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1st Trimester
Nasty email at work....was this bad?
I had someone ask me if I was pregnant at work (a guy....one of the managers....a big jerk around the office too). I was pretty hormonal at the moment, so here's my response. Of course I denied it since I don't want my news spreading around before I tell people.
In hindsight, it probably wasn't that great of an idea to respond the way I did, but he was really out of line asking.
One of the ladies at work thinks my response was awesome, but I'm not so sure. He hasn't spoken to me since the note. Maybe I should apologize when I share my news? What do you think?
___________________________________________________
No, Jim.
But thanks for confirming that those extra few pounds I've put back on are noticeable.
Don't you know that's a COMPLETELY inappropriate question to ask a female in the workplace? Thanks for giving me a complex.
I'll be sure you let you know when my next menstrual cycle begins.
-----Original Message-----
Subject: Hey
You look just like my wife when she first got pregnant...?? I'm keen on this stuff. Is the stork coming your way?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Nasty email at work....was this bad?
just a little rude.
A simple no would have sufficed.
OMG, That IS awesome! LMAO.
I would extend a small apology when you do finally share your news. Something along the lines of "I'm sorry I had to react so venomously, I didn't want my news to be guessed so quickly. You apparently do have a keen sense for these things."
A little over the top for a work email imo.
I actually think his email was sweet, in regards to his wife reference. He never said you look like you've gained weight. I can't believe you would respond to a coworker, much a less a manager, in such a disrespectful manner.
I'm still in shock that you wrote about your menstrual cycle. Completely inappropriate.
Sorry but I have to say ditto this. I would probably just tell him in private that yes, you are pregnant (and congrats to him and his wife), you don't know everyone to know, and you are extra sensitive b/c of hormones and apologize for being overly sensitive. JMO though, not meant to be offensive!
It was an inappropriate response for work and for a manager. Sorry. Sometimes at work you have to just suck it up when people say or do things that are uncouth. I would've said something like "If I'm ever pregnant, you'll know as soon as everyone else does."
Even though he really shouldn't have asked, I think you were a little more rude than necessary since he is right and you probably made him feel awful. I think what this is the perfect way to handle it.
this
This. Totally unacceptable regardless of whether or not his initial email was inappropriate.
The problem is that you are pregnant so when he finds out your response is completely unwarranted. Like said before a simple 'no" would do for now.
I second this post. I have someone in my office who i can see writing that same exact email. I probably would have wanted to say what you did but I think I might have just said, "no but I guess I need to start heading back to the gym. ;-) "
ANYWAY... you sent it, its done, he'll never do it again to someone else. =D I would def talk to him when you do break the news and apologize. Just say you wanted to be 100% sure you were prego and that the first Tri went by before you told everyone.
Good luck!
I think you already know the answer to your question - since you posted it here. It sounds like you regret hitting send and, IMO, you should. I think you should absolutely apologize in person for your response. You can mention that you were slightly offended and taken back, and you flew off the handle about it. I find sometimes I do this, too. Being able to admit you're wrong and apologize is a great strength to have.
Also, you should NEVER respond to something like that via e-mail at work. Do you really want a paper trail like that?
Good luck!
I completely agree. I don't see where he was that out of line, honestly. And you're just going to have to eat your words in a couple weeks when you do break the news and you're going to look really out of line. (Which, you were.)
DD2 8.22.13
MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18
Quite honestly, I can picture myself responding in the EXACT same manner! lol, He was out of line to ask you in that way. I would probably do something to similar posts and just say sorry for the quick snap retort. Don't fret too much over it tho, really. He should never have said anything to you.
Ditto! I would apologize to him and tell him that you are but you aren't telling everyone yet. He is a mgr.
I agree with PP. Innapropriate. Period. Funny yes but not something you should have written to a co-worker let alone a manager. Is this someone you will have to go to for maternity leave?
Not to mention he said you looked like his wife did and you accused him of saying you looked fat. Now you have basiclly (albeit inadvertanlly) called his wife fat as well.
plus he probablly went home and told his wife about this and now he is on her S list.
You need to apologize. end of story.
I really think you just read his email the wrong way since you are sensitive right now. As an outsider, I think he was being nice! My suggestion would be to go into his office and quietly apologize saying that you are just extra sensitive about your weight and that you should have in no way responded like that... If you wait on this, it will only get more awkward.
Maybe its an uncomfortable question to deal with, but at least you are pregnant! I once had some ask me if I was pregnant when I wasn't. I agree with the others, you're going to feel a little awkward when you finally make it workplace knowledge.
Curiosity winning out....did he respond to your email?
Thanks ladies for all your responses. I needed to hear this. I'm a little embarassed actually, but glad you all gave me your honest opinions.
I'm not the type of person who writes emails like this. Never have, and never will. I could blame it on the hormones, but that's not even a good excuse.
Lesson learned. Even if his email was inappropriate, I shouldn't have responded even more inappropriately. There were many better responses I could have chosen (as all of you pointed out).
It was wrong, and I will apologize (in person) when the time comes.
This. You are pregnant and you're going to look like a giant b!tch when you come clean. If you weren't, that might be a different story.
Dx with endo & blocked left tube - TTC #1 for 29 cycles before miracle BFP, #2 - Surprise!!
My TTC/PG blog / Panda Phenomenon Explained
This.
This exactly. I would apologize immediately, in private. What you said isn't unforgiveable at all, it was just a little over the top.