Nasty email at work....was this bad?

jaysgirljulie · September 2009

BelhurstBride:
nicanmatt:

I actually think his email was sweet, in regards to his wife reference. He never said you look like you've gained weight. I can't believe you would respond to a coworker, much a less a manager, in such a disrespectful manner.

I'm still in shock that you wrote about your menstrual cycle. Completely inappropriate.

I completely agree. I don't see where he was that out of line, honestly. And you're just going to have to eat your words in a couple weeks when you do break the news and you're going to look really out of line. (Which, you were.)

I agee w/ these two ladies. AND I think you are going to look like a hormonal fool when your news spreads.

You could have said something much less snotty or simply not responded.

jaysgirljulie · September 2009

rubbaduck:

Thanks ladies for all your responses. I needed to hear this. I'm a little embarassed actually, but glad you all gave me your honest opinions.

I'm not the type of person who writes emails like this. Never have, and never will. I could blame it on the hormones, but that's not even a good excuse.

Lesson learned. Even if his email was inappropriate, I shouldn't have responded even more inappropriately. There were many better responses I could have chosen (as all of you pointed out).

It was wrong, and I will apologize (in person) when the time comes.

oh, just saw this. Good for you, If your apology is a nice as what you just wrote, I'm sure it will be water under the bridge (and since he has had a pregnant wife, surely he will understand Smile )

etude de la vie · September 2009

You are going to look like a complete A$$ when you finally come out and tell everyone... LOL... I guess there goes that professional work relationship with your boss!

Had I been you I would have just ignored the email and if he had the guts to ask me in person I would have told him it was non of his business.... but now all your words are in writting and can follow you. I would appologize ASAP.

Kim B. · September 2009

IMO, the best response to his email would have been a non-response. Flying off the handle like that (and completely unprompted, by the way. His email sounded sweet and merely curious, at least to me) was extremely unprofessional. I know you said you were sorry for sending it, but I definitely wouldn't wait to apologize until you start telling people at work. The sooner this is dealt with and resolved, the better. GL.

MellsBells · September 2009

BBHME:
It was an inappropriate response for work and for a manager. Sorry. Sometimes at work you have to just suck it up when people say or do things that are uncouth. I would've said something like "If I'm ever pregnant, you'll know as soon as everyone else does."

Yep.

jcyahne · September 2009

Yeah, I'd have to say it was bad. Especially since you ARE pregnant. I mean it won't take too much math to figure out that he was right. Maybe you should take this as a hint to spill the beans at work soon.

Personally I would have ignored the email all together. It was inappropriate to ask, but some people don't always get sensitivities around pregnancy. And besides, he sounded like he was actually pretty excited for you.

I would apologize. Blame the hormones.

DaisyFull · September 2009

rubbaduck:
Thanks ladies for all your responses. I needed to hear this. I'm a little embarassed actually, but glad you all gave me your honest opinions.
I'm not the type of person who writes emails like this. Never have, and never will. I could blame it on the hormones, but that's not even a good excuse.
Lesson learned. Even if his email was inappropriate, I shouldn't have responded even more inappropriately. There were many better responses I could have chosen (as all of you pointed out).
It was wrong, and I will apologize (in person) when the time comes.

Except that you can't claim "never have, never will" when you just DID.

Apologize, ASAP. At this point, you'd be lucky if he doesn't report you to HR.

IrishBrideND · September 2009

Did you even for one minute think about his intentions?

No, he shouldn't have asked, but he obviously meant it in a sweet way. And now you have completely screwed yourself over when people find out.

That is never the appropriate way to respond, to be honest.

RadicalDreamer143 · September 2009

MrsJulieT:
Rude especially when you're going to have to eat your words in a few weeks. If he was comparing you to his wife I wouldn't take that as a bad thing either.

Pretty much this. I think you took it completely the wrong way. And at least it was in an email, and not asked in front of a bunch of coworkers, which I would definitely construe as rude.

Kie310 · September 2009

I think that's too funny

PatientlyWaiting10 · September 2009

Jessys_Girl:

OMG, That IS awesome! LMAO.

I would extend a small apology when you do finally share your news. Something along the lines of "I'm sorry I had to react so venomously, I didn't want my news to be guessed so quickly. You apparently do have a keen sense for these things."

This.

theyaremyworld · September 2009

Did you ever think that maybe you just have the pregnancy "glow"?? and maybe it was a compliment!! Plus...why lie? why not just tell the truth and ask him not to tell anyone?

rubbaduck · September 2009

So does anyone want to know how the apology went today?

It went better than anticipated. I brought him in a plate of brownies this morning. I started the conversation off by breaking my news to him. He laughed and said, "I knew it! Haha! That's wonderful!". Then he gave me a look, and I knew he was expecting an apology. Before I could even finish my well thought out apology, he said, "don't worry or stress yourself. I understand these things....my wife was a nut during her first trimester. I'm happy for you".

Like I said in my earlier post, he's always been a jerk at work. So I was really nervous to confront him. But maybe that's just the business side of him. He seemed much nicer to me when we spoke....probably the father in him coming out.

So END OF STORY! And I'm not worried about it anymore! He agreed to keep my secret for another week. He treated it more as a funny hormonal thing and didn't take it personally.

Honestly, I really think the brownies helped.

Thanks again for all your help ladies.

DaisyFull · September 2009

rubbaduck:
So does anyone want to know how the apology went today?
It went better than anticipated. I brought him in a plate of brownies this morning. I started the conversation off by breaking my news to him. He laughed and said, "I knew it! Haha! That's wonderful!". Then he gave me a look, and I knew he was expecting an apology. Before I could even finish my well thought out apology, he said, "don't worry or stress yourself. I understand these things....my wife was a nut during her first trimester. I'm happy for you".
Like I said in my earlier post, he's always been a jerk at work. So I was really nervous to confront him. But maybe that's just the business side of him. He seemed much nicer to me when we spoke....probably the father in him coming out.
So END OF STORY! And I'm not worried about it anymore! He agreed to keep my secret for another week. He treated it more as a funny hormonal thing and didn't take it personally.
Honestly, I really think the brownies helped.
Thanks again for all your help ladies.

Good, I'm glad it worked out - and I'm sure you feel much better about it!

Want a personalized experience?

Nasty email at work....was this bad?

Re: Nasty email at work....was this bad?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards