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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
Would this be ok with you Re: your DH
DH & I had a huge difference of opinions which turned into a debate on this subject. Here's the back story:
DH has a friend who is married with 2 children. He works at a jazz club so he comes into contact with and talks to many people while at work. No problem there. The issue is that he had the phone number of a lady that was at the club and had called her about 3 or 4 times outside of work (when he was not around his wife). The wife asked him who is this lady and why are you calling her. The friend said the lady is a co-worker and it's nothing. Wife contacted the lady via text and the lady confirms she's not a co-worker, she's actually a patron of the club, and there is nothing going on. But this girl is 21 years old, the friend is early 40's.
The disagreement that DH and I had on the subject is, the husband has no need to accept or ask for a female's phone number and contact her outside of work, totally unwork related, when he's in private away from his wife. Plus the little white lie about her not actually being a co-worker. If it was a guy who's phone number he got, it would be different - double standard - maybe but still different.
So, would you be ok with DH accepting/asking for the phone# of a female that he came in contact with thru his job but he actually has no valid reason to contact this person other than to "just talk"?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Would this be ok with you Re: your DH
no I wouldn't and I would be even less okay with the "white lie" and only contacting her when the wife wasn't around
Edited to fix really poor sentence structure
(read it. you know you want to.)
anderson . september 2008
vivian . february 2010
mabel . august 2012
But I do kinda question the wife for getting involved like that. Texting the other person before just asking your DH about it seems pretty dramatic.
DS1 born June 2008 | m/c at 9w March 2011 | DS2 born April 2012
My DH is a librarian and comes into contact with lots of different people, and he has peoples numbers for a variety of reasons.
The number itself wouldn't be my problem, but lying about who she is is a HUGE red flag.
That's exactly what I told DH! No man would like for their wife to start asking for or accept phone numbers of another man and accept the explanation that there's nothing going on.
ABSOLUTELY NOT. Just as I would not give my phone number to another man. Sorry, but when you are married, the rules change, IMO.
My SIL had an almost identical story. Her DH has a son from a previous relationship who is very involved with community ice hockey. He became friendly with the mom of one of the other players. My SIL found texts from her to him that said, "miss you". Uh, NO. My SIL was pissed and found this totally unacceptable.
If you need friends while you are married, you can find friends on the same sex. You don't become friendly with random women that you meet at work, bars, etc.
Dit.toe.
No, I wouldn't be okay with him getting a phone # from a girl at work. Of course, DH works in housing at a University, so it could also get him in a lot of trouble at work too, since he has access to all of the dorm and apartment rooms.
Beyond that though, I would be LIVID about the lie. If there is truly nothing going on, then you have no reason to lie about, IMO.
The wife did ask him first to give him the opportunity to tell the truth but when he said she was a co-worker, the wife knew better. She knows basically everyone he works with and she "just knew" based on his answers being so vague and generic. I guess wife's intuition.
Well, yeah, so then you have another conversation where you say "I know you're lying, you sack of sh!t. WTF is really going on?". To have one convo where your husband denies it and then text the other woman is sorta Jerry Springer.
DS1 born June 2008 | m/c at 9w March 2011 | DS2 born April 2012
Well, these are sorta Jerry Springer folks so the friend is lucky texting the girl is all the wife did.
No, no and more no.
DH and I actually had a conversation about something similar last week. My BF's boyfriend was getting texts from another girl and lied about it. DH agreed that if you are in a relationship there isn't a reason to be speaking to a single person of the opposite sex just to "talk".
ditto.
I'm seriously AMAZED at some of you. You seriously think that once you're married no one in the relationship should have any contact with single members of the opposite sex? Really? Ever?
My best friend in the whole world is a single guy and we've been BFFs since way before I was married and I would laugh hysterically at DH if he told me I couldn't talk to him "for no reason." Luckily I don't have a BSC husband. I also don't think we're not being faithful b/c we have friends of the opposite sex that we talk to. Believe it or not there are men and women out there that believe friends can be friends without jumping each other bones. Period.
But like I said before, the LIE is what's bothersome. There's no reason for lying...ever.
My thoughts exactly!
No way, dude. I wouldn't waste my time trying to dig a believable story out of a known liar. I would have done the same thing.
um, one of my BFF's is male and I've known him for years and I still talk to him - sometimes in front of DH and sometimes not. However, the key to that is he's an OLD friend, not some random guy whose number I got and is years younger than I. That is a line that shouldn't be crossed and the lying is just the icing on the cake.
I think the difference is you had your friend prior to meeting/marrying your DH. DH and the wife are actually old college friends and I would have no issue with that, it's just the meeting/talking to/connecting with/getting phone number from/privately contacting a new single female after your married/ lying about your relationship that is an issue
i dont have to read past this. this is my answer.