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1st Trimester
Shannon11/3
member
I really don't want to call relatives I never talk to...
Shannon11/3
member
So I told my mom I was thinking of announcing on facebook, and she gave me a hard time, saying I really need to call people first, like my step-grandparents and cousins, etc etc. Mind you, I've called all those relatives I'm close to or see on a regular basis.
I don't want to call anyone else. These are relatives I have NEVER ONCE spoken to on the phone. And that I maybe see once a year. And I just feel like an attention whore calling all these people I never ever talk to in order to say, "Hi. I'm Pregnant."
Don't get me wrong. I want them to know. I'd be happy if someone else would give them the joyous news, but DH certainly isn't close enough to call, and I just feel awkward and weird doing it, and my mom feels like it needs to come from us. So I thought a nice message on facebook (yes, my step-grandparents are on facebook) would be nice. Or even a card. How bout that?
But a phone call? It just feels awkward. I'm not someone who likes a lot of attention, and I'm just not comfortable making all these calls. Nevermind the fact that sometimes I think people really just don't care that much. Why should I call and put them on the spot so they feel like they have to fake all this excitement? Or worse yet, have them not fake excitement and have lukewarm congratulations to get off the phone feeling like no one cares.
::sigh:: Sorry so long. What would you do?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I really don't want to call relatives I never talk to...
We are going to call every. single. relative.
Between the 2 of us that number tops 150.
I said this yesterday, but I think when it comes to family no matter how often you speak with them they deserve the courtesy of a personal call.
If you insist on announcing it in a card [which I do not like] you should do a handwritten message rather than something standard and typed.
We don't talk to a lot of my relatives often since we are so spread out, but I want them to hear it from us. So we'll call all of them no matter how awkward it may feel.
ETA: I think announcing it on Facebook is tacky. Period. A subtle message in your about me section is sufficient. No need to post an ultrasound or some elaborate status.
I am relying on the grapevine. I tell a few key people and everyone knows.
I wouldn't really want to call everyone either. I mean these are the same relatives that I see once a year at the family reunion who have kids I've never met and didn't know existed until the family reunion. They wouldn't care about hearing from me.
I'd probably call the stepgrandparents though.
I agree with the OP here- I too have a gigantic family like Preppy here, but there is no way I am calling all these random extended family members personally- how awkward!. I sent out a mass email that only included family members, no friends at all, just family, and shared the good news so they had that from us personally first and then we announced later than evening on facebook for all our friends including an ultrasound picture. (we had told all the grandparents, aunts, uncles etc in person or phone) If all you do is update your "about me" section NO ONE will see it until you are posting pictures of the baby being born- who reads those sections regularly??
Turned out that because most of my family is on Facebook anyways many of them saw it there before the email anyways and I did not get the feeling from a single one of the 30+ comments left on the announcement that ANY of them felt it was tacky. And personally I like seeing those announcements from my friends on facebook too- it is so fun to read everyone's comments and to know how many peopel are excited for you.
To each their own I say- if you are not comfortable calling and this is your news to share how you want to share it, then do what is comfortable for you.
Mommy to J: Born 5/11/2010 & B: Born 8/26/2013
We have a HUGE family too. Anytime a distant cousin or relative has gotten pregnant, "mom central" (AKA a grandma or something), would get the okay to share the news and she would send out a mass email to her kids, and then those kids would pass along to their kids, etc. And the news was shared! I dont expect one of my distant cousins to call me....but I would like to hear it through family than on facebook.
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I disagree with most PPs. I feel the same way you do. We have a pretty disjointed family... My mom died many years ago, and since both of her parents died last year, I've totally lost touch with the aunts/uncles on that side of the family. It hurts in a lot of ways - since I have such happy memories of family Thanksgiving/Christmas with them all. Now that the grandparents are gone, my siblings and I are kind of cut off from the family.
?While I know they would like to know, I would feel very weird just calling and telling them. Even though we've spread the word through the family we talk to often, it probably won't get around to these people that way.
?We plan on sending Christmas cards this year - so I guess we'll probably include a little note in the card to let them know. We won't be posting it on Facebook, but if someone else lets it loose there, then it's no big deal.
?It's your news to share - share it how you want. Your family members might be upset that they weren't the first to know, but if they are upset (or if that upsets you) then maybe that's a sign you or they should make more effort to stay in touch... otherwise, I wouldn't worry about it.
I guess I should state that my facebook is only family and close friends - I'm not one of those people who has 100+ friends. I have like 25. As a teacher if you're not family and you're not a friend I talk to on a regular basis you're not a facebook friend either.
That being said, I was thinking of facebook emails. So not a mass announcement so much as a personal email to family I don't talk to (because I don't have regular email addresses for most of these family members).
And I can't imagine any of these people would be upset by not being told personally. I've had people get engaged, married, etc on that side and not heard about it until after the fact through the grapevine. I guess I just hoped this would filter through the grapevine too. I mean, when DH and I got engaged I didn't call any of these people. It was told through the grapevine. I guess I just want this to be the same...
I'm only telling a few people, the rest will hear from the grapevine also. I'd say do what you want. Personally, I'd feel awkward calling an uncle and telling him I'm pregnant - I haven't spoken to him in 20 years. I'd actually be okay if no one knew I was pregnant except immediate family......ialthough we are ecstatic, t's not something that I have the need to tell everyone because I hate 20 questions and unfortunately, that is what this pregnancy is going to do.....make people ask me 20 darn questions regarding it.
It's your baby. Plain and simple. Nobody has the right to know your business or tell you how you must handle your news. I will have many family members that will find out when I send out birth announcements. Please do what you want. It's one of the lovely perks of being an adult.
Question... for those of you that will call all/most family members, what would happen if you miscarried? Would you make every phone call again yourself or would you rely on word or mouth?
Beta #1: 268 (16dpo) ~ Progesterone 54 ~ Beta #2: 541 (18dpo)
My mom called all of her family members, and my MIL told all of her family. That's how it works in both families, nobody calls everyone to share big news, just kind of lets the news trickle down through the family.
Evelyn (3.24.10), Graham (5.30.13) & Miles (8.28.16)
My Grandma is a huge blabber mouth. So when I wanted my news shared with my extended family, I called her. I didn't have to say anything about her spreading the news... 20 minutes later I started receiving emails from family of congratulations. haha.
I think a personalized email would be fine. I wouldn't send it as a mass message but send an email to each and every person who has one. I would most likely copy and paste the message and add each person's name.
I am going to announce it on facebook though... but my family isn't on facebook so that is for my friends who I haven't seen in 5-15 years.
This exactly. I'll tell people I want to tell in person or on the phone. Let DH's and my family spread the word when we're ready. I am not going to call people I never talk to except for once a year or every other year just to say, "Hi I never talk to you, but BTW I'm pregnant." I think that is tacky.
This is why they invented BCC.
BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM
Just keep in mind that your pregnancy is not the #1 most exciting thing in the world. If you don't tell them over the phone/in person, you won't offend anyone. People really don't care all that much. Actually when I was going through IF, I preferred to hear over email rather than with a phone call.
Why do you feel that you have to do what your mom tells you?
OMG. No, don't call them. If you're going to feel awkward about it, don't call.
First time I was pregnant, I told my mom and she told everyone else in the family she talks to.
Second time I was pregnant, I told my parents and brothers and sisters at Christmas
This time I again told my mom, and she continued the chain.
Cam 6.6.10 - Autism, Global Developmental Delay, Mixed Receptive/Expressive Communication Disorder
For me, I would feel ridiculous and AWish if I went and called my entire family personally to tell them I'm pg. Somehow, I don't think it's that big of a deal if my cousin that I haven't seen in 10 years hears it from my aunt...
I told my mom, who told most of her side of the family at an event a couple weeks ago. The rest will find out at Thanksgiving, through the grapevine, or in our Christmas letter (maybe that's ridiculous and AWish for some, but it works for us!)
I probably won't out myself on FB until after Christmas...
That's just me, though. It all depends on your family and how you feel.