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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
Had to Give DD her First Time Out!
So the other day, DD hit me for the first time in an angry fashion, of course I sternly corrected her.
So, yesterday, I tried to give her a sip of water which she apparently was not in the mood for to say the least and slapped my hand angrily, I told her no and that we don't hit, then she winds up and smacks the whole cup out of may hand... time out
i put her in a little corner area and when she got right up I sat her back down which made her more mad and she flailed around and bumped her head on the wall, which I could tell didn't hurt her, but it pissed her off way more, then I went in the other room and she stayed in time out. In about 30 seconds I went to get her.
It took me a while to calm her down, it wasn't fun for either of us. Within minutes though, she was up playing with me and hugging me again, children are so resilient.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Had to Give DD her First Time Out!
IM (non expert) O:
At that age they begin to experiment with different things. She isn't hitting to hurt, more seeing what you will do. Maybe try ignoring the behavior (don't teach her that you will give her attention if you do it) and also re-direct. Give her a toy or something.
I think timeout is pointless until they are closer to 2 (just my opinion though).
I'm also not an expert but she seems a little too young to put two and two together....slapping hand or cup = time out in a corner. I think it would be a little confusing on her part as to why she's being put in a corner. Just sayin'
I don't think she's necessarily doing it to hurt, because I don't think she gets that concept yet, but I do think she's doing it be defiant. She's well aware of what no means. i.e. when she turns the TV on and off I tell her no and she stops, etc.
IMO I think giving her a toy would reward her for the behavior.
My thinking is that because I'm very careful about making sure I give her lots of happy good attention for doing good every day things and saying thank you, etc. I think she will equate the bad behavior with bad response.
I think the problem with time outs is more of an issue when there isn't much of a polar opposite response for positive behavior.
but i do appreciate the advice!
and p.s. i didn't make her face a corner, it's just about the only place in the house that isn't covered in toys, etc.
my little girl is a feisty one. adorable, loving wonderful, the light of my life, but feisty.
trust me ladies, i didn't over-do it, it was a max of 30 seconds altogether.
Re-directing her to another behavior doesn't have to he rewarding her for the undesired behavior. Toy was probably a bad example. I still think that it is best to try and stop the behavior from occurring (by re-directing) then to make a big deal out of it when it does.
I thought I read kids that young dont know the word "no" yet?
Aaah! Don't be sad.
ok shouldn't have posted this.
everyone's child is different, it's hard to defend my actions, when you all weren't there to see the event and/or know DD's personality.
Backing up slowly.. before I get flamed
thank you
I agree w/ this.
Example FAIL. We are talking about a 1 year old here. She isn't throwing a temper tantrum, she is testing boundaries.
ETA: Re-directing =/= ignoring. YWIA
Every child is not different when it comes to developmental norms. An 11 month old cannot equate "bad" behavior and discipline yet because babies do not recognize that other people have feelings at this stage. Penelope Leach's book "Your Baby and Child" is a really good resource.
Until babies are at least two, they are not capable of understanding that their behavior affects others. Their short term memory hasn't developed enough to predict consequences either. So... they are not capable of understanding why mommy is putting them in the corner and will not have the recall ability to predict that hitting again will mean a time out.
interesting!
It's not so much the time out that makes me sad, it's that you are characterizing your 11 month old's actions as "angrily." Whether she really is "angry" or whether you are attributing that to her, either way it is sad. 11 month olds can't say "NO, thank you, dear Mother, I do not want a sip of water right now." They can push your hand away. They may or may not have enough hand control to do it daintily with their pinky outstretched. She's trying to communicate with you. Your response was to pick her up and sit her in a corner for 30 seconds. Poor kid must be confused.
And, while I have no doubt that your child is unique, I doubt she skipped over a year of mental development.
https://www.babycenter.com/0_time-outs-how-to-make-them-work-12-to-24-mo_12252.bc (Traditional time-outs won't work until sometime between your child's second and third birthday).
https://www.parents.com/baby/development/behavioral/when-should-you-start-disciplining/?page=6 (Kids between the ages of 24 to 36 months are also ready for you to try using time-outs)
https://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/t061900.asp (Help your child connect his behavior with the time-out. Introduce time-out early, by eighteen months)
OP - I would have done something similar. There's no way my child is going to act aggressively (in any way, shape or form) towards me and it be ignored. Even if she may not understand the concept, children pick up on our moods and I really don't see why they wouldn't think acting that way = Mommy upset. Our children are very intelligent, so why not give them another opportunity to show it?
And that is all. I won't be coming back to argue LOL
It's not like she beat her child...and how is a child suppose to know where to draw the line on boundaries if there isn't some sort of discipline? I mean come on...all she did was sit her in a corner for 30 seconds...geez. Call cps!
Because you don't have the ability to defend that sh!t?
That's what I thought.
this. although thankfully you did not spank her.
LOL. Calm down champ. I am not flaming the OP. I was disagreeing with her. No need to call CPS. I just think there are better ways to get the desired effect because at her age she doesn't understand "timeout". Discipline of this sort is for older children.
The person who needed a time out in this situation was you. I'm not (just) being snarky. IM(not-so)HO, if you get that worked up over your 11 month old hitting you, you may need to step away for a minute or two to take a few deep breaths.
I do believe in punishing children when they are acting bad and hitting. I wouldn't do it that young though. They don't understand until they are atleast 2. I work for a day care and mosty kids 1 and under don't really understand right from wrong yet. We don't start giving time outs until they are about 2 or an older 1.
I see where you're coming from, but DD acutally can and does regularly say thank you and no (sometimes all done or pushes my hand away.) If she had just pushed my hand away, that's fine but looking me in the eye and hitting me, is unacceptable in my opinion.
In addition, when I tell her no for other things, she stops, which would tell me that she understands the meaning of no
I'm sorry I started this war
I would never ever ever EVER strike or hit or even slap my daughters hand or spank, i do not believe in that at all
That's missing the point. An 11 month old isn't supposed to know how to draw boundaries like that.
It's like sitting your 2 year old down and teaching them algebra because "teaching algebra is good" and "kids today need to learn things." Going through the motions might make you feel like you are doing something, but it doesn't mean your 2 year old will learn algebra. They're not developmentally ready. And you're probably just going to frustrate and confuse them in the process.
Oh my LORD, I wasn't worked up, NOW I'm worked up. I didn't hit her, I didn't shut her in a closet, i didn't yell in her face, I didni't spank her. I simply sat her down for a few seconds.
Well, I agree that there are probably better ways to go about the situations...but I don't think that addressing aggressive behavior early is necessarily a bad thing. I think eventually...even a one year old...would understand "ok, maybe I don't need to hit mommy anymore."
...and I am very calm btw
This, although I doubt she understood why she was sitting there, I can't imagine 30 seconds of time out could hurt anyone. I don't think she will remember in the future or relate time out to bad behavior, but I think starting discipline early helps in the long run. I don't want to be that mother in the grocery store with a out of control 2 year old that we've all seen. And maybe I will be, I can't see the future, but what's the matter with starting the practice early.
perhaps this is slightly a semantics thing. the word "time out" sounds harsh and really, 30 seconds isnt a "time out" anyway. By the time you get to the corner, timeout is already over!
My DS would love a time out. He likes the corner cuz he has 2 walls that he can pull up on.
Okay.
(Am I in time outs now?)
Oh my LORD, I wasn't worked up, NOW I'm worked up. I didn't hit her, I didn't shut her in a closet, i didn't yell in her face, I didni't spank her. I simply sat her down for a few seconds.
redirection is more developmentally appropriate at this age. Time outs are good when they're older and more aware, to calm them down from their actions.
Natural consequences are always the best thing to do if you can. Even for older kids and for babies.
As to PP talking about a parent "ignoring" tantrums
...umm, the best way to stop a tantrum is to ignore it! They're doing it for attention. So you take the attention away and give them positive attention at other times, and the tantrums happen much less often. Basic parenting 
DD1's pedi recommended that and it works. So those parents you see at the store who are ignoring a toddler tantrum, they're doing it for the child's benefit and for your benefit. The more attention you give a tantrum the worse and longer it gets.
Not to say to ignore bad behavior. I certainly don't. But you have to know what to do in different situations.
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