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January 2011 Moms
A friend suggested but didn't offer...
for me to have a shower as well as a meet the baby party. My knee jerk reaction is that this is tacky- I've never seen anyone have a shower AFTER the baby is born.
A little background: We are in SC, my fam is in IN, DH's fam is in MD and we won't be in either state before baby is born except for the weekend of BIL's wedding- which I refuse to have a shower then because I don't want to steal FSIL's thunder (I love her to death and by no way did she suggest I'd be doing it. She asked if I would be having a shower, I explained why, and said I didn't want one the weekend of her wedding, end of story). So I won't be having a baby shower- which I am ok with.
I was telling my friend that I wanted to have a 'Meet the Baby' party at my parents' when I am in IN in March so that I don't have to do a lot of traveling and a lot of people can come. My mom is like Martha Stewart on steroids, so she was going to make some finger foods, we are going to get a cake from a local grocery that makes THE BEST cakes. No where is registry info going to be in the invitation, but my mom will tell people if they ask. I'm not expecting gifts by any means, but I'm not going to refuse one if someone wants to get a gift. We are completely prepared to pay for everything we need ourselves and I really just want to celebrate my baby!
No one has offered to throw a shower, but I want to be prepared as my friends talk, to have an answer ready for them. My first reaction is to politely decline....wdyt? TIA!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: A friend suggested but didn't offer...
Life As We Know It: my Blog
I would do one or the other as far as actual invitations going out, etc. However, if you have a shower by invite and would still like to have a meet the baby, I suggest that being just by word of mouth and just designed as a small get together. I would not send out invitations for two to the same people. If you were doing one with one group of people and one with another group, I don't think that's bad. People are going to get you gifts if it's a shower, if it's a meet the baby or even if you don't have either. People love giving babies gifts!
P.S. Your question does not compare to the ones that cdobry was referring to!
Haha, yea, I just thought it was funny- I posted this right after she posted that! Just teasing
But as far as the parties go- I definitely wouldn't send out invites to the meet the baby if we are having a shower. I don't like co-ed showers and the MTB party would definitely be smaller if I had a shower. I just don't want to be like "Idk, let me think about it" if someone offers- I'd feel very rude.
Where I'm from its just not typically done. I didn't even know that showers get thrown after the baby comes (except in instances where babies come early) until being on TB. I think some of the older folk that would be invited (church and grandma's) wouldn't like it, but I don't know fur sure.
I am in a similar sit. My friends have informed me that they are going to have my baby shower after the baby is born. They had 3 reasons: 1. so my mom can be there (my could really doesn't care, she didn't come to my bridal shower, this is the reality of life when families live 1,000s of miles apart); 2. people can get gifts that fit the baby (ie. I have a 10lb baby not a 6 lb baby, wtf? who cares?); and 3. a couple in our district (DH and I are teachers) lost their baby 4 days before the EDD, so my friends don't want me to have baby stuff around to remind me of my loss.
I am overwhelmed at the thought of post-baby shower! I suffer from depression and a huge fear of mine is that I will be so overwhelmed by the baby and my hormones etc. that I will not be able to handle my family visiting one at a time! (post-partum runs really strong in my family). I also have no idea what to buy...we registered thinking that my friends would throw a shower in Nov. and then our families would get what was left for us for Christmas and as gifts (this is what our mothers and g-mothers told us) and then whatever was left over we could get with a discount later...
I feel ya, not sure what to do...
I don't want people to think I am ungrateful...like pp said any free gift is great! I just feel a little lost right now at the thought of doing the shower this way...particularly since I struggle with depression so badly even before pregnancy it was hard to get myself to go to parties and such, right now I feel great!!!! This is when I would like to do stuff like this...with God all is possible though...I have to keep that in mind.
I don't see anything wrong with tactfully telling your friends that you are worried or uncomfortable with having a shower after the baby is born. Of course speaking up could mean no shower at all since this time of year is so busy for people.
To be honest I think it is a little rude of them to presume they could without your consent. After you have your little one in your arms your time should be 100% your own with no obligations otherwise imo. No one knows what you will be contending with in those first few months whether it is unexotic as a fussy baby or something more serious.
Most people I know have multiple showers to meet the needs of different groups of people they know. If your peeps in SC want to celebrate with you, enjoy that time!
It's only tacky if you invite the same people twice or as it may be thrice (close, close people like mom's and bestie's excluded - but the assumption is that the issue of not expecting mult gifts would be easily discussed with them)
Oh, its friends in IN! I don't have enough friends here that would fill a shower....