Controversial Thread on 2nd tri

Mysh · March 2010

I don't know if someone has pointed this out yet, but I saw this thread (it is pretty long) and found it interesting. The thread is basically asking if the ladies would consider aborting a Down's Syndrome baby (or even one with other disabilities). I, for one, cannot imagine giving up a sticky baby for any reason.

Anyways, I thought I would share and see if anyone wanted to voice their opinion (although I have a feeling that everyone on this board is going to be in a similar boat on this one.)

MKFC · March 2010

Oh wow... don't think I will read that one Indifferent

ECUGirl2004 · March 2010

I haven't read that thread. We would not terminate a pregnancy due to down's syndrome or any other disability. I used to think that I would terminate due to Trisomy 13 or 18, but now I think that I wouldn't terminate for any reason, even if I knew that my baby would die at birth or immediately after. I just don't think that I could choose to end the life of my child, no matter what the outcome of the pregnancy would be.

I am pro-choice, so my feelings have nothing to do with that. I just don't think I could choose to terminate a pregnancy of my own.

kerrbear72 · March 2010

My sister has DS. She's 19 with the mentality of a 6 year old and my mother is approaching 60. It has not been easy on her by any measure. Some days, I wonder if I could handle doing what my mother has been for all these years for my sister. Ultimately, no matter how I may feel about it, in the end, I can't imagine ever aborting.

j&lo82907 · March 2010

I am pretty sure everyone here will be in the same boat. I would never give my child up, ever, if I was ever blessed with a sticky baby i would do anything and everything to keep that baby and give it the best life possible.

kellinc1 · March 2010

Yeah, I am not too sure that I would want to read that one.

LauraOTR · March 2010

Wow...I am actually curious to read that, though I probably shouldn't. I work with children with Down Syndrome, and they are the most joyful, most full of life little kids I've ever worked with.

mrsharris15 · March 2010

Indifferent wow, I would never think of it....

JennyBee0916 · March 2010

Wow...that is a sensitive subject. Probably one she should have kept to herself. After having two miscarriages, I'd never even think about aborting my baby. I used to teach at a pre-school for kids with special needs. While it could be very difficult and challenging at times, they're just as human and beautiful as any other child.

Beccaboo0713 · March 2010

I wouldn't terminate if the baby was compatible with life outside the womb but that's just me.

ameliasmom · March 2010

Not planning on reading the thread but there are some conditions that I would consider aborting but more for what the child would have to go through then myself. I had a close family member have to make this decision and it was extremely hard.

Down's is not something that I would consider it for.

Temp878586125009588 · March 2010

DH and I would never terminate. I could not imagine, a life is there for a reason, IMO. I would not say that it wouldn't be difficult, but I don't think I could terminate my own child.

LnR70707 · March 2010

I won't read that thread because I believe it is a very personal decision that one couldn't even begin to pass judgement on until they are in that situation.

flypink · March 2010

Every life is precious. I would never consider abortion.

itsmegin · March 2010

I personally wouldn't abort a baby for any reason other than if they knew for a fact that the baby and I would die if I continued the pregnancy. Even if it put my life in danger but the baby would be fine, I would keep it, so I definitely wouldn't abort a child just because he or she might have special needs.

I would hate to be in that position though and have a lot of respect for people who are, it must take enormous strength and love.

Mysh · March 2010

j&lo82907:
I am pretty sure everyone here will be in the same boat. I would never give my child up, ever, if I was ever blessed with a sticky baby i would do anything and everything to keep that baby and give it the best life possible.

I didn't want to assume, but I figured that since we are all putting so much effort into reproducing that we would all agree at least some what.

MySweetBaboo · March 2010

Beccaboo0713:
I wouldn't terminate if the baby was compatible with life outside the womb but that's just me.

Yes When my Triple Screen came back with an elevated risk of DS, dh and I were already in love and in agreement that she would be loved unconditionally. If there was ever any doubt before, when were faced with the possibility, there was no question.

Mysh · March 2010

L&R70707:
I won't read that thread because I believe it is a very personal decision that one couldn't even begin to pass judgement on until they are in that situation.

I didn't post it in order for us to pass judgement on it. I haven't even read it all the way through (it is something like 8 pages long). I posted the link so that the ladies would know what I was referencing, but I posted the thread as more of a question about opinions on this particular controversial subject.

Jessiac_3 · March 2010

I am pro-choice, but I don't think I could ever abort my own sticky baby! This post makes me think of this question that I got in an e-mail once...

The grandmother is an alcoholic and the father spends his evenings out drinking in the taverns. His mother has tuberculosis. She has already given birth to four children. The first child is blind, the second child died, the third child is deaf, and the fourth child has tuberculosis. Now the mother is pregnant again. Given the extreme situation, would you recommend an abortion?

You would have just aborted the great composer Ludwig van Beethoven.

It really makes you stop and think!

a.graves · March 2010

I do not think I will read that.

People who think that way really do not want to hear my opinion. It just makes me mad that someone would do that to a baby. No matter what the circumstances are.

triciaj1 · March 2010

I got FLAMED FLAMED FLAMED for complaining about my aunt considering this. So I will stay out of this one. But I am completely pro-life in any and all circumstances.

Mysh · March 2010

Mrs.Bones:

Please don't assume that everyone on this board would make the same choice as you.

As I stated before, there is no way of knowing what DH and I would decide to do in that situation since we're not actually in that situation.

I didn't say that everyone would make the same choice as I, I simply stated that I thought that the ladies on this board would generally be all in the same boat. Not necessarily my boat, but in the same boat because we are all specifically trying to have a child and that can put a different perspective on situations like this. I'm sorry if the way I worded the sentence came off wrong.

MissLadyTay · March 2010

Mrs.Bones:
Mysh:
Mrs.Bones:

Please don't assume that everyone on this board would make the same choice as you.

As I stated before, there is no way of knowing what DH and I would decide to do in that situation since we're not actually in that situation.

I didn't say that everyone would make the same choice as I, I simply stated that I thought that the ladies on this board would generally be all in the same boat. Not necessarily my boat, but in the same boat because we are all specifically trying to have a child and that can put a different perspective on situations like this. I'm sorry if the way I worded the sentence came off wrong.

No worries. I am trying to have a child and I want a healthy child. However, IDK what that means if it would come to a situation like that. I think the reality of the situation is a lot different than the blanket "I would never/always..."

I'm not saying that anyone is wrong, nor is anyone totally right. I'm saying, for me, I can not make a blanket statement b/c I have NO idea what I'd be feeling or thinking.

This.

BetchySprout · March 2010

Mysh:

j&lo82907:
I am pretty sure everyone here will be in the same boat. I would never give my child up, ever, if I was ever blessed with a sticky baby i would do anything and everything to keep that baby and give it the best life possible.

I didn't want to assume, but I figured that since we are all putting so much effort into reproducing that we would all agree at least some what.

I wouldn't assume that at all. My very pro-life aunt terminated when at 20 weeks they found out the baby had anencephaly (no brain). She had gone through several fertility treatments to get that baby, it was their last ditch effort on IUI's before IVF. This is not uncommon at all (not the anencephaly, but people who had treatments terminating for one reason or another).

I would never judge unless I was in those shoes. Not that either of you are, but my aunt's situation really helped me see both sides of the coin (I am very pro-choice and am not sure I would have made the same decision).

P.S. This was 4 years ago and my aunt has since had a healthy daughter who is 5 weeks older than my son.

jteneback · March 2010

kerrbear72:
My sister has DS. She's 19 with the mentality of a 6 year old and my mother is approaching 60. It has not been easy on her by any measure. Some days, I wonder if I could handle doing what my mother has been for all these years for my sister. Ultimately, no matter how I may feel about it, in the end, I can't imagine ever aborting.

My sister doesn't have Down's but she has a trisomy on another chromosome. She's 27 going on 12, and doing much better than anyone imagined when she was born. It's been hard on the whole family but ultimately, my sister has a life that she enjoys and she brings something to the table for the rest of us as well. I'm sure if you asked her, she would choose her current life over having been aborted. Sometimes being a parent isn't what we expected, but you adjust, and do it because you have to.

(I'm pro-choice, BTW.)

Mysh · March 2010

Pattypoundcake:
Mysh:

j&lo82907:
I am pretty sure everyone here will be in the same boat. I would never give my child up, ever, if I was ever blessed with a sticky baby i would do anything and everything to keep that baby and give it the best life possible.

I didn't want to assume, but I figured that since we are all putting so much effort into reproducing that we would all agree at least some what.

I wouldn't assume that at all. My very pro-life aunt terminated when at 20 weeks they found out the baby had anencephaly (no brain). She had gone through several fertility treatments to get that baby, it was their last ditch effort on IUI's before IVF. This is not uncommon at all (not the anencephaly, but people who had treatments terminating for one reason or another).

I would never judge unless I was in those shoes. Not that either of you are, but my aunt's situation really helped me see both sides of the coin (I am very pro-choice and am not sure I would have made the same decision).

P.S. This was 4 years ago and my aunt has since had a healthy daughter who is 5 weeks older than my son.

To me, this is not the same situation. If I knew that my child had no chance of survival or would not be able to live outside of my womb I would most likely choose to abort rather then continue with the pregnancy. I say most likely, because I am not in that situation now and I don't know 100% what I would choose in that moment.

I do however feel comfortable making the blanket statement that I would not abort simply because it was found that my child would be born with Down's Syndrome. I completely respect the fact that others don't feel comfortable making such a statement and I respect them for being honest about their feelings.

jteneback · March 2010

ameliasmom:

Not planning on reading the thread but there are some conditions that I would consider aborting but more for what the child would have to go through then myself. I had a close family member have to make this decision and it was extremely hard.

Down's is not something that I would consider it for.

Exactly. I wouldn't abort because it would be inconvenient for me to have a special-needs child.

BetchySprout · March 2010

Let me also add I have an IRL friend who has two children with Alper's Syndrome. Their max life expectancy is under 10 years, but if they are lucky they will live to see 4. Her older child (3) used to walk/talk/run...now he is regressing, and regressing badly. They found out about his disorder when she was already pregnant with #2 and they found out #2 has it as well.

She is living what I would consider a hellish existence of watching her two babies die slowly. I think if she had known what she was in for, she would have still had her children. In fact, I know she would have. She is a spectacular mom to two very special needs kids...but not everyone is cut out for that. I wish I could be as strong as she is.

BetchySprout · March 2010

Mysh:
Pattypoundcake:
Mysh:

j&lo82907:
I am pretty sure everyone here will be in the same boat. I would never give my child up, ever, if I was ever blessed with a sticky baby i would do anything and everything to keep that baby and give it the best life possible.

I didn't want to assume, but I figured that since we are all putting so much effort into reproducing that we would all agree at least some what.

I wouldn't assume that at all. My very pro-life aunt terminated when at 20 weeks they found out the baby had anencephaly (no brain). She had gone through several fertility treatments to get that baby, it was their last ditch effort on IUI's before IVF. This is not uncommon at all (not the anencephaly, but people who had treatments terminating for one reason or another).

I would never judge unless I was in those shoes. Not that either of you are, but my aunt's situation really helped me see both sides of the coin (I am very pro-choice and am not sure I would have made the same decision).

P.S. This was 4 years ago and my aunt has since had a healthy daughter who is 5 weeks older than my son.

To me, this is not the same situation. If I knew that my child had no chance of survival or would not be able to live outside of my womb I would most likely choose to abort rather then continue with the pregnancy. I say most likely, because I am not in that situation now and I don't know 100% what I would choose in that moment.

I do however feel comfortable making the blanket statement that I would not abort simply because it was found that my child would be born with Down's Syndrome. I completely respect the fact that others don't feel comfortable making such a statement and I respect them for being honest about their feelings.

Mysh I completely understood what you meant and I know you were not speaking about things like that...but there are people who make the blanket "no way no how" statement until they are in those shoes, KWIM?

I am 100% pro choice and if they baby could live outside the womb I would carry it to term.

Dukos · March 2010

For starters, she did say Downs or other birth defect. So she's not just talking about Downs. And that does make a difference. As many have said, a person with Downs has a very good chance of living a very fruitful life. That is not the case with many "other birth defects".

As someone who has grown up with an older sister who was born with a neural tube defect, I come at this with a different perspective than most.

I think it is very easy for people to say "I know so-and-so who has Downs, or has a Downs child and they are happy". It is a very, very different thing to have that be your life and your day in day out reality. It's very different when you have to sit and watch your 38 year old while they are eating and remind them to eat slowly so they don't choke. Taking care of a disabled child is so, so, SO much harder and more heartbreaking than words can express.

That being said, I love my sister dearly. And I know that knowing her and having her in my life have taught me things and given me a perspecitve on what really matters in life. The fact that she has managed to thrive and beat unbeatable odds time and time again is incredibly inspiring.

Having grown up with her in my life, and knowing what it takes to raise a disabled child, I honestly can say I don't think I have what it takes to raise a child with a severe disability.

I also know that the truth of the matter is you don't know shittt about it until you're there. I could totally change my mind and feel very passionately about keeping the child if I were there.

This is why I think people have no right to judge and should just respect that is a very heartbreaking and personal decision.

Sorry so long. It's an issue that kind of hits home for me...

Mysh · March 2010

Pattypoundcake:

Let me also add I have an IRL friend who has two children with Alper's Syndrome. Their max life expectancy is under 10 years, but if they are lucky they will live to see 4. Her older child (3) used to walk/talk/run...now he is regressing, and regressing badly. They found out about his disorder when she was already pregnant with #2 and they found out #2 has it as well.

She is living what I would consider a hellish existence of watching her two babies die slowly. I think if she had known what she was in for, she would have still had her children. In fact, I know she would have. She is a spectacular mom to two very special needs kids...but not everyone is cut out for that. I wish I could be as strong as she is.

This would be a very hard choice to make and one where I could sit here and say what I think I would do, but I couldn't be as sure about what I would feel as I do with the Down's Syndrome debate.

Mysh · March 2010

Dukos:

For starters, she did say Downs or other birth defect. So she's not just talking about Downs. And that does make a difference. As many have said, a person with Downs has a very good chance of living a very fruitful life. That is not the case with many "other birth defects".

As someone who has grown up with an older sister who was born with a neural tube defect, I come at this with a different perspective than most.

I think it is very easy for people to say "I know so-and-so who has Downs, or has a Downs child and they are happy". It is a very, very different thing to have that be your life and your day in day out reality. It's very different when you have to sit and watch your 38 year old while they are eating and remind them to eat slowly so they don't choke. Taking care of a disabled child is so, so, SO much harder and more heartbreaking than words can express.

That being said, I love my sister dearly. And I know that knowing her and having her in my life have taught me things and given me a perspecitve on what really matters in life. The fact that she has managed to thrive and beat unbeatable odds time and time again is incredibly inspiring.

Having grown up with her in my life, and knowing what it takes to raise a disabled child, I honestly can say I don't think I have what it takes to raise a child with a severe disability.

I also know that the truth of the matter is you don't know shittt about it until you're there. I could totally change my mind and feel very passionately about keeping the child if I were there.

This is why I think people have no right to judge and should just respect that is a very heartbreaking and personal decision.

Sorry so long. It's an issue that kind of hits home for me...

Thank you for sharing. I just wanted to mention again that I didn't post this to bring judgement on anyone who has had to make that very hard decision.

As I read further into the thread I am noticing that the OP has some very strong opinions that seem to be why the thread may have turned from a discussion into an 8 page disaster.

j_luvs_r · March 2010

Mysh:
As I read further into the thread I am noticing that the OP has some very strong opinions that seem to be why the thread may have turned from a discussion into an 8 page disaster.

When I got to her second post within the thread, I had to stop reading. I didn't judge her until then. She said some very ignorant and downright sh!tty things. :-(

skinnursemandee · March 2010

I stick to my previous statement on another board and this is strictly my opinion. I would never abort unless there is no viablity or quality of life for my child. I just dont want to make them suffer.

That being said. If you are not prepared to raise a child with special needs then you seriously are not prepared to be a parent to ANY child. That is the risks, a roll of the dice in the gamble with DNA.

umm people with Downs can be and many are functional members of society. There is a large spectrum in which a person with Downs can fall into. So pretty much, yeah killing a contributing member of society.

My opinion: If the baby is a walking (sometimes not with certain conditions), talking, learning, growing able progress as a relatively normal human being why abort it for your own selfish purposes. Wait because you dont want that life for yourself, not your child. That is just my opinion.

I am all for abortion of babies such as the one posted above without a brain etc. Like I said if there is no quality of life then there is no sense in bringing a baby into this world to suffer.

Since when did TTC become TTC the perfect child only and lets erradicate all things NOT perfect. That makes a very boring world

Mysh · March 2010

j_luvs_r:
Mysh:

As I read further into the thread I am noticing that the OP has some very strong opinions that seem to be why the thread may have turned from a discussion into an 8 page disaster.

When I got to her second post within the thread, I had to stop reading. I didn't judge her until then. She said some very ignorant and downright sh!tty things. :-(

Agreed. That post made me very upset.

mdluv21 · March 2010

L&R70707:
I won't read that thread because I believe it is a very personal decision that one couldn't even begin to pass judgement on until they are in that situation.

I very much agree with you.

AppleMomma · March 2010

That was a very tough thread. I know a little girl who is a downs baby and she wasn't expected to live past 3 months, she's now 7 years old, and has had the hole in heart closed and fixed and no longer needs a bag to go to the bathroom, she's a miracle and I cannot understand the coldness that anyone could have to kill a baby just because there's something "wrong" with it. Just makes me so angry. I guarantee if DS had downs I would not have hesitated to keep him and I would have quickly shut up any doctor who wanted to give me "options".

MSC03 · March 2010

::butts in::

I'm about ready to throat punch someone once they started judging parents who were unable to see/hold their babies with fatal abnormalities. How someone deals with grief is NOT related to the choice of terminating over Down's Syndrome...

And it's VERY common to emotionally not be able to see/hold your child, especially considering some of the conditions/mutuations that are fatal. Both DH and I finally came around to it, but I will say that we struggled with it and was not an easy thing to do.

Sorry. I had to vent somewhere and I know they're all wrapped up in their drama to see what I replied with.

jjpnb08 · March 2010

L&R70707:
I won't read that thread because I believe it is a very personal decision that one couldn't even begin to pass judgement on until they are in that situation.

I agree 100%.

j_luvs_r · March 2010

MrsSummitCounty:
::butts in::

I'm about ready to throat punch someone once they started judging parents who were unable to see/hold their babies with fatal abnormalities. How someone deals with grief is NOT related to the choice of terminating over Down's Syndrome...

And it's VERY common to emotionally not be able to see/hold your child, especially considering some of the conditions/mutuations that are fatal. Both DH and I finally came around to it, but I will say that we struggled with it and was not an easy thing to do.

Sorry. I had to vent somewhere and I know they're all wrapped up in their drama to see what I replied with.

(((HUGE HUGS)))

Vent here anytime, my dear. We miss you.

BetchySprout · March 2010

MrsSummitCounty:

::butts in::

I'm about ready to throat punch someone once they started judging parents who were unable to see/hold their babies with fatal abnormalities. How someone deals with grief is NOT related to the choice of terminating over Down's Syndrome...

And it's VERY common to emotionally not be able to see/hold your child, especially considering some of the conditions/mutuations that are fatal. Both DH and I finally came around to it, but I will say that we struggled with it and was not an easy thing to do.

Sorry. I had to vent somewhere and I know they're all wrapped up in their drama to see what I replied with.

I would gladly throatpunch all those judgy biitches for you.

I don't wish any harm on any of their babies but I just want them to walk a mile in those shoes.

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