VENTING Finding out the Gender DEBATE

MrsDubya1 · May 2010

Ok so my hubby & I have been talking about this & I thought I would run it by you all & see who was in the same boat as I am or maybe some other opinions.... We are due the week before Christmas & being a huge lover of Christmas & SURPRISES I would like to NOT know the gender of our little one!! Hubby is ok with it if that's what I really want but EVERYONE else is FREAKING! They keep reminding me that no one will buy me anything or if they do what if its wrong & I have to take it all back!! So, what did mommy's do BEFORE you could find out the gender??? This has me sooooo aggrivated!! I am NOT an idiot I just believe there should be some surprises in life!!! Is this so wrong?? AHHHH!!! I know I'm just being a hormonal brat but there are a few things that I really don't want to compromise on. Anyone else feel the same way?? ~ Jenny

oh yeah... Got any cute and different gender neutral nursery ideas?? I want something different & I can sew so I'll just make whatever it is I decide I want!!

MK&Z · May 2010

If you and your DH are ok with not finding out then that's what you should do. Nobody else matters in this situation.

mchupie · May 2010

This is your decision; not theirs. Tell them to back the eff off.

lylyne21 · May 2010

I completely understand. This is our 3rd LO. We have a boy and a girl already and this time around we don't want to find out the gender. Everyone seems to have an opinion as if I care. This is my experience. I can tell you this. You can have white, orange, blue, yellow and green clothing for your newborn regardless of gender. You nursery can be an ocean themed, baby jungle themed, noah's ark, or even just do a neutral color theme. Don't let what people have to say bother you. This is you and you DH's experience not everyone else's

Mrs. K in TX · May 2010

Oh, they're just overreacting! People will totally buy you stuff. There are TONS of gender neutral baby stuff out there. Plus, a lot of the newborn stuff you need anyway is gender neutral. Towels, blankets, onsies? We are getting our crib, bedding, carseat/stroller, pack-n-play, and whatever else we could use for baby #2 in gender neutral patterns anyway. Why buy it twice when you can get away with just buying it just once?

And if you're worried about people not buying you gender specific stuff, don't. First, you'll probably get gift cards so you can buy what you want, and people will bring you stuff once the baby is born, too, especially close family and close friends.

My mom has already bought our baby a bunch of stuff, and we don't know what the gender is. My aunt told her that she had to wait until we knew the gender. My mom told her she was crazy!

karlmolly · May 2010

I feel the same way as you! I believe that this is one of lifes biggest surprises and why find out early. I just keep imagining how exciting it will be just waiting to see if our little one is a boy or girl. My mother in law about had a heart attack when I told her I didn't want to find out. Well in the end it's your baby and your life so noone else matters!!!

Good luck!

AvidVertigo · May 2010

**Comes out of lurking***

I am due any day now....I have had a total of 5 U/S (I have GD, so my last 3 are to check on growth) - everyone keeps asking me to find out. My DH and I decided that we didn't need to know and have stuck to our guns.

We did our nursery in meadow bunny - painted the walls brown with white trim and the bed set is mint green, white and brown. It is very gender neutral.

I had 3 showers, all of which we got a TON of gender neutral things. We plan on having more than 1 baby, so these things can be saved for our next one as well.

The best part of the whole deal of being Team Green is that I am not so much afraid of labor - all I keep thinking about is if we are having a boy or girl and that really gets me excited about going into labor. We plan on having my DH say "it's a boy" or "it's a girl" when our LO enters the world....and then he gets to go out to the waiting room and say it again!

Please don't let others get to you - there are so many postives for not finding out. GL to you and your DH.

danamh83 · May 2010

I agree with PP's. It's not their decision--it's your and YH's. The people who really care will buy you gender-specific stuff when you actually have the baby.

*Mush* · May 2010

I didn't find out for DS and wont find out for this one and I can tell you that it was the most amazing surprise in the delivery room!

As far as other people freaking out...please give them a throat punch and kindly tell them to STFU.

People will not only buy you stuff, but they usually buy the more practical items off your registry instead of 500 blue/pink 0-3 onesies. Also, the gender neutral stuff will come in handy if you plan on having a second and that one is a different gender

MrsDubya1 · May 2010

Thanks so much!! It really feels good to know that I'm not being unreasonable!!

MichelleL1118 · May 2010

We're finding out, but we're not telling anyone else. I don't want a closet full of just pink or blue clothes. Since we're due in mid-January, we *might* reveal the gender to our families at Christmas, or we might make them wait until s/he arrives.... we haven't decided yet. My parents will probably react the same way your family has when we won't tell them whether its a boy or a girl, but oh well - DH & I made this decision long before I got pg, and we fully intend to stick to it.

jenvalet · May 2010

I don't want to find out and I don't care what anyone else thinks or says. I can't wait for the moment in the delivery room when they tell me it's a boy or a girl!!

pawcall · May 2010

If it's what you and your husband both want, it's not wrong at all. Plenty of folks go "team green." BTW - the statement that "no one will buy you anything" is absurd. If people want to buy gifts, they will. If they don't, they won't. Admittedly, it can be tougher to find gender-neutral things, but it can totally be done.

LeggyNic · May 2010

mchupie:
This is your decision; not theirs. Tell them to back the eff off.

This. Seriously.

DD's nursery was a lime green/orange sherbert dot theme. I threw in some brown as an accent color as our chair was a chocolate brown. I found a fabric I liked and made the crib skirt, didn't use any bumpers or anything, and registered for solid colored crib sheets. Target had some cute multicolored dot changing pad covers and DONE!

DD's "big girl" room will be very girlie but I'll reuse everything else for #2.

PunkyBooster · May 2010

*eyeroll*

People are SO stupid. I get a lot of scoffs when I say I don't know that we are finding out the sex. People are so used to instant gratification that it baffles the mind that anyone could actually wait for something.

We haven't decided for sure if we are waiting to find out- but I do not want to know before the shower. All my friends who knew what they were having before the shower got nothing but clothes for gifts. That and I don't want a bunch of pink sh!t. If people really can't buy things off of your registry as gifts or find *gasp* gender neutral clothing (which is NOT hard to find) then they have bigger challenges going on upstairs.

I was inspired by Pottery Barn Kids bedding- they have a gender neutral selection there. I also adore sock monkey if you have access to a sewing machine or the bedding is a priority for where your cash will go (it's pricey) then I think that is an adorable neutral theme.

AimeeL85 · May 2010

Those people are just giving you a hard time because THEY are dying to know the gender of your LO, too bad for them!

People will buy you plenty of things and they will buy gender neutral. A lot of gender neutral looks more boyish than girlish, but that doesn't matter because most people will buy sizes that your LO will outgrow in a few months anyway!

I admire your patience in waiting to find out, and I have never heard anyone regretting that decision, so I say ignore 'em!

LoveInCowboyBoots · May 2010

They get over it. We did this and wouldn't trade it for the world. It bothered people at first, about up until the big ultrasound, then we got a few "So are you going to have another u/s to find out?" Um no! And it ended. It's your choice, not theirs.

We got more of the useful stuff at our showers, too. People buy wipes, diapers, bath products, and so on when they can't buy clothes (or gift certificates are always good), and you will use those. We had some people buy us onesies in both boy and girl colors and gave us the gift receipts, so I was able to go back and buy more girl stuff with the money from the boy stuff.

CandKmomma · May 2010

MK&Z:
If you and your DH are ok with not finding out then that's what you should do. Nobody else matters in this situation.

I agree

HappyMommy28 · May 2010

DH and I are not finding out either. My family is freaking out. I've even had them as me if I could have the doctor find out and then tell them! People should respect your decision. When people start to give me a hard time I just remind them that it's our decision and please respect it. They are getting better about understanding; even if they don't like it.

sarahbear1031 · May 2010

I just think this whole argument is dumb. People need to back off and let go of the fact that they are not going to get instant gratification here. As far as not getting stuff for the shower three things:

1. my sister did not find out and she got a TON of baby clothes

2. its called a gift receipt

3. gift cards rock and are much more useful in my opinion

Enjoy your decision to be surprised! How many good surprises are there in life anyway??

KeriMac · May 2010

I agree that you should tell ppl to back to eff off!!!

I originally did not want to find out the gender, so I was going to hold off on the nursery until after delivery. DD was with us for 4 months before she transitioned to her crib, so her room was used very little.

Temp984666312503071 · May 2010

Just do what you want. People will still buy you things - they just won't buy you clothes. And IMO that is a good thing!! Everything I registered for (carseat, swing, high chair, etc) was gender neutral even though I knew it was a girl. I wanted to be able to reuse my big items later if I had a boy one day.

As for nursery items, there are lots of cute nursery accessories and bedding that are neutral. I like the ones that are neutral but can be easily altered a tad when the baby is born to make them more feminine or masculine. Serena and Lily and Pottery Barn Kids both have adorable gender neutral bedding that can be enhanced with pink or blue accents once the baby is born. Maybe look at those sites for ideas?

Remember, your family and friends are just excited for you and for the baby. Knowing the gender is one of those things that helps make it feel more "real" for outsiders. It is also why you will be asked about the baby's name over and over before the birth. If you want to keep it a surprise - then do so. They'll get over it. Just don't have a hormonal meltdown over something so silly. People will start in on much more personal things (breastfeeding, religion, parenting choices) later and you can save your snappy comebacks for that .

Ceefome · May 2010

I totally agree with you! We were team green the first time, and will be suprised again!

Our nursery is painted green and we have a white dresser and changer and a wood finish crib. We have a frog/duck theme and I think it's very cute.

In regards to people buying you stuff - if you know the gender, all you will get is clothes. Especially if you're having a girl. All of our baby items -- car seat, high chair, pack and play, etc - are gender neutral. When DD was born, that's when we got clothes and I hardly had to buy her any clothes for her first 8 months. My sisters still spoil her with clothes now.

So, don't be pressured by other people. It's one of the truely good suprises you get in life.

bandwife928 · May 2010

I secretly deep-down don't want to find out when I get pg but everytime I drop it into casual conversations, people just laugh it off as though there's no way I would go through with it. I personally think it helps with having people buy things from the registry instead of just buying dorky clothes they like.

As for your nursery, my favorite nursery color is aqua. Throw some white accents with it and then add either orange or red/pink when the baby gets here. There are some great examples on Ohdeedoh.

dreamtrue80 · May 2010

DH and I are team green and happy about it. Some people can't believe we're not finding out but overall I've gotten postive responses when we tell people. We're doing our nursery in a Hawaiian theme. We'll add more surf decor if its a boy or flowers if its a girl, but in general most Hawaiian prints and decor and go either way.

babes12 · May 2010

it's your decision and nobody elses. you do what you want to do.

we didn't find out w/ our first and although my mom was dying to know she accepted that we weren't finding out and it was such a joy to find out in the delivery room.

my nursery pics are in my bio...

March04b2b · May 2010

lylyne21:
I completely understand. This is our 3rd LO. We have a boy and a girl already and this time around we don't want to find out the gender. Everyone seems to have an opinion as if I care. This is my experience. I can tell you this. You can have white, orange, blue, yellow and green clothing for your newborn regardless of gender. You nursery can be an ocean themed, baby jungle themed, noah's ark, or even just do a neutral color theme. Don't let what people have to say bother you. This is you and you DH's experience not everyone else's

This is the same for us and nobody seems to think we can do it!! Tongue Tied

dragonsmercy · May 2010

I'm the opposite for my last pregnancy and this one - I WANT to find out! If this one's a boy, then baby #3 will be a complete surprise. If it's a girl, I'll want to find out #3 as well. Weird, yes, but that's what DH and I have decided. I had people try to pressure me into NOT finding out with Evelyn. However, I'm the impatient sort, and I like to know. It's gonna be really hard with #3 if this one actually is a boy! But I think it would be so worth it to go into that delivery room and hear them yell "It's a ____!" and be totally surprised. Frankly, no matter what you decide, others will have an opinion, and yours will be wrong (according to them). The same is true for EVERY pregnancy/parenting decision you make. If it bugs you, just tell them "My birth experience, my body, my child, MY CHOICE." and walk away.

Stensgard · May 2010

Do what ever you want and everyone else can jump off a cliff.

HOWEVER, I noticed you said that you think there should be some surprises in life and I think it's silly when people say they're not finding out because they want to be surprised. It's a surprise whether you find out at twenty weeks or forty weeks.

I thought it was fun knowing what the gender was the last half of my pregnancy. It was fun to picture me and my baby and pick out cute clothes/nursery decor.

Good luck.

Want a personalized experience?

VENTING Finding out the Gender DEBATE

Re: VENTING Finding out the Gender DEBATE

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

Want a personalized experience?

VENTING**** Finding out the Gender DEBATE****

Re: VENTING**** Finding out the Gender DEBATE****

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

VENTING Finding out the Gender DEBATE

Re: VENTING Finding out the Gender DEBATE