Crap, I really don't want to cry about this again today but I just feel like the worst mom ever. DS has been a handfull today, more clingy and needy, his sleep has gone down the crapper. He was doing well for a couple of weeks but now we are back to up and down all night. I'm pregnant and hormonal so that is not helping. I actually yelled at DS last night when he kept waking up. I mean it wasn't like crazy lady screaming at baby it was more like a loud " what the F is wrong with you? Why are you still up" I even told him to 'shut up'. How awful is that. I can't even believe that I could be that cruel to a baby, my baby. Then I felt tremendously guilty and ened up bringing him to bed with me(DH was at work overnight and then worked during the day too) I seriously hate myself very very much right now.
To top it off I have no more BM for him. I wanted to make it to a year. When I got pregnant I decided to do both BM and formula. When we got back from vacation he just stopped nursing so I decided to keep pumping some but now I am only getting 4 oz 1x day. Thats only 1/2 a bottle and probably does him no good at all.
I've had a lot of troubles with fatigue and m/s so my fuse is short and I'm feeling like a huge wimp. I should be able to handle this better. Its not DS's fault that I got KU yet he is the one suffering b/c of my choice.
Then I got to thinking about what it will be like when DC2 is here and how much he will lose out on. He won't have much mommy time and his needs will come second to the new baby's. He doesn't deserve that.
Ok whining and sniveling over. Back to reality. Sorry for the downer post. Just needed to get it off my chest.
Re: I am feeling like the worst mom in the world today.
Surgery for ectopic pregnancy June 3, 2008
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BFP #2 September 25, 2008
Baby boy born June 4, 2009 at 40 weeks
8 pounds 13 ounces and 23 inches
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BFP #3 February 6, 2011
First U/S February 25, 2011 = TWINS!!!
Boy/girl twins born October 4, 2011
<big squeeze>
you are not a horrible mom. we all have our breaking points, you are only human too. that first trimester is a b--tch and to have a baby and a working husband at night would be enough to make anyone frustrated.
hang in there!