- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Multiples
Pregnant, and shocked/struggling - long
Feels kind of weird opening up about this, since I'm not ready to tell anyone IRL yet... but here it goes.
Last week while on "vacation" I realized my period wasn't really showing up (just spotting) and one morning I felt a serious wave of nausea. POAS, and the pg line came up right away.
Tonight I went to my OB/Peri and saw the RN and had the official confirmation - u/s that showed a little hb. I'm 7wks, but will get the better u/s machine tomorrow with the OB.
Before our twins we tried for 2yrs to get pg, and had to do 2 fresh cycles of IVF. My tubes were blocked, so my OB said not to worry about birth control after the girls... that I had about as much chance of getting pg, as if I were on the BC pill. Um, I guess not!
There are so many things I am worried and stressed about. I had a horrible pregnancy, was in bed for 20wks. Horrible recovery.
We are still living in a 2nd floor condo, with garage NOT attached. I have to lug a stroller up and down, and then the girls, etc. How can I do that as I get big??? Just doesn't seem safe. We had a good buyer for our condo, and just last week while we were away the husband lost his job and now they don't qualify for their loan.
I am so in love with my baby girls, and feel like I just want to be with/take care of them, not some "other" baby. Isn't that awful?
And, I'm just getting my body back, not that I've lost all the pg weight, but have started feeling like myself and have even bought clothes (what a waste!). Have been working on the balance of babies and marriage - no small thing.
I guess it feels like everything is going to go to h*ll in a handbasket.
There are several on this board with a singleton and then twins. Any with the reverse? I could really use some advice. Thanks.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Pregnant, and shocked/struggling - long
First, CONGRATS! OMG!
Second, give yourself some time to let this shocking news settle in. I am sure I would have the same emotions and feelings as you. I wish I had better/more advice, but I will give you a big hug instead.
After 2 rounds of IVF & 2 rounds of FET, we were blessed with identical twin girls!
It is completely natural to feel the way you're describing. Just remember you have a while to get used to the idea of being pregnant, and your girls will be much older and more independent by the time the baby comes. I know it's not ideal, but if you're still in your condo by then, your girls will be able to navigate the stairs better on their own, etc.
And, one baby will seem like a breeze compared to twins!!!
. Take care of yourself! Take naps when the girls nap, and enjoy a (hopefully!) easier pregnancy.
Mom to Megan(5), Bridget(4), Tessa and Annie (2) and Mary (brand new)
I know how you feel - only backwards. My DH and I were done after our fourth so he got a vasectomy when our youngest was 6 weeks. I was nursing, he weaned himself at 8 months, I had one period, and then we found out that we were pregnant and it was twins.
I had been trying to get back in shape, had bought a treadmill and was using it faithfully, eating well and had lost almost ten pounds and then got the shock of a lifetime. I was so upset. We were supposed to renew our vows in Hawaii in January 2011 and I wanted to get down to a size 8 before we went. Now we don't get to go. We get to spend our Hawaii money on a vehicle that will fit all 8 of us.
Anyway, I was struggling with this pregnancy up until about a month ago. I feel like God gave us these babies and I need to be thankful and not take this for granted because they are healthy and obviously meant to be in our family.
You are entitled to feel however you are feeling. Your feelings won't last forever. It's stressful to have small children so close together. I'll be praying for you and hope that you will just breathe and try not to stress out. It's not going to change anything and you are just going to wear yourself out. Take care of yourself, make sure you take a break during the day and take time for you.
Congratulations Momma!
I don't have any advice, but I wanted to say two things:
#1 - I would feel the EXACT same way. We don't intend to have any more children, and if I found out I was pregnant again, well...I think I would write much the same thing that you did. (((hugs)))
#2 - Congratulations!!!
I totally agree with Kim - Congrats! I also agree that I think the news needs to settle in and I am glad you have a place to "talk" about it first before you got out in the real world.
My boys are close in age to your girls and I would 100% be feeling the same way you are if I found out I was pregnant. I hope some girls with words of wisdom will chime in and tell you everything is going to be ok and this is a blessing in disguise. But even though I don't have any experience I think it is.
You are a great mom to your girls and you have a lot more love to give. And if you and you husband survived all that you have been through then you can take on anything. Keep us posted!
((HUGS))
I won't say congratulations yet, as my guess is that you aren't quite ready to call it that. When we found out we were having twins, I burst into tears. They weren't happy tears. I cried for a long time. I wasn't thrilled through most of my pregnancy, and was only starting to warm up to the idea when they were born. I guess the short story is that I've felt the "oh, sh!t," the "what the helll are we going to do," the "so much for plans" feelings.
I wasn't on the board for your pg, or birth story I think. Try to remember that every pg is different, and sometimes vastly so. Depending on what your issues were that led to BR, they may be able to take action early and prevent some of the issues from recurring. Same for delivery.
Are you in garden style condos, or closed entryway? If closed, can you leave the stroller by the main entrance so that you don't have to carry it up and down? What about leaving it in the trunk of the car?
It is totally normal to not want to share your time, attention, affection, etc with some other baby. I absolutely felt that way about giving up my alone time with DD1. I try to see it as giving her one of the best gifts I possibly can - siblings. Long after I'm gone, they'll have each other. They are the only ones who will ever know each other's histories and pasts without having to explain it. It's good. But it's normal, too.
In my experience, the balance between babies and marriage took a much harder hit after DD1 was born. We weren't shaken nearly as much this time around - it's been a much easier adjustment as a couple. We already know what to expect from each other, what some of our partner's lines in the sand are, etc. That change hasn't been nearly as hard this time.
Unfortunately, I can't speak much to the body aspect of it. I didn't work very hard between DD1 and the twins, because I knew we were going to get pg again. I didn't want to work my butt off (literally and figuratively) only to have to do it again. Lazy? Yep. Is my self-image paying for it now? Yep.
My only advice is to take a deep breath and try not to get worked into a tizzy yet. Let it sink in a bit, and then start making plans. After I dried my tears, I still wasn't happy (I only ever wanted 2 kids). But, I knew that we needed 1) a new car, and 2) new day care. I set my sights there, and accomplished those tasks. After that, I could focus a little more on the rest of it. It didn't seem so scary then.
Congratulations!!
I think that those feelings are completely normal when something totally unexpected like this happens. I know if I were in your shoes, I would be having the same thoughts as well. Someone else said it, but the girls will be older and more independent and be able to navigate the stairs better. I don't have any experience with twins+1, but we are here for you!
Congrats and I think I'd feel exactly the way you do.
I have no advice but lots of huge hugs.
OMG! Congratulations! I can imagine how shocked you are feeling right now (we go back and forth about trying for a third with a lot of the same concerns)...I can kind of relate to worrying about not having hte same time with your two adorable litlte girls when adding a third...fwiw I think all parents feel a little of that wehn they have another child (I know my bff was telling me she felt that way when she was pregnant with their second) but just imagine how cute V & A will be with a litlte brother or sister!
As for the logistics - you will figure it out...as you get big I am sure the girls will be walking more...you'll probably be able to leave teh stroller in your garage and walk them up to your condo...but then you might find a buyer and move before then... A singleton pregnancy will hopefully be a little easier on your body than a twin pregnancy...so maybe you will be able to enjoy it more...
Just give yourself some time to get used to the idea...I am sure everything will work itself out...it always does...
Congratulations!! Just like we tell the newbie twin moms on here... relax. Let the shock wear off. That is huge news and completely normal to feel a range of emotions! Just think, your girls will get to be big sisters : ) They are going to have a blast with a new baby to help take care of! And now that you and your hubby have the twin thing down, you'll be fine adjusting to another baby. It doesn't take nearly the same toll on your marriage as the first baby(ies). I know right now you feel like this is a completely unplanned change in your future, but I'm sure you'll start getting excited soon for a new beautiful blessing on the way : )
congrats! you will make it work.
there are plenty with twins + baby... it's not easy, but doable- just like 1+ twins.
remember your girls will be older when the baby is born- lots will have changed...
the 2nd floor issue is a big one - i would certainly be trying to move - even with just the twins- i can't imagine dealing with that every day.... but as for the love and taking care of another baby- that is no problem- it will all feel great - you will have enough love and attention for them all - and be so happy to watch your girls interact with their baby brother or sister. I LOVE watching my kids interact - melts my heart.... and there's just so much love going around in our home.
every pg is different... mine was reverse- my singleton pg was horrible, and my twin pg was a breeze... you never know.... and a singleton SHOULD be easier- so try to stay positive.
that is wrong that your doc said not to worry about BC --- having babies changes our bodies - there are a TON of moms on the SAIF board who got pg soon after giving birth b/c of it. No RE should EVER say that BC is not necessary... So- this happened for a reason- you'll find the good in it soon!
I promise you I would feel the exact same way! My period was late this last cycle and I nearly died! But, really given your circumstances, this seems like a miracle/blessing. I'm sure as time goes by you'll get it all figured out.
I would certainly be looking to move as well- that's way too much of a hassle!
I know FemmeFatale (she's on 3-6often) is pregnant and has 5 month old twins...
huge hugs, mama! i obviously don't have any advice for you, but give yourself time to get used to the idea.
and you're giving your girls the best gift ever...a baby brother or sister!
How to tell my boys apart
The different types of twins and triplets
Jack, Sydney and Carynne, Annaleigh, JW, Eden...forever in our hearts.
My blog * We made the national news!
This exactly! Hang in there, take some deep breaths, and I'm sure that things will start to fall into place. I think what you are feeling right now is completely normal.
Wow, congrats to you! I can tell you that if I were in your situation, I would feel the same way. I love the time that I have with my boys, and right now I don't want to have to give my time/attention to another baby, so I totally understand where you are coming from.
Hopefully you will be able to find a buyer before too long. Is finding renters an option? I wish I had some advice for you. Just know we're all here for you to offer lots of support! **HUGS**
i was wondering where your precious girls have been. first off, *hugs* because i am sure its shocking. but i'll also say congragulations because that "some other baby" will become your other baby and you will love that baby so much.
i'm sorry you are struggling though.
First off, happy, healthy and easy 9 months to you!
The only perspective I can give is that 20 years down the road, you will be so happy your girls have a sibling so close in age. I am 19 months older than my twin sisters, and it is so wonderful having not one, but two siblings so close in age. We all got married within a year and a half of each other, and now my sister is pregnant and due in January, so my girls will have a cousin to play with. I know it seems so overwhelming right now. Heck, I know I would be feeling the same way if I got pregnant before the girls were three (when we plan on trying again). It is do-able. My sisters and I shared a bedroom until I was probably 7-8. We lived in a small house, no garage, etc. You will look back 5 years from now and couldn't imagine your life without your three kids. Good luck and keep us posted!
Thank you all for your support and encouragement and kind words. It's nice to have someplace to go right now, as I think I'll encounter some annoying and negative comments from friends and family IRL. Also, all your responses are helping me accept this is happening.
If we can sell the condo (renting doesn't make $$ sense for us) that would alleviate alot of my concern. Do almost-2yr olds really walk down concrete stairs by themselves?? I have trouble with those stairs - lol. We could really use a 3br now.
Having a "normal" pg is another big wish. I just don't want to put my DH and LOs (or myself) through bedrest. Also, my boss generously paid me full wages the entire time I was on bedrest last pg. I think she's going to be unhappy I'm pg and expect the worst. Oh well - I'm optomistic that a singleton pg could be much easier.
And, it better be a girl!! Good lord, do I have girl clothes!
DH and I have said many times how easy one baby would be! Of course we'll still have twin toddlers. But having that early experience with 2 will absolutely make one baby more manageable. Luckily DH is very able with the girls. Last night he even did baths with them while I was at the Dr's office. Hope we can pull this off
I am not in the same situation but I wanted to say congrats and I often think OMG, what would we do if we accidently got pregnant again?!?!?
I wish you luck and hope that this pregnancy goes much easier for you & that you have a healthy and happy pregnancy & hope that everything works out for your family.
I could have written SoldiersGreen Bean's answer word for word. When I found out I was pregnant with the twins, my DS#1 was only 6 months old! I was in complete denial, shock, upset... you name it. To be honest, I still find it hard to believe that we now have twins. Don't get me wrong, I love them dearly, but the stress of raising 3 kids is overwhelming, especially since I've been out of work for months and we aren't that rich to begin with. I grew up an only child and hated it. I'm grateful that my DS#1 will have brothers, but I am also incredibly scared that I won't be the best mother that I can be to ALL my 3 boys. I keep telling myself that God won't give you more than you can handle and for now, that is getting me throught it. I hope the feeling is still the same in 6 months. Good luck to you and keep your chin up. Things have a way of working out ... one day at a time.
Congrats! I know you're having a hard time right now but you'll be excited soon enough. I think most of what you're feeling is related to the pregnancy hormones.
In my experience, I've learned that everything has a way of working out even if it's not the way you plan for it.
As you get further into this pregnancy, you'll be so in love that you won't even think twice about having another one.
Hang in there. It will get better. It's still new and hasn't really sunk in yet.
You've got us to vent and share your frustrations with.
My twins will be 2 on November 1st and they do walk down concrete stairs holding my hand. Just take it one day at a time and you will be ok.
By the time your baby is born the girls will be 2 right? I find now that my twins are two they are so easy to go places with. They climb in the van and if i try to put them in they get mad. They put themself in the car seats, all i have to do is buckle them. They do the stairs themselves too.
Thanks for your experience! Mine will be 23mos if all goes well. I personally always hold the railing - I guess the stairs are a little steep. Right now it is impossible to imagine my girls navigating those stairs, but I'll keep yours in mind. But before the baby comes, I'm thinking of when the girls can't walk down and I'm huge and trying to take them down one by one. We really need to move.
I want to say that I know exactly how you feel. I am pregnant again and my twins are only 6 months old. There's a lot of emotions going through me right now. It took me a week to even open up and tell anyone I was pregnant. I've been living in denial for a while and only recently, have I come to accept the fact that I am pregnant again! I'm terrified of another pregnancy (I almost died with Ella and Luke) and I'm sad that I won't get to enjoy their first year and first birthday as much as I wanted. I'll be 38 weeks pregnant (who knows if I WILL make it that far?) on their birthday! I do want to offer encouragement because my OB has reassured me that every precautionary measure will be taken to ensure this pregnancy is successful and much easier than the last one!
If you want to talk about it, PM me. I am right there where you are but I've had a few weeks to digest it.
YOU CAN DO IT! Shoot, anyone who can do twins/multiples can easily handle one more.
We struggled w/ IF and did IVF to conceive the boys. We were unexplained but really thought that after 2.5 yrs of IF, we couldn't conceive on our own AND THEN...I got pg - right after the boys 1st bday.
Tessa is 7 mos old and the most wonderful addition to our family. We too needed to move...oh...I'm going to pm you...we have lots in common.
i had the same fears! like i said it will be fine. just take it one day at a time.
Congratulations!! I would definitely have the exact same feelings. I also had a horrible pregnancy (15 weeks bed rest...10 in the hospital). My biggest fear is having a similar experience in the future. I hope that w/each passing day your "anxiety" (for lack of a better word) turns into excitement. I'm sure it will take some time but that's what the 9 months are for ;-)
Hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy!!
Aw, I know how you feel. I got pregnant 4 months after our twins were born . And we did IVF, too.
The only thing I can say is now I can't imagine it any other way. It's incredibly hard at times, crazy, but so, so worth it. I cried when I found out, and had the same feelings-felt like I was cheating my twins out of attention, etc. I really feel it will be a matter of time before you get used to the idea, and are excited about this new baby. Best of luck to you!