On "trying to have a medicated birth"

smilelari · June 2010

Just read this blog entry and I think it's very well stated. Every time I see someone saying they are "trying" for a med free birth but they'll see how it goes, mentally I think they'll probably get the epi. I'm sure some people do go med free that say that they'll "try" but in my experience it takes more dedication than that.

https://www.birthresourcenetwork.org/blog/why-you-shouldnt-try-to-have-an-unmedicated-birth/

Carilyn · June 2010

I know what you mean. I get the same feeling when people say they're going to "try" to breastfeed. You've got to be determined or you'll quit.

strangebird · June 2010

I've felt this way for a long time, and second the breastfeeding comment--"trying" to breastfeed means you'll have a formula fed baby before long.

Unknown · June 2010

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jenair · June 2010

I say this all the time. I even ask in my class - who's going to have a natural birth and who's going to try. Then tell the 'try' folks that they'll most likely fail. Its a sad but oh-so-very-true statement. I'll love having this article as homework for that night.

nosoup4u · June 2010

That was a good post, thanks for sharing it.

I think one's personaility has a lot to do with whether or not they're able to go med-free (especially in a hospital setting). The women I know who can be very determined and stubborn tend to be the ones who have achieved med-free in a hospital (though I can totally understand why a woman would ask for it if she knew it was there, you know?). Hope that makes sense...

3003girl · June 2010

I agree.

BUT - I often say I am going to try for a med free birth when I'm talking to people who are very "traditional" in the "you should have a baby at the hospital with meds" way. It seems to diffuse advice/arguments/whatever.

So in my mind, I'm going med free but when I talk to people if they ask I generally say I'm going to try for a natural birth.

(I'm birthing at a birth center, so i would have to transfer to get meds, and I don't plan on doing that unless I need a c-section or something goes horribly wrong)

I also have so many friends who have had bad experiences breastfeeding, mostly because they were not prepared or got bad advice from the Pedi (my sisters pedi told her she was starving her baby) So that is a very touchy subject. I don't want to come off as cocky - like "oh, i will breastfeed with no problems, even though you had problems" My sister was really depressed about not "being able" to breastfeed, so it's hard to talk about it around her. She was not even told about being able to pump as an option.

flyer23 · June 2010

I love the marathon analogy. I did triathlons before DD was born, including an Ironman about a year before I got pregnant with her. I compare labor to Ironman all.the.time.

I did not "try" to do an Ironman. I trained for 9 months (same length as pregnancy!) and went in prepared to do an Ironman. I was well-aware that unforeseen events might keep me from finishing. I watched a guy maybe 50 feet in front of me miss a turn on a downhill during the bike portion and go flying off the road. His day was done, in spite of all his preparation.

Ultimately, I did finish. (It took a little over 13 hours, similar to the length of labor in the average first-time mom.) As my dad told me the morning of the race, "You've done the hard part. The preparation is the hard part. Today? This is the easy part. Just get your mind out of the way, and let your body do what you've trained it to do."

That's labor. Exactly.

monkeyqueen · June 2010

With my first, I went in with the mentality that I will "try" to go med-free and see how it goes (especially because I've never experienced labour before) and guess what? I went med-free.

After my L&D experiences and the type of labour that I have, I feel even more strongly that I will "try" med-free and see how it goes because I do know what to expect this time for myself and the type of labour I tend to have. Having a ridiculously early urge to push (think 3cm dilated) and feeling the overwhelming pressure and pain to push baby out = very hard to control and simply breath through). I am training/preparing for med-free, but I know my options. What's wrong with that?

eta: This editorial also seems to assume that people who say they will "try" or have that type of mentality do not prepare. You can think "try" while at the same time prepare. These concepts can and do coexist.

schnef1226 · June 2010

I completely agree with the article. I never really understand the "i'll try" sentiment when it comes to med-free birth. I use the marathon example all the time (in the planning, training, mental and physical preparation required). You don't just wake up one morning and decide to try a marathon. And you don't just sign up for a marathon and say, we'll I'll try it on that day. People would look at you nuts! That's why I don't understand when I tell people that my whole pregnancy is "training" for med free labor and delivery...from nutrition, exercise, reading, meditation, getting in that mindset.... When I had naysayers for my first birth that say "well you can't plan anything about birth", I would say to them, yes I agree. But same with a marathon, I don't know if I am going to sprain my ankle or just can't make it past mile 17, but I sure as heck am not going to go into this thing planning on quitting at mile 17.

mysticporter · June 2010

monkeyqueen:
With my first, I went in with the mentality that I will "try" to go med-free and see how it goes (especially because I've never experienced labour before) and guess what? I went med-free.

After my L&D experiences and the type of labour that I have, I feel even more strongly that I will "try" med-free and see how it goes because I do know what to expect this time for myself and the type of labour I tend to have.

eta: This editorial also seems to assume that people who say they will "try" or have that type of mentality do not prepare. You can think "try" while at the same time prepare. These concepts can and do coexist.

This, exactly. I also decided to "try" to go med-free, and did. I will go in with the same mentality this time. I was and am well prepared, and this strategy works for me. It gets old hearing people for whom being committed works for them rail on how people for whom "trying" is the attitude they are comfortable with are doomed to fail. Hell, it gets old just hearing "success" and "failure" thrown around in this context (the author of the linked article does it, too), because, like many, many, women, I will not consider myself a failure if I don't go med-free. That's just not the attitude I have toward my baby entering this world, that if she comes in healthy, no matter how, that it could possibly be considered a failure on any measure. Ironically, the same people who say "if you 'try', you'll 'fail'" tend to be the ones who complain if anyone remotely hints that *they* might not succeed if they share their own birth plans.

schnef1226 · June 2010

flyer23:
Ultimately, I did finish. (It took a little over 13 hours, similar to the length of labor in the average first-time mom.) As my dad told me the morning of the race, "You've done the hard part. The preparation is the hard part. Today? This is the easy part. Just get your mind out of the way, and let your body do what you've trained it to do."

I love your dad!!! It reminds me of what my mom said to me as I was leaving for the hospital. We never really talked birth (even though I knew she had 3 NCB and that was a source of inspiration for me). As I was leaving and had a housefull of people (don't ask) somehow one of my cousins who had just given birth didn't know my med-free plans asked if I was going straight for the epidural. I said no. She (and the rest of the family there) were shocked and comments ensued. My mom simply said "she can do it".

14years · June 2010

flyer23:

Ultimately, I did finish. (It took a little over 13 hours, similar to the length of labor in the average first-time mom.) As my dad told me the morning of the race, "You've done the hard part. The preparation is the hard part. Today? This is the easy part. Just get your mind out of the way, and let your body do what you've trained it to do."

That's labor. Exactly.

I LOVE this. I am going to contemplate this for the next couple of weeks while I finish my preparations. Great thought, and thanks.

dangerkitty102 · June 2010

solidio:
I agree.
BUT - I often say I am going to try for a med free birth when I'm talking to people who are very "traditional" in the "you should have a baby at the hospital with meds" way. It seems to diffuse advice/arguments/whatever.
So in my mind, I'm going med free but when I talk to people if they ask I generally say I'm going to try for a natural birth.
(I'm birthing at a birth center, so i would have to transfer to get meds, and I don't plan on doing that unless I need a c-section or something goes horribly wrong)

This exactly. I tell people I'm "trying" or "will see how it goes" unless I know they'd be supportive (like as soon as someone tells me "I did it natural", then I tell them the truth that I'm very determined not to get drugs!)

jdoman · June 2010

I tend to agree that this has more to do with those who say they want to "try", but then do not put in any of preparation that is so vital to acheive a med free birth.

I also think that some women say they will "try" for a med free birth, even though they have every intention of doing so, just to avoid the judgemental comments that are all too frequent and common. I can't tell you how many people have tried (however unintentionally) to dissuade me from my absolute goal of a med free birth. They say "well, don't get you hopes up. You never know what is going to happen." I'm not sure what there is such as stigma about being dissapointed if you don't get to experience the kind of birth that you wanted to. Yes, I will love my child however it comes into the world. But yes, I will be dissapointed if I or my body isn't able to go through birth without interventions. And I think it is OK to feel that dissapointment and mourn it. It doesn't mean I love my child any less.

Okay, I'll step off my soap box now...

MrsTiara · June 2010

What an excellent post! My Bradley instructor had a class right after mine where the women (I think 3 of them) where just there to see what their options were, and yep, all three of them had epis. In my class we were all really dedicated and we all had out-of-hospital, natural births (3 homebirths and mine at a BC).

The biggest problem is that nobody attends births anymore. You used to have all the womenfolk at all of the family births and women would grow up knowing what happens, what to expect, and what was normal in a natural childbirth. Now you don't have any of that. You mainly hear the horror stories and the first birth you're at is usually that of your own child. I'm having one friend in attendence (whom I hope will change her mind about natural childbirth after seeing mine), but I kind of wish I could invite nearly everyone I know so they could see what their REAL options are.

The second biggest problem is the uneducated husbands who can't handle seeing their wives in pain and push the meds as much as the drs. do. Just because they couldn't handle it doesn't mean that we can't!! (this is not my husband, just all of his friends)

tracy41 · June 2010

dangerkitty102:
solidio:

I agree.

BUT - I often say I am going to try for a med free birth when I'm talking to people who are very "traditional" in the "you should have a baby at the hospital with meds" way. It seems to diffuse advice/arguments/whatever.

So in my mind, I'm going med free but when I talk to people if they ask I generally say I'm going to try for a natural birth.

(I'm birthing at a birth center, so i would have to transfer to get meds, and I don't plan on doing that unless I need a c-section or something goes horribly wrong)

This exactly. I tell people I'm "trying" or "will see how it goes" unless I know they'd be supportive (like as soon as someone tells me "I did it natural", then I tell them the truth that I'm very determined not to get drugs!)

I agree with these ladies. I have every intention of having a natural birth, but I don't feel the need to listen to people argue with me about it so using language like "trying" or "we'll see" let's them think they're right without affecting me. I even put in my birth plan not to ask me if I want drugs that I will ask if I need them. Not because I will need them or will ask, but because my OB was very concerned that I be "openminded." You can be as wishy-washy in your language as you like, mentally is the only place you have to be iron-clad dedicated. If you're not there mentally, well good luck.

And for you runners I have also told people that I'm "attempting" a half marathon so I didn't have to listen to comments about hard it is and I've run them just fine. And "we'll see" about a marthon when I'm not pregnant. Smile Preparation and mental dedication.

bandwife · June 2010

MrsTiara:
The biggest problem is that nobody attends births anymore. You used to have all the womenfolk at all of the family births and women would grow up knowing what happens, what to expect, and what was normal in a natural childbirth. Now you don't have any of that. You mainly hear the horror stories and the first birth you're at is usually that of your own child. I'm having one friend in attendence (whom I hope will change her mind about natural childbirth after seeing mine), but I kind of wish I could invite nearly everyone I know so they could see what their REAL options are.

This.

And I ditto previous posts about preparation during pregnancy. I stayed in shape, I read up about birthing med-free, I hired a doula, I watched labor videos with my husband, I did a lot of thinking about how I handle stress and what my ideal laboring environment would be.

moroccojade · June 2010

::busting out of lurking::

I believe with my whole heart that I prepared for a med free/intervention free birth. My midwives were the best. Out of their 1000s of births they've only ever done 2 episiotomies, seen 4 cesarians... They say that 85-90% of their clients go completely med-free. Those were extremely encouraging stats.

I practiced hypnobirthing, took a fantastic Birthing From Within class from a very well-respected mentor. I did acupuncture/moxibustion for months before my due date. I ate well. Walked a LOT. Didn't gain too much weight. Was the picture of health.

Perhaps many prepare more/better than I did. But in my estimation I went beyond trying and planning.

But in the end? After 22+ hours of med-free labour. 20 of which were at home. I ended up with a scary emergency cesarian. Bringing my midwife's total to 5.

I don't tell my story to be discouraging. I tell it because no matter what word one uses, sometimes things just don't work out. No matter how great you, your husband, and midwives are. Will that stop me from preparing to the best of my ability next time? No. Will I prepare for a VBAC (HBAC?) next time? Yes. Do I have to be careful to make 'dealing with disappointment' part of my prep next time? Perhaps. I *didn't* last time and ended up with PTSD about my 'failed' natural birth.

Anyway, articles like this are only useful to a point, IMO. Sometimes they can make you feel worse/guilty about certain outcomes.

*speedracer* · June 2010

great blog entry! i agree, there is definitely a mental preparation component to it that a lot of people don't think about. i went in to my first birth thinking i'd "try" but at the time i didn't really know what "trying" meant. and of course, i got the Epidural.

ETA: to the PPs who said they were going to "try" and did it, that's great for them, but i think that is the exception rather than the rule.

julyjennifer · June 2010

Earlier in my first pg I was in the "i plan to try" mindset for a med-free birth and for bfing.

As I began researching how to go about achieving these goals (taking Bradley, reading, bf classes, LLL meeting) my philosophy shifted and I began to feel more like the OP expressed it--more of a fierce dedication that I will do these things (with the knowledge that I can't predict the future and sometimes unexpected things happen, but that part not being the focus of my thoughts).

So I guess I'd cut some people some slack if they're in the "try" mode, perhaps they'll get to the "I will" yet.

monkeyqueen · June 2010

*speedracer*:

great blog entry! i agree, there is definitely a mental preparation component to it that a lot of people don't think about. i went in to my first birth thinking i'd "try" but at the time i didn't really know what "trying" meant. and of course, i got the Epidural.

ETA: to the PPs who said they were going to "try" and did it, that's great for them, but i think that is the exception rather than the rule.

It's only the exception when "try" is accompanied with no preparation. All I am saying is that "try" and "prepare" are not concepts that are completely opposite. The can coexist and there is nothing wrong with saying I will "try" for a med-free birth and this is how I'm preparing, etc...... It's all just semantics. Like another pp mentioned, the blog entry is useful to a point but it really does lump all women who use the word "try" into one category.

eta: I also find this all a bit like the people who say "oh you're going med-free? -Well, wait and see, you'll end up with the epidural." and other statements like that. It's kind of like "oh you're going to "try" for med-free? Well, you'll fail because you're not "dedicated" enough." They are both blanket statements and don't really cater to the individual's personality/ideals/labour and delivery experience/etc. It's really just about how individuals educate themselves and prepare and not how they express their hopes. Try does not equal ill-prepared.

mysticporter · June 2010

monkeyqueen:
*speedracer*:

great blog entry! i agree, there is definitely a mental preparation component to it that a lot of people don't think about. i went in to my first birth thinking i'd "try" but at the time i didn't really know what "trying" meant. and of course, i got the Epidural.

ETA: to the PPs who said they were going to "try" and did it, that's great for them, but i think that is the exception rather than the rule.

Like another pp mentioned, the blog entry is useful to a point but it really does lump all women who use the word "try" into one category.

On that idea...just like there are people who say they are going to try when they are "committed" just to avoid judgment, there are people who say they are going to try when they don't have any really intention to because pro-pain med folks aren't the only ones who can be judgmental and condescending.

Beyond that though, I totally don't get why people who are committed to pain-med free births and sick of hearing "Oh, you're determined to have a natural birth? Good luck with that, you'll change your tune" see no problem throwing at people who want to try, "Yea, not going to happen with that attitude, you're just going to fail". Some people who genuinely just want to "try", end up doing it. Some don't. Some people who are "committed", end up doing it. Some don't, either for medical reasons or because they chose intervention in the end (10-15% of all homebirths result in hospital transfer, many for non-emergency conditions like exhaustion, pain relief, etc...I'm pretty sure those women were awfully committed, and it just didn't work out for them). Just like women have a right to be disappointed if the birth experience isn't what they planned without be criticized, women have a right to choose to be more flexible in their mindset if that will circumvent that disappointment, and also do so without being criticized or told out of the box they've already "doomed" their attempt.

monkeyqueen · June 2010

Mysticporter! You say it much better than I! lol:)

flyer23 · June 2010

moroccojade:
Perhaps many prepare more/better than I did. But in my estimation I went beyond trying and planning.
But in the end? After 22+ hours of med-free labour. 20 of which were at home. I ended up with a scary emergency cesarian. Bringing my midwife's total to 5.

Going back to my earlier Ironman analogy, you were the guy right in front of me who crashed his bike.

It is hard to put into words, but just because I'm dead-set on having a natural birth doesn't mean that I'm unprepared to deal with NOT having one. Again, it's the preparation that is key. Even if I had crashed out of Ironman, I would have been better off than if I had never chose to do it in the first place. Just by toeing that start line, I was in MUCH better shape than I was 9 months earlier. I had a lot of pride in myself for overcoming a number of obstacles to successfully train for the event. I had pushed myself harder physically than I ever had before, and discovered that I was capable of more than I ever thought possible. NOTHING could take those things away from me. Even getting a DNF (did not finish) in the race itself.

Same thing with natural birth. And this circles back to multiple discussions we've had on this board around "what is a 'natural' birth?" -- does a Pitocin-induced labor with no epidural count as "natural?" Is it still "natural" if you have ultrasounds during your pregnancy? etc. For me, it doesn't matter. "Natural birth" (whatever that means) is not my goal. Preparation is my goal... educating myself, making the best decisions for me and my baby on everything from nutrition to medication to prenatal testing, doing everything I can to have a low-intervention birth. Because ultimately I believe that ALL of that (not just the birth part) is geared towards giving my baby the best possible start in life.

If I do all those things, NOTHING can take that away from me -- or from my baby. Even if I end up having a higher-intervention birth than I had hoped. It's not like my months of eating fruits/veggies rather than Twinkies are all for naught if I have a c-section.

monkeyqueen · June 2010

flyer23:
moroccojade:
Perhaps many prepare more/better than I did. But in my estimation I went beyond trying and planning.
But in the end? After 22+ hours of med-free labour. 20 of which were at home. I ended up with a scary emergency cesarian. Bringing my midwife's total to 5.

Going back to my earlier Ironman analogy, you were the guy right in front of me who crashed his bike.

It is hard to put into words, but just because I'm dead-set on having a natural birth doesn't mean that I'm unprepared to deal with NOT having one. Again, it's the preparation that is key. Even if I had crashed out of Ironman, I would have been better off than if I had never chose to do it in the first place. Just by toeing that start line, I was in MUCH better shape than I was 9 months earlier. I had a lot of pride in myself for overcoming a number of obstacles to successfully train for the event. I had pushed myself harder physically than I ever had before, and discovered that I was capable of more than I ever thought possible. NOTHING could take those things away from me. Even getting a DNF (did not finish) in the race itself.

Same thing with natural birth. And this circles back to multiple discussions we've had on this board around "what is a 'natural' birth?" -- does a Pitocin-induced labor with no epidural count as "natural?" Is it still "natural" if you have ultrasounds during your pregnancy? etc. For me, it doesn't matter. "Natural birth" (whatever that means) is not my goal. Preparation is my goal... educating myself, making the best decisions for me and my baby on everything from nutrition to medication to prenatal testing, doing everything I can to have a low-intervention birth. Because ultimately I believe that ALL of that (not just the birth part) is geared towards giving my baby the best possible start in life.

If I do all those things, NOTHING can take that away from me -- or from my baby. Even if I end up having a higher-intervention birth than I had hoped. It's not like my months of eating fruits/veggies rather than Twinkies are all for naught if I have a c-section.

I love your story/experience! But, the point is someone saying that they will "try" for something does not in anyway equal lack of preparedness. Which is what it seems this thread is about......

Ready2006 · June 2010

My doctor told me this. I told her I'd like to "try" and she said if it was going to work, I needed a plan. She recommended hypnobirthing and we didn't look back!

*speedracer* · June 2010

monkeyqueen:
flyer23:
moroccojade:
Perhaps many prepare more/better than I did. But in my estimation I went beyond trying and planning.
But in the end? After 22+ hours of med-free labour. 20 of which were at home. I ended up with a scary emergency cesarian. Bringing my midwife's total to 5.

Going back to my earlier Ironman analogy, you were the guy right in front of me who crashed his bike.

It is hard to put into words, but just because I'm dead-set on having a natural birth doesn't mean that I'm unprepared to deal with NOT having one. Again, it's the preparation that is key. Even if I had crashed out of Ironman, I would have been better off than if I had never chose to do it in the first place. Just by toeing that start line, I was in MUCH better shape than I was 9 months earlier. I had a lot of pride in myself for overcoming a number of obstacles to successfully train for the event. I had pushed myself harder physically than I ever had before, and discovered that I was capable of more than I ever thought possible. NOTHING could take those things away from me. Even getting a DNF (did not finish) in the race itself.

Same thing with natural birth. And this circles back to multiple discussions we've had on this board around "what is a 'natural' birth?" -- does a Pitocin-induced labor with no epidural count as "natural?" Is it still "natural" if you have ultrasounds during your pregnancy? etc. For me, it doesn't matter. "Natural birth" (whatever that means) is not my goal. Preparation is my goal... educating myself, making the best decisions for me and my baby on everything from nutrition to medication to prenatal testing, doing everything I can to have a low-intervention birth. Because ultimately I believe that ALL of that (not just the birth part) is geared towards giving my baby the best possible start in life.

If I do all those things, NOTHING can take that away from me -- or from my baby. Even if I end up having a higher-intervention birth than I had hoped. It's not like my months of eating fruits/veggies rather than Twinkies are all for naught if I have a c-section.

I love your story/experience! But, the point is someone saying that they will "try" for something does not in anyway equal lack of preparedness. Which is what it seems this thread is about......

the blog post is about people who say they will try and don't adequately prepare, not about people who simply use the word "try." I said i am trying to go med free with both of my births. my first birth i winged it and wasn't ready for the race. my second birth i trained and fortunately i was able to do it.

bluejayway · June 2010

I dunno, I think it's an interesting concept. And I think "try" can be just a word, like some others have said. I personally have said "I am trying for a natural birth" just because that's a good way to put it to strangers and people I don't know, and I am not really all that comfortable discussing my vajayjay with them.

In reality, I have diligently prepared, hired a doula, and I am giving birth a birth center where I can't be induced or have an epi. Semantics really.

userdeleted · June 2010

strangebird:
I've felt this way for a long time, and second the breastfeeding comment--"trying" to breastfeed means you'll have a formula fed baby before long.

False. I went in with my second knowing that I would "merely" try to breastfeed and whaddya know - still breastfeeding my 6 1/2 month old.

I knew I wanted to "try" to have a med free VBAC, but also was not completely opposed to an epi. I labored med free for about 10 hrs and got an epi after that.

A friend of mine was hard core about natural birth. Very much "why would anyone ever do that" about epidurals. She labored for hours and hours and hours without an epidural, finally got one because she needed to rest, and then ended up needing a c-section because the baby wouldn't come out.

Sometimes it really is about the situation, and some people need to mentally prepare themselves for all possibilities or they know they might be disappointed. Some people would rather take a hardline approach and that's fine. Isn't it nice that we can all choose to do things in a way that works for us? If only women who were supposedly all about choice in childbirth didn't always seem to be the ones judging the crap out of people who make even slightly different choices...

littlemac1117 · June 2010

I agree with pretty much everything in there, however I feel compelled to point out a misquote in the article. They quoted a doctor from The Business of Being Born as saying women who birth naturally are striving for some sort of "feminist masochism", but the quote is actually "feminist machoism". I don't know why I remember it or why I felt the need to correct it, but there you have it.

userdeleted · June 2010

I have something I want to add - you know, some people really are just trying, and they're ok with that. You can put me in that category. I just wanted to get as far as I could get. I'm really happy I went as long as I did without an epi - to me it was an amazing, exhilarating experience. I'm also glad I got the epi when I did because you know what? I wanted to take a nap.

The way that whole post and this whole thread is framed, is as if getting an epidural at some point during labor is some sort of failure, one which we should all be going to great lengths to avoid. I reject that. There are definitely good reasons to opt against medications during labor, but none so compelling that women should be made to feel like less if they just want to give it a go and see what happens. None that make getting pain medication a *bad* choice.

KateLouise · June 2010

I disagree with this, and with the pp comment about BF.

I went into labour saying, "I'd like to go med free, but I have no idea how what it will be like so I'm open to anything on the day." I was always completely relaxed about using the gas, but reluctant to use an epi or pethidene.

I ended up using the gas whilst pushing and that was it.

Same with BF. I went in saying, "I plan/hope to BF but we'll see how we go" I've EBF for 5 mths and plan to BF till the end of the year.

I really wanted both of these things but didn't really do anything special to prepare for them.

So maybe the difference is not so much how someone prepares, but what they mean when they say, "I want."

My, "I want" meant I've read all the options I understand why I want to pursue the different choices I've made and why they're important to me but I also understand that I cannot predict how things will pan out for me, so I'm open to the other options on the day.

Perhaps some people's "I want..." means, "I think I should say this but I don't really feel strongly about it, or believe it matters/makes a difference, so if on the day I want an epi, then I'm having an epi."

margeincharge2 · June 2010

flyer23:

I love the marathon analogy. I did triathlons before DD was born, including an Ironman about a year before I got pregnant with her. I compare labor to Ironman all.the.time.

I did not "try" to do an Ironman. I trained for 9 months (same length as pregnancy!) and went in prepared to do an Ironman. I was well-aware that unforeseen events might keep me from finishing. I watched a guy maybe 50 feet in front of me miss a turn on a downhill during the bike portion and go flying off the road. His day was done, in spite of all his preparation.

Ultimately, I did finish. (It took a little over 13 hours, similar to the length of labor in the average first-time mom.) As my dad told me the morning of the race, "You've done the hard part. The preparation is the hard part. Today? This is the easy part. Just get your mind out of the way, and let your body do what you've trained it to do."

That's labor. Exactly.

This analogy, like all analogies, has its limitations. Just remember there are always those of us who did the prep and the planning and the thought and never got to try. And don't for a second say I was one of the ones who crashed. Please, give me a break. If labor were as simple as letting your body do what it was trained to do I would have likely died in childbirth.

I had wanted and planned for a med free birth but one breech baby and severe case of pre-e and HELLP meant that I never got to labor at all. It was straight to an emergency c/s for me, which was necessary to save mine and my baby's lives. So the whole "let your body do what you've trained it to do" stuff is just crap because it's just not that simple. It just isn't. It is also crap because it makes women who didn't have the birth of their choice feel inferior because their bodies failed them.

And for everyone who said women who didn't stick with breastfeeding didn't have the fortitude to stick with it, all I can say is good luck when it's your turn. And this is coming from someone who is still breastfeeding at 10 months plus. To those of you who have breastfed before, shame on you for saying those women who couldn't bf just didn't try hard enough and for those of you who are pregnant, good luck. I mean that really. Breastfeeding is hard. By far the hardest thing I've ever done. With both of those scenarios you just never know what life will throw at you and all the planning in the world may not make a difference.

I hope none of you have to deal with the pain of not being able to bf or not having a vaginal, unmedicated birth but attitudes like this serve no purpose other than to pit women against each other and make them inferior for what they couldn't have or defensive over being judged for the choices they made.

I also wanted to add that yes there is planning involved but there is also just some level of bad luck or good fortune. It is naive to think that proper planning is the only thing needed.

KateLouise · June 2010

margeincharge2:
flyer23:

I love the marathon analogy. I did triathlons before DD was born, including an Ironman about a year before I got pregnant with her. I compare labor to Ironman all.the.time.
I did not "try" to do an Ironman. I trained for 9 months (same length as pregnancy!) and went in prepared to do an Ironman. I was well-aware that unforeseen events might keep me from finishing. I watched a guy maybe 50 feet in front of me miss a turn on a downhill during the bike portion and go flying off the road. His day was done, in spite of all his preparation.
Ultimately, I did finish. (It took a little over 13 hours, similar to the length of labor in the average first-time mom.) As my dad told me the morning of the race, "You've done the hard part. The preparation is the hard part. Today? This is the easy part. Just get your mind out of the way, and let your body do what you've trained it to do."
That's labor. Exactly.
This analogy, like all analogies, has its limitations. Just remember there are always those of us who did the prep and the planning and the thought and never got to try. And don't for a second say I was one of the ones who crashed. Please, give me a break. If labor were as simple as letting your body do what it was trained to do I would have likely died in childbirth.
I had wanted and planned for a med free birth but one breech baby and severe case of pre-e and HELLP meant that I never got to labor at all. It was straight to an emergency c/s for me, which was necessary to save mine and my baby's lives. So the whole "let your body do what you've trained it to do" stuff is just crap because it's just not that simple. It just isn't. It is also crap because it makes women who didn't have the birth of their choice feel inferior because their bodies failed them.
And for everyone who said women who didn't stick with breastfeeding didn't have the fortitude to stick with it, all I can say is good luck when it's your turn. And this is coming from someone who is still breastfeeding at 10 months plus. To those of you who have breastfed before, shame on you for saying those women who couldn't bf just didn't try hard enough and for those of you who are pregnant, good luck. I mean that really. Breastfeeding is hard. By far the hardest thing I've ever done. With both of those scenarios you just never know what life will throw at you and all the planning in the world may not make a difference.
I hope none of you have to deal with the pain of not being able to bf or not having a vaginal, unmedicated birth but attitudes like this serve no purpose other than to pit women against each other and make them inferior for what they couldn't have or defensive over being judged for the choices they made.
I also wanted to add that yes there is planning involved but there is also just some level of bad luck or good fortune. It is naive to think that proper planning is the only thing needed.

I didn't have your experiences, but your point is really well stated.

But I wanted to agree with you about the BF in spades. Labour didn't have me sobbing, learning to BF did. Whilst I'm a huge fan of BF I wouldn't blame a single person who gave up.

I understand, now, what the people who said, "Breastfeeding your child is such a special time" mean, but in those early weeks, they have no idea how close they came to being throat punched.

Mrs.Handy · June 2010

I like the language suggestion. I'm dedicated to a natural birth and preparing for it. But when I tell people that (which I don't unless they solicit the information) their attitudes are negative and annoying. You never know what will happen, etc.

Of course I want a healthy, happy baby overall and will accept whatever medical interventions that is NECESSARY to make that happen. But barring complications, I'm striving for a natural birth. Why can't you just be supportive as opposed to negative?

So sometimes I will say I'm trying for a natural birth but this certainly sounds less dedicated than I actually am.

As the due date approaches, I'm working on just shutting out all the negative opinions and focusing on a positive birthing experience.

lvisser · June 2010

jenair:
I say this all the time. I even ask in my class - who's going to have a natural birth and who's going to try. Then tell the 'try' folks that they'll most likely fail. Its a sad but oh-so-very-true statement. I'll love having this article as homework for that night.

Wow. Aren't you a peach. Are you always so encouraging?

mysticporter · June 2010

*speedracer*:
monkeyqueen:
flyer23:
moroccojade:
Perhaps many prepare more/better than I did. But in my estimation I went beyond trying and planning.
But in the end? After 22+ hours of med-free labour. 20 of which were at home. I ended up with a scary emergency cesarian. Bringing my midwife's total to 5.

Going back to my earlier Ironman analogy, you were the guy right in front of me who crashed his bike.

It is hard to put into words, but just because I'm dead-set on having a natural birth doesn't mean that I'm unprepared to deal with NOT having one. Again, it's the preparation that is key. Even if I had crashed out of Ironman, I would have been better off than if I had never chose to do it in the first place. Just by toeing that start line, I was in MUCH better shape than I was 9 months earlier. I had a lot of pride in myself for overcoming a number of obstacles to successfully train for the event. I had pushed myself harder physically than I ever had before, and discovered that I was capable of more than I ever thought possible. NOTHING could take those things away from me. Even getting a DNF (did not finish) in the race itself.

Same thing with natural birth. And this circles back to multiple discussions we've had on this board around "what is a 'natural' birth?" -- does a Pitocin-induced labor with no epidural count as "natural?" Is it still "natural" if you have ultrasounds during your pregnancy? etc. For me, it doesn't matter. "Natural birth" (whatever that means) is not my goal. Preparation is my goal... educating myself, making the best decisions for me and my baby on everything from nutrition to medication to prenatal testing, doing everything I can to have a low-intervention birth. Because ultimately I believe that ALL of that (not just the birth part) is geared towards giving my baby the best possible start in life.

If I do all those things, NOTHING can take that away from me -- or from my baby. Even if I end up having a higher-intervention birth than I had hoped. It's not like my months of eating fruits/veggies rather than Twinkies are all for naught if I have a c-section.

I love your story/experience! But, the point is someone saying that they will "try" for something does not in anyway equal lack of preparedness. Which is what it seems this thread is about......
the blog post is about people who say they will try and don't adequately prepare, not about people who simply use the word "try." I said i am trying to go med free with both of my births. my first birth i winged it and wasn't ready for the race. my second birth i trained and fortunately i was able to do it.

That's true, although I wish instead of saying "Don't try, prepare" the author had said "If you are going to try, prepare". It seems to be a short leap for women who have the Yoda mentality of "Do or do not, there is no try" (or you are doomed to fail) to run with that from the "Don't try" part. Which is fine for anyone who wants to have that mentality...as long as it's recognized someone else may have a different approach, which can be equally successful for them.

It's not just an issue of semantics for me, 'try' vs. 'do'. If I say I'm going to *do* something, I will. If I say I'm going to run a marathon, you can bet your a$$ it'll happen. If I collapse or crash or a bus runs me over, I'll be back next year and the year after that until my butt crosses the finish line. That's where the analogy to labor breaks down completely for me. I'm not going to go pain med free, like a marathon, I'm trying to go pain med free. If I don't, for any reason whatsoever, I will be completely happy. Getting an epidural or needing a c-section isn't failing to cross the line for me, isn't something I feel compelled to do over until I get it "right" or feel bad about, it's just a different path. The race will still be won, and I will have nothing to prove to myself. So, yeah, I'm going to "try", like I did last time (when it happened to work out). Someone who wants to just 'go for it' and responds to my attitude with the equivalent of "Oh...you're just going to try? You'll fail. Not me, though..." is pretty transparently making a judgment call that they/their way is better, don't-ya-know (but heaven forbid some negative jerk should tell them they might not reach their goal).

moroccojade · June 2010

margeincharge2:
flyer23:

I love the marathon analogy. I did triathlons before DD was born, including an Ironman about a year before I got pregnant with her. I compare labor to Ironman all.the.time.

I did not "try" to do an Ironman. I trained for 9 months (same length as pregnancy!) and went in prepared to do an Ironman. I was well-aware that unforeseen events might keep me from finishing. I watched a guy maybe 50 feet in front of me miss a turn on a downhill during the bike portion and go flying off the road. His day was done, in spite of all his preparation.

Ultimately, I did finish. (It took a little over 13 hours, similar to the length of labor in the average first-time mom.) As my dad told me the morning of the race, "You've done the hard part. The preparation is the hard part. Today? This is the easy part. Just get your mind out of the way, and let your body do what you've trained it to do."

That's labor. Exactly.

This analogy, like all analogies, has its limitations. Just remember there are always those of us who did the prep and the planning and the thought and never got to try. And don't for a second say I was one of the ones who crashed. Please, give me a break. If labor were as simple as letting your body do what it was trained to do I would have likely died in childbirth.

I had wanted and planned for a med free birth but one breech baby and severe case of pre-e and HELLP meant that I never got to labor at all. It was straight to an emergency c/s for me, which was necessary to save mine and my baby's lives. So the whole "let your body do what you've trained it to do" stuff is just crap because it's just not that simple. It just isn't. It is also crap because it makes women who didn't have the birth of their choice feel inferior because their bodies failed them.

And for everyone who said women who didn't stick with breastfeeding didn't have the fortitude to stick with it, all I can say is good luck when it's your turn. And this is coming from someone who is still breastfeeding at 10 months plus. To those of you who have breastfed before, shame on you for saying those women who couldn't bf just didn't try hard enough and for those of you who are pregnant, good luck. I mean that really. Breastfeeding is hard. By far the hardest thing I've ever done. With both of those scenarios you just never know what life will throw at you and all the planning in the world may not make a difference.

I hope none of you have to deal with the pain of not being able to bf or not having a vaginal, unmedicated birth but attitudes like this serve no purpose other than to pit women against each other and make them inferior for what they couldn't have or defensive over being judged for the choices they made.

I also wanted to add that yes there is planning involved but there is also just some level of bad luck or good fortune. It is naive to think that proper planning is the only thing needed.

I admit I'm not too fond of the fact that I'm referred to as one who 'crashed'. That makes me feel worse than I already do. Even when I'm nearly 3 years out.

No matter what words we use. No matter how well we prepare. Sometimes things just do NOT work out. They just don't.

So yes, according to many, I'm a big fat birth FAIL.

Not only that, I am a BFing fail, too. Despite using the right words, preparing to the extreme, and taking massive handfuls of drugs and herbs every day. Yes, I 'nursed' for 18 months, but due to surgery I had to stick tubes to myself and feed formula, too, as I nursed to keep my baby alive.

I wish I could say I don't care what people think of my situation. But I do. I can just feel the judgment. "She really mustn't have prepared as well as she could have! Or else it would have all worked out! She must have been one of those idiots who said they'd 'try'." Even though I see those words and know in my heart of hearts that they are preposterous, it still stings.

flyer23 · June 2010

moroccojade:
margeincharge2:
flyer23:

I love the marathon analogy. I did triathlons before DD was born, including an Ironman about a year before I got pregnant with her. I compare labor to Ironman all.the.time.

I did not "try" to do an Ironman. I trained for 9 months (same length as pregnancy!) and went in prepared to do an Ironman. I was well-aware that unforeseen events might keep me from finishing. I watched a guy maybe 50 feet in front of me miss a turn on a downhill during the bike portion and go flying off the road. His day was done, in spite of all his preparation.

Ultimately, I did finish. (It took a little over 13 hours, similar to the length of labor in the average first-time mom.) As my dad told me the morning of the race, "You've done the hard part. The preparation is the hard part. Today? This is the easy part. Just get your mind out of the way, and let your body do what you've trained it to do."

That's labor. Exactly.

This analogy, like all analogies, has its limitations. Just remember there are always those of us who did the prep and the planning and the thought and never got to try. And don't for a second say I was one of the ones who crashed. Please, give me a break. If labor were as simple as letting your body do what it was trained to do I would have likely died in childbirth.

I had wanted and planned for a med free birth but one breech baby and severe case of pre-e and HELLP meant that I never got to labor at all. It was straight to an emergency c/s for me, which was necessary to save mine and my baby's lives. So the whole "let your body do what you've trained it to do" stuff is just crap because it's just not that simple. It just isn't. It is also crap because it makes women who didn't have the birth of their choice feel inferior because their bodies failed them.

And for everyone who said women who didn't stick with breastfeeding didn't have the fortitude to stick with it, all I can say is good luck when it's your turn. And this is coming from someone who is still breastfeeding at 10 months plus. To those of you who have breastfed before, shame on you for saying those women who couldn't bf just didn't try hard enough and for those of you who are pregnant, good luck. I mean that really. Breastfeeding is hard. By far the hardest thing I've ever done. With both of those scenarios you just never know what life will throw at you and all the planning in the world may not make a difference.

I hope none of you have to deal with the pain of not being able to bf or not having a vaginal, unmedicated birth but attitudes like this serve no purpose other than to pit women against each other and make them inferior for what they couldn't have or defensive over being judged for the choices they made.

I also wanted to add that yes there is planning involved but there is also just some level of bad luck or good fortune. It is naive to think that proper planning is the only thing needed.

I admit I'm not too fond of the fact that I'm referred to as one who 'crashed'. That makes me feel worse than I already do. Even when I'm nearly 3 years out.

No matter what words we use. No matter how well we prepare. Sometimes things just do NOT work out. They just don't.

So yes, according to many, I'm a big fat birth FAIL.

Not only that, I am a BFing fail, too. Despite using the right words, preparing to the extreme, and taking massive handfuls of drugs and herbs every day. Yes, I 'nursed' for 18 months, but due to surgery I had to stick tubes to myself and feed formula, too, as I nursed to keep my baby alive.

I wish I could say I don't care what people think of my situation. But I do. I can just feel the judgment. "She really mustn't have prepared as well as she could have! Or else it would have all worked out! She must have been one of those idiots who said they'd 'try'." Even though I see those words and know in my heart of hearts that they are preposterous, it still stings.

Sorry if I offended you both. It wasn't my intention at all.

For the record, I don't consider the guy who crashed his bike during Ironman to be a failure. Just getting on that bike took more guts than most people have, no matter how he ended up coming off it.

I don't consider either of you, or any woman who has any type of interventions, to be a "failure" either. No matter what type of birth she tried/planned/prepared/whatever-word-you-want-to-use for.

I'm well aware that sometimes things just do NOT work out. I prepared for a low-intervention birth with DD, and envisioned myself laboring at home as long as possible, then wandering freely around the hospital until it was time to squat my way to her birth. Then I tested GBS+, and then I went to 42 weeks and was induced... and so I ended up in the hospital more than 24 hours before her birth, with an IV in my arm, tethered to a fetal monitor, struggling to stay on top of Pitocin-induced contractions. Oh, and I hated hated hated squatting.

There have been posts on here where people have advocated turning down the antibiotics if you're GBS+, or turning down the GBS test completely. Posts where inducing at 42 weeks has been called unnecessary, and where others have said that a Pitocin-induced birth is not "natural." Does that sting? No, not really. DD's birth was most certainly not my ideal birth, but it I would say that it WAS the "birth of my choice," because thanks to my preparation, I knew the benefits/drawbacks. I knew that the choices I made were the right ones, given the situation.

DS's birth was pretty much my "ideal" (GBS-, went into labor spontaneously 2 days shy of my EDD, had a lovely easy short homebirth), but I still have no regrets about DD's birth. I feel strongly that both of my kids were born the way that THEY needed to be born, whether or not that was the way I WANTED them to be born. Or certainly whether or not that was the way other people THINK they should have been born.

Again, sorry if I offended.

Susan_KW · June 2010

I never took a class on labor and delivery. I knew very little about it. When my OB asked the night I was admitted to the hospital I told her I'd like to try to go med free.

I did it. Zoe was born with a drop of pitocin, pain killer, or anything really. I even labored all by myself and un monitored for most of the active stage of labor. I've never had any type of cervical check done. I wasn't even in labor and delivery for most of my labor. By the time they got me into labor and delivery I was ready to push. Zoe started crowning a few minutes later.

It is possible to do.

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