I've said it before and I will say it again....

ams8099 · March 2010

Just because you get KU doesn't mean you have to leave or stop posting. Be thoughtful about your post topics and don't AW your pregnancy. If you are starting a post and you have a ticker or u/s in your siggy put a warning in your subject line. You can even update on your pregnancy by a LIP. I want to know if you are having a singleton or twins, a girl or a boy, I want to know if everything is going well.....I don't want to have to track you down on a tri board or SAIF

I still want your support. I want you to be included in out mindless chatter. You can answer questions about your treatment to help those that are going through it. I post on IF as well and there are many KU girls who post there. They are a great resource for those that are going through treatments.

We have all been through a lot together. Honestly, I am offended if a (regular) poster gets KU and disappears. It's almost like you are saying, "I'm too good for this board now."

I'd love to know your opinion, because it's such a touchy topic, a poll

[Poll]

Temp356619000002780 · March 2010

I agree with you completely, but i know some don't like it when KU bumpies stick around.

Lina1123 · March 2010

I am so glad you posted this. I am feeling very "alone" lately b/c many of the women I have had bonds with got KU and you just don't see them anymore. I am not at all mad or upset with them, but it is kind of disappointing. I just miss them!

ClarissaBuen18 · March 2010

Hats off to you Ams I so agree with this topic to the fullest.

laurens1122 · March 2010

ams8099:
Just because you get KU doesn't mean you have to leave or stop posting. Be thoughtful about your post topics and don't AW your pregnancy. If you are starting a post and you have a ticker or u/s in your siggy put a warning in your subject line. You can even update on your pregnancy by a LIP. I want to know if you are having a singleton or twins, a girl or a boy, I want to know if everything is going well.....I don't want to have to track you down on a tri board or SAIF
I still want your support. I want you to be included in out mindless chatter. You can answer questions about your treatment to help those that are going through it. I post on IF as well and there are many KU girls who post there. They are a great resource for those that are going through treatments.
We have all been through a lot together. Honestly, I am offended if a (regular) poster gets KU and disappears. It's almost like you are saying, "I'm too good for this board now."
I'd love to know your opinion, because it's such a touchy topic, a poll

Yes

Sa039ra · March 2010

I like to have them around. After following them for so many cycles, I want to know how things are going for them. It gives me hope for the future.

orange1414 · March 2010

I totally agree. And, I'd much rather be able to follow your pregnancy here, where everyone knows to be sensitive to others struggles, than to lurk on first tri and make myself upset like I did yesterday.

Ski&Sail09 · March 2010

Excellent Ams. I agree 100%. Don't go ladies. We love you and you give us all such hope.

rebelina1 · March 2010

I agree.

heathercara · March 2010

This is why I always wished I had connected with people on BOTB in the beginning. They are allowed to "stay" and post no matter what thier situation. I've always felt this way.

Even though I am struggling, I genuinely love many of these women and miss them and thier contributions. Not to mention that I would like to know how things are going. Getting the BFP isn't the end of the road.

laurens1122 · March 2010

heathercara:
This is why I always wished I had connected with people on BOTB in the beginning. They are allowed to "stay" and post no matter what thier situation. I've always felt this way.

Even though I am struggling, I genuinely love many of these women and miss them and thier contributions. Not to mention that I would like to know how things are going. Getting the BFP isn't the end of the road.

I totally agree with you Heather. I do wish this board was more like BOTB in that respect. Maybe we can make it that way.

I really think that if you put a ticker warning in the post then it is up to the other women on this board whether or not they open it.

Omega20 · March 2010

I've been lurking! Glad to know that most of you ladies don't mind if we stick around a little.

Mrs.Johns · March 2010

I just have to say this. If this is really how everyone feels then things like:

"woo hoo."

or

"Congrats. AWESOME."

Wouldn't be posted in u/s updates and other updates.

I understand wanting to all stay friends with people we have bonded with. Lets face it, everyone doesn't bond with everyone and some people get KU that you wish really wouldn't stick around. This is a TTTC board and therefore if people aren't nice in an update thread then we should take the hint. This isn't everyone but there have been some comments that are less than kind. It's confusing to be told that you want to hear updates and then have sarcastic enthusiasm from a select few. Not only that, but if I just got a BFN after a failed cycle or just had a m/c I wouldn't want every post to be filled with tickers and u/s pics. The point is that some people do want the SAIF ladies to stay around and some people don't. Since this is an IF safe-haven, I prefer to err on the side of caution so I don't invade the one place that someone who might be having a bad IF day has as an outlet. I have been in that place and I was so greatful to have 3T to turn to.

The IF board is a much more established community and is a completely different board than 3T, so I don't necessarily think it's right to compare the two.

Anyway, I adore all of you and do stalk regularly to see how things are going. I add in to posts where I know the poster won't mind or would like my opinion. I also cheer you guys on when you get good news and support you. Other than that, I don't think this is the right forum.

If you don't agree, then we can agree to disagree, but I'm not getting in a huge fight over it. This is the way I feel and it's not going to change.

Lina1123 · March 2010

Mrs.Johns:

I just have to say this. If this is really how everyone feels then things like:

"woo hoo."

or

"Congrats. AWESOME."

Wouldn't be posted in u/s updates and other updates.

I understand wanting to all stay friends with people we have bonded with. Lets face it, everyone doesn't bond with everyone and some people get KU that you wish really wouldn't stick around. This is a TTTC board and therefore if people aren't nice in an update thread then we should take the hint. This isn't everyone but there have been some comments that are less than kind. It's confusing to be told that you want to hear updates and then have sarcastic enthusiasm from a select few. Not only that, but if I just got a BFN after a failed cycle or just had a m/c I wouldn't want every post to be filled with tickers and u/s pics. The point is that some people do want the SAIF ladies to stay around and some people don't. Since this is an IF safe-haven, I prefer to err on the side of caution so I don't invade the one place that someone who might be having a bad IF day has as an outlet. I have been in that place and I was so greatful to have 3T to turn to.

The IF board is a much more established community and is a completely different board than 3T, so I don't necessarily think it's right to compare the two.

Anyway, I adore all of you and do stalk regularly to see how things are going. I add in to posts where I know the poster won't mind or would like my opinion. I also cheer you guys on when you get good news and support you. Other than that, I don't think this is the right forum.

If you don't agree, then we can agree to disagree, but I'm not getting in a huge fight over it. This is the way I feel and it's not going to change.

I agree that we all can agree to disagree. I totally respect your opinion and I also agree with the 1st part of your bolded comment. However, I really don't wish that ANYONE moves on once they are KU. I genuinely don't dislike ANYONE on this board. I mean, I am closer with a select few but I ALWAYS welcome SAIF. If I can't handle tickers, PG announcements, etc. (which is very rare) I personally avoid the bump all-together.

I understand that we've had a heated discussion about this a few mos. back and also don't want to start a big thing but I think we all know not to AW anything. I just feel the value of the KU girls staying around is invaluable. But that's just my opinion.

LnR70707 · March 2010

I am on the fence about this. Many of us are a group that came over from TTGP and of course we want to follow those that got their BFPs, but we have to remember that there will be increasingly less of that group here. We shouldn't be making that decision for those who post occasionally.

I think the initial beta update and first u/s is great, but if we all follow suite and stay here that would mean we'd have 30+ moms and pregnant ladies posting here someday and that is not ok.

I think the SAIF is a good board to stalk people on and that is where I plan to move rather than 1st tri.

Jen1027 · March 2010

This!

sail123 · March 2010

I think the pregnant women who are still hanging around here and posting are doing an amazing job of balancing providing support and advice while being sensitive to those who are still trying.

ashleyann82 · March 2010

sail123:
I think the pregnant women who are still hanging around here and posting are doing an amazing job of balancing providing support and advice while being sensitive to those who are still trying.

I agree

Lina1123 · March 2010

ashleyann82:
sail123:

I think the pregnant women who are still hanging around here and posting are doing an amazing job of balancing providing support and advice while being sensitive to those who are still trying.

I agree

100% agreed.

sail123 · March 2010

Mrs.Johns:

I just have to say this. If this is really how everyone feels then things like:

"woo hoo."

or

"Congrats. AWESOME."

Wouldn't be posted in u/s updates and other updates.

I understand wanting to all stay friends with people we have bonded with. Lets face it, everyone doesn't bond with everyone and some people get KU that you wish really wouldn't stick around. This is a TTTC board and therefore if people aren't nice in an update thread then we should take the hint. This isn't everyone but there have been some comments that are less than kind. It's confusing to be told that you want to hear updates and then have sarcastic enthusiasm from a select few. Not only that, but if I just got a BFN after a failed cycle or just had a m/c I wouldn't want every post to be filled with tickers and u/s pics. The point is that some people do want the SAIF ladies to stay around and some people don't. Since this is an IF safe-haven, I prefer to err on the side of caution so I don't invade the one place that someone who might be having a bad IF day has as an outlet. I have been in that place and I was so greatful to have 3T to turn to.

The IF board is a much more established community and is a completely different board than 3T, so I don't necessarily think it's right to compare the two.

Anyway, I adore all of you and do stalk regularly to see how things are going. I add in to posts where I know the poster won't mind or would like my opinion. I also cheer you guys on when you get good news and support you. Other than that, I don't think this is the right forum.

If you don't agree, then we can agree to disagree, but I'm not getting in a huge fight over it. This is the way I feel and it's not going to change.

BTW, Mrs. J, I'm really, really sorry that people have been unkind to you. You are such a great source of support and information and you don't deserve to feel badly.

lyse2143 · March 2010

What the hell did I miss? How are the words "congrats" and "awesome" viewed as sarcastic or negative?

Jill070707 · March 2010

I really don't want to seem like a jerk here, because I am truly happy for the ladies, but I don't feel like this is the place for pregnant women to be "regulars." I'm sorry. I feel really wounded lately and feel like I need a safe haven. I realize I am in the minority, and I'm not trying to make a stink. I'll totally accept whatever everyone decides. But it makes me think that maybe this isn't the place for me lately, either.

ETA: I should always read all before I post. I don't generally post a ton in the update posts, but I truly mean every "Congratulations again! Wonderful news!" that I post regarding a beta or an u/s. I am not being passive-aggressive.

heathercara · March 2010

I won't fight with anyone. I will agree to disagree. I am struggling HARD with not getting pregnant and honestly all the BFPs coming up. But I'm struggling with alot of my favorite girls leaving as well. Now I'm not pregnant and alone. Or so it seems on a bad day.

People can and will do what they are comfortable with. People will complain and not like the set up regardless. So I am just saying for the record. I would LOVE the girls that are on here to stay on here. Pregnant, trying, taking a break, the mother of one, two, three...

If I do't like that person or am not in the right frame of mind, I'll avoid thebump altogether because regardless of what everyone says, there are going to be siggies with baby faces and tickers with pregancy time tables no matter what rules have been put into place.

ladipale · March 2010

lyse2143:
What the hell did I miss? How are the words "congrats" and "awesome" viewed as sarcastic or negative?

yeah, i was confused by that as well.

sail123 · March 2010

Jill070707:

I really don't want to seem like a jerk here, because I am truly happy for the ladies, but I don't feel like this is the place for pregnant women to be "regulars." I'm sorry. I feel really wounded lately and feel like I need a safe haven. I realize I am in the minority, and I'm not trying to make a stink. I'll totally accept whatever everyone decides. But it makes me think that maybe this isn't the place for me lately, either.

ETA: I should always read all before I post. I don't generally post a ton in the update posts, but I truly mean every "Congratulations again! Wonderful news!" that I post regarding a beta or an u/s. I am not being passive-aggressive.

You are not a jerk for feeling this way Jill, thanks for letting us know how you feel. Selfishly, I hope you will stay here because you've been a really good source of support and info for me.

laurens1122 · March 2010

Jill070707:
I really don't want to seem like a jerk here, because I am truly happy for the ladies, but I don't feel like this is the place for pregnant women to be "regulars." I'm sorry. I feel really wounded lately and feel like I need a safe haven. I realize I am in the minority, and I'm not trying to make a stink. I'll totally accept whatever everyone decides. But it makes me think that maybe this isn't the place for me lately, either.

ETA: I should always read all before I post. I don't generally post a ton in the update posts, but I truly mean every "Congratulations again! Wonderful news!" that I post regarding a beta or an u/s. I am not being passive-aggressive.

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way Jill. I really really don't want to see you go! ((big hugs))

Lina1123 · March 2010

POF- you know I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU. And I know your statement isn't directed at me so I am not taking it personal. I just think it's sad that someone makes/made you feel sad about your BFP. I just don't get it. I would call them out on it if I were you!

RileyGrace · March 2010

ladipale:

lyse2143:
What the hell did I miss? How are the words "congrats" and "awesome" viewed as sarcastic or negative?

yeah, i was confused by that as well.

When you read the original post it was very obvious that certain comments were snarky.

laurens1122 · March 2010

piecesofflare:
This is a tough one for me, because I've definitely gotten a less-than-welcome reception since I got my BFP - in fact, the first cool comment came the day after I got my BFP, and it was from someone in this thread who is now saying that they want us here. In fact, several people posting in this thread are among those that have made me feel unwelcome now that I've finally managed to get pregnant.

It's sad for me, because I love you ladies and want to stay tight, but there are a handful of people who have made it very clear through their comments that they'd prefer that we not be here. It's a tough position to be in because I don't want people to think that I've left them or don't care now that I've been lucky enough to move on, but I don't want to cause added pain to people who just can't handle seeing the pregnant women post.

And sure, I can put a ticker warning in a subject line if I start a post, but what should I start a post about here? I linked to my first ultrasound and got a cold comment. I noticed the same reactions in a lot of the updates from other newly pregnant women. Not cool. I know what it feels like to be on the other side - we all do. But if you're genuinely not happy for someone, then raining on their parade isn't the way to deal with it. We all know each other's stories and how difficult it's been for all of us.

If I post in someone else's thread, I can't warn people about my ticker or my ultrasound pic. So then what if people get upset because they were surprised to see these things in a post? They weren't warned and if they're having a bad day, they don't want to see my ticker (which is the whole reason for ticker warnings, correct?).

This isn't everyone. A lot of people have been absolutely amazing, and I love that. I also understand that for some people it's hard to see us here, and I don't want to hurt those people.

I feel very stuck in this situation.

I'm very sorry you have received cold responses POF. Honestly why can't some people just stay out of a post they're not interested in instead of posting something rude in a pg persons thread. I personally love seeing all the pg ladies on this board because it gives me hope. It also makes me so happy so see you all get what you've waited so long for, to be KU!!

Like some other people said, if i'm having a bad day then I just stay off the bump for a few days or so.

LnR70707 · March 2010

piecesofflare:

This is a tough one for me, because I've definitely gotten a less-than-welcome reception since I got my BFP - in fact, the first cool comment came the day after I got my BFP, and it was from someone in this thread who is now saying that they want us here. In fact, several people posting in this thread are among those that have made me feel unwelcome now that I've finally managed to get pregnant.

It's sad for me, because I love you ladies and want to stay tight, but there are a handful of people who have made it very clear through their comments that they'd prefer that we not be here. It's a tough position to be in because I don't want people to think that I've left them or don't care now that I've been lucky enough to move on, but I don't want to cause added pain to people who just can't handle seeing the pregnant women post.

And sure, I can put a ticker warning in a subject line if I start a post, but what should I start a post about here? I linked to my first ultrasound and got a cold comment. I noticed the same reactions in a lot of the updates from other newly pregnant women. Not cool. I know what it feels like to be on the other side - we all do. But if you're genuinely not happy for someone, then raining on their parade isn't the way to deal with it. We all know each other's stories and how difficult it's been for all of us.

If I post in someone else's thread, I can't warn people about my ticker or my ultrasound pic. So then what if people get upset because they were surprised to see these things in a post? They weren't warned and if they're having a bad day, they don't want to see my ticker (which is the whole reason for ticker warnings, correct?).

This isn't everyone. A lot of people have been absolutely amazing, and I love that. I also understand that for some people it's hard to see us here, and I don't want to hurt those people.

I feel very stuck in this situation.

I am very sorry to hear you have gotten cold comments from people. I have been oblivious to this and I hope I am not so oblivious that I didn't realize I was coming across that way. You have gone through so much and I am completely thrilled for you.

lyse2143 · March 2010

RileyGrace:
ladipale:

lyse2143:
What the hell did I miss? How are the words "congrats" and "awesome" viewed as sarcastic or negative?

yeah, i was confused by that as well.

When you read the original post it was very obvious that certain comments were snarky.

Can I please have a link?

Lina1123 · March 2010

piecesofflare:
Lina1123:

POF- you know I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU. And I know your statement isn't directed at me so I am not taking it personal. I just think it's sad that someone makes/made you feel sad about your BFP. I just don't get it. I would call them out on it if I were you!

Nah, I understand what everyone here is feeling. I get that sometimes you just can't shut off the sad, so if someone was feeling sh!tty enough to put me down just because I'm pregnant now, I don't want to make things sh!ttier for them. Infertility hurts like a ***. I've found success and I still sometimes cry over how much I lost just to get here. I don't want to make things any sadder for anyone.

I just wanted to speak up about why I'm not posting here, because some people have asked me and I feel really bad that they feel I've left them behind.

Oh and I certainly didn't mean here, maybe through PM. But yes, hun. I know the feeling all too well. But like I said, I think it's important for us all to feel comfortable and NOT MISS PEOPLE LIKE YOU. I guess I am just being selfish here, ladies. Sorry if I sound that way. I just know both sides very well too. IF hurts badly but a child is a blessing that everyone should be able to share with their home board. Now AWing is different. And I certainly don't think any recent BFP's have AWed.

Mrs.Johns · March 2010

piecesofflare:
Jill070707:

I really don't want to seem like a jerk here, because I am truly happy for the ladies, but I don't feel like this is the place for pregnant women to be "regulars." I'm sorry. I feel really wounded lately and feel like I need a safe haven. I realize I am in the minority, and I'm not trying to make a stink. I'll totally accept whatever everyone decides. But it makes me think that maybe this isn't the place for me lately, either.

You're not a jerk for feeling this way. This is one of the reasons I haven't been here, because I know that people are feeling this way. I hate that some people are sad that we're not coming around as much, but I didn't want to come here and make it worse. You're not a jerk. *hugs*

ETA: And Jill belongs here way more than I do now. If she feels uncomfortable, I'm better off going. It just really made me sad that people were asking for updates and then when we gave them it wasn't always positive reactions being posted.

I agree 100%. Jill, you are not a jerk even a little. I know how hard it is and I have felt that way. It hurts like hell. You deserve this safe haven and comfort zone.

RileyGrace · March 2010

lyse2143:
RileyGrace:
ladipale:

lyse2143:
What the hell did I miss? How are the words "congrats" and "awesome" viewed as sarcastic or negative?

yeah, i was confused by that as well.

When you read the original post it was very obvious that certain comments were snarky.

Can I please have a link?

It's not my place to post a link, if the ladies involved want to I will let them do it. I noticed it when it happened originally, it was quite obvious to me.

Mrs.Johns · March 2010

RileyGrace:
lyse2143:
RileyGrace:
ladipale:

lyse2143:
What the hell did I miss? How are the words "congrats" and "awesome" viewed as sarcastic or negative?

yeah, i was confused by that as well.

When you read the original post it was very obvious that certain comments were snarky.

Can I please have a link?

It's not my place to post a link, if the ladies involved want to I will let them do it. I noticed it when it happened originally, it was quite obvious to me.

Thanks, Riley. I don't think it would be very appropriate for the good natured discussion we are having. It's not the time to call people out, that's not going to solve anything.

RileyGrace · March 2010

Mrs.Johns:
piecesofflare:
Jill070707:

I really don't want to seem like a jerk here, because I am truly happy for the ladies, but I don't feel like this is the place for pregnant women to be "regulars." I'm sorry. I feel really wounded lately and feel like I need a safe haven. I realize I am in the minority, and I'm not trying to make a stink. I'll totally accept whatever everyone decides. But it makes me think that maybe this isn't the place for me lately, either.

You're not a jerk for feeling this way. This is one of the reasons I haven't been here, because I know that people are feeling this way. I hate that some people are sad that we're not coming around as much, but I didn't want to come here and make it worse. You're not a jerk. *hugs*

ETA: And Jill belongs here way more than I do now. If she feels uncomfortable, I'm better off going. It just really made me sad that people were asking for updates and then when we gave them it wasn't always positive reactions being posted.

I agree 100%. Jill, you are not a jerk even a little. I know how hard it is and I have felt that way. It hurts like hell. You deserve this safe haven and comfort zone.

I agree with all of you. Jill (and everyone) deserve a safe haven. Mrs. J, POF, and all the success stories are missed and we'd love to keep in touch with them.

I just think it's best to error on the side of caution in these situations like the ladies have been doing.

I hope we all get BFPs soon and can all hang out on the tri boards together.

::group hug::

lyse2143 · March 2010

That's fine, but I guess I just wanted to see what people were referring to. Honestly, I just don't see how someone could mean those words in a negative way. Perhaps, things are read into wrong or taken wrong when there was no malice or bad intentions behind it. I have to say, as someone who doesn't mind KU girls that have gone through a similar struggle that I am currently going through, it does get hard to see that stuff. With that said, I'm still beyond happy for them, but sometimes all you can muster up is a congrats or a woohoo. Its not meant to be hurtful, its the best you can do in your state of mind.

Jill070707 · March 2010

I'm sorry. I really don't want anyone to feel they have to leave because of me. I wasn't trying to GBC3T or anything. I also really hope I haven't offended any of the pregnant women in this post or any of their update posts. I am honestly so happy for you all, I'm just so much sadder for myself right now. I'm sorry.

Temp356619000002780 · March 2010

Mrs.Johns:
RileyGrace:
lyse2143:
RileyGrace:
ladipale:

lyse2143:
What the hell did I miss? How are the words "congrats" and "awesome" viewed as sarcastic or negative?

yeah, i was confused by that as well.

When you read the original post it was very obvious that certain comments were snarky.

Can I please have a link?

It's not my place to post a link, if the ladies involved want to I will let them do it. I noticed it when it happened originally, it was quite obvious to me.

Thanks, Riley. I don't think it would be very appropriate for the good natured discussion we are having. It's not the time to call people out, that's not going to solve anything.

I must have missed something too, or I may be guilty of a cold congrats (I doubt I was), but I'm sorry this happened! I know it was very difficult around here with all the BFP's all at once and i did have a hard time dealing with them because I am on a break. But I did my best to share my happiness for you, POF, CHW, Flgirl, and any other BFP I may have missed! So for the sake of the board I will be hunting you ladies down on the Tri Boards!

laurens1122 · March 2010

I was also interested to see the post b/c I've been oblivious to any posts with cold or nasty responses. I really hope it wasn't me because I have been known to say Congrats! or Woo Hoo, Congrats!. I mean that with pure happiness for you KU ladies and I have no hidden agenda behind what I post ever. If I'm not happy for someone for whatever reason, I just don't respond to that post.

Lina1123 · March 2010

Mrs.Johns:
RileyGrace:
lyse2143:
RileyGrace:
ladipale:

lyse2143:
What the hell did I miss? How are the words "congrats" and "awesome" viewed as sarcastic or negative?

yeah, i was confused by that as well.

When you read the original post it was very obvious that certain comments were snarky.

Can I please have a link?

It's not my place to post a link, if the ladies involved want to I will let them do it. I noticed it when it happened originally, it was quite obvious to me.

Thanks, Riley. I don't think it would be very appropriate for the good natured discussion we are having. It's not the time to call people out, that's not going to solve anything.

I actually do think it helps if it's done privately. B/c as you can see, many women are worried now that they came across negatively. Very touchy subject.

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