in the car or at work while pregnant - not fun. Also, having to deal with all of the bills, cleaning, cooking, children's bed time routines, etc.. when they get home.. also rushing out of the house every morning having to be somewhere on time, can't be easy.
I've always thought that both working and stay at home moms have it rough, it's just in different ways. I "feel" for working moms way more than I feel for myself, that's for sure. Although, my friend, who's a working mom knows never to complain about her commute to me! lol and my DH never complains about it to me either! haha. I'm sure about a month into being back at work, I'll be complaining about the commute again though.
Here's my typical day:
I wake up around 9:30, sometimes 10:30. I am fed breakfast in bed by our housekeeper. The nanny has already had the children up, fed, and dressed. They've had several educational activities and then they are brought into me, scrubbed and neat. I give them kisses and tell them to enjoy their day.
Then I either go for my pedicure, facial, massage, manicure, or haircut ... it's so complicated to keep these appointments separate! If I'm feeling up to it, I'll do some shopping afterward ... usually at Nordy's or Saks'. It's so tedious to carry the black AMEX around, so I generally just pay cash. I like to keep $1,000 on me at all times.
In the afternoon, I sit out by the pool and read a book. Or I blog from my iPad. Or play angry birds on my iPhone. After chef serves dinner for my family, I read one story to the children before Nanny puts them to bed. I then get to finally RELAX after a long, stressful day with bon bons and a cucumber mask. Sometimes, I let my husband have sex with me. I fall asleep and sleep through the night.
My life is so full and busy, I don't know how I make time for anything, I swear!