Would this be ok with you Re: your DH

punkfiction · September 2009

AudreyGolightly:
violetvirgo:

I'm seriously AMAZED at some of you. You seriously think that once you're married no one in the relationship should have any contact with single members of the opposite sex? Really? Ever?

My best friend in the whole world is a single guy and we've been BFFs since way before I was married and I would laugh hysterically at DH if he told me I couldn't talk to him "for no reason." Luckily I don't have a BSC husband. I also don't think we're not being faithful b/c we have friends of the opposite sex that we talk to. Believe it or not there are men and women out there that believe friends can be friends without jumping each other bones. Period.

But like I said before, the LIE is what's bothersome. There's no reason for lying...ever

I think the difference is you had your friend prior to meeting/marrying your DH. DH and the wife are actually old college friends and I would have no issue with that, it's just the meeting/talking to/connecting with/getting phone number from/privately contacting a new single female after your married/ lying about your relationship that is an issue

exactly. my best friend is a guy. he's been my bff since before dh. so dh realizes that. if i just happened to find a new best guy friend that i met at the store or something - that would be weird. what would be the point?

Buckets of Moonbeams · September 2009

I would also find the age difference bothersome. Does anyone really believe that a guy in his 40s would want to be innocently friends with a girl barely past 20?

punkfiction · September 2009

Buckets of Moonbeams:
I would also find the age difference bothersome. Does anyone really believe that a guy in his 40s would want to be innocently friends with a girl barely past 20?

haha this is so true. people who say "i dont see a problem with it!!" are living close to da nile.

Dobie_Mama · September 2009

Friends of the opposite sex = OK.

"Friends" of the opposite sex who you only talk to when your spouse isn't around, and who you lie to your spouse about = Not OK.

violetvirgo · September 2009

AudreyGolightly:
violetvirgo:

I'm seriously AMAZED at some of you. You seriously think that once you're married no one in the relationship should have any contact with single members of the opposite sex? Really? Ever?

My best friend in the whole world is a single guy and we've been BFFs since way before I was married and I would laugh hysterically at DH if he told me I couldn't talk to him "for no reason." Luckily I don't have a BSC husband. I also don't think we're not being faithful b/c we have friends of the opposite sex that we talk to. Believe it or not there are men and women out there that believe friends can be friends without jumping each other bones. Period.

But like I said before, the LIE is what's bothersome. There's no reason for lying...ever.

I think the difference is you had your friend prior to meeting/marrying your DH. DH and the wife are actually old college friends and I would have no issue with that, it's just the meeting/talking to/connecting with/getting phone number from/privately contacting a new single female after your married/ lying about your relationship that is an issue

That's true, but that was only and example. I've met plenty of life long friends through work of both sexes, so I just don't get the crazy-omg-you're married-you can't ever have new friends thing. Of course the situation becomes VERY different if you lie and keep it from the other person, so in THIS situation I would be pissed. One of DH's good fishing buddies is a guy I met through work...then we had a dinner party...now they are friends. I just don't see how you can limit yourself to people when it comes to making friends or whatever. I just couldn't live like that.

citygirl_ · September 2009

To the pp freaking about not having friends of the opposite sex:

Did you read the post? The whole situation is very fishy and no, I don't think a 40 year old man has much in common with a 21 year old single gal.

I have male friends. I used to work in an all-male environment and have remained friends with some of those guys after working, but I wouldn't hide that from my husband or secretly chit-chat with them.

violetvirgo · September 2009

Buckets of Moonbeams:
I would also find the age difference bothersome. Does anyone really believe that a guy in his 40s would want to be innocently friends with a girl barely past 20?

That is very true...

kgb1411 · September 2009

agree with pp. Friends are good. I sort of wish DH had more female friends.

Secret friends (male or female) are not good.

violetvirgo · September 2009

citygirl_:
To the pp freaking about not having friends of the opposite sex:
Did you read the post? The whole situation is very fishy and no, I don't think a 40 year old man has much in common with a 21 year old single gal.
I have male friends. I used to work in an all-male environment and have remained friends with some of those guys after working, but I wouldn't hide that from my husband or secretly chit-chat with them.

Yes I did read the post, but I also read a bunch of comments about how married women and men shouldn't ever make new friends if they are of the opposite sex and single. I got a bit off topic, but I DID reiterate that the lying and going behind his wife's back was NOT okay.

fIowerchild · September 2009

Nope, not cool with me.

punkfiction · September 2009

violetvirgo:
AudreyGolightly:
violetvirgo:

I'm seriously AMAZED at some of you. You seriously think that once you're married no one in the relationship should have any contact with single members of the opposite sex? Really? Ever?

My best friend in the whole world is a single guy and we've been BFFs since way before I was married and I would laugh hysterically at DH if he told me I couldn't talk to him "for no reason." Luckily I don't have a BSC husband. I also don't think we're not being faithful b/c we have friends of the opposite sex that we talk to. Believe it or not there are men and women out there that believe friends can be friends without jumping each other bones. Period.

But like I said before, the LIE is what's bothersome. There's no reason for lying...ever.

I think the difference is you had your friend prior to meeting/marrying your DH. DH and the wife are actually old college friends and I would have no issue with that, it's just the meeting/talking to/connecting with/getting phone number from/privately contacting a new single female after your married/ lying about your relationship that is an issue
That's true, but that was only and example. I've met plenty of life long friends through work of both sexes, so I just don't get the crazy-omg-you're married-you can't ever have new friends thing. Of course the situation becomes VERY different if you lie and keep it from the other person, so in THIS situation I would be pissed. One of DH's good fishing buddies is a guy I met through work...then we had a dinner party...now they are friends. I just don't see how you can limit yourself to people when it comes to making friends or whatever. I just couldn't live like that.

haha you are twisting this. no one is saying who their spouse can be friends with - they are saying that they would personally choose the latter.

tmp-354536812503300 · September 2009

That's true, but that was only and example. I've met plenty of life long friends through work of both sexes, so I just don't get the crazy-omg-you're married-you can't ever have new friends thing. Of course the situation becomes VERY different if you lie and keep it from the other person, so in THIS situation I would be pissed. One of DH's good fishing buddies is a guy I met through work...then we had a dinner party...now they are friends. I just don't see how you can limit yourself to people when it comes to making friends or whatever. I just couldn't live like that.

That's true and I agree. If your DH meets a lady that you have something in common with thru work or whatever and you invite her and her BF/SO/DH over for a dinner party and now you're all friends, great! If you meet a lady by the way and you get her number and you conveniently call her to chat when your wife isn't around and forget to tell your wife that you're now BFFs w/ a 21 year old hottie, not so ok.

BartsGirl · September 2009

violetvirgo:
AudreyGolightly:
violetvirgo:

I'm seriously AMAZED at some of you. You seriously think that once you're married no one in the relationship should have any contact with single members of the opposite sex? Really? Ever?

My best friend in the whole world is a single guy and we've been BFFs since way before I was married and I would laugh hysterically at DH if he told me I couldn't talk to him "for no reason." Luckily I don't have a BSC husband. I also don't think we're not being faithful b/c we have friends of the opposite sex that we talk to. Believe it or not there are men and women out there that believe friends can be friends without jumping each other bones. Period.

But like I said before, the LIE is what's bothersome. There's no reason for lying...ever.

I think the difference is you had your friend prior to meeting/marrying your DH. DH and the wife are actually old college friends and I would have no issue with that, it's just the meeting/talking to/connecting with/getting phone number from/privately contacting a new single female after your married/ lying about your relationship that is an issue
That's true, but that was only and example. I've met plenty of life long friends through work of both sexes, so I just don't get the crazy-omg-you're married-you can't ever have new friends thing. Of course the situation becomes VERY different if you lie and keep it from the other person, so in THIS situation I would be pissed. One of DH's good fishing buddies is a guy I met through work...then we had a dinner party...now they are friends. I just don't see how you can limit yourself to people when it comes to making friends or whatever. I just couldn't live like that.

But again, the difference is that you had a dinner party where your DH was included. Would you make a male friend, not introduce him to your DH and go out to lunch? Probably not, becuase it is stepping over the boundary of marriage, which is what this guy did.

My partner at work for 2 years was a guy. We spoke on the phone and would have work lunches. He and his wife still hang out with DH and I, but I wouldn't just go to the movies with him.

destea1 · September 2009

Nope, that absolutely wouldn't fly in this house

Daisy77 · September 2009

Nope. I'm cool with him having female friends, but I'm usually friends with them as well. Or they are someone from his high school days and he rarely sees them. We're pretty open with each other about the people we have contact with.

dewdrop1210 · September 2009

NO!

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