my neighbor is having an affair.

preppynewlywed · December 2009

We live next to another young couple. We don't know them super well, but the wife and I chat sometimes at the mailboxes or laundry.

Anyway, she is in the FBI, and when I ran into her last week she told me that she was being sent to Virginia for her annual training and wouldn't be back until 12/23. She was telling me she was bummed, because she had wanted to get a tree this year.

Her DH is a teacher, but for some reason he is home today. I just walked out into the apartment hallway to pick up a package outside my door, and he was giggling and had his arm around another woman.

I saw him and the same woman making out in his car over the weekend. Her car has been parked outside our apartment for the past few days as well.

It makes me sad and angry. The wife is super nice, but I don't know him very well. I just know he teaches high school. Here he is messing around on his wife who is making sacrifices to defend our country.

I just don't understand it.

buckin · December 2009

Makes you want to snap a few pics and leave them on her car when she returns doesn't it?

akaluttenberger · December 2009

What a sleeze. And if the woman he is with knows he is married, she is even worse.

leslie13510 · December 2009

Oh well that's nice.

Take pictures as proof and then tell her. I know some people would say to stay out of it, but in this case if you can get proof to back you up I'd say she deserves to know.

Melaneigh1 · December 2009

Scum.

preppynewlywed · December 2009

buckin:
Makes you want to snap a few pics and leave them on her car when she returns doesn't it?

Yes it does.

DH said I need to stay out of it. Which of course I will. We aren't close enough for me to just bring it up.

*sigh*

ETA: Wait. You think it is okay for me to show her pictures? I took some with my iPhone the other day, because I was so mad...so I technically do have some. They aren't great, but I took pictures of her car and them walking in the hallway.

FrauKlein · December 2009

buckin:
Makes you want to snap a few pics and leave them on her car when she returns doesn't it?

This. And ewww. Cheaters are gross.

Mrs.C042807 · December 2009

WTF is wrong with people?

buckin · December 2009

I completely agree. Stay out of it. But when you can do it anon. and get away with it...well sometimes everyone needs a devil on their shoulder. Since she is FBI, scribbling a note with the license plate of the other woman's car might be in order as well, or a picture of it.....

You never said a word that way.

jenerally? · December 2009

yikes. That is NOT a good situation and there is nothing you can do to make it any less icky.

lo45fd98wq32 · December 2009

Showing her pictures would depend on how close you feel to her. I def agree with the dropping a hint type thing. She *could* already know. Still, major suckage.

weelass24 · December 2009

preppynewlywed:

buckin:
Makes you want to snap a few pics and leave them on her car when she returns doesn't it?

Yes it does.

DH said I need to stay out of it. Which of course I will. We aren't close enough for me to just bring it up.

*sigh*

ETA: Wait. You think it is okay for me to show her pictures? I took some with my iPhone the other day, because I was so mad...so I technically do have some. They aren't great, but I took pictures of her car and them walking in the hallway.

You could print them out and mail them to her. That way she know but you stay out of it and avoid him pounding on your door.

starsmaycollide · December 2009

Honestly, I would tell her.

Ashleyyyyy · December 2009

Shiit like this makes me sad. I would probably show the pictures, although DH would want to stay out of it.

preppynewlywed · December 2009

buckin:
I completely agree. Stay out of it. But when you can do it anon. and get away with it...well sometimes everyone needs a devil on their shoulder. Since she is FBI, scribbling a note with the license plate of the other woman's car might be in order as well, or a picture of it.....

You never said a word that way.

Hmm....

I would just feel so guilty if I did nothing. You know?

When my ExBF was cheating on me, and people knew about it for almost a year before someone told me I was LIVID. I was really shocked no one said a word to me.

It is a terrible situation. I wish I hadn't seen anything.

two-pink-shoes · December 2009

I would find a way to tell her without having her know you told her.

preppynewlywed · December 2009

fredalina:
Seriously, i would take the whole, "Oh, gee, i didn't know he was having an affair, i just thought a relative was staying over or something and must have let it slip" approach.

I'll probably do it this way.

leslie13510 · December 2009

If you think it would be better to tell her anonymously (mailing her pictures) then do so. I just think that somehow, if you have proof to back you up, she needs to know. It would suck if you found out a year from now that she got some kind of STD or something because her husband is a douchebag.

If you do decide to tell her anonymously, maybe mailing the pics isn't the best way. It would be easy for her H to get the pics first and destroy them. Then he'd just go deeper underground.

ValentineBB · December 2009

I have to disagree here. I am firmly in the mind your own business camp unless it is someone you are close to. You never know who you are dealing with or what their issues are...I wouldn't get involved.

If you absolutely want to do something, I think Buck's original suggestion of snapping pics and anonymously delivering them is the way to go.

Poeia · December 2009

I would leave a note for him. Something along the lines of: I would suggest you tell your wife about your guest while she was gone, or I will. With pictures.

Put the ball in his court.

weelass24 · December 2009

Poeia:

I would leave a note for him. Something along the lines of: I would suggest you tell your wife about your guest while she was gone, or I will. With pictures.

Put the ball in his court.

I like this

Becky19 · December 2009

stay out of it. This could get messy and potentially dangerous. What if he got really pissed and came after you? Stay out of it, unless you develop a really close friendship with her, in which case you can say something.

preppynewlywed · December 2009

I hate this situation.

*sigh*

Lambie. · December 2009

weelass24:
Poeia:

I would leave a note for him. Something along the lines of: I would suggest you tell your wife about your guest while she was gone, or I will. With pictures.

Put the ball in his court.

I like this

I like this too.

griffenhc · December 2009

I don't really understand the stay out of it side. Is it any of your business? No. But that doesn't mean she doesn't deserve to know. If any of my neighbors knew something like that I'd hope they'd tell me. I'd feel insulted if they didn't. Disrespected even. Like, "how could you know my marriage is a sham and let me go on thinking everything is fine?" Also, as a pp said - what if she caught some horrible std? I'd feel so guilty.

Jenandtonica · December 2009

Poeia:
I would leave a note for him. Something along the lines of: I would suggest you tell your wife about your guest while she was gone, or I will. With pictures.

Put the ball in his court.

This.

Becky19 · December 2009

griffenhc:
I don't really understand the stay out of it side. Is it any of your business? No. But that doesn't mean she doesn't deserve to know. If any of my neighbors knew something like that I'd hope they'd tell me. I'd feel insulted if they didn't. Disrespected even. Like, "how could you know my marriage is a sham and let me go on thinking everything is fine?" Also, as a pp said - what if she caught some horrible std? I'd feel so guilty.

I mainly think preppy should stay out of it because these situations can get dangerous. People kill people over things like affairs. She does not want to get involved in it. This guy could confront her, etc. Even though I know it is infuriating she needs to look out for herself.

ValentineBB · December 2009

Becky19:

griffenhc:
I don't really understand the stay out of it side. Is it any of your business? No. But that doesn't mean she doesn't deserve to know. If any of my neighbors knew something like that I'd hope they'd tell me. I'd feel insulted if they didn't. Disrespected even. Like, "how could you know my marriage is a sham and let me go on thinking everything is fine?" Also, as a pp said - what if she caught some horrible std? I'd feel so guilty.

I mainly think preppy should stay out of it because these situations can get dangerous. People kill people over things like affairs. She does not want to get involved in it. This guy could confront her, etc. Even though I know it is infuriating she needs to look out for herself.

I agree with Becky. If it were a close friend I would feel different, but I'm not an advocate of making myself vulnerable for what amounts to a casual acquaintance, even if she is married to a schmuck.

Mrs_Liberto · December 2009

I think wife deserves to know. Ditto PP that said it could end up being dangerous for her (STD's, etc).

See if you can get better pictures, but then call or knock on her door with them. Chances are with any other approach she'd know it was you anyways (angle of the pictures, etc).

She should get out before they have kids.

Also, if your H were having an affair, you would want SOMEONE to tell you, right? Because I'm in the "sooner the better" camp.

Poeia · December 2009

People attack and assault their partners, not the neighbors. It is called a crime of passion, not a crime of next door. Ask Tiger about it.

*KC*luvs*RJ* · December 2009

I would follow Buckin's suggestion. I can't deal with that sh!t.

mrs_b_2007 · December 2009

Poeia:
It is called a crime of passion, not a crime of next door. Ask Tiger about it.

::gigglesnort::

ValentineBB · December 2009

Poeia:
People attack and assault their partners, not the neighbors. It is called a crime of passion, not a crime of next door. Ask Tiger about it.

HA.

So she should leave pics on the car and a golf club on the doorstep.

preppynewlywed · December 2009

Poeia:
People attack and assault their partners, not the neighbors. It is called a crime of passion, not a crime of next door. Ask Tiger about it.

I just died laughing.

Becky19 · December 2009

Poeia:
People attack and assault their partners, not the neighbors. It is called a crime of passion, not a crime of next door. Ask Tiger about it.

For the record, I have a friend who told a co-worker that her husband was cheating on her because she randomly saw the husband with another woman. The husband followed the friend home from work and confronted her in front of her house, blocking her entrance to her home, scaring the living daylights out of her. He was extremely pissed. People on the defensive do irrational things to undeserving people.

Further, while it doesn't justify the husband's affair, it turns out the co-worker was also having an affair. Had my friend known all the facts, she may have stayed out of it. Here, Preppy only knows what she saw, which may or may not be the whole story.

Poeia · December 2009

Becky19:
Poeia:
People attack and assault their partners, not the neighbors. It is called a crime of passion, not a crime of next door. Ask Tiger about it.

For the record, I have a friend who told a co-worker that her husband was cheating on her because she randomly saw the husband with another woman. The husband followed the friend home from work and confronted her in front of her house, blocking her entrance to her home, scaring the living daylights out of her. He was extremely pissed. People on the defensive do irrational things to undeserving people.

Further, while it doesn't justify the husband's affair, it turns out the co-worker was also having an affair. Had my friend known all the facts, she may have stayed out of it. Here, Preppy only knows what she saw, which may or may not be the whole story.

Where is the official record anyway?

I think that some safe suggestions were offered as to how to inform the wife as to her cheating husband's ways. It does not need to turn into Jerry Springer.

mrs_b_2007 · December 2009

Poeia:
It does not need to turn into Jerry Springer.

I totally have a mental image of Stewie Griffin in my head chanting "Jerry! Jerry Jerry!"

Becky19 · December 2009

Poeia:
Becky19:

Poeia:
People attack and assault their partners, not the neighbors. It is called a crime of passion, not a crime of next door. Ask Tiger about it.

For the record, I have a friend who told a co-worker that her husband was cheating on her because she randomly saw the husband with another woman. The husband followed the friend home from work and confronted her in front of her house, blocking her entrance to her home, scaring the living daylights out of her. He was extremely pissed. People on the defensive do irrational things to undeserving people.

Further, while it doesn't justify the husband's affair, it turns out the co-worker was also having an affair. Had my friend known all the facts, she may have stayed out of it. Here, Preppy only knows what she saw, which may or may not be the whole story.

Where is the official record anyway?

I think that some safe suggestions were offered as to how to inform the wife as to her cheating husband's ways. It does not need to turn into Jerry Springer.

Sorry, I'm a lawyer, so I find myself saying "for the record" all too often. I say it while arguing with my husband too and he likes to remind me "there is no record."

And yes, I agree, the situation I described is a bit outlandish and hopefully would not happen to Preppy. It just made me paranoid.

*KC*luvs*RJ* · December 2009

weelass24:
preppynewlywed:

buckin:
Makes you want to snap a few pics and leave them on her car when she returns doesn't it?

Yes it does.

DH said I need to stay out of it. Which of course I will. We aren't close enough for me to just bring it up.

*sigh*

ETA: Wait. You think it is okay for me to show her pictures? I took some with my iPhone the other day, because I was so mad...so I technically do have some. They aren't great, but I took pictures of her car and them walking in the hallway.

You could print them out and mail them to her. That way she know but you stay out of it and avoid him pounding on your door.

This is most likely what I would do. I'd be sure to take the pictures carefully, so he doesn't see me, and from areas that are not inside the apt. You don't want her crazy DH coming at you.