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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
I'm having a moral dilemma.
Sorry this is kind of long.
I have a 14 yr. old male cousin and a 10 yr. old female cousin who are brother and sister. Right now they are spending a week with my mom, and there has been a lot of concerning incidents.
The kids sleep together. They have separate rooms at home, but sleep in 2 sleeping bags zipped up together in their living room. My aunt doesn't see that this is inappropriate and they've slept this way for about 3 years now.
My mom tried to have them sleep separately, and it was basically one huge meltdown. My aunt was angry and insisted that she let them sleep together.
The boy insists on taking ibuprofen before bed every night. It's pretty obvious at this point that he's faking feeling sick to try to get it, and he's snuck tylenol out of my mom's medicine cabinet. She's put her foot down and won't give it to him anymore, but she feels like she can't let him out of her sight because she can't trust him. His dad has had addiction issues with prescription pills for the last several years, but his parents don't seem to think there is anything wrong with their 14 year old son needing over the counter pain pills every night.
My 17 yr. old sister told me and my mom yesterday that Carli, my 10yr old cousin, has mentioned that her brother touches her between the legs because he thinks it's funny. She'll scream at him to not touch her and he laughs.
My mom suspected that he was touching her inappropriately a few years back and she went to my aunt with it. It ended up being a huge fight and nothing was done. My mom didn't have any concrete proof that anything was going on then, but she felt that she needed to express her concern to her sister.
I'm so upset at this point I'm considering calling social services. My mom has tried to approach her sister with her concerns in the past and nothing happened so she doesn't feel like doing it again will fix anything.
I am going to be sick if anything happens to this little girl because nobody says anything. Supposedly their family is doing better, dad is clean off prescription drugs, and they have this happy front, but the behavior I've seen in this past week is really disturbing.
My mom feels like calling social services would be betraying her sister, but I don't agree.
Would you call? I've looked up the number this morning, and am ready to do something.
** I can't type today, I meant to say that I AM going to be sick if anything happens to my cousin.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I'm having a moral dilemma.
I will pray for them all...let me start there.
Secondly, Yes, I do agree something needs to be done & I think a little phone call to SS would be appropriate. GL and keep us posted please.
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You will always be loved & missed our sweet angel.
CALL CPS NOW!
Im going to re-read and answer again about the rest but please, please log off and call. please. PLEASE.
Its sounds like both kids have some major issues and they both could use the help. ?Children typically do not sexually abuse another child unless they were sexually abused themselves. ?Call social services.
**I am not saying ALL sexually abused children abuse others.**?
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Ok, I'm not sure what the deal is with the 14yr old and the advil/tylenol. If he is in fact abusing his sister and his own father has had addiction issues it's very likely he has some very serious issues himself and needs help asap.
I can't even focus on that, seriously. PLEASE call. The girl is 10, she is asking for help, telling her aunt (your mom) what is going on. I am SICK over the thought that your mom would choose to let this child continue to be molested (possibly) rather than anger her sister.
I am trying to figure a way to do this without the other kids around. From what my sister explained, what was said to her was somewhat in a joking way, so she wasn't sure if it was meant seriously or not.
The kids are allowed to watch whatever they want in movies and tv and my mom has caught them talking very sexually to my younger brother. She's questioning if it's something they've seen in a movie that they think is funny, or reaching out for attention.
We just got off the phone and it sounds like she's going to try to talk to my aunt about it before doing anything else.
Call now. Don't force your mom to do it-just do it yourself. You have enough suspicion to call-they will take a report and investigate. Also, if you call it can help your mom save face with her sister because she can just honestly tell her sister she didn't know you were going to call.
I think though that in a situation like this you have a moral obligation to get CPS involved.
I would call, not only for the sake of the girl but for the boy as well. He's obviously addicted to pills at 14 years old and if he is touching his sister inappropriately then there may be a reason he is acting out as well.
If your aunt wont seek help for them, then someone has to stand up for those kids. By letting them share a bed for THREE YEARS, she obviously is not too concerned with what can happen with a teenage boy and a 10 year old female.
There really ins't a moral dilemma, I am going to do something. I've been on the phone with my mom all morning to figure out how we are going to handle it. If she doesn't get anywhere with my aunt, I'm going to call cps.
I cannot imagine how you could ignore someone telling you that your daughter has expressed being touching inappropriately and do nothing, but if this is the case, I'm going to do what I have to to protect this little girl.
Please, please call. From what you have said it sounds like something already has happened to her and probably something to him as well for him to behave that way. Screw "betraying" your aunt. Your mom/family is betraying these children by turning a blind eye.
My family turned a blind eye to what was happening to my mom and myself and I wish with all my being that someone would have done something. It makes me so sad that they didn't.
I'm sorry but I do not agree with the advice of talking to the girl and then making your decision. She has already mentioned, without anyone asking her, that she is being touched. Call on a professional to evaluate as you do not have the necessary skill set to do it properly. Also, if the aunt is in denial she can later accuse you of manipulating her daughter because you talked to her before a professional did.
I feel so horrible for those kids...especially the little girl. My heart just breaks for them. I tried putting myself in your Aunts shoes and hearing something like that. The shock would be horrible. Then I started to ask myself "what would my actions be in that situation"? I would be at a loss of what to do, the next steps to take, how to protect my daughter and even how to protect my son and get him help. Maybe your mom can talk to your Aunt and give her suggestions on what to do to begin to "fix" the problem. I know counseling would be one of the main things, but what next...I have no idea. Maybe some of the women on here can give you a list of action items to help your Aunt "fix" this. Any ideas ladies?
I would absolutly call! Someone has to be an advocate and if the parents are ignoring it then they are just either refusing to see that it is happening or chalking it up to something stupid like them being young and playing doctor or something.
I know too many people who went through this kind of stuff growing up and who ended up having serious trust issues with men and had to deal with it themselves forever because no one would be their advocate.
Be this little girl's advocate!
*I don't know why your waiting for your mom to talk to her sister about it. You need to just call! I mean sure your aunt can tell her son to stop touching his sister...I'm sure that will make all the diffrence (not). It takes professionals to get these types of issues resolved (the touching and the pills). Your aunt is probably oblivious to the tought that anything is wrong to begin with and just won't believe anything you say. Discussing this with her isn't going to resolve anything. Just call CPS*
Honey its always a he said she said. Do you know how many rape cases get thrown out because the guy is suave enough or important enough that people tend to belive him over her. Don't you know thats why it is so hard for women to come forward about sexual crimes because there is an ongoing stigma that the woman is just slutty and "deserved" it.
And when children are being abused I'be seen mother's who believed their husbands and boyfriend's over their own children....
Wow, this came off rude. She asked for opinions, I gave mine. Apparently you and some others don't agree, that is ok.
She said it was said in a joking manner. I thought she could hear it from the little girl to make sure.
Calm down. I am in no way saying not to believe anything she is told.
That situation sounds terrible, and I'll be sending thoughts and prayer to the family. I really hope your aunt figures out that this is NOT ok.
I would absolutely call. You definitely have something going on with the boy "needing" medication every night, and the story the girl is telling is horrible. It's also very weird that they MUST sleep together, paired with the story about her brother touching her, and I think it calls for further intervention.
Good luck, hun!
I am sorry I came off rude. I'm just speaking as someone who was molested on two different occasions once when I was 5 and again when I was 8(but not by family). I didn't come forward until I was 13 to anyone because I had always felt like it was my fault. My best friend through school was also molested and raped by her mom's bf from 8-16...her mom didn't believe her and no one in her family would do anything. She finally told a teacher and thats how it stopped....she didn't even tell me it was happening to her!
I just know how it feels and although both of my institances weren't ongoing it left me pretty scared. I had been molested by 2 different babysitter's husbands (each time I told my mom I didn't want to go back...and she listened.
I am SO sorry that you and your friend ever went through that. I totally see why this is a hot subject with you. No hard feelings...
I am not saying not to believe the little girl just make sure she knew what she said, that is all. I am a child advocate and would never want something going on like that!
Someone needs to call, whether it is you, your sister (who is the one who heard it firsthand) or your mom. Someone also needs to tell your aunt though because her daughter may never have actually told her this, weirdness of letting them sleep together aside.
On the pill front, tylenol & advil are not technically addictive drugs and would not have any sort of euphoric or similar effect on him that he would crave more of (unless he actually has some sort of pain but it doesnt sound that way?). something in this is strange to me, almost like he 'wants' to have an addiction or seem like he has one b/c he has obvious underlying issues and ibuprofen is easy to access & take daily, attention seeking, perhaps trying to imitate his father's problem...? The fact that the mom does not think this is strange is obviously another red flag.
GL, regardless of the outcome & the he said/she said, this family needs some kind of intervention.
Seriously, where do you live, and what are these peoples' names? PM me with their names and address and I will call CPS. Seriously.
Just leave an anonymous tip, you don't have to give your personal information if you don't want to. This is unacceptable and I feel physically ill the more I think about this. Your aunt is not going to do anything. Seriously. Even if she promises your mom that she will, she's not. She has to have had some idea of what's going on and she got angry for your mom suggesting things change in the past, why would now be any different? You need to stop up. Please.
I am going to be completely upfront here, and share some personal information for the sake of this little girl. A very similar situation happened to me when I was little with a cousin who was only about 6 years older than me. I can't even remember when it started because I was so young. And it didn't stop until I was 12 years old and began refusing to visit his family.
I did tell my mom about it when I was about 7 years old. And apparently I said it in a kind of joking way. My mom took it seriously and called my aunt. But that was not enough. I'm sure they just didn't know what to do. Eventually it was forgotten and things went back to the way they were. It did not stop until I myself made it stop years later.
I can't accurately express how fully this experience has impacted me, and I still carry it with me every day even though I long ago sought counseling and learned to deal with it in a healthy way. But it will always be there. Injuries can heal, but memories can't be erased. No child should ever have to go through this.
I'm sharing all of this with you because you need to save that little girl. Just talking to your aunt about it is not enough. That family needs to get a professional involved ASAP. Don't spend time wondering if the little girl is just joking, or if she learned it from a movie. Kids express things like this in a joking way because they are uncomfortable. And even young kids can sexually abuse another. In my first vivid memory of it happening to me, I think my cousin was only about 10 years old. And someone actually walked in on it. And still, nothing was done because it is so hard to believe that a child can be a perpetrator.
Please, get a professional involved. Please do it now. Even if your aunt does take it seriously, she is not equipped to handle this appropriately. Both of these kids need help.
I'm sorry if this was TMI for anyone. My only hope is that it helped to get the point across.
This is the best argument I've heard. This little girl needs an advocate. Step up and do it. It is not a dilemma.
I am so sorry this happened. You are a strong person to get through that.
I am a family and individual therapist and am a mandated reporter. The number one thing I always say to myself is that I am not a fact finder. It's CPS/DCF/DCYF?DSS whatever's job to take the report/concern and investigate.
As someone who anonymously called on a family member, I understand the initial, "Should I?" response but think "What if I don't?" If something seems to be a red flag, trust that gut feeling and make the call.
You know what needs to happen. Separate the kids at night. They need to be supervised at all times. Yes, call and make a report. But I personally wouldn't leave the little girl's side until she is totally safe.
This makes me so incredibly sad for the little girl, and I think you can be the first person to give her a chance at a new life. Don't wait another day.
I hope that you called for the sake of that little girl. However, that is not enough because often times CPS does not act on the first, second, or third report...it takes several!!! So please continue to advocate until you get to the bottom of this. Last night I was in my graduate class for my masters program (professional and school counseling) and we were discussing how our internship is going. A classmate described one of her counseling sessions with a 21 yr old girl. This girl had been repeatedly raped from the age of 6-16, by her father!! NO ONE helped her after she repeatedly told people (mom, brothers, priest). Eventually a teacher helped her but now she has no one in her life. : (
You have to help!!!
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