Parenting after a Loss

I am feeling like the worst mom in the world today.

Crap, I really don't want to cry about this again today but I just feel like the worst mom ever. DS has been a handfull today, more clingy and needy, his sleep has gone down the crapper. He was doing well for a couple of weeks but now we are back to up and down all night. I'm pregnant and hormonal so that is not helping. I actually yelled at DS last night when he kept waking up. I mean it wasn't like crazy lady screaming at baby it was more like a loud " what the F is wrong with you? Why are you still up" I even told him to 'shut up'. How awful is that. I can't even believe that I could be that cruel to a baby, my baby. Then I felt tremendously guilty and ened up bringing him to bed with me(DH was at work overnight and then worked during the day too) I seriously hate myself very very much right now.

To top it off I have no more BM for him. I wanted to make it to a year. When I got pregnant I decided to do both BM and formula. When we got back from vacation he just stopped nursing so I decided to keep pumping some but now I am only getting 4 oz 1x day. Thats only 1/2 a bottle and probably does him no good at all.

 I've had a lot of troubles with fatigue and m/s so my fuse is short and I'm feeling like a huge wimp. I should be able to handle this better. Its not DS's fault that I got KU yet he is the one suffering b/c of my choice.

Then I got to thinking about what it will be like when DC2 is here and how much he will lose out on. He won't have much mommy time and his needs will come second to the new baby's. He doesn't deserve that.

Ok whining and sniveling over. Back to reality. Sorry for the downer post. Just needed to get it off my chest.

Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml

Re: I am feeling like the worst mom in the world today.

  • Awww sweetie...giant ((hugs)).  You are NOT the worst mom ever!  We all have times we get frustrated and tired and act in a way we wish we would not have.  You are pregnant and sick and tired, it is completely understandable.  You even said so yourself, dh has been gone all day.  I cannot imagine how hard that is for you.  What matters is you realize you are not happy with the way you acted, and I am betting you will not do that again, that is what makes you a GOOD MOMMY!  I am also sure ds will not hold it against you Wink.  Also, you are not taking anything away from him, you are giving him the chance to be a big brother and that is such an awesome gift! 
  • Awww sweetie...giant ((hugs)).  You are NOT the worst mom ever!  We all have times we get frustrated and tired and act in a way we wish we would not have.  You are pregnant and sick and tired, it is completely understandable.  You even said so yourself, dh has been gone all day.  I cannot imagine how hard that is for you.  What matters is you realize you are not happy with the way you acted, and I am betting you will not do that again, that is what makes you a GOOD MOMMY!  I am also sure ds will not hold it against you Wink.  Also, you are not taking anything away from him, you are giving him the chance to be a big brother and that is such an awesome gift! 
  • Loading the player...
  • Just to prove my point, I posted it twice, Wink  (stupid bump)
  • Thank you. And Thank you. Had to say it twice since you went to the trouble to double post it. I'm just overwhelmed right now and its scary to think that it might nor feel better for a long time. I just want some sleep. Even is DS sleeps for a few hours I feel like I am up every half hour for no reason. I just can't stay asleep. I'm sure that is just making all of this feel a hundred times more awful.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Agree you are NOT the worst mom ever! If you are, then so am I because the other night I felt that frustrated with my little guy too when he was screaming and wouldn't go to sleep and I had NO idea what was wrong with him so I also said in a very loud, stern voice "I don't know what you want!!" And being pg, you really get a pass. Raising babies/kids is HARD, and we aren't always perfect or behave the way we want to. But you love your baby and that's all that matters - he knows that. Big hugs and I hope it gets easier for you.
  • You are not a bad mommy. We've all had days like that! It's so hard to be loving and giving 24 hours a day! Big HUGS to you!
    BFP#1 May 17, 2008
    Surgery for ectopic pregnancy June 3, 2008
    ******
    BFP #2 September 25, 2008
    Baby boy born June 4, 2009 at 40 weeks
    8 pounds 13 ounces and 23 inches
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    ******
    BFP #3 February 6, 2011
    First U/S February 25, 2011 = TWINS!!!
    Boy/girl twins born October 4, 2011
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Like PP said, you are not a bad mommy. Being a mom is hard and we all get frustrated. It especially can't be easy when you feel sick and have been on your own all night/day.  Plus, the fact that you are aware that you don't like the way you acted toward your son proves you're not a bad mommy. Just had a bad night. ((HUGS))
  • Ditto Pollykinz. I've been that frustrated with DS. I once got so mad I was sobbing and yelling at him that I just needed some sleep and I punched my wall. HARD. Of course genius me also found a stud so I'm pretty sure I fractured a knuckle. It will get better, you'll either get used to it or it'll change. BIGHUGS
  • Thanks for the support ladies. I'm off to sob into my pillow for a bit. I'm sure it it will be better tomorrow.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • <big squeeze>

    you are not a horrible mom.  we all have our breaking points, you are only human too.  that first trimester is a b--tch and to have a baby and a working husband at night would be enough to make anyone frustrated.

    hang in there!

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"