When DH is "in trouble"...

aegrimm

Do you ladies make him sleep in another room? Or do YOU sleep in another room?

A previous post got me thinking about this, and I'm wondering if I'm in the minority?

I used to have a "don't go to bed mad" policy but when we got married our pastor told us that, occasionally, it's OK to go to bed mildly upset. The reason being that when you're very tired you tend to say things you don't mean and things escalate out of control.

We rarely argue, but if we are having an argument and bedtime rolls around our policy is to agree to disagree for the time being, kiss each other good night, say 'I love you' and then fall asleep on our seperate sides of the bed. Usually, in the morning we both feel dumb and we reconcile and go on about our day.

I couldn't imagine banishing him (or myself) to the couch because we were arguing. (We've done it when one of us is sick, etc, but that's different, IMO).

Am I the weird one?

(Disclaimer: if I found out he had cheated on me or something he would be lucky to be sleeping in the same house as me. I'm talking about your standard, run of the mill arguments about money, the kids, the bills, etc.)

Pickle123

I have never or would never under normal arguing sleep in another room, or ask him to sleep in another room. We are adults and work it out before it gets to that point.

madameprimm

No, never. Even when he's tried to go downstairs to sleep on the couch due to being upset I always stop him. We never fall asleep mad at each other because we can't stay upset with each other for very long. Besides, how could we have awesome make-up sex if we're not in the same room?

CarolinaStace

DH and I are the same. We try not to go to bed mad at eachother, but sometimes, even though its dumb, we go to bed still upset. We have never slept in seperate rooms though. I cant see us ever doing that, unless like you stated, it was something horrible like cheating.

kmpls

I don't think we banish but if we get mad enough than one of us will usually sleep elsewhere but usually just for the night until we cool off.

Amorlinda

We don't sleep in separate rooms either. I hate going to bed angry but sometimes it happens. We part our ways (in bed) and talk about it the next day.

murfygirl

I always pretend like I am going to kick DH to the couch LOL I even throw him a blanket and pillow out there but I never go through with it and he comes back to bed. DH and I will go to bed slightly upset but by morning we're over it.

AmandaToo

I don't think of it as "in trouble."  I'm not in charge of his behavior.  But, yeah, we've slept in separate rooms when we have decided we've exhausted all of our options and are just tired and need a break. 

cdc1982

Neither of us has ever tried to ban the other from the bedroom.  We both believe going to bed angry is ok, sometimes it's the best answer for the night & you can usually talk things out better in the morning.

DH did almost ban himself to the couch one night because we had a really really bad argument but he ended up coming to bed, giving me a kiss goodnight & saying "don't worry, everything will be ok".  I personally was more upset that he was gonna sleep on the couch than I was about the actual fight, lol!

miaomi

DH has been banished from the bed ONCE...and I he woke me up in the middle of the night near tears apoligizing for his transgression.  He'd lied to me..long story...about someone he'd slept with before we met.  He knew I couldn't stand the person because she was always nasty to me and thought I'd be upset if I knew.  I wasn't mad that he'd slept with her, duh, it was before we met, but I was devastated that he'd lied to me.  Honesty is our main policy and we have great communication.  So it was a total slap in the face. 

But other than that time, where I was so hurt and upset I wanted to hit him..No, we always sleep together.  We don't fight much and always talk it out/make up really quickly and easily.  I don't understand someone making someone sleep elsewhere.  It's something that DH and I joke about...like, knock it off, or you'll sleep in the shed tonight.  But nothing we'd ever do. 

Melissa & Eddie

I'm the same.  I've never made DH go sleep in another room or taken it upon myself to sleep in a different room.  Neither of us would sleep lying there thinking about the other one, lol.

Mrs_Springbride

neither of us have slept in another room due to an argument. ( if one of us is sick, we quarantine the other to the couch or guest room. ) one time i had a temper tantrum an started off trying to sleep on the floor, but realized that was ridiculous, i just ignored him for the rest of the night and discussed everything in the morning.

AmyLovesEddie14

Regardless to how mad I am at DH, we always sleep together. I can't sleep without him. We usually don't go to bed mad, but on the rare occasion that we do, we say "I love you" and go to sleep.

myonetruelove

We have never done this. Although there have been a few times that I told him if he keeps something up I'm banning him to the living room *jokingly*. If we get into an argument towards the night we both seperate ourselves for a while. DH likes to take the dogs to the yard and play with them. I normally stay where I'm at until we can calm down.

We both really beleive the emotions run high and it can escalate things. Eventually one us gets tired and wants to get to bed (normally me), so we come together to talk. We normally agree or if not agree to disagree and then hit the sack together. By the next morning we are all cuddle buddy.

curlychic

We have a don't go to bed mad policy. Honestly, I think the longest fight we have ever had lasted 20 minutes. Even when we are sick, we still sleep in the same bed.  It's kinda sick - we even still hold hands before we go to sleep...

Jeni182

Our fights never last that long. But if it happens to fall around bed time, I go to bed angry on purpose because by the next morning we're usually fine. We may bring it up for a minute but we're both over it by then.

CapitolBaby

Pickle123:

I have never or would never under normal arguing sleep in another room, or ask him to sleep in another room. We are adults and work it out before it gets to that point.

This. 

lpstl

When my DH is in "trouble"? Seriously?

He's my husband, not a pet. But, to answer your question, no, we've never kicked each other out of the bedroom. If either of us were the type to handle an argument like that, then I doubt we would have gotten married.

MrsColvin

We have gotten mad enough that we voluntarily go to the couch but we never make it thru the whole night apart. And most of those fights were at the beginning of our living together!

hollybabe

No.  I have never banished DH to the couch.  He sleeps there often enough as it is just from falling asleep watching TV.

We try not to go to bed angry, but, like OP said, we sometimes wait until the morning to kiss and make up.

Fuzzy8252

We only sleep apart occasionally. I think the only time I've slept in another room because I was upset was when I came home from work one day and DH had made a total mess in our bedroom, literally cutting 2 holes in the wall all the way through to the outside. He covered NOTHING up... not our bed, not our clothes... NOTHING. All of a sudden our room was a construction zone. I said what I had to say then went into the kitchen and commenced to cooking and drinking a bottle of wine. I slept in the spare room for a few days because I just couldn't handle the mess.

The only other reason why we would sleep apart is that one of us is sick.

NastyAnnie

When Bun and I first moved in together, we hadn't been dating long (a year or so, off and on), I was very young (20) and had never lived with anyone but family before. It was a horrific adjustment for me. We were both very hard on each other, and those first 6 months were awful. Sometimes I'd get so upset with him that I physically could not stand to be in the same room as he was, so if it was time to sleep, I'd go sleep on the couch. Inevitably I would wake up in the middle of the night after a good cry and a nap, feel bad, and sheepishly crawl back into bed.

Now that we are both older and more mature, I do not go to sleep without voicing my concerns. We don't fight very often.. Actually, we fight almot never, because neither of us considers the things we have to "fight" about worth getting that bent out of shape over. But when we have a disagreement, and/or I am upset (because I am inevitably the instigator, Bun is that laid back) I just say calmly what the issue is, it's out there, we can both sleep and discuss it more in the morning. We never sleep apart when we don't have to anymore.

jenkm

My dh has slept in the guest room a few times.  I never really kicked him out - I think it was mutually understood that we wanted to cool off and not be near each other.  Frankly, we've been together over 11 years, have an awesome marriage and only a very rare huge blow-out - I don't think it's a big deal to have some personal space after a fight.

UrbanLe1

Never.  And we often fight at night.  But it would never ever ever occur to one of us to sleep on the couch, or god forbid, to tell the other one to.  Most of the time we solve whatever's wrong before sleeping (cause make up sex is the best), but sometimes we don't.  I'm not going to say we wake up snuggling or anything, but it's always a comfort just to know he's still there.

Very worst case scenario?  I get out of bed and take a shower.  I cry a lot when I'm mad, and it just makes him more angry/upset because he hates seeing me cry--vicious cycle.  So, I go cry in the shower, and calm down, and come climbing back to bed. 

Timeg

Never. I can't even sleep well without him next to me and feel like that would hurt our marriage.

In my opinion, husbands are not like animals that should be punished/trained by withholding certain things - they are our other halves and deserve our love and respect. Rather than "punishing" him, I would talk through things and see if we can reconcile our differences. And then we could have fun making up!

DASHSKIDADDLE

No DH and I have always slept in the same bed...even if we are in an argument.

PurpleK26

I've never kicked him out of bed, and I've only gone to sleep on the couch once, but he came and got me after about 30 minutes. We still went to sleep (well he slept, I cried the rest of the night) pissed, but talked it out in the morning.

I would NEVER tell him he HAD to sleep in another room unless there was infidelity or abuse, neither of which I'm afraid would ever happen. It's as much his bed as it is mine. 

lesalia217

we have never done this either. 

I am the type of person who if we have an argument close to bed time, that I want to talk it out, b/c it will drive me BSC till our disagreement is resolved.  Well when DH is tired, he just needs to go to bed.  So I have been known to keep talking and he'll try to leave the room to go to sleep.   We still get over it and sleep in the same bed together. 

theredvixen

DH and I have yet to have an argument that severe. So it has never been an issue. I guess we just get along really well, either that or I'm really bossy and he just caves! But I could not imagine ever sending him to another room to sleep, I can't sleep without him!

lite-bright

No. I don't think either of us has ever slept in another bed while we're both home. I might have ended up on the couch once during my last pregnancy b/c I was uncomfortable in bed and trying to find a way to get some sleep. 

We go to bed in the same bed -- sick, in the midst of an argument, whatever. If by some chance we haven't worked things out prior to laying down, usually we'll talk things out in bed. 

I don't think we've ever had a fight that we weren't able to talk out before we went to sleep. Ours just don't last that long.  

JnJ04

We've never had to sleep in separate rooms.

Kristabell304

The only time we sleep in different rooms is when he falls asleep watchng TV or I sleep in the spare bedroom because I am tossing and turning or he's snoring too loud   We don't fight that often, but if we do and it's around bedtime, we generally just go to bed and discuss it in the morning, or while laying in bed that night.  We all should understand that all couples are different and some are better at communicating than others.  I think it's safe to say that communication is key and that's what makes marriages last.  It takes some longer than others to learn that.

FemmeNat01

No! It's OUR bed. I dont have control over it. I would never tell him to sleep on the couch. I sleep on my side and he sleeps on his side.

nattyncbride

We have gone to bed still upset, but not in separate beds.  We do have a king sized bed.

Tina562

aegrimm:

Do you ladies make him sleep in another room? Or do YOU sleep in another room?

A previous post got me thinking about this, and I'm wondering if I'm in the minority?

I used to have a "don't go to bed mad" policy but when we got married our pastor told us that, occasionally, it's OK to go to bed mildly upset. The reason being that when you're very tired you tend to say things you don't mean and things escalate out of control.

We rarely argue, but if we are having an argument and bedtime rolls around our policy is to agree to disagree for the time being, kiss each other good night, say 'I love you' and then fall asleep on our seperate sides of the bed. Usually, in the morning we both feel dumb and we reconcile and go on about our day.

I couldn't imagine banishing him (or myself) to the couch because we were arguing. (We've done it when one of us is sick, etc, but that's different, IMO).

Am I the weird one?

(Disclaimer: if I found out he had cheated on me or something he would be lucky to be sleeping in the same house as me. I'm talking about your standard, run of the mill arguments about money, the kids, the bills, etc.)

If ur weird I am too because you spokethe words out of my mouth

jacodi

Never asked him to sleep elsewhere, I haven't slept elsewhere and he never has felt the need to.

erinkate23

I slept on the couch once when I was angry because it was the only was I was falling asleep, but generally, no, there is no "Sleep on the Couch You A$$wipe!" policy at the Mac house.

Like you, we used to have a "don't go to bed angry" rule but discovered that you can do WAY too much damage arguing at 2am when you're exhausted.  It's better to go to bed angry than say things you don't mean that you can't take back.

sarahmae8

DH and I rarely have a full blown fight. We have arguments and disagreements but nothing, even the bigger fights, have ever sent either of us out of the bedroom. We hate being angry with each other and end up reconciling before going to bed, even if it takes hours.

aegrimm

Just to clarify, girls:

I don't "punish" my husband like he's the family pet and he's never "in trouble".

I put it in the title to my post because it seemed appropriate, but the quotes were there for a reason.

Just wanted to clear that up. 

Jennicap

I have never been mad at him that I wouldn't want to sleep next to him

babycrane

We still sleep in the same bed. We go to bed usually at different times. If we get in an argument, I usually go to bed first, then he will come up a couple of hours later. It works out. Then we apologize in the morning. We can't go long with being mad at each other. We have great communication which is fantastic!