Nasty email at work....was this bad?

rubbaduck

I had someone ask me if I was pregnant at work (a guy....one of the managers....a big jerk around the office too). I was pretty hormonal at the moment, so here's my response. Of course I denied it since I don't want my news spreading around before I tell people.

In hindsight, it probably wasn't that great of an idea to respond the way I did, but he was really out of line asking.

One of the ladies at work thinks my response was awesome, but I'm not so sure. He hasn't spoken to me since the note. Maybe I should apologize when I share my news? What do you think?

 ___________________________________________________

No, Jim.

But thanks for confirming that those extra few pounds I've put back on are noticeable.

Don't you know that's a COMPLETELY inappropriate question to ask a female in the workplace? Thanks for giving me a complex.

I'll be sure you let you know when my next menstrual cycle begins.

 

-----Original Message-----

Subject: Hey

You look just like my wife when she first got pregnant...?? I'm keen on this stuff. Is the stork coming your way?

gingerfamily

just a little rude. 

A simple no would have sufficed. 

bryant1091

I think it was harsh - especially for the office where people should be professional.  However, he shouldn't have asked since its none of his business. 

Jessys_Girl

OMG, That IS awesome!  LMAO.

I would extend a small apology when you do finally share your news.  Something along the lines of "I'm sorry I had to react so venomously, I didn't want my news to be guessed so quickly.  You apparently do have a keen sense for these things."

TMs1stBaby

A little over the top for a work email imo.

robinsokj

Yeah, a bit rude.  Funny though

JewelsZ

Funny email but I think maybe you should have edited a little bit.  I try not to write emails when I am angry.  I always regret it later.

PammyG08

Since you are in fact pregnant. I'd have to agree that a simple no probably would have been better, even if the guy is a jerk and shouldn't have asked that. I think it would have been a different story if you weren't pregnant. Sorry JMO

kelcat

IF he's really that big of a jerk, I see no problem with what you said, except maybe I would have left out the last sentence.

lilmccann

personally I think it is a tad rude but at the same time you say this guys is a jerk so maybe he deserved it.  He didn't even really specifically say anything about your weight...he might have been talking about a certain glow or something...It looks to me like he was just excited and curious for you.  Plus - you are pregnant - so when you do announce this to the office it will look even worse....all that being said who knows what my hormones would have dictated at that specific moment! 

acaudill75

A simple "No, you stupid douche bag." would have sufficed. Don't worry about it. Doody happens. He shouldn't have asked you, and you could have been nicer, so those two cancel each other out!

chuleysnackety

It is a little teeny bit mean, but the truth of the matter is that you are right.. it was completely unprofessional of him.. and besides as an adult you should know you NEVER ask ANY woman that question.. not even if shes squatting before you with a head crowning before your eyes!!!!!

nicanmatt

I actually think his email was sweet, in regards to his wife reference.  He never said you look like you've gained weight.  I can't believe you would respond to a coworker, much a less a manager, in such a disrespectful manner. 

I'm still in shock that you wrote about your menstrual cycle.  Completely inappropriate.

summer510

It was kind of snappy, but I thought it was funny...hee hee

Stizzle

LMAO. I like it. It will definitely shut him up for now. Once you announce it, yeah, you should probably apologize and blame it on hormones and feeling a little insecure about bloat.

*budge*

I think it was immature and unprofessional to respond that way in a work setting. Besides, you are pregnant and I think you're going to look a bit silly when you do announce it.

Lauryn216

nicanmatt:

I actually think his email was sweet, in regards to his wife reference.  He never said you look like you've gained weight.  I can't believe you would respond to a coworker, much a less a manager, in such a disrespectful manner. 

I'm still in shock that you wrote about your menstrual cycle.  Completely inappropriate.

Sorry but I have to say ditto this. I would probably just tell him in private that yes, you are pregnant (and congrats to him and his wife), you don't know everyone to know, and you are extra sensitive b/c of hormones and apologize for being overly sensitive. JMO though, not meant to be offensive!

Taylor11

I had a co worker ask me the same thing last Friday, but only b/c I kept saying I felt bad and he knew I looked tired and have been complaining about being tired.  I just laughed and said "No!  Why do I look it?"  and started exagerating moving my hand around my waist.  I acted really concerned like I thought he meant I gained weight.  He said "no, I only asked b/c you haven't been feeling well lately.  You look awesome!".  So that made me feel good:)  Some men just don't realize that is an off topic question.  A simple No may have been appropriate, but I have also been known to get rude when I am hormonal and in a mood.  I can't really blame you, especially if he's an asshol* on a regular basis:0

AppleRidge

It was an inappropriate response for work and for a manager.  Sorry.  Sometimes at work you have to just suck it up when people say or do things that are uncouth.  I would've said something like "If I'm ever pregnant, you'll know as soon as everyone else does." 

ach427

A little over the top, but whatever. IMO, people need to stfu and stop being so damn nosy!!

CoreysGal

Jessys_Girl:

OMG, That IS awesome!  LMAO.

I would extend a small apology when you do finally share your news.  Something along the lines of "I'm sorry I had to react so venomously, I didn't want my news to be guessed so quickly.  You apparently do have a keen sense for these things."

Even though he really shouldn't have asked, I think you were a little more rude than necessary since he is right and you probably made him feel awful.  I think what this is the perfect way to handle it.

anabell0920

PammyG08:

Since you are in fact pregnant. I'd have to agree that a simple no probably would have been better, even if the guy is a jerk and shouldn't have asked that. I think it would have been a different story if you weren't pregnant. Sorry JMO

this

Alex17

nicanmatt:

I actually think his email was sweet, in regards to his wife reference.  He never said you look like you've gained weight.  I can't believe you would respond to a coworker, much a less a manager, in such a disrespectful manner. 

I'm still in shock that you wrote about your menstrual cycle.  Completely inappropriate.

This. Totally unacceptable regardless of whether or not his initial email was inappropriate.

biddybaby

The problem is that you are pregnant so when he finds out your response is completely unwarranted. Like said before a simple 'no" would do for now.

victoria1084

ach427:

A little over the top, but whatever. IMO, people need to stfu and stop being so damn nosy!!

 

I second this post. I have someone in my office who i can see writing that same exact email. I probably would have wanted to say what you did but I think I might have just said, "no but I guess I need to start heading back to the gym. ;-) "

 

ANYWAY... you sent it, its done, he'll never do it again to someone else. =D I would def talk to him when you do break the news and apologize. Just say you wanted to be 100% sure you were prego and that the first Tri went by before you told everyone.

 Good luck! 

locash

I think you already know the answer to your question - since you posted it here. It sounds like you regret hitting send and, IMO, you should. I think you should absolutely apologize in person for your response. You can mention that you were slightly offended and taken back, and you flew off the handle about it. I find sometimes I do this, too. Being able to admit you're wrong and apologize is a great strength to have.

Also, you should NEVER respond to something like that via e-mail at work. Do you really want a paper trail like that?

Good luck!

madhatter2003

I hate to say it, but even if he is a jerk responding that way to a manager is setting you up for BIG troubles later.  Yes he may have crossed a line, but your response was way over the top IMO.

BelhurstBride

nicanmatt:

I actually think his email was sweet, in regards to his wife reference.  He never said you look like you've gained weight.  I can't believe you would respond to a coworker, much a less a manager, in such a disrespectful manner. 

I'm still in shock that you wrote about your menstrual cycle.  Completely inappropriate.

 I completely agree. I don't see where he was that out of line, honestly. And you're just going to have to eat your words in a couple weeks when you do break the news and you're going to look really out of line. (Which,  you were.) 

ASmallWonder

Ooh wow...I have to agree with the ladies who voted inappropriate, sorry.

cherylnicole

Quite honestly, I can picture myself responding in the EXACT same manner! lol, He was out of line to ask you in that way.  I would probably do something to similar posts and just say sorry for the quick snap retort.  Don't fret too much over it tho, really.  He should never have said anything to you. 

Heidisean

elmoali:

Ooh wow...I have to agree with the ladies who voted inappropriate, sorry.

Ditto! I would apologize to him and tell him that you are but you aren't telling everyone yet. He is a mgr.

Gracey_Manor Maid

I agree with PP. Innapropriate. Period. Funny yes but not something you should have written to a co-worker let alone a manager. Is this someone you will have to go to for maternity leave?

Not to mention he said you looked like his wife did and you accused him of saying you looked fat. Now you have basiclly (albeit inadvertanlly) called his wife fat as well.

plus he probablly went home and told his wife about this and now he is on her S list.

You need to apologize. end of story.

jcandme

I really think you just read his email the wrong way since you are sensitive right now. As an outsider, I think he was being nice!  My suggestion would be to go into his office and quietly apologize saying that you are just extra sensitive about your weight and that you should have in no way responded like that... If you wait on this, it will only get more awkward.

ABColeslaw

Maybe its an uncomfortable question to deal with, but at least you are pregnant!  I once had some ask me if I was pregnant when I wasn't.  I agree with the others, you're going to feel a little awkward when you finally make it workplace knowledge. 

Curiosity winning out....did he respond to your email?

MrsJoanieP

He didn't mention anything about your weight - you did.  Def apologize personally.

felecia_hope

Actually, I think you just proved that you were pregnant.

rubbaduck

Thanks ladies for all your responses. I needed to hear this. I'm a little embarassed actually, but glad you all gave me your honest opinions.

I'm not the type of person who writes emails like this. Never have, and never will. I could blame it on the hormones, but that's not even a good excuse.

Lesson learned. Even if his email was inappropriate, I shouldn't have responded even more inappropriately. There were many better responses I could have chosen (as all of you pointed out).

It was wrong, and I will apologize (in person) when the time comes.

 

rubbaduck

Nope. Hasn't responded or spoken to me since I sent the response.

JenniferL923

nicanmatt:

I actually think his email was sweet, in regards to his wife reference.  He never said you look like you've gained weight.  I can't believe you would respond to a coworker, much a less a manager, in such a disrespectful manner. 

I'm still in shock that you wrote about your menstrual cycle.  Completely inappropriate.

This.  You are pregnant and you're going to look like a giant b!tch when you come clean.  If you weren't, that might be a different story.

Dr.BeepersWife

felecia_hope:

Actually, I think you just proved that you were pregnant.

This.

hollybabe

jcandme:

I really think you just read his email the wrong way since you are sensitive right now. As an outsider, I think he was being nice!  My suggestion would be to go into his office and quietly apologize saying that you are just extra sensitive about your weight and that you should have in no way responded like that... If you wait on this, it will only get more awkward.

This exactly.  I would apologize immediately, in private.  What you said isn't unforgiveable at all, it was just a little over the top.