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Stay at Home Moms
Do you think your life is that bad?
I was bored and checked out the working moms board. Apparently, some of them come read our board to remind themselves why they have jobs. At the risk of starting a board war, WTF? Yes, there are posts about saving money and all that, but the tightening up of cash is worth it to me.
https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/22848065.aspx
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Do you think your life is that bad?
No, it could always be worse and this is just a great place to vent and get some insight and opinions.
I also think that it is misleading that all families with a SAHM are struggling financially. We're far from it but I like to save a buck or two (or $15!) when I can.
Btw, I read their board and thank my lucky stars I get to stay home
DD#1~8/17/96------DS~10/24/05
Nope, I love being a sahm. I love that I didn't miss any of the "first" moments. I used to do all the housework, pay the bills even when I worked full-time so that didn't change just because I became a sahm. I have lots of time to do what I enjoy now that my kids are in school full-time. I can volunteer more now. I have never regretted giving up my high paying corporate job to become a sahm. I've been a sahm for almost 9 years.
Remember they have a lot of posts on their side of ladies wishing they could stay home, so just because a handful of them don't wish to be in our shoes there's going to be an even bigger group that does wish they could be us.
Well, to each his own, I guess.
Our lifestyle since I quit working full-time has changed, for sure, but not as much as I had expected.
If I want to treat myself, I can still do it, I just don't do it everyday. When I worked, I did treat myself everyday because I had this constant attitude of "I deserve it." So it's a trade-off, really, as far as finances go.
I'm lucky that we have fairly nice things as far as house, cars, etc., but I've never been the kind of person who would be upset if I didn't have the newest cell phone or what have you.
I love my life! I am happier than I have ever been. I love spending my days with DD, and couldn't even begin to imagine trying to cram life with her (and the rest of family life) into a few hours each night after work.
We don't struggle financially, but I am still interested in coupons and saving money. I'd rather spend our hard earned money on vacations and fun things with DD than expensive groceries that could have cost less.
And yes, I do most of the cleaning, but I don't mind it. I definitely don't spend my days doing it. I spend about 1-2 hours a day keeping the house clean. Our house is organized and we are much less stressed. I'd say life is pretty close to perfect!
And apologies, but I couldn't help but reply to the OP. She makes it sound like saving money is shameful.
Their comments irritate me! I consider myself SAH. I do work 1-2 shifts per month so I can maintain my license, but I work them at night so I can be home. I chose to make the sacrifice to SAH. If I wanted to, I could be a working mom and it would double our income. But, I choose to stay home because it is worth it to me. I would rather be here with my daughter and pinch pennies than allow her to go to daycare and have lots of luxuries.
See that is the thing- I have ALWAYS watched my money- even when both DH and I had 6 figure jobs. We had a nice nest egg BECAUSE i have always watched what i have spent on things like groceries and such. I have always cut coupons.
At the end of the day what it comes down to is things being said to just reaffirm a decision made. Either SAH or working. To each their own.
What? Do they all think that we just sit at home all day and watch the walls close in? They make it sound like we don't do anything.
Yes, we have to "pinch pennies" but it is a sacrifice we are more than happy to make because it is very important to us that I stay home. We didn't want someone else to essentially raise our kids and instill their values and beliefs on them. I love staying at home, yes some days are very challenging, but those days still beat the best day I had at work all to heck.
As for going without- um, last time I checked, that sweater I bought for $3.50 at Goodwill has the exact same tag inside it that the one hanging on the rack at New York & Company did. I just like a good deal. Not to mention - the more I save means more I can spend later.
DH and I have so much more now than what either of our families had when we were small. The happiest years of my childhood were spent in a small, rented, 2 bdrm/1 bath house in a tiny rural town - living on one income. We didn't have much stuff, didn't get much for Christmas every year, but we were incredibly happy and had a lot of fun, quite frankly my sister and I never noticed anything different about our lives those of the more well-off families in our town until years later when we were much older. Kids don't remember the "stuff," they remember going to the town pool everyday all summer long with Mom and getting pulled around the yard in the wagon by Dad on a Saturday afternoon. Lately I've been becoming more and more aware with how obsessed our culture is with having everything and doing everything. I'm guilty of it too alot of time, but I'm trying to change that.
J2 11.17.08
1. Many, many families need both incomes to make ends meet. It's naive to assume that dual incomes = affording luxuries and vacations.
2. Many families can live very comfortably on one income, but choose to find ways to save money because it's the wise thing to do. It's naive to assume that SAHMs = living in squalor and sacrificing all luxuries, etc.
3. Who sits around and cleans all day? Not me.
4. Life is great!
I love SAH. If I didn't, wouldn't I go out and get a job? I do not spend all day clipping coupons and cleaning. Yes, I buy things on sale, but I would do that even if we earned millions of dollars, it's just smart shopping.
I would never consider being able to buy more things making life more enjoyable. That is one of our society's problems, I think. Kids don't need a ton of crap or a zillion different lessons, camps, and sports. My six year old nephew spent an entire Saturday recently at a track meet. SIX years old and a full day track meet. Absurb.
I know my girl and she is happy to have her mom around all day, and I'm happy to be there.
We watch our budget, but that's because DH is cheap. He's making twice as much now then when I worked.
I still buy things for myself and my DD all.the.time. I spend time with DD and send her to my mom's when I need alone time.
We get to take all kinds of cool classes and I still manage to volunteer.
I'm thinking my life is very blessed.
To each is own, as many have said. Personally I find it sad that a lot of working moms do so so they can have things or they would go nuts if they had to stay at home with their kids all day. Imagine if their kids knew how they felt - that things are more important and that spending the day with them is boring/confining/etc.
Sure, staying at home is a challenge for me, especially since I used to be very active and had a very social job. But, at the end of the day, I would rather spend time with my kids than send them to daycare. I am actually surprised how much our lives didn't change after I quit my job. Heck, we even purchased a new car right before I quit and got a new house 2 months ago.
I realize that not every family can have a parent stay at home. That being said, if it's a priority, you make it work. I have a friend who went part time and so did her husband so one of them was at home all the time. My dad was a construction worker and we managed on his salary for a family of 4 until we went to school. I believe most families can do it, they just choose not to.
I agree!! I could never imagine thinking this about DD. I think I have the best job in the world!
I obviously haven't had my baby yet, but my choice to stay at home feels like the best choice. I am working part-time until Thanksgiving, then officially starting my SAH duties
But I already started changing my lifestyle to help things along once I do stay home (even though I may work retail once a week, mostly for the discount). Its been so much fun learning more about our finances, what we really need or what we can really do with our money each month, looking forward to splurges, and just being less selfish. Actually, I feel like a better person BECAUSE i feel less selfish. Before it was all about me, and buying new clothes, and everything was designer, and the new model. Now I settle for a lot less, and have been fine with it!
I think it has made me a much better and more understanding person. Which is exciting to me, because I officially feel ready for baby. If I were to get pregnant 2 years ago, god bless that child, because I was such a selfish brat. But now I am far more mature and loving my life at home.
I worked as a nanny for a family who had work-a-holic parents and I felt SO SAD for the children. I was their parent. And they suffered greatly for their lack of a structured home. The parents basically put them to bed at night, and hung out with them on weekends. On weekends they barely ever left the house either, or the dad worked from home. I felt so sad for them, and that was a HUGE factor into me deciding to be home... even if I do choose later to get something VERY part-time at a store. My priority will be my family.
I think its silly that some of them feel the need to come to this board and "remind" themselves of why they have jobs. If they are so happy and proud of their decision and feel that it is the best thing for them why come on here to "remind" yourself of why you chose to do it. We post on this board about being tight with money, coupons and problems with household chores. On that board they post about an unahppy child in daycare or at a sitters, missing out on the little things that their dd/ds do, frusterations at the work place, possibilities of losing a job, etc. Maybe we should visit that board and remind ourselves of why we chose to SAHM. Its silly. Regardless of whether you SAH or you work there are always bad days and bumps along the road. I think if you made the choice then be happy with it. You sacrifice certain things when you go out and work and the same goes for being a SAHM.
I personally have days where I wished I worked outside the home for various reasons dressing up and social interaction but the reality is that my life is great for more important reasons. We have bad days and good days but I would not trade this for the world.
I don't even know where to begin. I think it's pathetic that you believe this and sad that you would be ignorant enough to post it.
Everyone has their opinions for each side of this coin but can we draw the line somewhere in this debate?
Calling people names for their opinions, something they have a right to express, really? She was simply drawing a conclusion based on the *majority* of posts SHE READS from the WM Boards, just as was done to this board in the original post... she was not accusing YOU nor anyone in particular.
Let's not fall apart, ladies, and start with the accusations and name-calling or this post will have to be deleted.
eclaire 9.10.06 diggy 6.2.11
Not at all. I think my life is pretty darn great.
Talking about how to save money is a good thing and not something that should be limited to SAHMs.
And the comment that the OP made about how she'd like to work p/t but not if her lifestyle would be affected really saddens me. I'm grateful that I pretty much live the same lifestyle now not working as I would working and paying for daycare *but* I'd much rather my lifestyle suffer than my child if I did have to choose.
Children of working moms don't suffer.
Congrats, ladies! All of you who were all wound up about the OP should be proud that this post has now become full of equally offensive statements and assumptions. Well done.
Children of some working moms DO suffer. Several kids in DS's class last year had no one at the class parties because their parents were working. That sucked for the kids. No doubt about it.
There ARE sacrifices to not being the one home with your children. You DO miss things. It just IS.
Absolutely, there are tradeoffs. As such, my child is getting benefits of me working that yours is not. Such is life. I can say, with no doubt, that my child is not suffering in any way. Perhaps if H and I worked 200 hours a week, she would.
But it's not all of one, none of the other. There's this whole "work/life balance" you may have heard about... where your family can still be a priority even while you *gasp* work!
Are you really that obtuse? You don't think that kids benefit from quality settings around other children? Not at all?
I am not getting into a pissing contest with you, because it doesn't matter to me what you think of my choice or my parenting. I am doing the best I can for my family. I expect that others who hang out on parenting message boards are doing the same.
Yeah well, the comments by some on this board are not representative of everyone who posts here. Just as I know that the OP on the WM board does not represent the mindset of all working moms on that board.
Either way, the OP that sparked this whole thing was ridiculous and judgmental. And I say that as someone who has been on both sides of the fence and know what it's like to work and to SAH.