DH wants a break :(

magnolia_femme · August 2010

DH told me today that he wants to take a break before moving on to IVF. A 3 month break. He thinks that because the first 4 IUIs didn't work, the doctors don't know what they're doing and because we're getting the same BFNs either way we might as well try naturally.

The RE stuff has been really hard on him (don't get me started...it annoys me SO MUCH that he freaks about having to go jerk off before the IUI when I have to take all this medication, go to the doctor at least 3 times a month, etc) and I think he does need a break, but I already feel like I'll never get pregnant and I think having to delay IVF 3 months will crush me.

Time for a big talk tonight, I guess. IF sucks. I am so sick of talking about it

meltycheeseburger · August 2010

I'm so sorry. We're in the same boat except we are waiting until next summer.

I will say that taking a break has made me a little bit happier and less neurotic about things, and who knows, maybe your DH will be like mine and at least try with TI until IVF comes. Big hugs to you.

gymnst1013 · August 2010

I'm so sorry sweetie It is so hard to be in that position. MH also wanted a break before starting IVF. He wanted to try naturally for a while too because he thought since he stopped smoking, we would have a chance naturally.

I felt the same exact way you do now. I wanted to just move on already. But it ended up that the 3 months (actually 4 now that I think about it) went REALLY quickly. You will get through it, I promise. We are here for you to keep you entertained if that is what you need.

(((hugs)))

magnolia_femme · August 2010

thanks everyone...gym and melt, I am trying to take your advice and look at the positive side of a break! I am trying to understand why a break will help him...it's hard to see that perspective since I am so. ready. to move on!

AmberZ2be · August 2010

I'm so sorry. I hope you and your dh can come to a mutual agreement. ((hugs))

roadstar · August 2010

Magnolia I am so sorry. I completely understand how your are feeling. Dh hinted last night that he is not on board with IVF is this next IUI fails. He doesn't understand why we just can't do it on our own.

I hope the both of you can work through this and come up with a plan that you both are comforable with.

orange1414 · August 2010

((hugs)) I'm sorry. I know waiting is really, really hard.

JMay · August 2010

Two months ago, we started a 3 month break ourselves. The thing is, break or no break, given the fact that we've been trying for 18+ months, I still probably wouldn't be pg. How will you feel if you don't take a break now, and DH asks again for another break later? Best to bite the bullet. Also, if you are planning to move to IVF, relaxing a bit before hand would help it be successful. Especially if you are at the point of being "so sick of talking about it" That was my que that I needed my break. It hasn't been so bad - the first week was hard, but it's done wonders for me. So, if taking 3 months off now could possibly mean a bfp in month 4, wouldn't it be worth the shot? We've certainly done crazier things on the road to a positive... GL to you whatever you decide!

heathercara · August 2010

Oh, I hope you can get this sorted out between the two of you Mag. Best of luck either way!!

beth0874 · August 2010

I'm sorry ((hugs)). Waiting is tough but who knows maybe you will feel better about it over time. Good luck with whatever you and YH decide. We are here for you!

LnR70707 · August 2010

I am so sorry. Can you at least call your RE and find out the cycle start dates for about 3 months from now? Both times we took a break to gear up for IVF it really helped me to have a set date to work toward. The first time it was only a break because I needed to switch insurance and I could tell DH was dragging his feet about making the calls. We moved it back a second time because of the BFP/loss and while it was hard to let go of that extra control you have with monitoring, it was nice to have the summer without medications. And this time around DH is totally onboard and doing his part without any prodding at all.

Temp356619000002780 · August 2010

Awww hon I am so sorry!!! GL tonight MH goes through this all the time...

magnolia_femme · August 2010

L&R70707:
I am so sorry. Can you at least call your RE and find out the cycle start dates for about 3 months from now? Both times we took a break to gear up for IVF it really helped me to have a set date to work toward. The first time it was only a break because I needed to switch insurance and I could tell DH was dragging his feet about making the calls. We moved it back a second time because of the BFP/loss and while it was hard to let go of that extra control you have with monitoring, it was nice to have the summer without medications. And this time around DH is totally onboard and doing his part without any prodding at all.

that is a good point, and MH probably would have a better attitude about it.

I can definitely call my RE...their next IVF consult/orientation was September 21 and I can probably set one up for December.

ermaderma · August 2010

Oh honey, I'm sorry

I know I'm not quite in the same boat as you, but any time there is a potential break involved, it hurts. I didn't think it possible, but I maybe a break would be a good thing. Take some time to enjoy fall in Chicago, enjoy each other and maybe start up again with renewed optimism.

I'll be thinking about you.

((HUGS))

ETA: spelling. I can't type today

magnolia_femme · August 2010

ermaderma:

Oh honey, I'm sorry

I know I'm not quite in the same boat as you, but any time there is a potential break involved, it hurts. I didn't think it possible, but I maybe a break would be a good thing. Take some time to enjoy fall in Chicago, enjoy each other and maybe start up again with renewed optimism.

I'll be thinking about you.

((HUGS))

ETA: spelling. I can't type today

Thanks hon. How are you doing? Looks like you are ovulating!!! yay!

ermaderma · August 2010

magnolia_femme:
ermaderma:

Oh honey, I'm sorry

I know I'm not quite in the same boat as you, but any time there is a potential break involved, it hurts. I didn't think it possible, but I maybe a break would be a good thing. Take some time to enjoy fall in Chicago, enjoy each other and maybe start up again with renewed optimism.

I'll be thinking about you.

((HUGS))

ETA: spelling. I can't type today

Thanks hon. How are you doing? Looks like you are ovulating!!! yay!

I'm good, thanks! It appears the met is working

DH just started a new job and he keeps going back and forth between loving it and hating it, so it may be awhile before he actually wants to try for a baby though. We are just taking it day by day, so we'll see. We probably won't use condoms or anything, but our timing may suck for a little while.

Are you going to the GTG?

DariaDee · August 2010

I'm so sorry. My DH feels the same way as yours...it's getting hard for me to deal with it.

katib77 · August 2010

I'm sorry Magnolia, I'm sure it's gotta be tough. ((HUGS))

STL34 · August 2010

I am so sorry, Magnolia. ((hugs))

Maybe you can come up with a compromise that would allow for a shorter break before starting IVF.

Jill070707 · August 2010

I really hope you're able to come to an agreement tonight. *hugs* This process is so hard on everyone.

magnolia_femme · August 2010

ermaderma:
magnolia_femme:
ermaderma:

Oh honey, I'm sorry

I know I'm not quite in the same boat as you, but any time there is a potential break involved, it hurts. I didn't think it possible, but I maybe a break would be a good thing. Take some time to enjoy fall in Chicago, enjoy each other and maybe start up again with renewed optimism.

I'll be thinking about you.

((HUGS))

ETA: spelling. I can't type today

Thanks hon. How are you doing? Looks like you are ovulating!!! yay!

I'm good, thanks! It appears the met is working

DH just started a new job and he keeps going back and forth between loving it and hating it, so it may be awhile before he actually wants to try for a baby though. We are just taking it day by day, so we'll see. We probably won't use condoms or anything, but our timing may suck for a little while.

Are you going to the GTG?

Aww, I hope your DH decides he loves it and you can take advantage of the fact that you're ovulating

I can't make the GTG...we are out of town/swamped ever weekend until October. Ew.

kthappy76 · August 2010

(((hugs))) I'm so sorry hon, I hope you have a good talk w/DH tonight.

Please don't take this the wrong way, but does he understand the huge difference between an IUI and IVF? It gives you a much better chance (and possible info on why you are not conceiving), though of course you could get a miracle break BFP. But if you are frustrated and resentful (IMO rightfully so), it's probably not going to happen. Maybe having a sit down w/your RE would help him out. If I were you, I would try to get to the root of his hesitation. IF is definitely stressful for men too, but in a different way. If you guys can just have fun the next few months and gear up for it together, it might be better for you both.

Another thing to think about it whether you really want to be cycling during the holidays. If our IVF is a bust, we're waiting until January to try again. GL!

ClarissaBuen18 · August 2010

((big hugs)) I am sooo sorry honey! I hope all works out for the best.

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