Spanking a 9 month old

GideonsMom · July 2010

I am just interested to hear your opinions on this because it has been really bothering me. There is a lady at church who I think is overall a great person. She has a son who is 4 years old and a daughter who is 9 months old.

She used to always have a "switch" at church with her when her son was younger and when he misbehaved she would take him outside and smack him with it. I always hated seeing that, but I hadnt seen the "switch" lately. Today it made it's return, but this time it was for her 9 month old little girl.

I personally dont think there is anything wrong with an occasional smack on the butt when the child is old enough to understand the reason they are getting it. I can remember getting spanked twice as a kid and that was enough.

Today she took her son outside and hit him once and smacked the 9 month old baby on the leg with this branch no less than 5 times during the service. I couldnt see that the baby was doing anything wrong. I personally dont think that a baby that age can know that they are supposed to be sitting still in church and being respectful.

There is a nursery down stairs and when my son is being cranky or whiny I just take him downstairs. Today she also had her 9 month old downstairs in the nursery nursing her. When the baby wouldnt go to sleep she spanked her again...this time with her hand.

Does this seem a bit out of line to anyone else? It makes me sick to watch her do it and know that there isnt really anything I can do about it.

emiliemadison · July 2010

VERY rarely is the "OMG, call CPS" response warranted. Except in cases like this. OF COURSE there is something you can do about it. You can alert the proper authorities that someone is abusing their child. And if she does it freely for anyone to see, then take a video. Dont just sit by and watch an "overall great person" beat her children, FFS.

drreidlover · July 2010

I would do nothing less than call child protective services on her as#! If she will do that in public, imagine what is going on behind closed doors! It kind of bothers me that you are thinking there is nothing you can do. I know you she is "overall a good person" but please stand up for those little ones. Anyone who could hit a 9 month old is vicious and evil.

punkfiction_v.3 · July 2010

emiliemadison:
VERY rarely is the "OMG, call CPS" response warranted. Except in cases like this. OF COURSE there is something you can do about it. You can alert the proper authorities that someone is abusing their child. And if she does it freely for anyone to see, then take a video. Dont just sit by and watch an "overall great person" beat her children, FFS.

this this this.

GideonsMom · July 2010

She is not really beating them though. She is smacking them on a leg with a stick. She also is not the only one in the church that does it.

punkfiction_v.3 · July 2010

GideonsMom:
She is not really beating them though. She is smacking them on a leg with a stick. She also is not the only one in the church that does it.

wtf. you deserve each other.

GideonsMom · July 2010

drreidlover:
I would do nothing less than call child protective services on her as#! If she will do that in public, imagine what is going on behind closed doors! It kind of bothers me that you are thinking there is nothing you can do. I know you she is "overall a good person" but please stand up for those little ones. Anyone who could hit a 9 month old is vicious and evil.

I will talk to my husband about it. The church is really small and made up of mostly his family. The other family that does this same thing is the pastors family.

GideonsMom · July 2010

punkfiction_v.3:
GideonsMom:
She is not really beating them though. She is smacking them on a leg with a stick. She also is not the only one in the church that does it.
wtf. you deserve each other.

What? I don't hit my kid and I think it is wrong that she is doing it. I am just hesitant to jump on this because it seems to be the popular opinion in the church that it is ok to do that.

Purrrfect433 · July 2010

Those poor babies:( That's terrible. Imagine how violent she is in the privacy of her own home if that's what she does in public. Spanking...idk. It's such a slippery slope between spanking for punishment and spanking because you are angry and frustrated with your child. I have spanked my older two children in the past and it always makes me feel terrible. I have worked really hard to figure out a punishment plan that allows me to cool down while making them accountable for their actions. They are old enough to understand, so it works. Spanking is really just me losing my cool. If you really feel like you need to physically punish a baby/toddler, you need to step away and calm the eff down. It's really NOT ok, and I speak from experience.

emiliemadison · July 2010

GideonsMom:
She is not really beating them though. She is smacking them on a leg with a stick. She also is not the only one in the church that does it.

Tongue Tied Well, I guess if she's not putting her cigarettes out on their little bodies, all is well in the world. And it's a relief to know that so many other people ARENT beating their children at your church. Lots of overall great people, I guess.

drreidlover · July 2010

agree.. wtf! Since when is that not child abuse!

emiliemadison · July 2010

GideonsMom:
drreidlover:
I would do nothing less than call child protective services on her as#! If she will do that in public, imagine what is going on behind closed doors! It kind of bothers me that you are thinking there is nothing you can do. I know you she is "overall a good person" but please stand up for those little ones. Anyone who could hit a 9 month old is vicious and evil.
I will talk to my husband about it. The church is really small and made up of mostly his family. The other family that does this same thing is the pastors family.

Um...so I guess that makes it ok then. As long as it's a small church and most people are related. Again- WTF?

drreidlover · July 2010

Also, what kind of church is this where everyone is beating their kids!

Mrs.C042807 · July 2010

GideonsMom:
She is not really beating them though. She is smacking them on a leg with a stick. She also is not the only one in the church that does it.

Are you effing kidding me? She's not really beating them? hitting them with a stick? If you don't see this as abusive behaviour, you have issues yourself.

If I saw this, I'd have to call CPS. I couldn't sit by and watch it, not to mention I'm a mandatory reporter.

punkfiction_v.3 · July 2010

i think i would go to the news. with video.

emiliemadison · July 2010

drreidlover:
Also, what kind of church is this where everyone is beating their kids!

::whispers:: The really small kind where everyone is related coughCULTcough.

GideonsMom · July 2010

emiliemadison:
GideonsMom:
drreidlover:
I would do nothing less than call child protective services on her as#! If she will do that in public, imagine what is going on behind closed doors! It kind of bothers me that you are thinking there is nothing you can do. I know you she is "overall a good person" but please stand up for those little ones. Anyone who could hit a 9 month old is vicious and evil.
I will talk to my husband about it. The church is really small and made up of mostly his family. The other family that does this same thing is the pastors family.
Um...so I guess that makes it ok then. As long as it's a small church and most people are related. Again- WTF?

Hang on just a second. I don't think hitting the kid is right at all...including hitting them with a stick,which is why I brought it up. I agree all day I have been thinking WTF and trying to figure out what I need to do. I am just saying it's a sticky situation because this involves close friends and family.

GideonsMom · July 2010

emiliemadison:
drreidlover:
Also, what kind of church is this where everyone is beating their kids!
::whispers:: The really small kind where everyone is related coughCULTcough.

It is really small. I wouldnt say it is a cult though.

GideonsMom · July 2010

Has anyone here called CPS before? Is it completely anonymous?

Mrs.C042807 · July 2010

GideonsMom:
Has anyone here called CPS before? Is it completely anonymous?

Here is different. So, I don't know about there. Here they can tell the parents who made the complaint. At least, they can say it was the school that called (I'm a teacher)

RJMbim · July 2010

GideonsMom:
emiliemadison:
GideonsMom:

drreidlover:
I would do nothing less than call child protective services on her as#! If she will do that in public, imagine what is going on behind closed doors! It kind of bothers me that you are thinking there is nothing you can do. I know you she is "overall a good person" but please stand up for those little ones. Anyone who could hit a 9 month old is vicious and evil.

I will talk to my husband about it. The church is really small and made up of mostly his family. The other family that does this same thing is the pastors family.

Um...so I guess that makes it ok then. As long as it's a small church and most people are related. Again- WTF?

Hang on just a second. I don't think hitting the kid is right at all...including hitting them with a stick,which is why I brought it up. I agree all day I have been thinking WTF and trying to figure out what I need to do. I am just saying it's a sticky situation because this involves close friends and family.

Tell me this is MUD cause otherwise....WTF man...so if your DH was "gently brushing" your 9 month old with a stick (cause afterall he is family too right?) what would you do...

drreidlover · July 2010

Seriously, if you were the defenseless 9 month old and other child, would you feel better knowing the beating would continue because the nice lady that saw it was a "friend" or "family" of your mom? She really felt bad, just not bad enough to help you. Agree with pp, get a video camera and take it to the news. Sounds like you are involved with a cult, please get help for those kids. What brainwashing they have given you to believe this is okay?

GideonsMom · July 2010

RJMbim:
GideonsMom:
emiliemadison:
GideonsMom:

drreidlover:
I would do nothing less than call child protective services on her as#! If she will do that in public, imagine what is going on behind closed doors! It kind of bothers me that you are thinking there is nothing you can do. I know you she is "overall a good person" but please stand up for those little ones. Anyone who could hit a 9 month old is vicious and evil.
I will talk to my husband about it. The church is really small and made up of mostly his family. The other family that does this same thing is the pastors family.
Um...so I guess that makes it ok then. As long as it's a small church and most people are related. Again- WTF?
Hang on just a second. I don't think hitting the kid is right at all...including hitting them with a stick,which is why I brought it up. I agree all day I have been thinking WTF and trying to figure out what I need to do. I am just saying it's a sticky situation because this involves close friends and family.
Tell me this is MUD cause otherwise....WTF man...so if your DH was "gently brushing" your 9 month old with a stick (cause afterall he is family too right?) what would you do...

I would divorce him, but that isnt the situation. My husband thinks it is wrong too. We are currently talking about what we are going to do about.

emiliemadison · July 2010

GideonsMom:
Has anyone here called CPS before? Is it completely anonymous?

You can ask for it to be anonymous, and it probably will be. If you HAVE evidence (take that video) then there's a small chance it wont be completely anonymous. But think of the alternative. You say nothing and these people- not just this one woman, but ALL of the ones who do this- will continue to beat their children. Yes, the are beating their children. These children will grow up thinking it's normal to be abused and will, in turn, beat THEIR children. End the cycle. Help these kids live lives that do not involve abuse.

Would you allow any of these people, whom you consider close friends and family, to babysit for your child if you knew they would treat your baby the way they treat theirs (and you better believe they would)? I can only imagine the idea of that makes you sick. If it's not ok for them to smack your child with a stick then it's not ok for them to do it to their own children.

Violet's Mommy · July 2010

First it sounded like you were against it then it sounded like you were trying to defend the lady?? I think you know something should be done about it and I wouldn't care if they told who called.

Purrrfect433 · July 2010

emiliemadison:
GideonsMom:
Has anyone here called CPS before? Is it completely anonymous?
You can ask for it to be anonymous, and it probably will be. If you HAVE evidence (take that video) then there's a small chance it wont be completely anonymous. But think of the alternative. You say nothing and these people- not just this one woman, but ALL of the ones who do this- will continue to beat their children. Yes, the are beating their children. These children will grow up thinking it's normal to be abused and will, in turn, beat THEIR children. End the cycle. Help these kids live lives that do not involve abuse.
Would you allow any of these people, whom you consider close friends and family, to babysit for your child if you knew they would treat your baby the way they treat theirs (and you better believe they would)? I can only imagine the idea of that makes you sick. If it's not ok for them to smack your child with a stick then it's not ok for them to do it to their own children.

Keep repeating this to yourself. You are doing the right thing. So much abuse gets swept under the rug because of that, "mind-your-own-business, don't cause trouble, they're normally good people" BS. You are doing right by those children.

NJ2NC · July 2010

Reading your post made my heart ache for those children

It sounds like you are in an uncomfortable/awkward situation if most of the church seems to be in agreement with this behavior....especially if they are mostly in-laws and family friends.

I'm not sure if I have any advice on how to handle the situation, outside of what has already been suggested. However, if something seems out of line....it probably is.

crazytmogirl · July 2010

GideonsMom:
She is not really beating them though. She is smacking them on a leg with a stick. She also is not the only one in the church that does it.

Hey Idiot: You aren't supposed to hit kids with anything. That is against the law in some states! WTF? I'd change churches.

crazytmogirl · July 2010

GideonsMom:

drreidlover:
I would do nothing less than call child protective services on her as#! If she will do that in public, imagine what is going on behind closed doors! It kind of bothers me that you are thinking there is nothing you can do. I know you she is "overall a good person" but please stand up for those little ones. Anyone who could hit a 9 month old is vicious and evil.

I will talk to my husband about it. The church is really small and made up of mostly his family. The other family that does this same thing is the pastors family.

So is this chick a relative? I wouldn't want ANY of these people anywhere near my child because I would come unglued if I found out someone was hitting my kid with a switch (or anything for that matter). It seems like you are kind of defending her actions and I don't understand why.

Mrs.McLovin · July 2010

I don't recall the bible saying to beat an infant. Must have missed that page.

I judge you and everyone in that church who sits by while small children are hit. What is wrong with all of you?? This is not the type of church I would ever go to.

Someone should have called CPS a long time ago. Shame on you for sitting by while a baby is beat.

MCMoo23 · July 2010

Holy fricken crap! I agree with emiliemadison...call CPS.

What the hell kind of church allows their parishioners to abuse their children out in the open...let alone AT ALL.

If I went to that church I would be the FIRST one to say something. That is ridiculous. That child is 9 months old, can't communicate their feelings, and probably did jack sh*t wrong.

Disgusting...

Violet's Mommy · July 2010

crazytmogirl:
GideonsMom:
She is not really beating them though. She is smacking them on a leg with a stick. She also is not the only one in the church that does it.

Hey idiot: you aren't supposed to hit kids with anything. That is against the law in some states! WTF? I'd change churches.

Definitely sounds like time to change churches you can choose to do that before or after you make the call

crazytmogirl · July 2010

I have called CPS on my own family in the past. I requested that it remain annonymous, and they agreed to that, unless charges were brought and there was a court case that I needed to testify in. But you know what? I would do it if they put my name and face on a billboard. I don't care WHAT anyone thinks of me reporting THEIR abuse to the authorities. If they didn't abuse their kids, I wouldn't have to report them, right? And that goes for family, friends, church. I don't care. You are INSANE if you don't report them. Who knows. Maybe these people that are your family have done this to your kids and you just don't know about it.

crazytmogirl · July 2010

So why do you think it is OK to beat a 4 year old but not a 9 month old? Just because he's older? I don't think so. Poor kid.

crazytmogirl · July 2010

bethy84:

crazytmogirl:
So why do you think it is OK to beat a 4 year old but not a 9 month old? Just because he's older? I don't think so. Poor kid.

cool it lady.

Lady? LOL. Cool what? It is an honest question. WHY do you think it is OK to hit a 4 year old with a freaking stick, but it is NOT ok to hit a 9 month old? Why would you report one but not the other?

eminbmore · July 2010

I think that, in addition to what everyone else has said, this is a great education opportunity for the entire church community. If there are many others who act that way, it's probably a learned behavior (both from their own families, and from each other). Having everyone in one place at church would be a perfect opportunity for someone to come in and make it perfectly clear that that kind of behavior is abuse and will not be tolerated. It could also open the door for class for everyone in appropriate forms of discipline. What disturbs me most about this post is that it's not just a single person acting this way, but an entire community. I feel sorry for ALL those kids

GideonsMom · July 2010

Thank you for your opinions. I am going to do something about it.

RJMbim · July 2010

GideonsMom:
Thank you for your opinions. I am going to do something about it.

Dare I ask what?

crazytmogirl · July 2010

bethy84:
crazytmogirl:
bethy84:

crazytmogirl:
So why do you think it is OK to beat a 4 year old but not a 9 month old? Just because he's older? I don't think so. Poor kid.

cool it lady.

Lady? LOL. Cool what? It is an honest question. WHY do you think it is OK to hit a 4 year old with a freaking stick, but it is NOT ok to hit a 9 month old? Why would you report one but not the other?

Cool it because I was still recommending she do the same thing you were but in a calmer, more sensitive way. I don't think it's ok for her to hit the 4 year old either, I was just saying that unfortunately, I see that a lot more once children can make decisions (not infants) and I have not reported them. Maybe I'm just not as brave and responsible a person as some.

4 year old still have impulses that they don't know how to control. Just because a child makes a wrong decision doesn't mean that they should be beat w/ a stick. So what would you do if you only saw the 4 year old getting hit? Turn a blind eye?

ctab · July 2010

It sounds like you have a Pearls follower on your hands. She has probably read his book, To Train Up a Child (https://www.nogreaterjoy.org/), which contains specific ways to hit (including the best type of instrument) a child including those under one. Children have died from this method of child rearing. And, those that follow him tend to be cult like so the chance that she will listen to you is slim. Most likely she is hitting him harder at home, and a call to cps might just save his life.

ctab · July 2010

Here are some direct quotes from To Train Up a Child where spanking, whipping, and/ or switching a very young child are mentioned:

https://whynottrainachild.com/2010/04/20/quotes-from-ttuac/

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