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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
triciaj1
member
may I vent.. controversial i'm sure
triciaj1
member
I'm sure there are women here who don't have a problem with abortion, but I am not one of them. My aunt is pregnant with her second. She lost one baby then had a healthy boy and is now pregnant again. Her older son is 2. Her markers came back a little high at 17 weeks indicating possible genetic defects. She went for the u/s and it was inconclusive. They said in 1 month they would repeat u/s and that if she wanted she could have an amnio. She decided to have the amnio, which I wouldn't bc of risks, bc it takes 2 weeks to get the results and that wouldn't give her much time to "decide". I don't doubt that raising a LO with downs or some other genetic defect is hard, i'm sure it's incredibly hard, but also incredibly amazing. She did find out that she is having a girl, but keeps saying "it". THIS IS YOUR DAUGHTER!!! Even if nothing is wrong and she has her little girl i'm still sad. Cause it's like your mom wouldn't have had you if you had problems. My mom said she should name her Lucky if she's lucky enough to be born. UGH.. poor little girl
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Re: may I vent.. controversial i'm sure
Ugh. Some things you just shouldn't post on a public forum.
It's none of your business.
I think it's great that you would not abort a child with genetic defects. But that decision is not for everyone.
And honestly, it's a lot harder than a lot of people realize. There are always women on this board who say things like, "I can't believe people wouldn't want a child with Downs' Syndrome. They're so cute!!" That's naive.
Exactly.
This. It cannot be an easy thing to deal with, and I don't think anyone can understand until they have been in that position.
i agree.
and how about supporting her and whatever decision she makes? i'm sure her decision is not one thats going to be made lightly.
Okay well in that case:
Try to put yourself in her shoes. Referring to the baby as an "it" is probably a coping mechanism. What she is going through is not easy.
Wow! How nice to be you. I have a friend who has a baby with "suprise" down syndrome. Of course she loves the child, but while you think it is "amazing", I think of what a terrible burden this will be on her other child, on her marriage, and on the child. Some children with Downs grow up to be wonderful happy people, but others are horribly abusive and end up being institutionalized. Personally, I would not want to live like that and would not want it for my child. My son's results came back 1 in 3 for downs, so I have been in your aunts shoes. I knew much earlier because of CVS that he did not have downs, but it wasn't until 23 weeks that all the risk were off the table.
It is great that you know exactly what you would do, but as an FYI, about 85% of people who find out that they have a baby with a genetic defect terminate. Put that in your judgemental little craw.
Goody for you.
You even judged her for getting an amnio. They can get results for the most common, major trisomies via FISH within 48 hours, and the risk for amnio-related loss is less than 1%.
She can't win with you no matter what she does.
You are probably right. I mean I know it's not easy, I guess I just wish she would just think of it as her daughter and focus on the little life inside of her. I do know that detaching and kind of talking about it how she is is a way of coping but I just wish she'd focus on what she'll lose if she does make that decision. IMO she already has a daughter and terminating means losing a precious life. She just calls me several times a day bc I am a pharmacist and she has questions about levels or medical terminology and general support. She is only 5 years older than me. And I have always been supportive on the phone, it's just once I get off I just cry.
I'm sure she is not handling it as callously as you and your mom may think. How awful that she has informed you all of what is going on and you all are just judging her in what has to be one of the most difficult times of her life. She is probably sleepless every night, and will have to live with this decision forever. I am not for abortion, but I am not going to judge her. I don't know, but I hope you don't have identifying stuff in her profile where she could be identified.
Since I'm now judgey McJudgey pants here's my true opinion. Abortions are NEVER EVER EVER EVER ok. I know that they are a womens right and a personal choice. But to me a baby is a baby. God doesn't give you more than you can handle. There now the flames can really fly!
O and that if you were raped and got pregnant thing. I was raped, I did not get pregnant but of course it was a fear and still nope. If you have had one or someone in your family or a friend hopefully you don't regret it and that's fine, but I believe it is murder.
So call me a jerk, call me ignorant, hate me from now until forever but look at your little ones and tell me that deciding not to have them would have just been a perfectly okay "personal choice."
Why is she a douche? Because she thinks that people should pick adoption instead of abortion? I think your douche statement is douchey.
My blog: Midwest Chaos
i personally wasn't calling you names, bc that's childish and immature.
what i said was, you don't have to agree with her decision, bc its her decision.
but obviously she calls you for support, so how 'bout you hold off on the judgements and SUPPORT HER DECISION?
it's really not that hard to be there when someone needs you.
You can't really be surprised that people disagreed with you. You said in your title it was controversial. Just sayin'
I couldn't get induced because it was seen as an "abortion," so now I have to wait until my baby boy passes away inside of me, instead of getting to spend time with him while he is still alive. How horrible of me.
My blog: Midwest Chaos
And aren't you lucky you don't have to walk in her shoes?
It would be nice of you to support her, after all she is family, in this difficult time, but instead you choose to judge her and bash her in a public forum.
Frankly, you suck.
her body. her choice. why must you get in her business?
"God doesn't give you more than you can handle. "
I am atheist. I don't believe in God, and since I live in the United States, I am allowed that freedom, as is your aunt.
"I believe it is murder." You may believe it is murder, that is your choice, but it makes you a very judgemental person.
So call me a jerk, call me ignorant, hate me from now until forever but look at your little ones and tell me that deciding not to have them would have just been a perfectly okay "personal choice."
I do not know what I would have done. I don't think anyone can say this without having faced it themselves. Even you. There are some birth defects that are so terrible that termination is the kindest thing to do. I have friends, both pediatricians, who had to face this horrible "choice", but again, your aunt is not asking you to have an abortion, she is asking for your help. If you can't help her tell her and let her find people who can.
I'm sure that is much easier to say when the LO sitting in front of you is perfectly happy and healthy. This is not her case. But yeah, awesome job being judgemental to someone who obviously trusts and needs you at this time in her life.
You're missing the point. You think it's murder because you believe pre-natal period is life. Not everyone believes that is life, and so they don't believe it is murder. It is a basic philosophical difference. Oh, and not everyone believes in God, or a god who will give them strength for the trials, and so there is another philosophical difference for which you are not accounting.
Choice exists because you can't give a fetus rights without trumping the rights of the mother. That is fact and not philosophy.
Signed,
one who was counseled to terminate because of blood loss and high risk/ danger to health but proceeded with the pregnancy-- it doesn't get much more "choose life" than that
She didn't say all the people who can't have biological kids should adopt special needs babies. She said someone who wanted kids and can't have them might want that special needs baby. You might not want them but someone would. Just because you can't have a baby doesn't mean you should play the martyr. Lot's of people can't have kids but every time something like this comes up you play your "I had to adopt card". For example when the bump gods asked about how husbands reacted when they were told their wives were pregnant.
Shoo AE. shoo.
You may believe it is murder and that it is wrong, but clearly, the government is in disagreement with you. That is why abortion is legal.
You do not get to make her choice. You have no idea what she is feeling right now or how a mother of a special needs child feels. No freaking clue. So why don't you try not judging and shutting your mouth?
I was just saying how I felt. Also I never once said it was "wrong"??? And I was just saying in general people who choose abortion should think about adoption. In this situation, yes there are several things to think of, even so as someone's already mentioned someone who may not be able to have a child, or even someone who can and would like to care for a special needs child, shoudl have the chance to do so. I do not know the people invovled here, and I am not saying that I think down upon them for doing something that I may or may not do.