Pregnant after a Loss

Fighting with DH (LONG - may not want to read whole thing)

I really hate it.  DH thinks that I like it because I am naturally a bit of a fighter, but I really really hate it, and what he ends up saying.  We started being a little cranky at each other over nothing yesterday, and in the end, it was a big fight off and on until midnight.

Basically, I knew that he was going to be cranky from the time that I called him after he got off work.  I wanted to know if he wanted a bit to eat, or if he wanted me to bring something home, and he sounded incredibly annoyed.  In the end, he told me he was too "hot and bothered" to go anywhere, and basically, that he needed some time to be left alone.  I bit my tongue, and told him (nicely) that it would be fine, and I would fend for myself.  I spent an extra hour or so at work doing paperwork (which I needed to do), got McDonalds and then headed home.  He made a big deal of getting the new bassinet box out of my trunk.  He ended up stubbing his toe, getting mad at me and letting the dog out of the house accidentally before he made it to my car.  I just said, "Forget it!'  And then, he seemed angrier, and sulked off. 

I decided I was taking the dog for a walk, with my Ipod of course.  I dropped the dog off after a few blocks, and took a few slow laps on my own.  There were tons of people outside yesterday, and even though it was dark, it did not seem odd to me.  When I got back, H started lecturing me on how stupid I was to walk outside without my phone and my Ipod.  He would not let up, and kept standing in front the area where I keep my PNVs and the sink, so I finally I yelled that he should leave me alone, and get out the way!  This made him pretty mad, so he went out to the garage (typical) with a pizza.

I went back out to talk to him several times (in the garage) and what really bothered me is that he blames me for the whole debacle.  I played my part but he never admits that he says things that are out of line too.  Then he went so far as to say that I "have no idea what I do to him", "do not give an inch in this relationship", "do not care for him", yadda, yadda.  Basically, anything that will make me sound like a cold hearted b!tch. 

Now, to clarify, I thought that things had been really good up until this fight tonight.  We have the occasional disagreement but nothing big lately.  We call each other throughout the day, say I love you in the morning and evening, do lots of things together re: the baby.  We just got back from a little vacation where we got along beautifully.  What hurts me is that none of this seems to matter to him?

We haven't really talked today - he left without saying Goodbye.  It's fine.  I just feel like we'll be avoiding each other, and I'll be in tears this whole weekend.  I guess that we could go for that counseling again, but it just seems so trivial when it starts. 

If you have read this, you are a trooper, and I love you.  Probably too much info out on the internet, but I had to vent, and I think most people know about us anyway.  Thanks ladies.

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Re: Fighting with DH (LONG - may not want to read whole thing)

  • Aw, hon, I'm sorry you guys are fighting so much.  I don't have any advice, but I wanted to offer a :::big hug:::
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  • I'm really sorry you're fighting with H. That sounds really stressful. I also don't get why he was pissy with you for asking what HE wanted for dinner??
    BFP #1 9/23/09. Missed MC 10w3d D&C 11/3/09.

    BFP #2 4/13/10. Bridget born 12/28/10

    BFP #3 Finn born 8/11/15


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  • imageSonadora:
    I'm really sorry you're fighting with H. That sounds really stressful. I also don't get why he was pissy with you for asking what HE wanted for dinner??

    He just has pissy days.  Granted they aren't always often, but he doesn't snap out of it when it happens.

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  • ::::huge hugs:::: I know that things were tough not that long ago too. I hate that sometimes things have to be a constant struggle. Sounds like he was just in a really not great mood to begin with and every little thing just makde it that much more worse. DH gets like this too.  Just try and remember this is only a small piece of a larger picture and it's not always so bad. (I hope not anyway). This is what I have to do when dh and I go through our (what feels like constant) rough patches. I hope you guys can talk things out and patch up the weekend. 
    Marie, wife to Ron, mom to DS
  • imageSonadora:
    . That sounds really stressful. I also don't get why he was pissy with you for asking what HE wanted for dinner??

    This...MH can be a b.tch sometimes too for no reason but it usually turns out to be work related. {{big hugs}} for this weekend. I would just give him time and let him come to you when he's ready.

    Married 6/30/07, TTC 9/07,Mc 12/07, Mc #2 10/8/09,Twin boys 11/30/10, seperated 8/11image
    "Our greatest glory isn't in never falling but in rising every time we fall"
    8/24/09 3rd cycle on 50mg Clomid= BFP 9/23/09 =10/8/09 m/c #2 at 6wks 2days 3/9/10 4th Cycle on 50mg Clomid = BFP 4-5-10 200mg prometrium 2xdaily 1st beta/progesterone 10dpo=43 2nd beta 13dpo=339 u/s 4/16=5wks 3days single visible sac and fetal pole h/b 4/28=Suprise it's Twins! 150 and 127 bpm Labor Buddy to Sonadora and Strunella
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  • imageMarieGranados:
    ::::huge hugs:::: I know that things were tough not that long ago too. I hate that sometimes things have to be a constant struggle. Sounds like he was just in a really not great mood to begin with and every little thing just makde it that much more worse. DH gets like this too.  Just try and remember this is only a small piece of a larger picture and it's not always so bad. (I hope not anyway). This is what I have to do when dh and I go through our (what feels like constant) rough patches. I hope you guys can talk things out and patch up the weekend. 

    Thank you.  I just thought that things had been really good lately.  I know that he is not always this way, but it just hurts that he thinks I am some awful wife all the time . . . not just when we're fighting.  I don't get it.

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  • krate24krate24 member
    Ugh, that sounds so stressful and emotional.  I'm sorry you are going through that.  It's tough when you've been in kind of a bad cycle.  I hope that this doesn't last the whole weekend so that you can actually enjoy yourself.
    My Blog: http://krate24.blogspot.com/ Heather Ann, born still on Jan. 26, 2009 at 27w2d. <a href="http://s1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa361/krate24/?action=view
  • I have always said that everyone and every relationship needs counseling at some point. Trivial or not, it sounds like there is some kind of breakdown in communication and that can turn into something that is not trivial. Now I can say this because I am mega-guilty of it, him trying to make you out to be the bad guy was probably just to make you feel bad. I do that to DH because he is so calm and laid back, you can never get a rise out of him. So when we have a fight (even though I know it's not true and the thought is irrational) I always end up saying something like, "Youre not upset because you don't care." and everytime it's makes him mad and he starts yelling...and then I feel bad for saying it. So I would suggest that if he really feels that way yall look into counseling. DH and I have gone and I enjoy it, it's like having a commentator/referree for your arguments! Someone there to keep you in line and give you a play by play of what each other are really trying to say! Plus you come out of the argument with a resolution which is all I ever want!
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  • honestly, it seems as if your husband is more of the fighter than you. is something going on with him to make him more agitated than usual? something at work bothering him? It just seems like there'a an underlying issue that he has, and it may or may not really have to do with you (he may be taking other frustrations out on you). have you talked about going to counseling?
  • I'm sorry. ((Hugs)) Please don't apologize for venting here. We are all here for you. Sometimes it helps just to get it out.

    ((More Hugs))

  • Big hugs. I think counseling is a great thing for everyone sometimes. Whatever you decide to do we're always here to vent to.
    BFP 4/23/09. D&E 7/17/09 16W5D. BFP #2 3/10/10. EDD 11/15/10 Babycakes was born 11/5/10! Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • DH and I go to counseling. Sometimes I feel that our problems are trivial, but I'm glad we had a relationship established with a counselor because since the m/c our marriage has been really rocky.  We just seem to totally miss each other.  It really helps sometimes to see things from a neutral perspective.

    I'm sorry you've had a rough time. One thing he needs to learn is that you never use the words "always" and "never" when discussing a relationship. You have to give specific examples about things that bother you so that your partner can work on them.

    {hugs}

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  • aw, I'm so sorry :-(

    DH and I have been fighting A LOT in the past few weeks.  I pray it has a lot to do with my pregnancy hormones because I'll admit - I feel a little coo coo lately. 

    I hope you guys work it out fast and are able to enjoy the weekend.
    It sounds like he was upset about something that has nothing to do with you since he was in a bad mood to begin with.

    HUGS and take care of that LO

  • I'm sorry that you guys are fighting. You both are going through a very emotional time right now and it could take it's toll on both of you in weird ways. His being pissy about little things. Sounds like he may have a lot of things on his mind that he needs to talk about. Hopefully he just needs a minute and you both can sit down and have a quiet conversation about how you both are feeling. I'm sorry you are going through this, hopefully it is just a small bump in the road. ((HUGS))
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  • I'm sorry. I don't have much more to offer that hasn't been said, just wanted to give you (((hugs))).
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  • My DH throws alot of generalizations with "always" in it when we fight.  I've learned it's him and I've started calling him on it.  He seems to think if I do something once or twice, then I do it "always".  It's hurtful to have those generalizations thrown at you and I'm sorry it was a rough night.  Maybe counseling would be good to re-initiate some communication strategies for you both and get past some of these generalizations. 
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  • Aw I am so sorry you are fighting with your DH. I hope that you are both able to talk and makes things better tonight so that way you can both enjoy each other over the long weekend. ((BIG HUGS))
    BFP #1: 10/17/08 EDD: 6/24/09-missed m/c; d&c on 12/8/08 BFP #2: 11/7/09 EDD: 7/15/10-Cabe born on 7/9/10 BFP #3: 10/7/11 EDD: 6/20/12 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Pregnancy Ticker A Butterfly lies beside us like a sunbeam and for a brief moment, its beauty and glory belong to our world. But then it flies on again. And though we wish it could have stayed we feel so lucky to have seen it. In loving memory of MrsTyson's precious Julia.
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