Anyone planning their own shower?

sherina825 · December 2009

I have had people ask me to do throw me a shower, but I feel bad having someone spend all of that money on me, especially with how the economy is. I'm not specifically planning my own shower, but I am going to send out my own invitations, it's going to be at my house etc. I'm not decorating or cooking, but I'm a bit of a control freak and no one will do it how I want it done.

P.S. We're not playing any games or whatever. I really don't like baby showers.

jeune_mariee · December 2009

brace yourself for the replies...

taagent · December 2009

So are you throwing it or is someone else throwing it and you are helping? It is generally considered tacky and gift-grabby to throw your own shower, since that is specifically the point of a shower.

smittysoup · December 2009

You are going to get flamed for this. Most people on here think it's a major no-no to throw your own shower.

IMO, it's your life, do what you want

shanmoyer · December 2009

my bff was asked to host a shower by someone that she went to school with - and the mommy-to-be went on to plan everything herself and tell bff what food to bring etc. She sent her own invitations etc.

IMO - I think it's rude to throw yourself a shower. If someone wants to throw one in your honour, graciously accept even though we all know it's highly unnecessary. They want to help and honour you, and it's very nice of them to want to.

laurenrobbie · December 2009

This is not usually done, but if the people you want there will think it is normal and acceptable then there really is no problem with it. Just because Emily Post says it can't be done doesn't mean you can't adapt your shower to your life.

Mrs.ABC · December 2009

I thinks it's really tacky to throw your own shower. If people want to give you a shower they will. If they offer to throw one for you they will pay for what they can afford and you should be greatful for what you get.

araevg · December 2009

You should be grateful that people want to throw you a shower at all. It's a time to celebrate the new life you're going to be bringing in the world, not being a drama queen over food choices and invites.

Helping with your shower is fine. Throwing your own is a bit tacky.

Header25 · December 2009

I don't think that is bad if that is what you choose to do.

I would feel bad about how much work you have to do!

jess60 · December 2009

jeune_mariee:
brace yourself for the replies...

I agree. Brace yourself because many people here think it is extremely tacky to host your own shower.

HOWEVER, if it's what you want to do, then do it! Who really cares about what anyone else thinks? Especially internet strangers.

Since you have friends/family that have offered, try to let them do as much of the planning & prep work as possible. They're willing to help, so let them! Smile

Tiger1984 · December 2009

A lot of people think it's tacky to throw your own shower. I personally don't care though! But since people offered to throw it for you maybe you should just let them! You can offer to help and encourage them not to spend a lot of $

Peony81 · December 2009

Something tells me that your reasoning is more about the "no one will do it how I want it done" than the "I feel bad having someone spend all that money on me".

IMO, people know how much it will cost to throw a shower, they wouldn't offer if they didn't want to spend it on you.

anabell0920 · December 2009

Peony81:
Something tells me that your reasoning is more about the "no one will do it how I want it done" than the "I feel bad having someone spend all that money on me".
IMO, people know how much it will cost to throw a shower, they wouldn't offer if they didn't want to spend it on you.

I completely agree that's what I got from her post as well!

wingedbride · December 2009

If your reasoning is because you feel bad for people spending money on you, I don't know why you would have a shower at all since the whole thing revolves around gifts.

if someone is throwing you a shower and you are offering to pay for the supplies, etc, that is different.

No one needs a shower.

lydia_w · December 2009

I've been trying to figure out what to do about this as well. My problem is that dh's family is so big and all of our male friends want to come. I'm looking at @ 50 people. There is no way that many people are fitting into my house and it will be in feb. so having it at a park is out. I'm having a hard time finding a hall or rec center that is under $100 an hr. and am not comfortable with anyone spending that much on a shower!

ScissorTailedFlycatcher · December 2009

Peony81:

Something tells me that your reasoning is more about the "no one will do it how I want it done" than the "I feel bad having someone spend all that money on me".

IMO, people know how much it will cost to throw a shower, they wouldn't offer if they didn't want to spend it on you.

I agree with the first paragraph.

You sound like a control freak.

missyjg · December 2009

If people have offered, I think you're just going to make them feel bad if you end up doing it yourself. If they offered, they obviously aren't worried about the money aspect. I can be a control freak too, but I'm letting my SIL go away with the plans, and I'll accept them whether I like it or not.

KristinKD · December 2009

You sound like a peach.

lovinfall · December 2009

I don't buy the do what you want thing. A baby shower serves no other purpose then to gather gifts. To throw such an event for yourself is not socially appropriate.

If someone offered to host the event then they obviously have the financial means to do so.

Lottie410 · December 2009

Get over it and let your friends give you a shower. If you don't let them then you go and give yourself a shower it will hurt there feeling for sure. They want to give you one b/c they are your friends and they love you. So let them!!!

buffalo_buckeye · December 2009

Peony81:
Something tells me that your reasoning is more about the "no one will do it how I want it done" than the "I feel bad having someone spend all that money on me".
IMO, people know how much it will cost to throw a shower, they wouldn't offer if they didn't want to spend it on you.

This is what I took from the post as well. Maybe you didn't intend it that way but that's what it seems like. Just let someone else do it and say no games please.

Peony81 · December 2009

KristinKD:
You sound like a peach.

LOL

Abc15379 · December 2009

If someone were sweet enough to want to throw me a shower, I wouldn't care if the invites were printed on bar napkins, and the shower location was Burger King. I would be touched and excited about whatever they would plan. Stop being a control freak about it, and take whatever you get with more appreciation, and less attitude of a spoiled child.

sherina825 · December 2009

anabell0920:
Peony81:

Something tells me that your reasoning is more about the "no one will do it how I want it done" than the "I feel bad having someone spend all that money on me".

IMO, people know how much it will cost to throw a shower, they wouldn't offer if they didn't want to spend it on you.

I completely agree that's what I got from her post as well!

If that is how I felt that is what I would have said. I felt bad having my friends spend money on bridesmaid's dresses when I got married (and they weren't expensive). All of my friends are early 20's and just starting out. They don't have the money to spend $200 on throwing a party. I am grateful that they offered and that is why I think that it's a little selfish to ask them to spit out a bunch of money to feed and entertain my friends.

As another poster said, it will be more them planning and me helping. They will come to me with information and I will tell them how I feel regarding this or that.

smittysoup · December 2009

The more I read this, the more I think it's MUD

homebird · December 2009

No, I'm not planning my own shower. Most people consider that a really tacky thing to do.

And your excuse sucks, imo:

but I'm a bit of a control freak and no one will do it how I want it done.

So, you're admitting that you're bratty, and would be ungrateful if someone else threw a shower for you because they might not have the "right" decorations/invitations (or whatever)? Nice. Confused

anabell0920 · December 2009

sherina825:
anabell0920:
Peony81:

Something tells me that your reasoning is more about the "no one will do it how I want it done" than the "I feel bad having someone spend all that money on me".

IMO, people know how much it will cost to throw a shower, they wouldn't offer if they didn't want to spend it on you.

I completely agree that's what I got from her post as well!

If that is how I felt that is what I would have said. I felt bad having my friends spend money on bridesmaid's dresses when I got married (and they weren't expensive). All of my friends are early 20's and just starting out. They don't have the money to spend $200 on throwing a party. I am grateful that they offered and that is why I think that it's a little selfish to ask them to spit out a bunch of money to feed and entertain my friends.

As another poster said, it will be more them planning and me helping. They will come to me with information and I will tell them how I feel regarding this or that.

So you feel so horrible that you want people to bring you gifts? Uhh sure whatever makes you feel better. If you were THAT worried about people's checkbooks you would be having a meet the baby party where no gifts or money is involved.

tobereich · December 2009

sherina825:

I have had people ask me to do throw me a shower, but I feel bad having someone spend all of that money on me, especially with how the economy is. I'm not specifically planning my own shower, but I am going to send out my own invitations, it's going to be at my house etc. I'm not decorating or cooking, but I'm a bit of a control freak and no one will do it how I want it done.

P.S. We're not playing any games or whatever. I really don't like baby showers.

Then why have one????

LaurelBee · December 2009

lydia_w:
I've been trying to figure out what to do about this as well. My problem is that dh's family is so big and all of our male friends want to come. I'm looking at @ 50 people. There is no way that many people are fitting into my house and it will be in feb. so having it at a park is out. I'm having a hard time finding a hall or rec center that is under $100 an hr. and am not comfortable with anyone spending that much on a shower!

What about at a church? You should make it a pot luck if you're worried about feeding that many people...

thomas&lynn · December 2009

Oh gosh no! I'd rather just plan an after-the-baby-gets-here party than an acutal shower.

sherina825 · December 2009

anabell0920:
Peony81:

Something tells me that your reasoning is more about the "no one will do it how I want it done" than the "I feel bad having someone spend all that money on me".

IMO, people know how much it will cost to throw a shower, they wouldn't offer if they didn't want to spend it on you.

I completely agree that's what I got from her post as well!

If that is how I felt that is what I would have said. I felt bad having my friends spend money on bridesmaid's dresses when I got married (and they weren't expensive). All of my friends are early 20's and just starting out. They don't have the money to spend $200 on throwing a party. I am grateful that they offered and that is why I think that it's a little selfish to ask them to spit out a bunch of money to feed and entertain my friends.

As another poster said, it will be more them planning and me helping. They will come to me with information and I will tell them how I feel regarding this or that. I will also contribute financially and it will be hosted at my house because I have the room and am in a central location.

americanada · December 2009

because they won't do it how you want it? seriously? i'm an event designer and i could care less if my hostesses do or don't decorate, what food is there or how anything looks. it's about celebrating your new baby and being with friends and family...maybe you should look at what your priorities are. how nice that you have friends who care enough about you to throw you a shower. don't be ungrateful.

jeune_mariee · December 2009

sherina825:
anabell0920:
Peony81:

Something tells me that your reasoning is more about the "no one will do it how I want it done" than the "I feel bad having someone spend all that money on me".
IMO, people know how much it will cost to throw a shower, they wouldn't offer if they didn't want to spend it on you.
I completely agree that's what I got from her post as well!
If that is how I felt that is what I would have said. I felt bad having my friends spend money on bridesmaid's dresses when I got married (and they weren't expensive). All of my friends are early 20's and just starting out. They don't have the money to spend $200 on throwing a party. I am grateful that they offered and that is why I think that it's a little selfish to ask them to spit out a bunch of money to feed and entertain my friends.
As another poster said, it will be more them planning and me helping. They will come to me with information and I will tell them how I feel regarding this or that.

So it sounds like most of us have misinterpreted your OP. Your friends are hosting/planning the shower, but you are contributing money and your input along the way? If this is the case, I don't see a problem with it. Just try to "let go" as much as possible--you will enjoy it more in the end.

barnwife · December 2009

Abc15379:
If someone were sweet enough to want to throw me a shower, I wouldn't care if the invites were printed on bar napkins, and the shower location was Burger King. I would be touched and excited about whatever they would plan. Stop being a control freak about it, and take whatever you get with more appreciation, and less attitude of a spoiled child.

LOL. When DH and I were engaged, he really didn't care about the wedding details. He kept saying, "I don't care if we get married at Burger King, as long as we get married."

sherina825 · December 2009

KristinKD:
You sound like a peach.

And you sound like a b!tch.

Qmommy · December 2009

It's really not that much work throwing a shower... don't feel bad if someone wants to do it for you. I'm planning my SIL's shower for January and really... there isn't much to it.

If you have too many guests that want to come you may need to have multiple showers. A family shower and a friend shower. Let your friends decide.

Sept_Bride'07 · December 2009

get them really kicka$$ hostess gifts, andlet them throw you the party they offered to throw you.

homebird · December 2009

sherina825:
KristinKD:
You sound like a peach.

And you sound like a b!tch.

Lol. I feel a GBCB coming. I don't think Kristin is going to be intimidated by that.

VanderLaan · December 2009

OMG! Throw yourself a shower and who gives a shi*t!

smittysoup · December 2009

sherina825:

KristinKD:
You sound like a peach.

And you sound like a b!tch.

MUD! mud mud mud

sherina825 · December 2009

jeune_mariee:
sherina825:
anabell0920:
Peony81:

Something tells me that your reasoning is more about the "no one will do it how I want it done" than the "I feel bad having someone spend all that money on me".

IMO, people know how much it will cost to throw a shower, they wouldn't offer if they didn't want to spend it on you.

I completely agree that's what I got from her post as well!

If that is how I felt that is what I would have said. I felt bad having my friends spend money on bridesmaid's dresses when I got married (and they weren't expensive). All of my friends are early 20's and just starting out. They don't have the money to spend $200 on throwing a party. I am grateful that they offered and that is why I think that it's a little selfish to ask them to spit out a bunch of money to feed and entertain my friends.

As another poster said, it will be more them planning and me helping. They will come to me with information and I will tell them how I feel regarding this or that.

So it sounds like most of us have misinterpreted your OP. Your friends are hosting/planning the shower, but you are contributing money and your input along the way? If this is the case, I don't see a problem with it. Just try to "let go" as much as possible--you will enjoy it more in the end.

I DON'T want to throw a shower. Like I said before I don't like baby shower games. I know that a lot of my friends expect me to have one and they want to come to one for me. For that purpose I will have a shower. It is more to mingle and fellowship with my friends than to get free gifts. And when I said they won't do it like I want, I meant that they would make it big and over the top (because that's how my friends are) and all of that is not needed. No one needs to go through all of that drama because although I would appreciate it, I don't really expect that or want anyone to put themselves through that. No one needs to spend 20 hours out of their day for the next two months planning a baby shower. That is redicilous (sp?). BTW, I said I would send out the invites because I already have them and the list from my wedding. Why delegate out something that I can easily do myself when they have already been nice enough to offer?

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