I have a question for all of you, my DH is adamant that he is the only one allowed in the delivery room when it comes time for me to push. What do you ladies think? Is that fair? Should he get to dictate who is in there? Has anyone else had this discussion or one similar? What are your opinions? TIA!!!
Re: Speaking of who should/nt be in the delivery room...
I still think that you are the patient and the one giving birth so you are the one who decides is in the room. If having your mom there is comforting to you, then so be it.
Now if your mom is outright rude and disrespectful to your DH then I Ican see where he is coming from.
I believe it's your ladybits, your decision.
I had my mom and DH during labor. Thankful that my mom was there since it lasted 31 hours and DH went home for 7 hours the 2nd day.
However, I always knew that when it caming pushing and actual delivery, I just wanted it to be me and him. (didn't matter, ended with a csecetion so he was the only one allowed anyway)
TTC#1 Chart
TTC#2 Chart
IUI #1 - #4 (repronex trigger) = BFN
IUI#5 on 10/28/2008 ** BFP 11/10/08 ** EDD 07/21/09 *** It's a GIRL (07/14/09)
med/treatment free BFP 06/28/10. EDD 03/05/11 *** GIRL #2 (02/23/11)
beta#1 @ 17dpo = 1296 .... beta#2 @ 19dpo = 3034
it's the Bug and Baby Belle!
DH has left the decision up to me. I do not want anyone other than DH at the hospital. Period. He is to call NO ONE when I go into labor. He can only call after the baby is born.
Hmm then I think he needs to understand that you are the one in extreme pain and scared out of your mind and if having your mom there is comforting to YOU and will make YOUR birth experince more pleasant than he needs to consider that. It's not all about him either.
TTC#1 Chart
TTC#2 Chart
IUI #1 - #4 (repronex trigger) = BFN
IUI#5 on 10/28/2008 ** BFP 11/10/08 ** EDD 07/21/09 *** It's a GIRL (07/14/09)
med/treatment free BFP 06/28/10. EDD 03/05/11 *** GIRL #2 (02/23/11)
beta#1 @ 17dpo = 1296 .... beta#2 @ 19dpo = 3034
it's the Bug and Baby Belle!
It's no use fighting with him about it, it doesn't matter what I want, he cares about what I think and what I want, but I don't know why I would bother to tell him because it's not like it would change anything, he will still say no absolutely not to having anyone other than the two of us in there.
I just think that it's weird to have everyone in the room..sisters, cousins, friends, moms... IMHO...too many cooks in the kitchen.
Giving birth is a personal thing that my husband and I will share..and I would like to keep it that way.
Really? Wow.
It is YOUR body. It may be his child but it is also YOUR child. You have just as much right and more to make this decision. I am kind of thinking your DH is being a jerk right now.
I lost my angels 07/2010, 04/2017, 10/2017
Meimsx no more
I never thought of posing this to him...doubt it would change his mind, but it is something for him to chew on. Thanks.
A vaginal birth isn't an option for me so having my mom in the operating room isn't going to happen. However, if she could be there, I would want her there for that very reason you highlighted. Plus, my husband would be more than happy to do that for me considering I am the one having major surgery. Honestly, when he left to be with DD I did wish there was someone there next to me besides the anethesiologist.
This!! A million times this!! Honestly all of this but mostly the bold. Well said.
I lost my angels 07/2010, 04/2017, 10/2017
Meimsx no more
DH wanted to be just us in the delivery room. I really wanted my mom and my MIL was really pushing to be in there too (she wanted to video tape everything...ya right!)
DH said a comment I that was really profound "No one was there watching when we made the baby why is it okay they are there for the delivery of the baby"
It really is a magical and sacred time. I thought I would miss my moms great support, but I didn't. DH isn't an emotional person and not a "you can do it" kind of person in nature so I had my concerns. My mom was there when I had contractions (everyone was allowed in the room at that point) and she really helped me get past the pain, but once I got an epi and it was time to push every one left and really I didn't "need" anyone.
Also DH became really supportive, emotional and encouraging. He was amazed what the human body is capable of doing and was really there for me. If my mom or someone else was present I don't think he would be able to show that side of himself so easily. I have no regrets!
ETA: DH also would tell me that by having my mom there for emotional support I am not giving him the opportunity to be in a role he should be in as a husband. I am already choosing my mom over him and pushing him aside. I agreed and told him that when I start pushing and feel I need my mom (after he has had an opportunity to be supportive) then that is my choice and a nurse would go get my mom. I found that I didn't need my mom and he was very supportive.
When I was pregnant, DH had told me that he only wanted it to be him, me, nurses, doctors in room. No moms or other family members. I had told him that if I felt like my mom needed to be there, that I would have her in the room. My mom is an RN so I felt like if I needed her support that I would ask her to be in the room.
I was induced so while I was laboring, etc, my mom was in the room ALL day. His mom was in there for a little while in the am, but once I started getting heavy contrax she left. Right before I started to push, I had some family and close friends in the room just saying hi, good luck, etc. Once it was time to push, EVERYONE left the room except for the three nurses, dh, and my ob. I was very glad with my decision. Our families were very involved in the whole pregnancy, so it was nice to have just dh and medical staff in room. It was also good because there was meconium in the fluid so we had to have two extra nurses in the room. Once my DD was born, they took her over to the side of the room to clean her out and make sure her lungs were clear. If other family was in the room, I know it would have been very stressful.
When I get pregnant with another one, I am SURE we will do the same thing. You have to remember, it is a very special moment, and you may not want a lot of people in the room. Family can spend as much time with you and baby after but it was nice to have that ALONE time with DH. I know my mom's feelings were hurt but she got over it and had to respect my decision.
I lost my angels 07/2010, 04/2017, 10/2017
Meimsx no more
I think you can override him, because you are the one pushing a baby out of your vag.
But since he seems passionate about this, don't go nuts and have your whole family in there with you. I personally don't want anyone but DH at my side, but if you do, I'd say have the one person closest to you that you want in addition to DH and call it a compromise. And ask this person to skedaddle once baby comes so that you, DH and baby can have some bonding time as a new family.
This is exactly what I told DH - no one even gets a call until after the baby is born. He's convinced that if he called his mom and sister during labor, they wouldn't come until the next day. I think he's dellusional.
That's just not fair. You are the one giving birth. If are you nervous and worried and think having your mother there will help you, then I think that is your right. This is our first baby and I am terrified of labor and childbirth at this point. I know I'll be fine, and DH will be wonderful, but as someone who has never and will never go through it, I think he'll have limitation. I don't want a whole gaggle of people there, but I will feel infinitely more comfortable having my mom there to help me through it.
Also, I'm pretty sure as the patient, you get the say as to who is and isn't allowed in the room with you.
I do and he even said I did, but if I decided to have my mom in there with me then I would have a huge fight on my hands. I definitely don't want to fight right before I'm supposed to give birth, but I also feel like I don't have a decision. He says I have a decision but feels more like an ultimatum to me.
If it's that important to him, I'd go with it. I had my sister in there while I was laboring and pushing and we were both ok with that, but if he had said "only us", I would have gone with that.
I am also adamant that no one but my DH and the required medical professionals be allowed in the room. I personally think it's weird when people have their whole family in there. Just my opinion.
But I do think it's a decision you and your DH need to agree on together.
1. I think you can override him, if you want to.
2. I think you should really think about how special this moment will be for you and DH, and why from his perspective, he really wants to share that with just you.
3. Quit talking about this right now because you guys don't seem to be conversing, but instead are fighting. There's no need to fight about the birth of your child right now. You have 30 weeks to make a final determination about who will be in the room with you. Who knows? You may find that although you want your mom now, by the time delivery comes, you really just want DH with you. That's our story.
I get a say in that...I think...we've never discussed it, we have discussed that he is dead set against a c-section unless me or the baby are in a life or death situation. Not that I want an elective c-section but if I did I don't get a choice with that. If he were to say that he doesn't want me to have meds then I would kick him out of the delivery room or talk to the dr myself...that is something that he has no say so in as far as I'm concerned.