Vent

AACraven85

I posted yesterday that I got my BFP... confirmed with a regular & digital first response. In the afternoon I started bleeding a little bit. By evening I was bleeding quite a bit. Then it started to be red. Then clots. My mom is a nurse so I paid her a visit in the middle of the day, crying, very worried. She's sure it's most likely an early m/c, and I'm pretty sure of it too.. since the bleeding has continued today quite heavily.

I appreciated so much so many people that DIDN'T know me giving congrats and good luck, it was very sweet. I didn't really know anyone on this board because I wasn't on here long enough. I did read a few comments that weren't as nice, but such is life. I'm sorry I was not on this board that long and that I had "drive by BFP's" whatever that is. I joined this board to get support from women who are going through the same thing that I am. I cannot help but wonder if certain comments wouldn't have been made to me if I had struggled more (6 cycles? 12? whats the magic number?) before I conceived. Would that have made me more worthy?

I can only guess that it has been a long road TTC for some people and for that I truly am sorry. Who knows, it might be a long road for me as well. I just started trying in January and it's already hard for me to hear people say they are pregnant. I feel like everyone I see is pregnant, and every tv show I watch talks about pregnancy. And this was only my second cycle! Just venting that even if you are oh so lucky to get a BFP so soon it doesn't always work out.

BetchySprout

It has nothing to do with if you had struggled. I have seen people who have tried for 2 years do drive bys. People don't care if you have gone one cycle or 50...if they know you, you will get congrats and support. Drive bys are just crappy.

 

I am sorry if you are having a loss. Stick around. Lurk. Get to know people.

LB3701

Sorry to you and your DH! Regardless of how your long or short TTC journey is, you have no need to be sorry about sharing your joy or pain. Good luck to you this cycle!!

lenfant1201

I'm sorry, and GL!

AllSmiles1210

I'm sorry for what you're going through. ((Hugs)) 

BTW.. People may have called it a "Drive by BFP's" because they didn't know you. I see you only have 14 posts so you are new to posting to the board. It would kind of be like going into a crowded room of people and saying "Hey, I'm pregnant!" The people in the room would say "OK, who are you?" It's hard for some people to see that when they have been trying for months or even years.

Jewlz018

I'm very sorry that you are losing the pregnancy and hope you are able to go see your Doctor soon.

I have to agree with the PPs.   Imagine on the street IRL a complete stranger coming up to you and saying "Guess what, I'm pregnant".  Most people would have some range of reaction varying from Okay...Congrats... to Umm...who are you and why are you telling me?  I think it would be odd to start jumping up and down and screaming if a stranger were to tell you like that.

I think thats all we are saying.  HTH

Lurk a bit more and you will find the Ladies here to be very supportive and this to be a great community once you get your foot in the door. 

 

AACraven85

A.I have no idea what a drive by is

B. I didn't have time to get to know anyone I guess, I only joined in the last few weeks. I had begun to post a few things, and had posted a few responses to other peoples threads.?

C. I wasn't aware of the ettiquette of if no one knows you no one cares about you. My apologies

More_Cowbell

I'm so sorry you're going through this.  No one should have to deal with a m/c.  And I'm sorry you felt less than welcome.  Stick around and maybe you'll understand why we don't stand up and applaud every time someone we don't know walks in the door and announces their pregnancy.  For the most part, the women on this board are incredibly supportive and caring.  But we like to know the people we care about before hearing that they just took a positive test.  I hope you understand.

Take care of yourself.  And like I said, if you can handle the occasional snark, sarcasm, biitchyness, and dare I say bitterness, this is a pretty cool board.

mchupie

I'm very sorry you're going through this. ((hugs))

MKFC

So sorry to hear about what you are dealing with right now. Hope you get to a doctor soon. Good luck in the future!!

..from someone else that nobody here knows

AACraven85

although it was nice to have congrats, I wouldn't have minded if my post had zero replies. I was just taught not to say anything if I didn't have anything nice to say. Your comments would not have bothered me one iota yesterday but today I am a mess. Thanks for downplaying what I'm going through pieces, chem pregnancy or not. You're really sweet.

j_luvs_r

piecesofflare:

AACraven85:

although it was nice to have congrats, I wouldn't have minded if my post had zero replies. I was just taught not to say anything if I didn't have anything nice to say. Your comments would not have bothered me one iota yesterday but today I am a mess. Thanks for downplaying what I'm going through pieces, chem pregnancy or not. You're really sweet.

I'm not downplaying what's happening to you.  I'm sorry it's happening to you.  You made a very long post - I'm just trying to answer your questions.

I don't understand what you wanted from this - did you want hugs or to pick a fight?  I'd rather just give you hugs, but you really came out swinging at people you don't even know.

I have to agree with this.  We are all very sensitive to losses (whether we know you or not).  Unfortunately, you decided to attack us as you told us about your loss.

Maybe you should just take a step back and take care of yourself during this extremely difficult time.  Give yourself some time, and then come back.  Be sure to lurk to get a feel for the board.  Or, check out TTCAL (Trying To Conceive After a Loss). 

Whatever you decide, I hope you find peace.

AACraven85

I didn't have anything I wanted to accomplish outside of venting. note the subject title. I'm going through a tough time and everything has made me upset today. Maybe I did come out swinging at you. I'm swinging at everything today. I cried a lot yesterday but today I'm just angry. I have no one to talk to, DH came home early yesterday but had to work today.

AllSmiles1210

AACraven85:

although it was nice to have congrats, I wouldn't have minded if my post had zero replies. I was just taught not to say anything if I didn't have anything nice to say. Your comments would not have bothered me one iota yesterday but today I am a mess. Thanks for downplaying what I'm going through pieces, chem pregnancy or not. You're really sweet.

If you had lurked enough, you would know that that's never going to happen on this board. You're putting information out to anonymous stangers, of course people are going to say what they think, nice or not.

I am truly sorry for what you're going through. Nobody should have to experience a loss.

j_luvs_r

AACraven85:

I didn't have anything I wanted to accomplish outside of venting. note the subject title. I'm going through a tough time and everything has made me upset today. Maybe I did come out swinging at you. I'm swinging at everything today. I cried a lot yesterday but today I'm just angry. I have no one to talk to, DH came home early yesterday but had to work today.

I mentioned the TTCAL board, but right now, maybe it would benefit you to check out the Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss board.  Also, have you called your doctor yet?

AACraven85

My mother is a nurse, she told me to just wait out the next few days because there is nothing they can do for me at this point, whatever is going to be will be. I'd rather not go at this point anyhow, as I don't have insurance and pay all costs out of pocket.

AACraven85

It's funny how only one person is attacking me. everyone else has been supportive, and possibly even getting to know me through this experience.

AACraven85

but I attacked you? and you are, in your words, only "responding"? I think it'd be fair to say that we both did a bit of attacking.

harleyjo

AACraven85:

It's funny how only one person is attacking me. everyone else has been supportive, and possibly even getting to know me through this experience.

She is not attacking you, and everything she is saying I agree with.  I'm so so sorry you are going through this, and I/we would love to get to know you!  Please stick around and get to know us, too.  I'm getting a slight feeling that you are attacking us right now, though.

Jewlz018

OP - I can't even imagine how emotional you must be today.  :-(

Hopefully later on you will see POF is really not attacking you.  She truly is a big contributor to this online community and very supportive.  She is only trying to get across a few points to you.   That whole saying - When you know better you can do better.

Take care of yourself...and hopefully..when you are ready you can jump in here and join us.

lovemycoach

I'm very sorry for your loss!

j_luvs_r

AACraven85:

My mother is a nurse, she told me to just wait out the next few days because there is nothing they can do for me at this point, whatever is going to be will be. I'd rather not go at this point anyhow, as I don't have insurance and pay all costs out of pocket.

Just because she told you that this is what is happening, does not mean you should not get checked out.  Issues can arise if your hcg levels don't go back to your normal pre-pregnancy levels.  The only way to know this is happening properly is to get bloodwork.

j_luvs_r

AACraven85:

It's funny how only one person is attacking me. everyone else has been supportive, and possibly even getting to know me through this experience.

She is not attacking you.   She has been trying to discuss your original post with you, but you continue to disregard everything she and everyone else is saying.

mchupie

AACraven85:

It's funny how only one person is attacking me. everyone else has been supportive, and possibly even getting to know me through this experience.

POF isn't attacking you...in fact it kind of seems like you are beginning to attack her right now.  Again, I'm very sorry for your loss and I understand that you're upset, but maybe it would be a good idea to take some time for yourself right now.

Many of us probably agree with what she is saying, too, and since there's no need to post the same thing twice we are just letting it be.

Jewlz018

mchupie:

AACraven85:

It's funny how only one person is attacking me. everyone else has been supportive, and possibly even getting to know me through this experience.

POF isn't attacking you...in fact it kind of seems like you are beginning to attack her right now.  Again, I'm very sorry for your loss and I understand that you're upset, but maybe it would be a good idea to take some time for yourself right now.

Many of us probably agree with what she is saying, too, and since there's no need to post the same thing twice we are just letting it be.

AACraven85

Well then I wasn't attacking you, I was only "responding" to the comments you left yesterday. If I do come back to post again I would appreciate you not commenting, and I will do likewise. 

j_luvs_r

AACraven85:

Well then I wasn't attacking you, I was only "responding" to the comments you left yesterday. If I do come back to post again I would appreciate you not commenting, and I will do likewise. 

Sorry for the reality check, but it is a public message board.  It doesn't work that way!

SugarShack824

AACraven85:

It's funny how only one person is attacking me. everyone else has been supportive, and possibly even getting to know me through this experience.

 

As an impartial observer, I have to say, POF is not attacking you.  She's offering support and advice for your situation now and your integration to the board moving forward (bc you addressed this in your initial post). I'm reading this completely differently, honestly.  I know you are upset right now and I am so, so sorry for that, but please know that your emotions may be reading more into the messages than what is really there.  It's genuine concern.  Just take a breather, relax and take care of yourself first and foremost.

More_Cowbell

OP... Let me introduce POF to you. 

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/1/31700470/ShowThread.aspx

 

 

anonomity

AACraven85:

My mother is a nurse, she told me to just wait out the next few days because there is nothing they can do for me at this point, whatever is going to be will be. I'd rather not go at this point anyhow, as I don't have insurance and pay all costs out of pocket.

Are you TTC without having health insurance?  

 ETA:  I am truly sorry for your loss.  I hope you are able to find some comfort, if not here, then somewhere else!

heathercara

AACraven85:

It's funny how only one person is attacking me. everyone else has been supportive, and possibly even getting to know me through this experience.

I understand having a m/c and all the emotions that come from it.  I undersand having to pay OOP for your doctor visit.  I understand that you Mom is a nurse.  However, unless she is running beta tests and an u/s to make sure that you are (a) m/c and not experiencing an ectopic pregnancy and (b) that you are in fact okay and not clotting/bleeding too much.  I would hate for you to have to go through more.

I understand that you came here for support.  But did you offer suppport?  Or did you come here expecting everyone to jump up and down for you while you sat back and simply watched what was going on in thier lives?  Not offering excitement or sympathy when OTHERS needed it?  That is what a community is about...just like a friendship.  Would you support a friend who was too preoccupied to think about you as well? 

I hope once some of the hurt from what you are going through has passed you will see this with new eyes, come back and try giving to others what you hope to get from them!!

canthardlywait426

More_CowBell:

OP... Let me introduce POF to you. 

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/1/31700470/ShowThread.aspx

 

 

Yep, And as I said before, POF is wise with her words.

OP- i think one of the reasons why more people arent saying anything to you right now is because a m/c is a delicate thing. However, I would bet money that most people (including myself) agree with her. I do not think that she was attacking you. Especially because Ive seen POF attack people. That wasnt it!

Take some time for yourself, deal with your grief, and then come back and start over. OK?

More_Cowbell

anonomity:

AACraven85:

My mother is a nurse, she told me to just wait out the next few days because there is nothing they can do for me at this point, whatever is going to be will be. I'd rather not go at this point anyhow, as I don't have insurance and pay all costs out of pocket.

Are you TTC without having health insurance?  

 ETA:  I am truly sorry for your loss.  I hope you are able to find some comfort, if not here, then somewhere else!

AACraven85

Yes, gasp, TTC w/o insurance. I am self employed and DH has no benefits. I consulted with a few insurance agents before making this decision. I have the option of purchasing insurance as an idividual, but it will not cover maternity. If I choose to purchase a maternity waiver on top of this, the maternity benefits will not pay for hardly anything until I carry this policy for YEARS. So, I can pay a huge fee for insurance and waiver, and still end up paying most of my costs out of pocket, or just pay out of pocket to begin with. However, I don't see how it matters if I have insurance or not as long as I'm the one picking up the tab.

jteneback

Jewlz018:

mchupie:

AACraven85:

It's funny how only one person is attacking me. everyone else has been supportive, and possibly even getting to know me through this experience.

POF isn't attacking you...in fact it kind of seems like you are beginning to attack her right now.  Again, I'm very sorry for your loss and I understand that you're upset, but maybe it would be a good idea to take some time for yourself right now.

Many of us probably agree with what she is saying, too, and since there's no need to post the same thing twice we are just letting it be.

I agree.  Believe me, you are being treated quite politely.  I also agree that you should go to the doctor.  If all the tissue doesn't pass, there is a risk of infection.  Please also consider getting some health insurance before trying again. 

jteneback

AACraven85:

Yes, gasp, TTC w/o insurance. I am self employed and DH has no benefits. I consulted with a few insurance agents before making this decision. I have the option of purchasing insurance as an idividual, but it will not cover maternity. If I choose to purchase a maternity waiver on top of this, the maternity benefits will not pay for hardly anything until I carry this policy for YEARS. So, I can pay a huge fee for insurance and waiver, and still end up paying most of my costs out of pocket, or just pay out of pocket to begin with. However, I don't see how it matters if I have insurance or not as long as I'm the one picking up the tab.

Are you prepared to pay $30k+ for an emergency c-section?  $100k+ for an extended hospital stay for you or baby?  If not, you may want to reconsider the financial risk you are taking.

More_Cowbell

jteneback:

AACraven85:

Yes, gasp, TTC w/o insurance. I am self employed and DH has no benefits. I consulted with a few insurance agents before making this decision. I have the option of purchasing insurance as an idividual, but it will not cover maternity. If I choose to purchase a maternity waiver on top of this, the maternity benefits will not pay for hardly anything until I carry this policy for YEARS. So, I can pay a huge fee for insurance and waiver, and still end up paying most of my costs out of pocket, or just pay out of pocket to begin with. However, I don't see how it matters if I have insurance or not as long as I'm the one picking up the tab.

Are you prepared to pay $30k+ for an emergency c-section?  $100k+ for an extended hospital stay for you or baby?  If not, you may want to reconsider the financial risk you are taking.

This girl's having a bad day.  Maybe this isn't the best time to analyze her financial situation?

ChocoWaffle

OP, I am sorry for your loss.  I had a chemical pregnancy in my first cycle and nothing since then (we're on cycle 4 now).

 

AACraven85

I have to be prepared to pay 30k for an emergency c-section or 100k+ for an extended hospital visit. Even if I had insurance it would not cover most of these costs until I carried the policy for a very long time.

Citygirl1015

I am sorry for your loss, and I hope you find peace.

BetchySprout

POF is not even coming close to attacking you.

Also, my mom is a nurse (L&D) and would have said the same thing. At  this early stage, there really is nothing they can do. An ectopic almost always starts with the pain/bleeding later than when you are experiencing it. I might call and OB (if you have one).

And ditto the other people...if you can't afford to go to a doctor (even an OB) I would reconsider getting insurance. I had an unplanned c-section, it was over $30k for my hospital stay, and it was uncomplicated. A NICU stay adds money exponentially. You need  it, not just for you, but for your baby.