Spanking.....will you?

babycrane · February 2010

So, I thought I would start a debate. At least let's see if it leads into one.

I always see this stuff on talk shows and I find it interesting on how many different views there are out there.

I will not be spanking my child. I feel there are other ways to discipline children other than smacking their bottoms.

What do you think?

IrishBrideND · February 2010

I don't like to say "never' but I sure hope I don't. I'm not big on hitting in any form.

I do not, in most cases, judge those who occasionally use spanking in a calm way. But it is not for me or my family.

NELCORP · February 2010

You must be bored.

lmpdjc · February 2010

I didn't with my oldest. She's almost 14 now, and my desire to start spanking her is growing! lol Nah, I kid, I kid. Kind of.

DH and I actually have different views on this, he thinks spanking is a good lesson, while I (obviously) do not. I can't say I never swatted DD's butt, but only if she was doing something/attempting to do something dangerous and no amount of distracting her would work. It certainly got her attention on the few occasions that I did it.

PinkRobot9510 · February 2010

DH and i agreed before hand that we would not spank our children. We have a 3 year old right now and it has been going okay. I have nothing against people that do spank, its just not for me. However I was never spanked so maybe that has something to do with my decision..

lmpdjc · February 2010

NELCORP:
You must be bored.

Aren't we all? Thats why we're here!

mopsie · February 2010

My dad used to spank me, probably til I was 5 or 6 (I'd then go sit in the bathroom sink and "wash it off"). I think the biggest problem was that I'd get the spanking when he got home, which was sometimes hours after my "offense", so it probably didn't help with discipline because for kids you need to punish them right after they do something wrong. I don't think we'll spank our kids because there are more effective ways to teach them right and wrong... I'm not against the occasional slap on the hand or butt, but I won't be using it as a main method of punishment.

gypsywitch · February 2010

Yes, and I do with DD#1. Its not frequent and she doens't get a spanking everytime she gets disciplined, its only used as a last resort when no other methods are getting through to her.

Danikat15 · February 2010

We're not there yet, but we've discussed it. We have completely different backgrounds. I came from a home with a physically abusive father. DH came from a home where he got spanked twice and can remember exactly why. I think we'll land closer to how he was raised. So yes, we'll spank, but it will not be our main way of discipline.

buffalo_buckeye · February 2010

I have never spanked ds, he is 3 1/2. Hopefully I won't ever feel I need to. I do think spanking is kind of child and situation dependent. Some kids just don't respond well to spanking, some it may be the only way to get through to them. And I really only think it should be used in dangerous situations where the child completely ignored the parents rules/warnings.

babycrane · February 2010

NELCORP:
You must be bored.

HAHA!!! I am very bored at work! Wink Good Cal!

erinkate23 · February 2010

I don't know.

On principal, I disagree with spanking.... but I can see how it can work in limited situations. Lecturing a 3 year old doesn't accomplish anything, and sometimes a quick swat on the butt does. I was spanked only a couple of times in childhood (before grounding and chores were a real option) and it never approached abuse.

I will never hit my kids in anger. I think that's where the line has to be drawn.

I'm interested in others' responses.

lovinfall · February 2010

I don't think violence teaches anything other than violence therefore it's not something I'll try with my child.

carney09 · February 2010

I will have it as an option, but only as a last resort. I was spanked and harbor no ill feelings about it.

hamson17 · February 2010

100% NO!

scubaspot · February 2010

Yes, I will spank my child. There is a difference between spanking and abusing. I personally have been on the receiving end of both.

Time out and taking away my toys never worked for me. I had too much of an imagination to care if I didn't have toys and I could day dream for hours while sitting in the corner. Neither was a punishment.

I personally never feared the person who spanked me, I was never confused by the concept that daddy spanked me but hitting was suppose to be wrong and I never suffered any emotional turmoil from my father spanking me.

My step-mother however was very abusive. I did fear her and our relationship is very strained.

Having been spanked and physically abused I can say that there is a very distinct difference between the two. If a spanking is handled by an adult that is in control of themselves and aware of how much force is behind the spanking then it can be a good tool.

Raffes484 · February 2010

If I feel it is necessary I will, but so far time outs seems to be working well enough. DH used to think spanking was a first form of discipline, not a last, but since DD was born he can barely handle putting her in time out because she cries.

whitward87 · February 2010

Yes, I do plan on spanking my child(ren), but only as a last resort. I don't plan on doing it all the time, but I was spanked and I think it worked.

lildevil968 · February 2010

We use spanking as a last resort with DD, and will with this LO also. We are neither for it, or against it.

UrbanLe1 · February 2010

I think no.

I was spanked as a kid a few times, and it never bothered me at all. It was a deliberate swat on the butt that stung my pride more than my skin. However, I've talked about it with my mom since then--she said she's ashamed that she ever did it, and that the couple of times she did that she was so close to losing control that physical punishment shouldn't have been the answer. I hear that--I think it's often a last resort, and something the parent feels bad about later. I never want to feel like I hit my child just because nothing else was working--that would make me feel more like a failure than, well, failing to get my child under control. I'm glad my mom was honest with me.

So, I think we're going with no spanking (and obviously no other forms of physical punishment). We'll see...

NELCORP · February 2010

DH and I used to spank DS. He is 13 now so spanking went away a while ago. However, spanking was not our only source of discipline. Different situations called for different types of discipline. We plan to take this same approach for this LO.

MyOwnLady · February 2010

I will try not to, but if he tries to do something dangerous, it might be the quickest way to intervene, as PP said...

I was abused as a child, by my mother. She was also abused when she was a child. I plan on breaking that cycle. I think time outs will work for most situations, and if not, then we'll have to think, but I will never hit my child.

TXTwisterBabe · February 2010

Yep, I definitely plan on it. Both DH and I agree on how to discipline our son, and that's all that matters for that debate.

NELCORP · February 2010

lovinfall:

I don't think violence teaches anything other than violence therefore it's not something I'll try with my child.

Spanking and violence are completely too different things.

cutie420311 · February 2010

I was spanked, DH ws spanked, we are both well rounded adults with no issues.

We spanked DD. Only once, because after that the threat was enough to get her to stop acting up, and do wha she was told.

inlovewow · February 2010

We will be spanking our LO. If Time Outs aren't cutting it or if she's acting up in public, I will take her into the bathroom and spank her bottom. I was spanked as a child and I turned out fine.

melodylb · February 2010

It will depend... My niece is 3 1/2 and if we didn't swat her hand and her butt she would never listen. She doesn't care about being in timeout or having things taken away.

On the other side her brother who is 1 1/2 we would never dream of raising a hand to. If you look at him like you are angry or speak sternly he stops whatever he is doing.

So it will depend on how little Anna responds to us.

NELCORP · February 2010

TXTwisterBabe:
Yep, I definitely plan on it. Both DH and I agree on how to discipline our son, and that's all that matters for that debate.

Nolan is sooo cute! He looks like a little man.

quickplanning · February 2010

lovinfall:
I don't think violence teaches anything other than violence therefore it's not something I'll try with my child.

?

Wow... I just love the judgement in this righteous response. ?

As for my opinion... each kid is different and spanking should never be done in anger.?

pinkcallalily · February 2010

While I would like to say no, I don't think I can until I have a toddler or older. I can definitely see where it could be used in a dangerous situation if a child doesn't respond well to other forms of discipline. I would much rather spank my child than have them get seriously injured or worse because timeouts weren't enough for them to care. I really think it depends on the child and how they react to different situations.

I know pets aren't children, but for example, one of my cats will stop what they are doing if I simply show him a spray bottle, my other cat will gladly be sprayed with a bottle and continue what he is doing. For him, I actually have to put him in a sink of water and rub it into his skin for a minute or 2 before he'll react. I only do this if he gets on the kitchen counter because I feel it's a better punishment than him going near the stove if it is on and getting burned (he rarely gets on the kitchen counter now).

mjm123 · February 2010

No.

I find guilt to be much more effective and long lasting. My and DH's parents kept us in line using guilt and never spanking. Both of our moms only had to give us a look and that was enough to keep us in line. And, for us, because we are anti-spanking, if we ever did it it would be because we lost control, which shouldn't be the reason you spank a child.

TXTwisterBabe · February 2010

NELCORP:
TXTwisterBabe:
Yep, I definitely plan on it. Both DH and I agree on how to discipline our son, and that's all that matters for that debate.

Nolan is sooo cute! He looks like a little man.

Thanks! He farts like one too :-P

SugarhillHnA · February 2010

scubaspot:

Yes, I will spank my child. There is a difference between spanking and abusing.

Time out and taking away my toys never worked for me. I had too much of an imagination to care if I didn't have toys and I could day dream for hours while sitting in the corner. Neither was a punishment.

I personally never feared the person who spanked me, I was never confused by the concept that daddy spanked me but hitting was suppose to be wrong and I never suffered any emotional turmoil from my father spanking me.

If a spanking is handled by an adult that is in control of themselves and aware of how much force is behind the spanking then it can be a good tool.

This. I don't think spanking condones violence or is violent if used properly as a disciplinary tool and that there is a difference between spanking and abuse. I was spanked (and by that I mean a pop on the butt- no belts, whips, switches, and always over clothing) and it only hurt my pride, not my tush. I was quite a determined child as my mom likes to call it and time out did nothing for me. I will not; however, slap my child on the face aka Farrah's mother on Teen Mom. That is crossing the line.

ASmallWonder · February 2010

It's not going to be my go-to solution, that's for sure. I was rarely spanked as a child - I'm talking maybe twice that I remember - but when I was, I knew it was serious business and that's how I intend to look at it with my child.

annasi83 · February 2010

Hell yeah I will spank my children!

I agree with a lot of you, though, that it is not the answer in every situation. I was only spanked a few times as a kid, and then the threat of it was more than enough to keep me in check.

If I need to spank my child in public, though, I do NOT feel the need to do it in the bathroom, because I am not ashamed of disciplining my child. I dare someone to say something to me. (This is not an attack on the person who said they would go to the bathroom, I just wanted to say that I differ).

That being said, I respect all parents and their efforts at discipline EXCEPT for those who choose to do nothing.

jescgrl · February 2010

We don't use spankings as our main form of punishment. With DS its only when its something serious that he needs to know right then and there is a big no-no....and even then its only one pop on the bum. Instances where he has gotten pops: He had broke his nightlight and the bulb exploaded, after countless times of me telling him no, redirecting him, when that happened he got a pop b/c he needed to know that the outlets really are dangerous. He hasnt gone near one since then and that was over a year ago. Another time was when he started to run in the parking lot. self explainitory on why thats a big no no. Trying to grab something off the stove... Things that could seriously cause him harm or others harm we pop.

FemmeNat01 · February 2010

Yes, I will spank. We will use other forms of discipline as well but I will not rule spanking out.

I was spanked and I don't see it as abuse and nor did I learn that violence is the answer. It was discipline, plain and simple.

destea1 · February 2010

I haven't had to at this point, but I'm not 100% opposed to using it as a very rare form in cases where I think it might be necessary. I was spanked, DH was not, so we have slightly differing views on it. I don't think it ever needs to be used as a main form of discipline, but agree with others here that it could very well be needed once in a while depending on the child and their response.

My almost 2yr old wouldn't understand the "guilt them" method yet, and I seriously doubt she will for at least a few years. She understands no, she just doesn't like it

beanie00914 · February 2010

We dont plan on spanking as our first form of punishment with our DD but will spank if its needed... Both DH and I were maybe spanked 2 times in our life and we turned out fine. If our DD runs into the street or keeps touching the stove or something dangerous after we have explained to her why its wrong and she keeps doing it then that deserves a swat on the butt. and like a PP said DH and I are on the same page with this so thats what matters in our house.

hollybabe · February 2010

This is hard to answer until you have a kid. In particular, a kid at the age of testing limits and boundaries.

DH and I use time-outs and talks more than anything. We also use positive reinforcement, such as sticker charts and treats for positive behavior. Lately, I am SO PROUD of the way Nolan will say after misbehaving "::sigh:: Well, Mommy, I'll try again to do it right." I feel then like I'm doing something right. This tells me that he understands that he has to LEARN how to act and that it's okay that he doens't do it perfectly every time.

That being said, we do spank occasionally. It's always our last resort.

blissfully_caffeinated · February 2010

Nope. I think there are other ways to discipline that are more effective. I grew up in a house without spanking and want my child to do the same. That said, I don't think it's the worst thing in the world. I was spanked once when I was in elementary school (side note: do you remember when that could still happen without CPS and the police being involved? lol!). I was being totally out of line and ignoring all other forms of punishment. It was just one of those days I guess. He didn't spank me hard - just a pat on the bum. But man, did it work. I was the most well behaved kid in his class from then on. And I still think he was a good teacher.

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