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papagena
member
Are you good at telling friends when you're less than pleased?
papagena
member
Just curious - I am NOT. Not a fan of confrontation, and that paired with my general turn the other cheek attitude, I tend to either let things go (which I'm ok with) or fester (which is really, really, really bad). I don't know how to work on it - it's my midwestern tendency to shove everything under the rug and pretend it's not there? I worry that it is hurting one of my relationships, but I feel like a biitch at this point to drag up things that have been bothering me for awhile now without some sort of great opening, and pretty sure that that isn't going to happen. I guess I am looking for advice on moving forward. Any great ways to learn how to say 'hey - that really kind of bugged me?'
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Re: Are you good at telling friends when you're less than pleased?
This happened with my BFF about a year ago. It was when Bella was really small and my BF was single, partying constantly and what I felt was rubbing it in my face constantly. Here I was, home all the time alone with a baby who just pooped and ate. I did it via email or FB, i can't remember. I said it very non-angrily or whatever, and just said, you know it really hurts my feelings and you don't talk to me much anymore and you always talk about going out and flirting. We talked about it, and it did help a lot. I still had some of the feelings afterward, but I saw it from HER perspective.
If someone is a good friend, it'll be ok to air your feelings. We're great now and still BFs.
Sorry you're having a rough time!!
I'd have to agree that there's no good opening, but that talking about it will likely help, if you handle it well. One of my major weaknesses is that I either luuuurve confrontation and a good fight or I'm so afraid of being hurt that I just let myself get hurt so that I don't actively get hurt.
When I am able to walk a middle ground there and have it be useful, I've found that it helps to know what I'd like to happen. Rather than just saying "it bugs the $hit out of me that I always have to be the one to call you" (or whatever), if I go in knowing that I want to feel like my friend needs me as much as I need her, and that her calling me is one way of making that happen, then I find I can state my problem and my needs in a much clearer and more adult way. It also helps me realize that I'm not unreasonable, and not likely get shot down, beaten up, or dumped. I don't do it well all the time by any means, but it has helped in the past.
Mother's Day, 2011