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Attachment Parenting
LO always cries in the car...
... and I feel like she's CIO. :-( Sometimes we just have to go places. Tonight we went to the grocery store (five minutes away), and she screamed and screamed every second she was in the car, except for the few minutes when she fell asleep because she was so tired. :-(
I don't know what to do. I have stopped and nursed/held/rocked her. I check to make sure she's comfortable, everything. She's just not happy if she can't see me. She even cries with DH if she can't see me. I kind of like that she needs me so much, but its difficult.
In addition to this, I'm dealing with PPD/PPA. I feel so guilty and shameful that she's so unhappy. Is something wrong with me because I can't fix her problems? I don't imagine other mothers dealing with this. I just keep thinking about how I can't meet her needs. I want her to trust me. Riding in the car isn't CIO, but it seems like it could do the same kind of damage. Of course she can't differentiate.
What can I do about the car? Do you think the crying in the car poses the same psychological risks as CIO? Should I just not plan to go anywhere unless I can ride in the back seat with her or she can stay home with DH?
We don't have a lot of help. We live in Texas and our families live in Kentucky and Tennessee. There's no one to just watch her if I'm/we're in a bind. Plus, staying in the house all day with her isn't good for me and my PPD/PPA.
I'd appreciate any thoughts.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: LO always cries in the car...
There is nothing wrong with you! My DD cries hysterically in the car as well. It's awful! I totally feel your pain! I do ride in the back with her a lot, but sometimes I just can't. What seems to help is singing "Twinkle, Twinkle". For some reason it's the only song that will calm her down, but even that doesn't work all the time.
I can't really answer any of your questions, but just know you're not alone! Some LOs just hate the car!
Henry did that up until a few weeks ago. I can't even tell you how many times I'd pull over to comfort him. In the end he'd just scream anyway and we had to get home eventually. I got to the point where I felt like I was prolonging the suffering (I'm using that in a joking way because we all know they aren't really suffering). He kind of just grew out of it. I also think getting out with him on the weekend with me sitting in the back with him helped. DH felt like a taxi driver, but it helped Henry get used to riding in the car.
Even though he's better I had to jump in the back seat with him after his Gymboree class today because he was fussy.
GL!
my ds1 cried hysterically in the car, to the point where it took 1.5 hours to make a 40 minute trip because of the constant pulling over to check him.
First I realized that I had to get to where we were going and it was probably more dangerous for me to keep fvcking with his pacifier, reaching back to try and touch him etc... and that he could cry and would live if he did, although I did not like it and it would give me road rage.
so, we switched him to a convertible car seat at 3 months old ( he was in a chicco and it did not ventilate air well and it turned out he was getting wayyyyy too hot in the car and that is why he'd cry)
that really helped.
Also, I carried a dustbuster in the car, and the white noise would stop him from crying if he really got out of hand.
GOod luck
(now granted, I don't 100% buy into the "psychological risks of CIO") but I had a baby who screamed bloody murder every time she was in the carseat (and the stroller. it was awesome).
What can you do? You can't not go anywhere. You can't stop every mile on the road. I never rode in the back with her (I usually drive) adn we just got where we were going as quickly as possible and I got her out and loved on her.
It ends. Around 9 months, Kate got over it!
Thanks. I appreciate the feedback so far. The carseat info is especially helpful. Sometimes she does seem kind of sweaty/damp when I pick her up (and its not pee). :-(
It helps to know that some of you have the same issue.
Hi there,
I am sorry you are having such a rough time. You really are in the thick of it and things will start getting better soon.
I don't think crying in the car is the same as CIO and I know it is distressing but I really don't believe its the same. I also don't think you need to avoid the car, things change so fast at this age that chances are things will improve soon.
Here is a good article from Elizabeth Pantley's web site about preventing crying in the car.
and another about calming crying in general.
Are you getting support for the PPD/PPA and as a mother in general? Have you found a mommy group yet? The absolute best support you can find is from moms going through the same thing. I'm sorry I'm not of more help. This same issue has been discused here before and I'm sure you'll get some good answers.
try to be mindful then of how warm you dress her when you have to go on a trip. We used to put a receiving blanket in the carseat behind ds to absorb some of the sweat from him overheating.
And we stopped covering him in the car with a blanket.... and sometimes opened the moonroof or turned the fan on, even in the winter just to keep the car cooler. if you think about how tightly they are buckled in there, they have go to get toasty fast.
Are you still using an infant seat? Try switching to a convertible & see if that helps. Ari was a car screamer & one of us would have to ride in the back seat to keep him from being so hysterical he'd puke. We finally bought a convertible & I wish we would've done it months ago. He giggles & laughs & plays now. It's amazing. He used to start shrieking the 2nd we put him in the seat.
It's worth a shot.
We have this same issue. Some days she'll be fine, but others, she just does NOT want to be in the car. That, unfortunately, is just not going to be something we can always get around, and she'll have to get used to it. She usually gets fussiest if I'm making a lot of stops and we're in and out of the car seat all day- I think it's b/c she just gets comfy in her wrap, then I take her out and put her in her seat.
I just talk to her the whole time, tell her she's ok, that momma's right here and we'll be home soon, and often contort my arm so I can touch her/hold her hand. I figure if I do all that, she knows she's not alone at least, and that I'm trying to comfort her somewhat. I'm hoping she gets over this! Part of me doesn't wonder if she doesn't get a bit carsick riding backward, but, again, that's a non-negotiable, so she's just going to have to deal!
Wow. I feel like I'm reliving the first few months of parenthood all over reading your post....deja vu!
LO didn't cry when we were in the car, he SCREAMED! THE WHOLE TIME! EVERY TIME! He just absolutely HATED his carseat (even if he was in his travel system, he would scream in his carseat but be perfectly content if we put him in the stroller itself) so it wasn't just the car, it was the carseat. It was terrible tho - it put DH and I so much on edge anywhere we went. A 10 min ride to somewhere fun turned into complete misery by the time we got there and we were just so on edge, I was usually shaking cuz I just heard screaming the entire time!! And if 10 mins did that, forget about going somewhere even further! I can handle crying, I can NOT handle blood curdling screams! So I sat in the back to try to calm LO while DH always drove (still do) and when it was just me and LO, I usually drove with my arm behind me with my hand on his face rubbing it and making sure he still had his bink. He hated it but we kept taking him wherever and said he'd have to get used to it and you know what, he did!
One day when he was about 3 1/2 months old, I had some errands to do (alone) and I thought, 'this'll be fun getting in and out of the car all day.... = / ' So we went to one store and I put him in his stroller and of course he was fine, and then we packed up to go to the next store and I strapped him in his carseat, packed up his stroller and was just waiting for the screams. When I got in the car and he wasn't screaming yet, I thought "weird but I'll take it" - he was just staring like no big deal. So I drove literally 3 mins away and still didn't hear anything (wow!). So I parked, unpacked the stroller and opened the backseat door, and he was asleep!....in his carseat! He'd never fallen asleep in it before! So I hooked it into the travel system (instead of taking him out) and shopped around for 40 mins before he woke up (unheard of!!). And then, when he woke up (still in his carseat, hooked in the stroller), he was all smiles and just looked around and didn't make a peep. Took him to the car 15 mins later and just moved the carseat from the stoller into the car and drove 20 mins home in traffic and still not a sound and he was awake the whole time! I told DH when I got home and he didn't believe me! Ever since we rarely hear any fussing from him in his carseat. He just got used to it I guess... I still sit in the back with him cuz I figure he's lonely and then I'm right there to give him his bink or toys, etc. but he's usually fine.
So don't give up hope! Just keep going where you need to go and one day LO will get used to it! And don't think you're a bad mom - the bad mom is the one who doesn't make her LO sit in a carseat at all anytime they go anywhere because she doesn't want to make LO sit in it if she doesn't like it!!! (yes, I know that mom and want to pummel her a** everyday!)