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3rd Trimester
aegrimm
member
When DH is "in trouble"...
aegrimm
member
Do you ladies make him sleep in another room? Or do YOU sleep in another room?
A previous post got me thinking about this, and I'm wondering if I'm in the minority?
I used to have a "don't go to bed mad" policy but when we got married our pastor told us that, occasionally, it's OK to go to bed mildly upset. The reason being that when you're very tired you tend to say things you don't mean and things escalate out of control.
We rarely argue, but if we are having an argument and bedtime rolls around our policy is to agree to disagree for the time being, kiss each other good night, say 'I love you' and then fall asleep on our seperate sides of the bed. Usually, in the morning we both feel dumb and we reconcile and go on about our day.
I couldn't imagine banishing him (or myself) to the couch because we were arguing. (We've done it when one of us is sick, etc, but that's different, IMO).
Am I the weird one?
(Disclaimer: if I found out he had cheated on me or something he would be lucky to be sleeping in the same house as me. I'm talking about your standard, run of the mill arguments about money, the kids, the bills, etc.)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: When DH is "in trouble"...
No, never. Even when he's tried to go downstairs to sleep on the couch due to being upset I always stop him. We never fall asleep mad at each other because we can't stay upset with each other for very long. Besides, how could we have awesome make-up sex if we're not in the same room?
Neither of us has ever tried to ban the other from the bedroom. We both believe going to bed angry is ok, sometimes it's the best answer for the night & you can usually talk things out better in the morning.
DH did almost ban himself to the couch one night because we had a really really bad argument but he ended up coming to bed, giving me a kiss goodnight & saying "don't worry, everything will be ok". I personally was more upset that he was gonna sleep on the couch than I was about the actual fight, lol!
DH has been banished from the bed ONCE...and I he woke me up in the middle of the night near tears apoligizing for his transgression. He'd lied to me..long story...about someone he'd slept with before we met. He knew I couldn't stand the person because she was always nasty to me and thought I'd be upset if I knew. I wasn't mad that he'd slept with her, duh, it was before we met, but I was devastated that he'd lied to me. Honesty is our main policy and we have great communication. So it was a total slap in the face.
But other than that time, where I was so hurt and upset I wanted to hit him..No, we always sleep together. We don't fight much and always talk it out/make up really quickly and easily. I don't understand someone making someone sleep elsewhere. It's something that DH and I joke about...like, knock it off, or you'll sleep in the shed tonight. But nothing we'd ever do.
Regardless to how mad I am at DH, we always sleep together. I can't sleep without him. We usually don't go to bed mad, but on the rare occasion that we do, we say "I love you" and go to sleep.
We have never done this. Although there have been a few times that I told him if he keeps something up I'm banning him to the living room *jokingly*. If we get into an argument towards the night we both seperate ourselves for a while. DH likes to take the dogs to the yard and play with them. I normally stay where I'm at until we can calm down.
We both really beleive the emotions run high and it can escalate things. Eventually one us gets tired and wants to get to bed (normally me), so we come together to talk. We normally agree or if not agree to disagree and then hit the sack together. By the next morning we are all cuddle buddy.
This.
When my DH is in "trouble"? Seriously?
He's my husband, not a pet. But, to answer your question, no, we've never kicked each other out of the bedroom. If either of us were the type to handle an argument like that, then I doubt we would have gotten married.
No. I have never banished DH to the couch. He sleeps there often enough as it is just from falling asleep watching TV.
We try not to go to bed angry, but, like OP said, we sometimes wait until the morning to kiss and make up.
We only sleep apart occasionally. I think the only time I've slept in another room because I was upset was when I came home from work one day and DH had made a total mess in our bedroom, literally cutting 2 holes in the wall all the way through to the outside. He covered NOTHING up... not our bed, not our clothes... NOTHING. All of a sudden our room was a construction zone. I said what I had to say then went into the kitchen and commenced to cooking and drinking a bottle of wine. I slept in the spare room for a few days because I just couldn't handle the mess.
The only other reason why we would sleep apart is that one of us is sick.
When Bun and I first moved in together, we hadn't been dating long (a year or so, off and on), I was very young (20) and had never lived with anyone but family before. It was a horrific adjustment for me. We were both very hard on each other, and those first 6 months were awful. Sometimes I'd get so upset with him that I physically could not stand to be in the same room as he was, so if it was time to sleep, I'd go sleep on the couch. Inevitably I would wake up in the middle of the night after a good cry and a nap, feel bad, and sheepishly crawl back into bed.
Now that we are both older and more mature, I do not go to sleep without voicing my concerns. We don't fight very often.. Actually, we fight almot never, because neither of us considers the things we have to "fight" about worth getting that bent out of shape over. But when we have a disagreement, and/or I am upset (because I am inevitably the instigator, Bun is that laid back) I just say calmly what the issue is, it's out there, we can both sleep and discuss it more in the morning. We never sleep apart when we don't have to anymore.
Never. And we often fight at night. But it would never ever ever occur to one of us to sleep on the couch, or god forbid, to tell the other one to. Most of the time we solve whatever's wrong before sleeping (cause make up sex is the best), but sometimes we don't. I'm not going to say we wake up snuggling or anything, but it's always a comfort just to know he's still there.
Very worst case scenario? I get out of bed and take a shower. I cry a lot when I'm mad, and it just makes him more angry/upset because he hates seeing me cry--vicious cycle. So, I go cry in the shower, and calm down, and come climbing back to bed.
Never. I can't even sleep well without him next to me and feel like that would hurt our marriage.
In my opinion, husbands are not like animals that should be punished/trained by withholding certain things - they are our other halves and deserve our love and respect. Rather than "punishing" him, I would talk through things and see if we can reconcile our differences. And then we could have fun making up!
No DH and I have always slept in the same bed...even if we are in an argument.
I've never kicked him out of bed, and I've only gone to sleep on the couch once, but he came and got me after about 30 minutes. We still went to sleep (well he slept, I cried the rest of the night) pissed, but talked it out in the morning.
I would NEVER tell him he HAD to sleep in another room unless there was infidelity or abuse, neither of which I'm afraid would ever happen. It's as much his bed as it is mine.
we have never done this either.
I am the type of person who if we have an argument close to bed time, that I want to talk it out, b/c it will drive me BSC till our disagreement is resolved. Well when DH is tired, he just needs to go to bed. So I have been known to keep talking and he'll try to leave the room to go to sleep. We still get over it and sleep in the same bed together.
No. I don't think either of us has ever slept in another bed while we're both home. I might have ended up on the couch once during my last pregnancy b/c I was uncomfortable in bed and trying to find a way to get some sleep.
We go to bed in the same bed -- sick, in the midst of an argument, whatever. If by some chance we haven't worked things out prior to laying down, usually we'll talk things out in bed.
I don't think we've ever had a fight that we weren't able to talk out before we went to sleep. Ours just don't last that long.
DD1, 1/5/2008 ~~~ DD2, 3/17/2010
No! It's OUR bed. I dont have control over it. I would never tell him to sleep on the couch. I sleep on my side and he sleeps on his side.
I slept on the couch once when I was angry because it was the only was I was falling asleep, but generally, no, there is no "Sleep on the Couch You A$$wipe!" policy at the Mac house.
Like you, we used to have a "don't go to bed angry" rule but discovered that you can do WAY too much damage arguing at 2am when you're exhausted. It's better to go to bed angry than say things you don't mean that you can't take back.
Just to clarify, girls:
I don't "punish" my husband like he's the family pet and he's never "in trouble".
I put it in the title to my post because it seemed appropriate, but the quotes were there for a reason.
Just wanted to clear that up.
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