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wheninrome
member
Can we talk friendships after baby?
wheninrome
member
I do not have babies yet.....bff just had one. I have talked to her a couple of times since the baby came ...on the phone. I am avoiding calling her to give her and her DH some time with the baby. I'm curious though.... how should we go about keeping up with eachother? What has worked for you? Just a note she is another city. I thought maybe emailing would work....so that she can email back when she gets the chance to....any ideas would be great! I just know our hour long conversations will change into five minute ones now=( but that's life right=)
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Re: Can we talk friendships after baby?
Ask her what will work best for her. Tell her that you haven't been calling as much because you're trying to give them space.
fwiw - I still have plenty of time to keep up with friends. My mom, sister, two close friends are all in a different city, and I talk to each of them every week. Sometimes for an hour
Ah, my friendships have changed DRAMATICALLY since I had DS.
Most of my closest friends live in San Diego and we talk a lot less than we used to. I try to call people as often as I can on my commute home from work but most of my friends are still at work since it's 2 hrs behind. I send a lot of emails and messages on FB. I know it's not ideal but I just don't have a lot of spare time right now.
Sometimes I just realize that there are certain friendships that I've had for so long that we'll be friends for ages - regardless of how often we talk right now.
Oh and chat is a godsend. I'm on gmail most of the day so I can quickly check in with a few of my best friends about 1x/week.
Good luck!
Honestly for me, the friends we had and we getting closer with before H have all but gone away. we don't get invited to stuff anymore. or they flake out on us. It sucks.
hubby can go to happy hours with them, but it is frustrating and hurts.
Over the last year I've made an entire new set of friends that I'm elated to have and they totally rock, but it does still hurt that the others just blew us off.
heehee.... funny thing is that she is more of the talker. We actually have kept in touch really well through the years through email...Usually at work we email several times a week. We can both talk! LOL! I am just a researcher type of person...and always want to know the best ways to handle things before things get hard ya know?
I'm glad that there have been some successes though. I think email will probably remain our best way of contact...plsu some visits of course.
Sometimes I think people are misunderstood.....I think as friends we think new moms don't want to be bothered.....but in some cases I think the moms do want their friendships to remain ...well in some ways the same as they were. Maybe that's why so many friendships are lost through this stage.
I vote for email. But, I hate talking on the phone unless it's to exchange info on when/where we're going to meet up in person. Plus, finding the time to talk on the phone is hard and even if you think everyone is satisfied/sleeping/playing quietly, you never know when screaming/crying is going to occur and I hate trying to end a conversation with crying in the background. With email, I can ramble as long as I want/need to and I can do it anytime day or night. Some of those relationships will stay strong regardless though. I have a couple of friends where we've lived in different states, been in different places regarding dating/marriage/career/school/babies and even if we get together every couple of years, it's like no time passed at all and we just pick up where we left off. The other friendships, meh, probably didn't need them.
Definitely let her know you were intentionally giving her and her new family some space because I think any new parent appreciates that.
This. Blah.
Our friends (without kids yet) have completely blown us off. Every once in a while they'll comment on a picture on fb and say "it's been too long, we need to get together" but when I try to plan something, they flake out. My advice is to keep in touch. E-mail is probably the best way right now so she can answer on her own time. Just because someone has a baby does not mean she's not the same person she was before and that she doesn't want to talk to friends anymore.
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I think that's a big misconception..at least for me.
Also, in no way am I saying you are like my crappy friends. I think it's great that you're asking for advice and still wanting to keep in touch.
The Blog
this!
For us, things didn't change until he got close to a year. Then suddenly he was a real person and they quickly began having adult only parties and then we stopped getting those invites.
So we had almost a year of, "great nothing has changed this rocks" to dude, where's they go?
Thanks Gilrs for the responses! It's always good to hear from others....I think the email thing just may work for us. I feel like becoming a mother is yet another test of balancing life.I'm sure things will be fine=)