Infertility

I'm having a really hard time

I made it through the work day, but just barely.  And I came home and fell apart.  I don't know how to get through this.  I don't know how to keep trying.  We've transferred a total of 13 embryos over 5 IVFs and all we've gotten is more and more heartache.  I just don't know where to go from here.  Nobody can explain why this keeps happening.  I'm lost and broken and I don't know what to do.  I just want to be a mom. 
TTC with unexplained IF since 8/2007 6 losses, one beautiful perfect boy in our arms Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
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Re: I'm having a really hard time

  • I'm so sorry your going through this kiki.  I haven't gone through IVF so I can't offer any advise on that but I know how hard it is when Dr.'s can't give a reason for what's happening.  I just wanted to tell you, your in my thoughts.
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  • Oh kiki, I wish I had some answers for you or even some words to make this easier. IF is just so unfair sometimes. I don't doubt that you'll find a way and you will be a mom, I just wish you didn't have to suffer like this on the way. ((hugs))
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  • Kiki, I'm so sorry. I haven't been through IVF, but I just wanted to let you know you are in my prayers. ((((HUGS))))
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  • {{BIG HUGS}}
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  • I am so sorry sweetie. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
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  • My heart hurts for you-keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

    Diagnosed PCOS & MFI-Success with IUI
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  • I haven't been through IVF, but I do know that feeling of just wanting to be a mom and not knowing why it isn't happening. I truly believe that you will become a mom one day. Only you and your DH can decide what would be the best way to make that happen for you....trust your instincts. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
    After 2 years of TTC, our daughter was born on Oct 31, 2011!
    7lbs 13oz  20 inches long
    image
    image"Lilypie">

  • I'm sorry, that is so hard.  I haven't made it all the way through an IVF cycle but I can only imagine how tough this is.  You're in my T&P.
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  • I am so sorry Kiki.  I am sure you will make a great mom, and will be a mom one way or the other. 
  • I'm so sorry kiki. I am only on IVF#1 and can't even begin to imagine the pain and heartache you've been through. IF is not fair and bad things should simply not happen to good people. It just sucks. I don't know you, but it is obvious to me that you are an increadibly strong person. I am so sorry you have to go through this and hope that the sun is shining a little brighter for you tomorrow! ((((hugs))))
    Crohn's resulting in colectomy with J-Pouch surgery in 2000/2001.
    TTC since August 2008
    IVF#1: BFFN; IVF#2: BFN; FET with new RE: BFN
    IVF#3: ER 1/15; ET 1/20; Beta#1 1/29: 339!
    Twins girls born via c/s at 37w/3d!!
    "Let it go, this too shall pass."
  • i'm so sorry Kiki.
    Dx: MFI, DOR, 9 Fibroids and homozygous MTHFR

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  • I am so, so sorry that you are going through this hon. My heart is breaking for you. I wish there was something I could say to make it better.

    You're in my T&Ps.

    Sending tons of (((((hugehugs))))). 

    image
    Unexplained Infertility

    After two Clomid cycles, three injectable IUI cycles, two IVFs, two miscarriages, and one lap surgery, IVF #2 has brought us our little boy!

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    TTC #2
    After months of being postponed or cancelled, FET #1.3 (Natural FET) brought us twin girls!

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    Surprise! Baby #4 is due in March!
  • I'm so sorry too. I haven't been through it so I can't imagine how terrible you are feeling. BIG ((hugs)) to you!
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  • I am so sorry you are in this kind of pain. I have no answers or experience with ivf so I can't imagine your level of pain but I do know what loss feels like and I'm truly sorry for yours! ((( huge hugs)))
    Natural BFP on 3/08
    C/P- at 6 weeks
    5 IUI's= BFN
    Dx: Endo stage 1 : evevated FSH (11.3)
    IVF#1: 3dt 2 8 cell, grade 1 embyos :bfn


    *(P)SAIFW*

    ~A lotus springs from mud~ Chinese proverb
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  • Oh hon, I'm so sorry...kudos for making it through the day at least, hopefully work is a little bit of a distraction.  Your post makes me especially sad because we're at about the same spot and don't know what to do or how much more heartache we can bear.  It's an awful place to be.  ((hugs))  let me know if you ever need to talk or if I can do anything for you.

    btw...I replied to your PM from the other day.

  • I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this, hon.  Life is so unfair.  Sending lots of ((((hugs)))) your way.
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  • I am so sorry Kiki, I wish I had answers.  Please know you and DH are in my prayers.

    You will be a mom, I promise. 

    image
    Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles, It empties today of its strength. ~Corrie ten Boom
    Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. ~Mary Anne Radmacher (thank you beadinglady)

    It's been a long journey. TTC since 9/06. multiple IUI's and IVF's and 4 m/c's. IVF#3 = BFP, twins, induced at 34w6d due to baby b passing away (no explanation). Delivered on 35w1d, Baby A - baby girl, and Baby B - baby boy, our little angel.
    MTHFR A1298C & C677T, Immune Issues and Factor II
  • I'm so sorry Kiki...you are in my T&P's and I wish there was something I could do to make this all even a little bit easier on all of us...
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  • I'm so sorry Kiki. I am keeping you and your husband in my thoughts.

     

    TTC #1 since June 2008 *SAIFW*

    TI, IUIs, IVF = c/ps and BFNs

  • Kiki, I'm so sorry you're going through this.  You're in my thoughts ((( hugs ))).
    TTC #1 w/ endo since Sept 2005. After many losses, a lap, tons of meds and tons of testing and, one failed IVF cycle, we were blown away with a surprise, sticky BFP...it's a girl!!! Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • Oh honey, I just want to wrap my arms around you and hold you and cry with you. I'm so sorry you're going through this and I wish that you had answers as to why this keeps happening to you. This is so not fair and I'm so sorry.

    Keeping you close to my heart and in my thoughts. Sending you lots of hugs.

    ? We can only appreciate the miracle of a sunrise if we have waited in the darkness... ?

    12/99 - Miscarriage at 12w - 6/08 - BFP - Miscarriage at 8w, 9/08 - BFP - Miscarriage at 8w2d, 12/08 - Found out I am a carrier of a Balanced Translocation between Chromosomes 8 & 16, 8/2010 - DE IVF = FAIL. 12/18/10 - Surprise BFP! Awaiting our Sticky Miracle! 12/20 - Beta #1-1208 * 12/27 Beta #2 - 6002 1/3/11 Beta #3 - 17,146. Beautiful little heart beating away! Stick little one, stick!

    ♥ Brielle Skye born August 17th, 2011 ♥ Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • I am so sorry you are going through this. I am just heart broken for you guys. It's so unfair. Huge hugs.
    PAIF and SAIF Always Welcome!
    TTC since 2007
    6 IUIs, 3 IVFs, and 2 m/c :< PCOS, Blood Clotting Disorder & MFI
    IVF #2 Aug 2011 is a BFN:<
    IVF #3 March 2012 is a BFN
    Not sure what to do now. Sad and lost.
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  • (((hugs)))
    We are adopting! Currently waiting for our domestic infant adoption match.

    My blog: Making Me Mom

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  • I'm so sorry!  I don't have any advice, but I wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers!
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  • I'm so sorry - hugs :).  I can't think of anything to say that will take away your pain but wanted you to know I was thinking of you.  I know how hard it is.
    5 IUIs | 4 IVFs | 2 sweet little girls Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I'm sorry you are feeling this way.  Lots and lots of hugs to you.
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  • I think you are an incredibly strong person for making it this far. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
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  • Im so sorry, my heart is breaking for you =(
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  • You are in my thoughts hon, and I am sending you lots of hugs.

    I wish this wasn't happening, I hope you do reach your goal of becoming a mom.  ((hugs)) 

    Surprise BFP after 5 yrs of TTC
  • I'm so, so sorry.  My heart breaks for you.  What you're going through is my worst fear through all if this. I wish there was something I could say to comfort you.  I will be praying for you.  I think you just have to hold out hope and have faith that you will be a mom one day, however that has to happen for you... at least that's what I tell myself.  
    Cant wait to meet our little girl!!! BabyFruit Ticker
  • Lots of hugs. I'm so sorry that all this is so difficult and heartbreaking.
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  • I am so sorry you are going through this.  ((HUGS))

     I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers

    It's a GIRL! Born 12/16/10 Baby 2.0 is on the way! Due in June.
  • My thoughts and prayers are with you. I'm so sorry you've had such a rough time. HUGS
  • I'm so so sorry Kiki!  I really wish the doctors could give you some answers so you did not have to continually go through this terrible heartache!  It's just not fair.  I'm keeping you in my T&P's!
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  • Hoping and praying your dreams come true soon!  ((hugs))
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  • i'm so very sorry for all that you've gone through and your loss.  i have been through 5 unsuccessful IVFs, so i have a good idea what you are going through.  although, i believe my inability to have success w/ IVF was due to my older age and i don't think that's the case for you.

     the only thing i would do in your shoes is consider going out of town to a top clinic, if that's an option for you.

     again i'm so so very sorry for your losses.  sending you major (((HUGS))). you are one brave and special lady and i wish you the best. 

    After 7 years of marriage and 5 unsuccessful IVFs, we have been granted the gift of adopting a baby boy, born 4/21/11.
    image
  • I am so sorry you are going through this. I wish I had advice on how to get through it, but I am thinking about you and sending lots of T&Ps. ((HUGS))
    Dx: High FSH, stage IV endo, homozygous C677T MTHFR and PAI-1
    Early loss 10/08
    Lap 1/09
    IVF #1 "natural IVF" - 1 egg retrieved, missed m/c
    Tried several mini-stim cycles with no response
    Switched clinics - dx'd as carrier for Fragile X
    IVF #2 MDL protocol Jan/Feb converted to IUI, BFN
    IVF #2 take 2: Antagonist, one embie, BFN
    IVF #3: Antagonist, no fertilization
    One last ditch effort at OE IVF (antagonist with Clomid) cancelled
    DE cycle #1 Jan/Feb 2011, BFP, ectopic
    DE cycle #2 June/July 2011 - BFP
    10/28/11 Baby girl lost at 17 weeks due to pre-term labor. We love and miss you.
    DE cycle #3 June/July 2012 - BFP, twins, both heartbeats stopped, D&C
    2 frosties but don't know what's next
    FET Dec 2012: BFP! Praying this one sticks for the long haul!
  • I can't imagine the pain you have been through.  I am so sorry. 
    Dx with PCOS and IR June 2009
    After two losses, third time was a charm.
    pm me for blog link
  • I'm sorry KiKi.  I don't know if I have read your latest update, so I'm going to go search now.  I just can't imagine. ((((HUGS))))
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • I'm so sorry you're going through this.  All I can offer are hugs, thoughts, and prayers, but I can offer a lot of them. 
    image 30 y/o with PCOS HSG normal, SA essentially normal (slightly low morph but good # and motility) 50 mg Clomid...zip; 100 mg Clomid...nada; 150 mg Clomid...zilch 1/10 Injectable cycle with Gonal-F, Ovidrel, and TI.....Beta 2/22...BFN 2/10 Injectable cycle with Gonal-F and Follistim (long story), Ovidrel..BFN 4/10 Injectable cycle (see above). BFP but early m/c 5w5d. 5/10 Break cycle due to BFC (Big Fat Cyst)...darn it all 6/10 Injectable cycle +IUI...BFN 7/10 Injectable cycle + IUI.....BFP!!! Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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