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does this mean i'm gonna be a bad mom?

someflower6someflower6 member
in TTC After a Loss

last night husband and i went to our friends house. they have two girls, a four year old and a 2 year old. the four year old kept jumping on and off a plastic chair, kept standing on it and trying to knock it over. her mom kept saying "stop doing that, you're going to fall," but never actually scolded or reprimanded her daughter when she continued to do it.

so at one point, husband, her mom and i were all in the kitchen doing something over the oven and the daughter was playing on the chair and sure enough-- she fell. i saw it. her foot slipped right out from under her and she slid down the chair on to her rump. the chair then knocked over, which made a loud noise, and she kinda gasped/giggled. she looked right at me with a stunned/"i gotta do that again" look, and since i was in the middle of holding a very hot pan (with pot holders, of course), i thought nothing of it.

well, husband and her mom drop what they're doing and run over to her, leaving me standing by the oven with a pot in my hand. echos of "oh my god, are you alright" "did you hit your head?" "are you hurt? where does it hurt??" ring in the kitchen, followed by the wailing of a four year old. even my husband was acting like a mother hen, all "did she hit her head? i think she hit her head. should could have hit her head, you need to check her head." i responded with "she didn't hit her head" and the two of them looked at me like i was crazy.

i felt incredibly guilty after this. i SAW it happened. i know she didn't hit her head. i know she wasn't hurt, and in my opinion, freaking out over it caused more harm then good (turns out, she wasn't hurt, and she didn't hit her head. she was fine after a popsicle). but maybe i'm way off base. should i have been more concerned? should i have dropped what i was doing to rush over to her? am i lacking some kind of compassionate, maternal instinct?

and also-- should i apologize or something?

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Re: does this mean i'm gonna be a bad mom?

  • 3ltlones3ltlones member

    no...no and no!  Kids react to the parents reaction.  So many times kids will fall and be absolutely fine, then the parents will make a scared to death sound, which in turn scares the crap out of the child and they start to cry.  Chances are that is why she was crying, or she thought she would get into trouble for standing on the chair again, or she was embarrassed because you saw her fall.  So, no it doesn't make you a bad Mom for not running over to her, you saw it and knew she wasn't hurt.  And, no you don't have to apologize, you didn't do anything wrong.

    HUGS

    DD(9)DD(5.5)DS(3)DS(born 2/1/11) July 2006, lost a baby at 8 weeks, natural miscarriage , May 2009 lost Zoe Eliana at 17 weeks no reason known, possible under developed organs. Lost two more babies in September 2009 at 7 wks 4 days. Had myomectomy surgery to remove a large fibroid in November 2009.
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  • babybeanmbabybeanm

    No, i wouldn't apologize. You didn't do anythign wrong?

    You saw she wasn't hurt and was holding something hot. Don't feel bad about it! Stick out tongue

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  • rjl07rjl07
    I definitely don't think you'll be a bad mom!  Sounds like you are the only one who saw what happened and you knew she wasn't hurt.  I'm sure if she was, you would have reacted differently.  I bet she wouldn't have even cried if the others didn't make a fuss over it since you said her first reaction was to giggle.
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  • mjsbride06mjsbride06

    I think you're fine.  Like PP said, kids react to their parents reaction.  You saw she didn't hit her head.

    This reminds me of a funny story.  DH and I were out at dinner and we were sitting in front of the restaurant waiting for our table when a couple walked by with their 2-ish year old son.  He was running on the grass and took a header, on the grass, NOT concrete.  He looked up at his mom with this surprised "what just happened" look, not crying.  The mom responded by picking him up, putting him back on his feet and said - "Good job honey, you fell down sooo good!"  DH and I cracked up and the kid went on his way, happy as can be.  I hope I can have that mentality and not think every little bump is the end of the world!!!!  Big Smile

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  • babygirlpriestbabygirlpriest

    Nope... doesn't mean you'll be a bad mom. Just means you won't be one of 'those' moms that wants to duct tape pillows on their kids before sending them to the playground.

    And no - unless you stood there by the oven laughing at "Baby Mc Fatty" the you've got nothing to apologize for.

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  • Pixie21Pixie21 member
    Same type of things happen to me and I wonder if i'll be a bad mom as well.  Once my cousin's son who is was less than 2 years old fell on the floor and I saw it happen, he was like a couple of feet away from me. He fell and looked at me, all I did was kneel down and ask if he was ok, I didn't pick him up to comfort him or anything, then sure enough the parents come rushing in and making a big deal out of nothing and then he started to cry.  My cousin looked at my like why didn't you pick him up or something.... ooops.
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  • meggiejomeggiejo
    My SIL and BIL always over react when something happens to my nephew and as a result he will cry even when he isn't hurt. I tend to stand back and wait to see if there are tears first with my DS and as a result he often laughs instead of crying. I really think you were right to not make a big deal over it. It shows you will be a great mom because you know when to react and when to leave things be! Don't appoligize, you did nothing wrong!
    BFP #1: DS born 11/07 BFP #2: m/c @ 8w 5d d&c
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  • LMichelleGLMichelleG member

    You did the right thing. I'm sure you would have ran over if the child didn't get up. I used to teach preschool and we always waited to see if the child could get up by themself. If they have hurt themselves badly enough they won't get up. If an adult picks them up immediately and they are hurt badly, it can do more damage than good. So good for you for doing the right thing!! :)

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  • bre86annbre86ann member
    If she was hurt she would have cried right away... a certain kind of cry. And please, when we were all growing up (I'm the oldest of 6) my mom would freak out if we would dote on a younger one who had fallen because if we ran to them and asked if they were okay they would learn to cry every time they fall. Instead we were supposed to make a fall fun. And we were taught not to cry unless you were seriously injured. Sounds like that little girl is going to grow up to be high maint.
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