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Natural Birth
papagena
member
Those doing the Bradley method - your DH
papagena
member
How easy/difficult was it to get your DH really on board? We didn't take classes, but I read the books, and getting DH to look at anything was a big ol' fail. Ended up having a c/s, so didn't get to see how it would have worked for me, but I'm curious - especially if you had trouble really getting your DH on board, how'd it work or how did you convince them to get with the program? (trying to figure out what to do for next time!)
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Re: Those doing the Bradley method - your DH
this.
my husband initially thought i was nuts. he was very pro hospital, pro drugs, pro modern technology. when i first told him i didn't want the drugs, he thought i was crazy, but said he would support whatever i wanted, since he knew that i knew better then him abotu this issue.
when i told him i hated my OB, he agreed with my reasons for switching to a MW.
when i told him i wanted to have our baby at home, he looked at me like i had 10 heads.
when i took him to our first bradley class, we sat in the car for 2 hours afterwards and argued over whether the instructor had an agenda. of course she does, she's teaching a class aimed at giving women the tools they need to stay out of the OR!
by class 3, he was beginning to come around.
a few months ago, he shot down a coworker who tried to argue that the epi is perfectly safe and doesn't actually reach the baby through the placenta. then he gave her a lesson on birth options and the benefits of avoiding unnecessary interventions during labor and birth.
i couldn't have been more proud!
Like the others said, the classes were key for us. DH has always been "on board" as far as being OK with me doing natural childbirth, but the Bradley classes that we took with our first baby gave him the knowledge he needed to really be comfortable with it and be an AWESOME support person for me.
With our second baby, I did the Hypnobabies home study course, which I LOVED, but DH never got into it. I think it's a lot easier for him to go to classes vs. read a book. He was still a great support person for me (mostly falling back on what he had learned in the Bradley classes), but it was a lot different.
If we have a third, I know I'll want to do Hypnobabies again, and I'm actually tempted to do a Hypnobabies class (rather than home study), purely for DH.
Mommy to DD1 (June 2007), DS (January 2010), DD2 (July 2012), and The Next One (EDD 3/31/2015)
DH didn't really care until I was about 35-36 weeks, I had just finished Reading Childbirth the Bradley way and asked if he would read part of it. (Just the stages of birth etc).
So he started reading a little, I would read with him. And then all of the sudden he realized he had a JOB and then he was into it. He made me practice!
I would encourage you to show him how important his job is and then get him to read as little as possible and he may surprise you and want to read more!
I didn't really have to convince him. In fact, he initially told me that I shouldn't get an epi and I scoffed in his face. Then, later... I was all about it. He was just like, "Are you sure?" He made sure I was really committed and that it was really something I wanted to do (because the course is kind of pricey, lol). But he was really great. He did well in the classes with me. He didn't do a whole lot other than attend the classes and watch The Business of Being Born, lol.
Honestly, my midwife was the biggest help during my labor... not to shun DH because he was helpful, too, of course... but she was great.
Matthew Kevin
7/31/83-7/20/11
Met 1/8/00
Engaged 4/21/06
Married 9/29/07
Two beautiful legacies: Noah Matthew (2 yrs) and Chloe Marcella (8 mos)
Day Three
The classes were more for DH then for me really. I knew what I wanted and of course needed the training but his sister and mother both had c/s and were "concerned" for me when they heard I was going med free. After the classes he was sold on the idea. Reading the book is good to give an idea of the method but having an instructor to go over and explain everything is what made it possible for us. It seemed like a lot of money at the time but now I know the classes were 100% worth it.
Our instructor was amazing offering to come and help offer support during the birth if we needed. We didn't end up calling her but knowing we had her there for us was a relief.
Back when we had to decide on a childbirth class, we assumed that we would take the one at the hospital because that's what everyone else we knew did and what our ob recommended. Then I researched the different types of classes available and Bradley really sounded like my style, I just hadn't known that any such thing existed.
DH was skeptical but supportive - basically he said that he couldn't imagine going through labor drug-free and couldn't understand why someone would want to, especially since our best friends would say things like, "Get the epi immediately! Just go straight for the c/s!" (It worked for them, to each their own.) BUT, dh also said that since I was the one who had to go through it that I should have the say in which approach we would take as long as it would be safe for me and the baby.
We learned a lot about choices that we didn't know existed. Alarming since we are both late 30's, well-educated, and consider ourselves to be fairly worldly people, but have been raised in a generation of status quo hospital births - while it was unappealing to me, I didn't understand a lot about what was available and what alternatives were. All I knew was that I was jealous of the experience the animals had (I grew up on a farm) and wondered why it was so easy for them and so "dangerous," medicated, and full of dread and screaming for us. (Thanks, TV and movies!)
So we attended the Bradley classes and read the Susan McCutcheon book and learned a LOT of useful things from both, especially the stages of labor, what's happening with the body, and what to expect from the experience medicated vs. unmedicated.
(*we weren't as impressed with the sessions taken up with nutrition and drug education. Part of it was likely just our instructor, and other parts of it seemed very brainwashy and were offensively pushy. eg - she was flat-out incorrect about some nutritional information she gave us, we were a group of adults who probably did not need 2 hrs. to learn that we shouldn't use illicit drugs during pregnancy, and we didn't like that she deliberately used incorrect terminology for pain meds (heroin) and epidurals (cocaine). For the latter it would have been enough to stop with her comment that all narcotics work in bodies in a certain way and here's what they do, but throughout the entire class she then continued to refer to epis as "cocaine.")
All in all I've been very grateful for the experience and my husband is on board with it too. He went from "You should do what doctors say because they are the professionals in this situation and their job is to keep you safe so anyone who challenges them is out of their minds" to "We can do this." In our case we love our ob and have stuck with him because it appeals to our "just in case-ness" AND because he is super cool about honoring every part of our birth plan. He said it's not what he would have chosen for himself if he had been a woman, but he supports us in the choices we've made and isn't going to suggest anything out of line with them unless he thinks it's medically critical (which we've clarified together). If I had still been with my former ob practice, I probably would have strongly considered switching to a mw and/or birthing center, but our particular doc & hospital have good reputations for supporting natural labor. (I say this because if you are going to the trouble of training for Bradley, you really have to have an environment that isn't going to fight or question your approach and wishes too - if only because the distractions/distress can really interfere with the progress of labor and just letting the body do its thing.)
Hadn't meant to write so much but hope it's info you can use! :-) GL!