Vent

ams8099 · March 2010

I'm kind of late in this, but first, let me offer my sympathies. I too just suffered an early loss and it is heart wrenching.

Maybe I can help explain POF point of view.

Each message board is a community. The dynamics of each community is different. This is why it's important to lurk and get to know the "rules" of the board before you post. These rules are unwritten, but you can get to know the proper etiquette of the board by lurking.

Most of the girls on this board haver been TTC for several months to several years. We have all come to know each other and have been there for each other through struggles, losses, and celebrations. I missed your BFP post, but essentially, you walked into a room full of strangers, shouted "I'm pregnant" and left.

How long you have been TTC has nothing to do with the responses you received. I also post on the Infertility board and drive-bys there are unacceptable even for the worst struggles.

Had you of gone directly to the 1st tri board, it would have been a non-issue. That board is for newly pregnant women. This mistake happens often.

Now you are back to basically name call and point fingers, which isn't cool. In a message board, you're going to hear things you don't like, but complaining about it will get your nowhere.

Again, I am very sorry for you loss, an appropriate board for you would be the Misscarriage & Pregnancy Loss board or TTC after a loss. Coming back here and yelling at people for the responses you received will not get anywhere.

You are more than welcome to post here as well, but I suggest you take more time to read through posts and get to know these girls a bit better.

AACraven85 · March 2010

I can afford to see a dr. I pay out of pocket to do this. I had a full check up, pap,all that before TTC. I'm not jumping into this for someone else to pick up the tab. I've done my research, and realize this is an individual decision.

hjk5000 · March 2010

Jewlz018:

OP - I can't even imagine how emotional you must be today. :-(

Hopefully later on you will see POF is really not attacking you. She truly is a big contributor to this online community and very supportive. She is only trying to get across a few points to you. That whole saying - When you know better you can do better.

Take care of yourself...and hopefully..when you are ready you can jump in here and join us.

this, and OP, I'm sorry for you loss.

mrsf123 · March 2010

piecesofflare:

You should go to a doctor for a test.

I'm sorry if you're losing your pregnancy. This shouldn't happen to anyone.

There isn't a magic number of when people are happy for you if you get pregnant. We're happy for you if you've actually made an effort to become part of the community. We don't really care if we don't know who you are.

Again, good luck - go see a doctor and find out what's going on.

This. I am sorry that this is happening to you. I have been there and know how you feel. If you are having a loss, come back and lurk a little and join our community when you are ready. GL to you.

Caddy'sGirl · March 2010

I'm sorry for your loss. I know its been said several times, but I think if you hang out and lurk for a while you will see that most of these ladies are wonderful..... Take some time to heal and then come back....

MrsJennyCraig · March 2010

Isn't this a PUBLIC message board? Unlike randomly announcing a pregnancy on the street or in a crowded room, this board is meant for people trying to conceive (which she is) to chat with others trying to conceive (which you are) about topics relating to the subject. I don't necessarily see where she was out of line posting. Not everyone joining the board is going to be 7 or 8 cycles in or have time to get to know everyone before they achieve a pregnancy. I'm sure there are women who post on here who have been trying to conceive for 5+ years and are new to the board and have someone jump down their throat for being a 'drive by'.

The fact that she hasn't yet joined your in crowd is hardly a reason to chastise her for posting here. I would maybe suggest creating your own forum elsewhere if you'd like to control who is posting.

I understand that emotions can run extremely high, and it was perhaps not the most considerate thing to post an easily achieved BFP on a board where women have been trying for years to conceive, but you can't create your own rules of who can and can't post on here. Well I guess you can but you certainly don't have much reason to berate others who come here expecting an open forum.

JennyAnne022776 · March 2010

MrsJennyCraig:
Isn't this a PUBLIC message board? Unlike randomly announcing a pregnancy on the street or in a crowded room, this board is meant for people trying to conceive (which she is) to chat with others trying to conceive (which you are) about topics relating to the subject. I don't necessarily see where she was out of line posting. Not everyone joining the board is going to be 7 or 8 cycles in or have time to get to know everyone before they achieve a pregnancy. I'm sure there are women who post on here who have been trying to conceive for 5+ years and are new to the board and have someone jump down their throat for being a 'drive by'.
The fact that she hasn't yet joined your in crowd is hardly a reason to chastise her for posting here. I would maybe suggest creating your own forum elsewhere if you'd like to control who is posting.
I understand that emotions can run extremely high, and it was perhaps not the most considerate thing to post an easily achieved BFP on a board where women have been trying for years to conceive, but you can't create your own rules of who can and can't post on here. Well I guess you can but you certainly don't have much reason to berate others who come here expecting an open forum.

Interesting that you're drudging up a post from 2.5 days ago that had finally settled down. That's a great way to make friends on a public message board. No worries though, I'm not trying to control whether or not you're posting here. Confused

MrsHteaching4life · March 2010

piecesofflare:
You should go to a doctor for a test.

I'm sorry if you're losing your pregnancy. This shouldn't happen to anyone.

There isn't a magic number of when people are happy for you if you get pregnant. We're happy for you if you've actually made an effort to become part of the community. We don't really care if we don't know who you are.

Again, good luck - go see a doctor and find out what's going on.

This. And POF I was so excited to see your ticker.

pinkflipflops44 · March 2010

MrsJennyCraig:

Isn't this a PUBLIC message board? Unlike randomly announcing a pregnancy on the street or in a crowded room, this board is meant for people trying to conceive (which she is) to chat with others trying to conceive (which you are) about topics relating to the subject. I don't necessarily see where she was out of line posting. Not everyone joining the board is going to be 7 or 8 cycles in or have time to get to know everyone before they achieve a pregnancy. I'm sure there are women who post on here who have been trying to conceive for 5+ years and are new to the board and have someone jump down their throat for being a 'drive by'.

The fact that she hasn't yet joined your in crowd is hardly a reason to chastise her for posting here. I would maybe suggest creating your own forum elsewhere if you'd like to control who is posting.

I understand that emotions can run extremely high, and it was perhaps not the most considerate thing to post an easily achieved BFP on a board where women have been trying for years to conceive, but you can't create your own rules of who can and can't post on here. Well I guess you can but you certainly don't have much reason to berate others who come here expecting an open forum.

ahhhhhh.. :::bangs head against wall:::::::::

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